Degrassi The Next Generation Reviewed

Ah yes, the companion blog to Degrassi Junior High Reviewed. Each episode will be reviewed in order by a guy who loves the next generation's melodrama.


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Season 4, Episode 16, “Eye Of The Tiger”

So from what I remember this episode is an emotional roller coaster. Let’s see if it’s as good I as remember it being.

Pre-Credit Opener: We see a bus opening it’s ramp and Jimmy totally looks like Darth Vader coming down from that Imperial Shuttle in the beginning of Return of the Jedi. Except instead of having cyborg legs Jimmy is rolling his machine down the ramp in second gear. I love how all his friends are just there gawking at him as he makes his triumphant return to Degrassi. Spinner comes out just in time and just awkwardly waves to Jimmy. Seems like that asshole never went by to visit him, but we all know what he did at this point. The guilt is strong with Spinner.

Man Jimmy’s having all sorts of problems moving around in that thing, he even got caught by some cables in the MI room. Spinner biting the bullet comes up to him and tries to talk, but he’s too busy mumbling a extremely lame excuse as to why he didn’t visit him once. Seems that he was just too busy and by that he’d rather be porking Manny. Not that I blame him. Jimmy meanwhile is pointing out the fact that he would have been there for him had he not been having surgery getting the fucking bullet out that turned him into Degrassi’s very own version of Professor X. He apologizes some more and it seems like Jimmy forgives him because he has other things to deal with. Like getting around the goddamn school. We then get a montage of Spinner kissing Jimmy’s ass by doing everything for him, including helping him piss and wheeling his ass around the school. But really, it’s all due to his extreme guilt.

Ugh, we cut to the subplot and it involves JT and Liberty. For me the episode has ground to a big halt. Her brother Johnny Mathis comes by and is just as disgusted as I am to see them kissing. Danny get’s pissed because JT would rather spend time with Liberty in her dad’s hot tub. He mentions that if their dad catches them, she’s dead meat. She says that he won’t because Danny will tell her that he’s home before he can find out. Clearly Danny is an asshole and is planning to fuck them both over. You can tell by the evil glint he has in his beady little eyes.

In the next scene the Degrassi boy’s basketball team has just won another game and apparently they’re on their way to the play off’s. Coach Armstrong comes out and tells everyone to give it up for Jimmy because he’s one of the reason’s that they got there. But really? Is the basketball season in high school that long? I swear Jimmy was shot months ago in the beginning of the school year. Anyways, he’s rolls on out there and that’s when Spinner announces that the MVP trophy will now be known as the Jimmy Brooks trophy. Drake is mighty pleased to hear this.

Back at Liberty’s, Liberty’s dad comes home and Danny tells him that Liberty is out back soaking in the hot tub. Her dad finds them both in there kissing and tells JT to get the fuck home. Liberty tells him that he’s one of her oldest friends. Which isn’t true. Liberty really doesn’t have any friends because everyone hates her there. But her dad is all, “I don’t give a damn!”

Meanwhile Jimmy is all alone in the gym trying to play some ball, but he can’t due to being a cripple now. Spinner by the way looks like a giant creep peeping in at him through the small window of the door. Spinner tells him that he better work on his game if he’s going to be back next year. That’s when Jimmy tells him that he’s boned and he’s never going to play basketball again. Spinner tells him not to think that way, but Jimmy says that he’s to blame for what happened because he bullied Rick as much as Spinner and Jay did. Spinner tells him that he wasn’t the one who put the paint in the bucket and then dumped it all over Rick during the game show. Jimmy goes on to say that Rick is the dickhead who has put him in that wheelchair for life. He makes Spinner feel like an even bigger shithead because he’s now wishing that Rick would have killed him instead of crippling him. Spinner now crying and not being able to take it anymore admits to Jimmy that he and Jay implied and made sure that Rick heard them that Jimmy was in on the scheme to humiliate him in front of all of Toronto. At least the people who saw the game show on public access. Jimmy fuming just rolls away in disgust.

The next day of school Spinner shows up and he’s now Degrassi’s newest pariah. They get a new one every season it seems like. I bet you that Jimmy was bitching to Marco about it and Marco being a big girl and gossip went around telling everyone what Spinner did. Craig and Marco come along giving him shit, Marco telling him that no one wants him there. Spinner tells them that he knows that he fucked up big time and that he’s trying to fix things. Craig tells him to stay away from Jimmy and that’s when Marco, feeling brave because he has the maniac Craig on his side tells Spinner not to come to some party going on that night. Man you know it’s bad when a skank like Manny who by the way is also a school pariah is giving you the cold shoulder.

We continue the horrible B plot between JT, Liberty and Danny. Danny tell’s JT that he should have asked him permission to go out with Liberty. Danny goes on to say that Liberty is the smartest girl in school and JT doesn’t deserve her. JT tells him that despite his stupidty, she likes him. That’s when Danny decides to bring up JT’s penis pump. I had forgotten all about that until now. I swear this season seems to be going forever. Oh lord, they start to have a fight like a couple of pansies. JT though actually fucks him up by throwing him all hard to the ground with Danny hitting his head on the pavement. Liberty conveniently comes around and blame JT for Danny getting hurt, even though it was that little pecker head’s fault.

At the Dot, Jay comes in and starts to berate Spinner because he just had to open his big mouth and admit what they did to Jimmy. Spinner tells him that Jimmy deserved to know the truth. Jay then asks him how it feels like to be an outcast and to have everyone hate his guts. It seems like they’re about to have a fight but they’re stopped by the manager of the place who has Cheeto Puff’s for hair. In the back alley Spinner finds Jay sitting on a garbage can and asks him if he wants to go at it. Jay tells him to relax and that he wants to introduce him to some friends. Turns out that it’s hard liquor.

Back at Liberty’s house Liberty is pissed off at Danny for ruining everything between JT and her. He goes on to say that JT is a moron and she deserves to have someone better. Crying, she simply says that he was her boyfriend. It’s mostly because she actually can’t get anyone better besides a pipsqueak like JT.

In the Degrassi woods, Jay and Spinner are having a talk about the party and it’s obvious that they’re already drunk. Spinner slurs that they dis invited him due to everyone hating him. Jay reacting like I would says that they could all go to hell then. Spinner points out that they weren’t Jay’s friends to begin with. Jay reasons that Rick is the real villain there and now that he’s gone, they’re now the scapegoats. Spinner feeling brave says that he’s going to the party anyways.

Turns out he’s not missing much because Craig is boring everyone to death with more horrible singing, karaoke style. Just then Spinner comes through the door like fucking Kramer from Seinfeld and drunkenly tells Jimmy that he’s sorry for everything that he did. Jimmy all full of anger just points out that he’s drunk and everyone tells him to leave. Spinner wanting to get punished wants Jimmy to really give it to him. Jimmy simply tells Craig that it’s his turn still, which is actually just punishing the audience watching this episode. Spinner leaves, but takes the car keys to Joey’s used car.

Marco having more of a heart than the others comes out and begs him not to go home drunk because he might kill someone or end up in jail. Spinner says that he doesn’t care and rolls up the window. Just as he’s about to take off Jimmy gets in the way with Spinner nearly launching his ass into orbit. Jimmy all annoyed with him tells him that he’s getting no sympathy from him. Spinner crying tells him that he wants his friend back. That’s when Jimmy points out that Spinner has really never treated him like a friend when he fucked him over with Rick. Spinner says that he needed to know, but Jimmy again, points out that it was mostly about Spinner feeling better. Jimmy then completely destroy’s him by saying that he should just go off a cliff because he’s dead to him already anyways. POW! If I were Spinner I would have gunned it right there.

We close up the stupid Liberty, JT subplot with Danny fixing things between them. Danny covers for her and they all repair their relationships. Yeah, I don’t care about this shit either.

Finally, it’s the end of the episode and Spinner is in Mrs Hatzilakos office where it seems like he’s going to admit what he did. And he does just that. I love how he throw’s Jay under the bus too for good measure. He goes on to say that he completely understands if he get’s suspended. But Mrs Hotass is now really pissed and points out that Jimmy’s life is ruined and Rick died because of his stupid stunt. She goes on to say that Degrassi has a zero tolerance policy when it comes to bullying. But I have to point out that the whole damn school was bullying Rick at one point. Including Spinner’s friends. Anyways, instead of getting forgiveness she continues the theme of this episode which is that Spinner get’s annihilated by everyone. She tells him that he’s a piece of shit and then she expels his ass right then and there. If he wanted to get punished, he sure got his wish.

So yeah, this was a pretty good episode despite the JT and Liberty bullshit. I still find it crazy that people actually like that story line or their relationship. As for Spinner, he definitely got what he deserved. It just goes to show that every action, no matter what has consequences. Everyone reading this, don’t be a Spinner, be a decent Human being. Also, don’t be a life ruining idiot.

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Season 4 , Episode 15 “Secret Part 2”

So for some reason, I remember part one of this two parter, but I’ve never remembered the second part. I only just know that Emma got a disease from Jay because he’s a dirty motherfucker. This is really the first time I’m watching it, so I’m looking forward to it. I’m so disappointed in myself for saying that.

Pre Credit Opener: Emma walks into the school and you can tell that she still thinks that she’s the shit because she has her bracelets on that she “earned” from Jay for sucking on his toot. She looks at Jay and Alex playing around and actually she’s just standing there gawking at them like a maniac. Jay see’s this and kisses Alex and stares back at her like he’s saying, “Yeah, you ain’t shit!” Her co star from the play who seems pretty gay to me asks her if she knows where the costumes are and to make Jay jealous she also kisses him. The guy just says that he’s known her for only ten minutes. Snake in the background is shocked at this behavior. But it worked and Jay actually got jealous. It’s hilarious seeing Manny all happy for her because she’s now a skank like she is.

As Emma is passing by in the hallway Jay grabs her into the library and he asks her if she’s hot for the guy who’s playing Dracula. Emma no longer beating around the bush makes it clear that she wants some more of Jay’s protein and wants to meet at the van down by the river again.  Jay tells her that he doesn’t like to be fucked with but they’re then interrupted by Snake who tells Jay that he wants to talk to his daughter. Jay beats it and Snake tells her that he pretty much knows that she’s full of shit from what she said in the previous episode, but clearly something is wrong with her. Emma just acts like a shithead and says she’ll be late for class.

Oh wow, look who’s in the next scene, it’s Jimmy! I forgot all about him. I thought he was dead at this point, but here he is. Marco and Craig are keeping him company and apparently he’s finally going home. I wonder if he could have gone months ago because don’t they have nurses that can come to your home for therapy now a days? Or maybe his rich dad didn’t want him there. And speak of the devil it’s his dad. He’s come to give him some bad news and his crippled ass isn’t going anywhere because they haven’t finished putting all sorts of rails and ramps at the condo where they live. So once again Jimmy is fucked here.

Lord, we next come upon another boring play rehearsal scene. Manny wants to know all the horny details like if she used tongue or got a good finger bang. JT tells them to shut up because Danny is going over his monologue. All Emma says is that she’s supposed to go to the ravine that night to meet some people. JT is just annoyed with everyone on this play, Amy and some other girl come out on their cue, but not Alex. Amy says that she’s at the Dr and that’s when Alex comes storming in, pissed off while Jay is telling her that it was nothing. Alex walks up to Amy and punches her right in the fucking face. She goes on to say that she knows that she was sucking Jay’s dick and that’s how she got the bracelets she had on. As Emma hears this, she quickly hides them because she doesn’t want her ass kicked too. Meanwhile Manny has noticed that Emma hid her cheap ass bracelets, putting two and two together.

Back at the hospital some chick is trying to motivate Jimmy and pretty much his dad is the reason why he’s still there. See, I told you he doesn’t want him around. But it’s only because he’s being way too over protective.

After school Manny decides to confront Emma and asks her why she would get with a piece of shit like Jay for, let alone go down on him. Manny then has the nerve to give Emma crap for being used by some guy so he can cheat on his girlfriend. Emma points out that Manny shouldn’t be saying a thing after she aborted Craig’s probably was going to be crazy child. Manny close to tears tell her that she’s better than that and Emma responds with the old, you don’t know me at all bit. So yeah, she’s rebelling, typical annoying teenage thing to do.

We go back to the hospital and Jimmy has a stupid plan where he wants Craig and Marco to take him out of the hospital. Marco of course is a big puss and doesn’t want to. But Jimmy tells them that he’s going stir crazy and he wants to go see Kid Elrick live at Joe’s Joke Emporium. Marco then tells him that they’ll help bust him out. It’s clear that Marco only wants to go see the Kid.

Emma returns back to the ravine and she’s looking for Jay and his penis. She finds him in his car and holy moley, it looks like she’s already stroking his bulge. She wants to suck on his salami, but that’s when he tells her that Alex is sick with something and she thinks that he gave it to her. She doesn’t seem to hear what he just said, or she doesn’t care, but she still wants that cock. Jay surprisingly isn’t in the mood. Emma sounding like a stuck up bitch tells him that there are plenty of guys that would love to be with her. At that Jay tells her that he’s not one of them and kicks her out of his Fast and the Furious car.

We return to Jimmy’s subplot and I gotta say, I’m already bored with it. Probably doesn’t help that Craig and Marco are all up to hijinx to get him out of there. Craig at one point even dons a hat that he probably borrowed from Joey and a trench coat. It doesn’t make him look like an adult, just a flasher. Anyways, after all this bullshit that isn’t remotely funny, they manage to sneak Jimmy out.

Back at Degrassi Emma talks to Jay and he asks her if she’s alright. Emma tells him that she just has a sore throat. But as she said that I’m all, uh oh. She got more than jizz as her reward. Yikes! Anyways, she tells him that she doesn’t care about Alex, but she can’t finish the sentence because JT comes and gives her some orange juice. Which actually is the worst thing you can drink with a sore throat because it’ll irritate the hell out of it. Anyways, Emma tells him that her voice is just tired. JT tells her to drink it because he wants her to be ready for the stupid show.

What’s this, the Degrassi kids are actually in class? It’s a miracle and there’s a nurse there to talk to them all about sexually transmitted diseases. She wants to know who thinks that oral sex is safer than actual intercourse. A few raise their hands and she tells them that they’re wrong. She goes on to say that they think that there’s an outbreak of gonorrhea at Degrassi. As she’s listing the symptoms, you can tell that Emma is about two seconds away from having a meltdown because she has them all. Plus she mentions that you’re at risk if you have oral sex or if your partner has had multiple partners. Like Jay!

Jimmy and the guys finally get to the show and Jimmy can’t enjoy shit because he feels self conscious about everything.

Thankfully it seems like it’s the night of the play and Liberty is nervous because she has to play Alex’s part. Manny decides that this is a perfect time to ask Emma if Jay has gonorrhea because both Alex and Amy happen to be sick. Manny tells her what the fuck she’s going to do that night. Emma simply says that she’s there to play Mina. Manny tells her that if she has any empathy she won’t kiss the guy who’s playing Dracula with her nasty ass diseased lips. Of course she has the nerve to get pissed and just leaves in a huff.

Back at the lame concert Jimmy is pissed and disappointed because he can’t see the damn stage due to everyone standing in his way. Both Marco and Craig leave him for a bit to see what they can do about it. Jimmy tells this guy who looks like he’s a reject from the band The Prodigy that he can’t see a goddamn thing. The guy tells him no problem and moves out of his way. Jimmy see’s that this is the key to getting up front so he just moves his machine up forward and can finally enjoy the show.

We cut back to the stupid play and it’s time for Emma to kiss Dracula. I wanna throw up just thinking about it. Anyways, Emma is about to lean in for a kiss and that’s where Dracula pulls her next to him and he tells her to follow his lead. I guess some how he knows that Emma is diseased. I don’t know, but he changes the scene around where it’s completely avoided. Backstage Emma is all pissed off at him for changing the scene around. The guy tells her that he’d rather ruin everything than getting what she has. Jay hear’s all this and tells her, “Screw em.” Emma then has the audacity to blame Jay for all her troubles, even though she’s the one who sought the whole thing out. Jay tells her that he never told Alex about her and he likes that she’s different than the type of hood rat he’s used to getting with.

Back at the hospital, the guys are talking about how great the concert was, but it’s short lived because Jimmy’s dad is actually there again and he’s pissed that he ran off. So here we go with the heart to heart moment of this episode. Jimmy tells him what can he do, ground him? Jimmy tells him that he actually went out and had a great time and everything was alright. He goes on to say that he’s ready to go home, but it’s his dad that has to be ready for it. I’m thinking that he just doesn’t want to wipe Jimmy’s ass. But he agrees to the next best thing, he’s hiring a home care person to take care of his son. So he’s still going to be an absentee father.

We’ve finally reached the end of the episode and Spike and Snake are telling Emma how great she was and Emma now getting tears in her eyes tells them that she just wanted them to be proud of her. Spike tells her that she doesn’t have to be perfect and she should just be her. Emma says what if she doesn’t like the person she is at the moment. Spike makes a confused face and Emma continues with asking them to take her to the clinic. Spike thinking that she’s sick feels her head and Emma tells her she has to go. Snake tries to calm Spike down by saying that there is something going on at school (The Clap), but Emma most likely won’t even be close to having it. That’s when Emma tells him that she just might have whatever it is and can they please just take her to the fucking clinic the next day. The episode ends with Snake grabbing Spike’s hand and boiling it in hot water so she won’t catch it either.

So this was a slightly better episode. Thank God that it didn’t involve anymore Craig and his mental illness and the fact that the dumb Dracula play is finally over with. Obviously the best thing about it was Emma and her quest to be a hoe. Too bad that it seems like Jay and Alex are finished as a couple, but that’s Degrassi for you.


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Season 4, Episode 14, “Secret Part 1”

Hey there Degrassi maniacs, yes it’s been awhile since I last posted an episode review. I originally intended on starting up again once I got settled into moving into my fiance’s house back in June. But as usual, things don’t go as planned. First she was diagnosed with cervical cancer, we were devastated to hear this news. But luckily they caught it early and she beat it. Then while she was recovering, about a week after her surgery I got this horrible pain in my gut and I was diagnosed with Diverticulitis. They said it was a mild case of it. I can’t imagine how a full blown attack feels like because that hurt like a motherfucker. Anyways, needless to say, it was a pretty shitty Summer for the both of us but it’s now November and we’re both recovering nicely. I may be rusty at doing this again, so bare with me.

Pre Credit Opener: Ah, I just noticed that this is the big episode where Emma sucks Jay’s nasty dick. So we’re in for a real treat with this one. We open with Johnny Mathis going over his lines for Liberty’s stupid Dracula play. Jay notices Emma just standing there and he starts to massage her shoulders, saying how tense she is. Jay noticing that Emma doesn’t mind one bit that he’s touching her decides to risk it and feels her tight little ass next. Or is he fingering her asshole? I can’t tell. She get’s yelled at by JT because she missed her cue and all she does is look back at Jay with a confused look on her face. Probably because she liked it I’m guessing.

After class the teacher who was played by the same guy who worked for LD’s dad from Degrassi Junior High is telling Emma that her participation grade is going really low and he knows that she went through a lot with the shooting, but she needs to get her head out of her ass already. Emma just stands there with a blank look on her face and just leaves. She stops in her tracks and gawks at Jay and Alex making out. Jay sees her and says the classic line of, “Why don’t you take a picture it’ll last longer.” But he’s looking at her with lust in his eyes.

Outside the school Ashley is really worried about Craig for some reason. Ellie tells her that it’s so not her job to be worrying about him all the time. Which just goes to show how dead Ellie is inside after Sean dumped her. Craig comes by and is eating his lunch like a slob. Craig stops swallowing his food into his mouth and asks Ashley what they were talking about. Ashley tells him not to worry and she hasn’t told anyone that he’s a bi polar asshole. She then makes the mistake of asking him if he’s thought about going to a support group with other fucked up individuals as himself. Craig of course doesn’t want to talk about it and get’s annoyed with her. Which isn’t hard, Ashley can be irritating. She then makes a deal with him that he should at least go for one night and if he hates it, he doesn’t have to go back again. Yeah, that’s going to work out well.

In the next scene they’re still rehearsing Liberty’s stupid play and it’s obvious that Darcy sucks ass at acting. Emma corrects her one too many times and she gets annoyed at her. JT is going insane because she just happens to be the leading lady. He then pretty much fires her and she goes off in a huff. Emma starts to recite more lines back stage and Manny tells her to just go for it, but she’s in depressed mode right now so her confidence is at an all time low. Meanwhile Amy is going on about her cheap bracelets missing, why even mention this? Because it’s integral to the plot that’s why!

We cut to the teen support group and Craig is already boring people with his problems. He quickly clams up because surprise, surprise Ellie walks in and he knows he’s fucked because she now knows how fucked up he is. But really? Everyone knows how messed up he is so no one would really be surprised.

The next day Jay pulls up to Emma showing off his car because he’s seen the Fast and the Furious one too many times. Emma accepts and get’s in the car and they talk about Sean and how much they miss him. She does at least. They pull up to her house and he asks her if she wants to go to the park where all the bad Degrassi kids hang out. Emma walks in and hears Spike talking about how worried she is about her acting like a basket case and Spike should know because she acted the same way in Degrassi High. Down in her room Manny calls her but she ignores her. She then decides to go hang out with that scumbag Jay at the park.

She get’s there and it’s like a scene from the Outsiders where all the greasers were hanging out with a bon fire going on. She asks him if he thinks that she’s weird and he tells her that she’s no more weirder than the rest of them. Suddenly these two people come out of this junked out van and it’s obvious they did the nasty in it. Emma asks him what’s in the van and Jay now being horny asks her if she wants to see. Because Emma is predictable she goes in there with him. Jay just goes for it and kisses her. He explains to her that the van is used for people to suck dick in there. She panics and starts to leave, but Jay being a walking hard on gives her one of the cheap bracelets that Amy was going on about and says that every player get’s a prize.

The next day of class JT and Liberty are irritating as hell talking about the stupid play. JT is in deep shit because he lost his leading lady. Emma stands up and starts to say more lines from the play. Liberty being a shit head tells her that they need someone reliable and that she’s been off lately. Emma convinces JT pretty quickly because he’s desperate.

In the hallway Ashley tells Craig all about her two dad’s big gay honeymoon, but all he’s concerned with is that they think he’s insane. But he did act like a fucking maniac in front of everyone. Craig acting like a little bitch tells her that she sent him to Ellie’s group on purpose and then Ashley has the nerve to be offended when he tells her that she didn’t think about his feelings. Which is kind of true.

We go back to rehearsals and Emma fucks things up by laughing when she’s supposed to kiss Dracula. Back stage Amy and Alex are making fun of Emma because they somehow know that she’s afraid of some penis. That or they’re just bitches who assume that she’s a goodie two shoes. Emma all full of herself shows her bracelet to Amy and tells her that it’s hers, even though she never sucked Jays hairy root. Amy and her very thin eye brows is very confused for some reason. Alex for once has no idea what the both of them are talking about. Which is surprising.

After school Emma tells Jay how Amy shut up when she showed her her cheap ass bracelet. Jay tells her that maybe she should shut up about it because she didn’t earn anything and Amy did. Emma asks him if Amy earned it from him. He tells her that there’s plenty of skanks in that ravine and she should feel lucky because he picked her. Emma being stupid feels really complimented by that.

At Joeys Ellie comes by and asks Craig if he knows how to restring a guitar. He quickly see’s right through the ploy and she admits that Ashley made her go. She then goes on to say that she’s a cutter and he says that he knows. Shit, the whole school knows since she’s emo as fuck. She tries to talk to him by saying that she’ll always be a cutter and that he should just accept it. She then desecrates Kirk Cobain’s name by mentioning it next to Craig’s and says that if he would have accepted it, things would have been different. She then tells him that he should go back to the group, but he should also talk to Ashley too. He tells Ellie that all she wants to talk to him about is his craziness and that she’s bringing him down with that bullshit.

Back at the park Emma comes up to Jay and says she wants a tour of the jizz filled van. Seriously, that’s fucking disgusting, but it seems Emma doesn’t mind one bit. They go into the van and yeah. Emma is going to go to town on Jay’s wang saying, “Hello boner.”

In the next scene Craig is telling Ashley that he did like Ellie group and that he’ll most likely go back again. Ashley apologizes for the shit that she pulled but is glad that he’s going back. He tells her that he wants to be her boyfriend and not some crazy bastard that she has to save all the time. Pretty much he tells her to cut her shit out already.

Uh oh. Emma is sneaking into her room in the basement and she’s caught by a very pissed off Spike. Emma lies and tells them that she went out for a walk. She finally breaks down and tells Spike that ever since the shooting, she can’t sleep and is deathly afraid of the world. They  feel sorry for her and tell her that they’ll be time to talk in the morning. The episode ends with her having a smug look on her face and is proud to have another bracelet on her wrist.

So this was an interesting episode. I can’t wait until the stupid play is over with, because really who cares about that shit and I’m a fan of Dracula, but not when JT and Liberty get their hands on it. Craig’s story line is also played out, how much more can they squeeze out of his mental illness? This being Degrassi, the answer is plenty since they like to cover any topic that can affect every Human being on the planet. The highlight of course is Emma gurgling Jay’s meat on a van down by the river! Stay tuned for part two. I promise it won’t take six months for the next review.


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Season 4, Episode 13, “Bark At The Moon”

Holy moley, it seems like this season is dragging for me. I thought I was about to finish and I’m about half way through it. But fuck it, lets go with another review of Degrassi.

Pre-Credit Opener: Spinner is busy as hell at The Dot waiting tables while Manny is there waiting for him. Spinner gives her a kiss and we can all tell he wants to talk to her for a bit, but she sounds like an idiot going on about a horrible stupid song that just came on the jukebox. Right away we find out what this episode is going to be about. Spinner wants to be official with her, while Manny just wants a fuck buddy.

In the next scene Manny is giving a tour to a new kid who looks like he’s from the great, great north of Canada. He asks if she’s giving the tour because of Rick being killed, but she says, actually, I have no idea what the reason was and I’m too lazy to rewind it. Really who cares? Oh lord, the new kid’s name is Chester and she introduces him to Craig. Lucky for him he’s now medicated or else he would have beat his ass like he did Joey in the previous episode. Chester fucks off to eat some burritos while Craig has a talk with Manny. He apologizes for acting the way he did because he was a raging maniac at the time and he would have done things differently because their relationship was nothing but pain. Manny of course get’s highly offended by this and leaves in a huff. She still doesn’t get that she was just the side piece and there really wasn’t anything there.

In the hall way Paige and Marco are having a mini freak out because they’ve both been called up to the office. Paige grabs Manny and tells her to have a meeting with Raditch instead of her and she just leaves abruptly. Paige meanwhile goes to talk to the student teacher where she flirts with him some more but not before apologizing to him for seeing him at some bar. Conveniently he lets her know that his cunty girlfriend Charlie is now his ex. Paige being horny and desperate says that he’s probably her brother’s age and if he can bang Marco than Mr Wonderful here can totally get it on with Paige. He says that he can’t because he’s a teacher.

Outside the principles office Raditch comes out and tells Marco and Manny that he’s been reassigned to another school, meaning fired and the new principle is in his former office waiting for them. I do have to point out that when it came to the whole Rick thing, he really did fuck that up big time. Especially how he just blew him off. Anyways, they go into the office and Mrs Hatzilakos is now the principle, what a random person I swear. She goes on to say that she’s going to approve JT and Liberty’s stupid Dracula play and mentions that the school needs new great ideas to get their minds off of the fact that Rick is dead as a door nail and Jimmy is a cripple.

In the hallway again, Manny is telling Emma how Mrs Hotass wants a huge event to bring everyone’s spirits up and asks Emma for help, but Emma is still depressed about Rick wanting to murder her. Spinner comes along and gives Manny a stuffed animal and makes her happy. He brings her down about talking about being in a relationship and she leaves without giving an answer.

Outside the school, Manny and Marco are leaning towards having a dance. Chester comes by and says that everyone loves a school dance and that they can do a cupid thing by having a computer pair people up. Right away he flirts with Manny about having a dance with her and you can tell that her hormones are going into overdrive for his moley face. On the video announcements the next day Manny is telling everyone about the dance and how it’s going to work.

In yoga class Marco is giving Paige shit about wanting to be with the student teacher. But oh, it’s Mrs Kwan’s class now because Mr O has a huge workload and he doesn’t have time for that stupid shit. Of course he really didn’t want to do it anymore because Paige is just too in his face about wanting to be with him.

In the MI lab Chester is talking to Manny about the stupid dance and he asks her questions for the pairing. That’s when he asks her if she has a boyfriend and she tells him no, not anyone serious. Poor Spinner, but that’s what happens when you try to get with a ho. She tells him to put in his name and they’re a match of course. Just then Spinner spots them and interrupts their flirting.

Outside he asks her what she’s thinking about and if it’s about Chester. She tells him no, but she’s a fucking liar. She tells him not to worry because the next day all the dances are going to be with him, but that’s when he tells her that he can’t go because he was to work. She get’s all pissed off and says, “My own boyfriend can’t make it to the dance.” He points out that she never said if they were together or not. That’s when she get’s mad and says that that’s what he thinks they should do because it’s a childish thing, or something like that. Then she says, “If you can’t commit to a dance, how can you commit to me?” But it’s just her excuse to be able to fuck around.

In the next scene we see Mr Raditch giving a farewell speech. He mentions how much he loves Degrassi but that all good things must come to an end. That’s when he introduces Mrs Hotass as the new temporary principle. While she’s talking, Marco is pissed off at Manny because she broke Spinner’s heart. They can’t continue with their girl talk because Marco is supposed to present Raditch with a going away present. In bad taste it’s a lighter that looks like a gun. Hoo Ha! As everyone’s clapping Manny can’t help looking and smiling at Chester’s goofy looking ass.

At the computer she’s dismayed to see that she’s been paired with Johnny Mathis aka Danny. She then see’s who Chester’s with and it’s Darcy, who we haven’t seen in a couple of episodes already. Of course she cheats and changes the answers so she can be with him.

Finally it’s the dance and Manny is pissed off to see that she’s still paired with Danny. Marco tells her that the computer is supposed to decide not her. As he says that Chester is looking at her. I’m surprised he can see with his 70’s hair. She get’s all pissed and wonders why he would do that to her. He counters with how she could do that to Spinner, especially since he loves and cares about her. He goes on to tell her to stop being afraid of getting hurt like the previous year and just take a chance. Having no shame she goes up to Chester and you can tell that Darcy wants to tell her to fuck off because Chester is all hers! Chester being a piece of shit goes off to dance with Manny while Darcy get’s boned here.

Paige finally arrives and she asks who she was paired with. The student teacher, I don’t remember his name asks her who the lucky guy is and she says that it’s him. He get’s super uncomfortable and leaves with Paige following

Manny’s just standing there and that’s when Spinner comes along and holds her from behind. Manny get’s a huge smile on her face thinking that it’s Chester, but oh shit. It’s Spinner and the look on her face says it all. He tells her that she’s more important than his shitty job at the Dot. That’s when he opens up to her and tells her that he wants her to be his girlfriend because she’s fun, she makes him happy and she can suck a dick like no other. That’s when she continues to make excuses by saying that he’s on the rebound and why bother trying because they never work out. Chester with his perfect timing comes along with a drink for her. Surprisingly Spinner isn’t a dummy and figures out Manny’s game and tells Chester that Manny doesn’t know what she wants.

As the dance is going on Manny is still going on about the stupid song we heard at the beginning and Chester says that it sounds too Britney like, but that it’s ok. Manny then starts dancing, badly and Chester is so embarrassed by her he tells her that he has to go.

Oh lord, we come upon more drama with Paige and Mr O. He asks her why she’s acting the way she is. That right there tells me that he likes it because he would have just ignored her the rest of the night if he wasn’t interested. Paige asks him to stop acting like a jealous boyfriend and he either likes her or he doesn’t. That’s when he can’t take it anymore and he moves in to kiss her. Man this is all sorts of fucked up here. It’s funny how Manny ruins everything by spotting them. He just runs away like the pedophile that he is.

Out in the hallway Chester says that he’s sorry for just leaving, but out on the dance floor, her goofy dancing was just too embarrassing to stand. He goes in for a kiss and Manny tells him sorry because she already has a boyfriend. Chester get’s his heart broken and lamely says, “Welcome to Degrassi.”

Outside the school Mr O and Paige talk some more about their feelings and that’s when he goes for a kiss and actually does it. This guy has some real balls kissing her in front of the school where everyone can see them. He tells her that they need to be careful and they can’t be caught anymore. He’s definitely thinking with his dick because there is no way that a teenage girl like Paige or Marco can keep their mouth’s shut about something like that.

The episode ends with Manny telling Spinner how Craig treated her like shit and the whole thing hurt. She just doesn’t want to feel that way again and she makes him promise to never break her heart. Spinner promises not to break her little harlot’s heart, but who are we kidding here? Spinner is one of the biggest dickheads on the show. It’s inevitable if you ask me.

So I didn’t care too much about this episode. Way too much relationship drama. Yes, I do realize that this is what Degrassi is all about. But I could careless about Spinner and Manny’s problems. Probably because Manny is a little ho and Spinner is a dick so everyone knows that their relationship is doomed. Speaking of doomed, so is Paige’s romance. I love how the guy knows that she’s jail bait, but he doesn’t care because he just wants to get some teenage poon.


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Season 4, Episode 12, “Voices Carry, Part 2”

We continue Craig’s decent into madness with the conclusion of a not so great two part episode. Yeah that’s right, I said it. It fucking sucks!

Pre-Credit Opener: So it seems like Craig’s crazy ass has finally calmed down and he’s just sitting in his wreaked motel room spinning around his dead mom’s wedding ring on a table when the phone rings. Of course it’s Ashley and she says that she was trying to call him all night but he wasn’t picking up. Yeah, that’s because he had completely blacked out and was doing an all night rampage in his room. They have some small talk and that’s when stupid Ashley says that she doesn’t want to marry him now. She does want to marry him in the future though. Craig being depressed one second is now elated that she said that and his mood is now one of pure joy. What an asshole.

At the Dot Craig once again is looking hyper as hell when Marco walks in and Craig starts to say that he acted like an idiot. Marco knows all this already and wants to know what’s the matter with him. Craig tells him about Ashley and going to her gay dad’s wedding. I love how he called Marco because he wants help with shopping for a new expensive suit. Marco should be pissed off that he called him for that exact reason, but I think he loves shopping so much, he doesn’t give a shit.

Seems like Craig is going shopping using Joey’s gold credit card, I have no idea how Joey can even afford to have a credit card since he never ever has any money. Or perhaps, that’s why he’s in such deep shit all the time. During this whole montage Craig is picking out clothes that would make him look like a fucking clown. So good thing that Marco is there to shoot down all his horrible choices. After all that it’s obvious that he ran up a huge bill, but it looks like he just got the same suit that he wore in the previous episode.

Oh god!! I forgot about Liberty and Jt’s stupid ass subplot about the Degrassi school musical. They tell everyone about the Raditch song and they love it, but Manny and the rest of the drama club don’t want to sing it because they know that they’ll get into deep shit.

At the hotel elevator Craig is boring some poor east Indian guy to death with Ashley and her dad’s wedding. You can tell the guy just wants the doors to open so that he can get away from this yapping crazy fuck he’s stuck with. Mercifully the doors open and Craig get’s out, but that’s when he see’s the hotel security and staff looking at his destroyed room. Craig quickly get’s back in to hide from them.

Poor Jimmy is sort of enjoying his horrible hospital food when Craig bursts through the damn door and demands to use his bathroom so that he can change into his suit. He starts to change and Jimmy looks away because he doesn’t want to look at his wang. Craig meanwhile is telling him all about Ashley and him getting married. Jimmy tells him that he has time for that, and that’s when he says that Ashley said yes. Which is not the truth by far. Jimmy points out that he’s sixteen and maybe he should wait until he graduates and get’s a job. All Craig does is completely ignore him and asks him for help with his cuff link. Jimmy now seeing how deranged he’s acting asks him if he’s drunk or high as fuck. Craig just shouts, “I LOVE HER!” Jimmy should have told him, “I don’t have time for this Mickey Mouse bullshit, get out of my room.”

Finally it’s time for gay wedding and everyone there is as happy as can be. Craig meanwhile is there and he’s twitching away like a motherfucker. Ashley meanwhile doesn’t seem to notice it and mouths I love you to him.

Back at Joey’s house, Joey has finally noticed that his credit card is missing and he asks Caitlin if she can pay for the Chinese food. Something tells me that he asks her for help paying for shit alot. Spike and Snake are there helping and she pays for the food because she fees bad for him. Joey mentions that he thinks that Craig probably stole it. Snake makes a face and asks him how he’s been doing lately. Snake tells him that he’s a bit concerned about him because he’s acting a bit unstable. Joey not wanting to believe that Craig has something wrong with him just blows him off. But uh oh, the hotel has now called his house and they tell him about how Craig fucked up the hotel room and he’s now stuck with a huge bill. I guess he believes him now.

At the wedding Ashley’s mom is giving a toast to the two newlyweds. She mentions that their family might be unusual, but that they’re awesome or something. At that she asks Ashley to stand up and she does so slightly embarrassed. As she sits down Craig’s crazy ass stands up and she tries to get him to sit down, but he says he has something to say. And yeah, he tells everyone that he and Ashley are getting married and she’s beyond mortified. Her mom is pissed and everyone else just feels awkward as hell.

In the next scene Ashley is asking him what he was thinking by doing that shit. Craig starts to ramble on about how she told him that she would want to get married to him eventually and he didn’t see anything wrong with him telling everyone, so he’s blameless. Ashley then tells him that she’s changed her mind and she wants him to leave. Craig of course acts like a lunatic and get’s on his knees, declaring his love for her. Having enough, she tells him to go home. Craig says he will, but first he needs to cause a scene. He goes up to Ashley’s mom and two dad’s and tells them that he needs to talk to them. All he does is start to ramble again and that’s when Ashley’s dad’s husband starts to drag his ass out and they get into a tussle. Craig falls onto a table and he goes through it like Chris Farley used to.

Way to grind the episode to a fucking halt Degrassi writers. It’s time for Liberty and JT’s song and of course they piss Mr Raditch off. That’s exactly what they do and he gives them both detention. This is so stupid and not necessary I’m not even going into detail with it because there was more.

Craig meanwhile has really gone into the deep end and is crying like crazy saying that he needs Ashley. Seriously, he looks so demented he’s making me laugh. Since he’s totally wacked out of his mind he decides to pick a fight with the phone booth and he loses that one as well.

He finally makes his way to Joey’s house where Caitlin tells him that Joey’s not there because he’s out looking for him. She see’s that his hand is bleeding and she’s going to go and get something for it. Angela tells him that Joey’s super pissed, Craig not caring tells her that she needs to give Ashley his dead mom’s wedding ring and he goes up to his room.

Back at the wedding Joey comes by looking for Craig and pretty much starts accusing Craig and Ashley of stealing his credit card and booking a hotel room with it. Ashley get’s embarrassed because her mom hears all this and she’s just sickened because she knows that Craig’s nasty ass just banged her daughter. Joey then asks her why they had to trash it for and it’s going to cost him $4,000 dollars in damages. Ashley surprised says that she didn’t and quickly figures out that Craig did he because he had a huge meltdown the previous night when she turned down his marriage proposal. Ashley’s mom now pissed off tells Joey that Craig has a lot of problems and that’s when Ashley defends him because she’s stupid. Joey meanwhile is in despair wondering what’s going on with Craig.

At Joey’s Craig comes down the stairs and tells Caitlin that she should give Joey an envelope. Caitlin mentions that they know that he stole the credit card. He get’s all pissed off and says that it’s about $3,000 dollars and the credit card is there too. She asks him where he’s going and he says back to the wedding. But shit, Joey’s home and he’s fuming. Craig tries to leave and Joey tells him that he’s not going anywhere because something isn’t right with him. Craig once again acts like a maniac and Joey has to push him back so he can sit down. Craig hulks out in anger and pushes Joey around like a rag doll and then proceeds to kick the shit out of Joey’s ass. Goddamn Joey, even a teenage kid can beat your ass. This is like the third or fourth fight he’s lost since the original series. Ashley walks in and puts a stop to Craig’s rage. Immediately he calms down, shit that’s just like the Black Widow and the Hulk right here. Ashley tells him that he needs help and that’s when he seems to notice that Joey’s been beaten to a pulp. Joey you truly are a bald loser! Pathetic I swear!

At detention JT and Liberty are there and they have a kiss that’s so nauseating. Where did that come from? JT only hated her since the show debuted. He must have zero standards. That or I guess he figured that all he has is Toby, Johnny Mathis, and his hand. So I guess Liberty wins. But apparently they’re a couple now.

At the hospital Craig is telling Ashley that he still can’t sleep and that he’s crazy. Ashley says that he’s not crazy, he’s bi polar. So that explains all the erratic behavior. Craig tells Ashley that maybe she should go, and goes on to say that he’ll be dealing with the condition for the rest of his life. The episode ends with Ashley saying that she’s not leaving and that they’re still a couple.

So ok, this episode was a bit better than the previous one. I still find it hilarious that Joey got his ass kicked by his teenage stepson. So Craig’s bi polar, he’s still an chode though. As for Liberty and JT, who cares. Who would have thought that there’d be a worse couple than Craig and Ashley. You really out did yourself in this one Degrassi.

 


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Season 4, Episode 11, “Voices Carry, Part 1”

So the Craig and Ashley saga continues. Again, I have to say, who cares and I hate it that this one is a two parter. The writers just seem to enjoy torturing everyone with their bullshit romance.

Pre-Credit Opener: We see Craig and Ashley smooching in front of the school. After some dumb small talk it seems like Ashley doesn’t want her mom to see that she’s with Craig. I guess she hates his guts because he broke her daughters heart when he was banging Manny like a jack rabbit. She goes on to say that she’s been very busy with her dad’s upcoming wedding. Uh oh, Ashley’s mom pulls up and it’s clear that she wants to cut his balls off. Craig tells Ashley that he’ll call her later that night, but her mom tells him not to bother.

In the hallway Ashley is rehearsing what she’s going to tell her mom that Craig is back in the picture. Craig meanwhile is just focusing on the fact that her mom told him to not bother calling her. Craig is a classic narcissistic person. Suddenly we hear an according playing and it’s obvious that it’s Marco, but shit, now he’s singing Craig’s shitty song pretty badly. Turns out that they’re listening to a CD of their recording and Spinner tells him that that’s the finished product because he abandoned them for Yoko, I mean Ashley. He then pours out all the CD’s onto Craig’s feet and Marco tells him that it’s the one and only single that their band will ever put out. So it’s obvious that they’re still pissed. But Ashley tells Craig that she can careless because she’s back with him and that’s all that counts. That just goes to show how selfish she is too.

Oh great, so the subplot involves Liberty and the fact that she wrote a play. I already wish this episode was over with. She goes on to say that she doesn’t want to deal with it, but Manny tries to encourage her. No one should ever encourage Liberty. They go on to say that she adapted Dracula from the actual novel. She tries to sound all sophisticated with how she’s talking, but all it does is annoy the shit out of me. JT goes on to say that she’s brilliant and then mentions that he’s the director. Why would anyone let an immature dickhead like JT direct a play is beyond me.

In the MI lab Craig and Ashley are IMing each other and that’s when Craig shows her the lyrics to a new shitty song. Snake tells them to go back to work, but Craig is starting to act like a fucking maniac and is completely ignoring Snake. It’s easy to ignore Snake because who takes him seriously as an authority figure. After the third time of ignoring him, Snake tells him to take the computer in the corner. Craig starts to have a meltdown over being reprimanded and Ashley seems to be embarrassed for him, or maybe herself? It could be her. Anyways, Craig tells Snake to go fuck himself and storms out the door. Snake now completely defeated tells him to go to the office, but it’s obvious that he’s not. I know I wouldn’t listen to him.

Out in the hall way Ashley is asking him if he’s calmed down and he starts to go on about everyone trying to separate them. She tells him to chill the fuck out since they were talking in class. Ok, Craig is clearly insane, he get’s short with her and asks her who’s side is she on and then demands that she convince her mom that he’s not an asshole even though he is. She suggests that maybe they should tell her parents until after the wedding. Craig acting like a little bitch says that she doesn’t want him there.

In the next scene it seems like Manny is playing Mina while Alex I don’t know which character she is, but she’s in the drama club too. Who would have thought. Manny probably wants to make it like Bram Stoker’s Dracula and show her tits to the crowd. Mr Raditch meanwhile has called Liberty and JT aside and he has a big problem with the play because it has severed heads, stakes through the heart. You know, classic Vampire stuff. He’s overreacting because of what Rick did, she counters that by saying that she wrote the play to give everyone hope. Raditch sounding like a dictator wants them to have a musical about Degrassi and how awesome it is to go there. Even though a lot of tragedy has been associated with it since the original show.

In the hospital we see Jimmy listening to one of his mixtapes while he’s trying to do some exercises in bed. Craig then barges in wanting help on what to do with Ashley. Jimmy suddenly throws the bar away in frustration and Craig is barely realizing that all he does is complain about himself and his stupid bullshit problems. Jimmy meanwhile can’t even fucking walk anymore so he has bigger fish to fry. But it seems like he prefers that Craig talk about himself because everyone else tries to act like everything is ok. Jimmy suggests that he get her alone to talk to her. He says that he can’t because she’s busy with her dad’s stupid wedding while Caitlin is having their place painted. He then get’s the brilliant idea of booking a hotel room.

Going on with that insanity, he goes over to Joey’s and asks him for money. What a surprise, Joey says that he’s broke. Craig, Joey never has money because he’s a broke dick loser. Craig tells him that he has the money to pay him back, he just needs his credit card for one night only. Joey then mentions that the school called about him skipping out, but he just blows it off. Joey being fair, but firm tells him that he’s not lending him his card. So what does Craig do? Yup, he steals it.

At the wedding site Craig meets Ashley’s new aunt, some bimbo looking chick with a baby girl voice. She then starts to flirt with him, but he tells her that he already hurt Ashley once and no matter what, he won’t do it again. Ashley meanwhile is behind him listening and she’s elated to hear that. He quickly tells her that he got a room for the night and that she can go there after the wedding. Ashley’s mom then comes along and tells her that she made it clear that there’s no more room for other people. Especially greasy haired cheaters like Craig.

Afterwards he takes her to the motel room and Craig is one cheesy motherfucker. He has rose pedals on the floor in the shape of a heart with their initials in it. Ashley’s emo heart is beyond happy and she tells him that it’s perfect. She notices that he got a room with two beds but if he wants they can totally fuck and just share one bed. She says this while spreading her legs open. Woah Ashley! I never thought you had it in you! But the catch being that he wears a rubber. He goes into the drawer and takes out a whole package full of them. Glad to see he learned his lesson after he porked Manny and got her pregnant.

Good lord it seems like they boned their brains out because there’s clothes all over the place. Ashley meanwhile is getting dressed and crying uncontrollably. Craig instantly panics and apologizes if he did something wrong. Just like Caitlin in School’s Out, Ashley is crying tears of joy because she let Craig’s nasty ass break her little kitty in. She tells him to keep talking because he’s just been rambling this whole time and he fucks things up by saying that they should just take off and get an apartment together. Ashley tells him that she has to go because of her dad’s rehearsal dinner and he starts to act possessive. Ashley being stupid doesn’t seem to notice because she’s so “happy”. She then makes the mistake of saying that he’s as important to her as her dad and tells him to get dressed because he’s coming with her.

The episode once again comes to a screeching halt with Liberty’s boring subplot. Manny comes along to the Dot and that’s where Liberty and JT tell her that they’re now working on Degrassi the musical. Manny is beyond mortified at the thought and JT says that he quits and leaves in a huff. Manny pretty much tells her to go and seduce JT at her dad’s hot tub.

So it seems like the rehearsal dinner is at a gay bar. What the fuck? Those wacky Canadians again. Nah, I won’t say that because it’s not right. That’s Degrassi for you. Ashley walks in with Craig and it seems like his mom is ready to murder him, but all she says is that she needs a moment alone with Ashley. Ashley being stupid says that if she has something to say, she can say it in front of Craig. Craig out of his mind tells her that it’s ok and they should go have a talk. They start to talk and Ashley points out that not only did her dad leave her, he left her for another man and now she’s throwing him a goddamn wedding. So if she can forgive him, then she can forgive Craig.

Later on it seems like Toby is dancing with Ashley’s mom because not even a gay dude would want to dance with a toad like him. He see’s Ashley’s aunt Sally passing by and tries to talk to her, but she ignores him like everyone else does. Craig all of a sudden tells her that he has to leave for a bit, but that he’s coming back. Back at Joey’s he’s singing his stupid song he wrote about her and is digging out a packet out of an old shoe box.

He comes down in a suit and that’s when Joey asks him if everything is ok because he seems hyper as fuck. He tells them that he and Ashley are back together and he must have been out of his mind that he cheated on her with Manny. I love how he doesn’t remember that it was because Ashley wasn’t putting out and Manny spread those legs faster than could be believed.

Back at the gay bar Ashley notices that he’s come back in a suit and is wondering what’s up. He takes her aside and the crazy motherfucker is actually asking her to marry him. Ashley being freaked out tells him no. Craig immediately starts to lose his shit and starts to act like a maniac again. Ashley just stares at him and he leaves in a huff.

Oh lord we cut to Liberty and JT at her hot tub for some reason. They talk about more stupid ideas for the musical and one of the songs is sticking it to Mr Raditch.

Once again we go back to the gay bar and Ashley’s whorish looking new aunt wants to know what happened with Craig. She tells her that she doesn’t know if they’re still together but he asked her to marry him. The aunt is all surprised and wants to know what Ashley said, man, she’s nosy Ashley tells her that she said no and the aunt says, “But I thought you loved him?” Yeah, clearly she should not take any advice from this chick if she thinks Ashley getting married at such a young age is to be even considered.

The episode ends with Craig having the mother of all meltdowns. The room is a complete wreck, everything is broken including the TV. Joey is so fucked here, it’s even funnier because he probably can’t even pay for it. He’ll probably have to get Caitlin to foot the bill.

So I have to say, this episode was pretty meh for me. The meltdown was awesome, but shit, I can careless about Craig and Ashley’s relationship. I know they have their fans, I have no idea why, but they do. Don’t get me started on Liberty and her stupid play. I was hoping that she was being phased out of the show because we’ve hardly seen her this season, but there she is, boring everyone to death with her bland and lameness.


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Season 4, Episode 10, “Neutron Dance”

And we’re back for another episode review of Degrassi. This one deals with Craig and Ashley’s relationship again. I don’t know about you guys, but I could careless because Ashley is still a boring character and so is their relationship.

Pre-Credit Opener: Seems like Craig and the boys are still playing Reggae for some inexplicable reason. I could tell you now, that shit sucks ok. I guess it’s not just the boys, Ashley seems to have joined the band and it’s obvious that the guys don’t want her there. That’s probably why they’re playing Reggae to begin with.

In the MI lab Paige is going off to Snake because some asshole left gum on her chair. Snake being a little annoyed tells her to just find another chair and to stop her yapping. Hazel tells Paige that she should join yoga after school because it’s really helped her deal with Jimmy getting blasted and being turned into a cripple. Paige turns her down at first, but since the new student teacher Mr Olyeander is going to be there, she will too. I guess she didn’t learn her lesson from messing around with older guys.

We cut to the hospital where Craig is complaining to Jimmy about the fact that he thought that Spinner was going to walk out of their band practice. Jimmy should have told him, “I’m crippled you fool!” But all he says is that Spinner walks out on a lot of things. Craig and his greasy 70’s hair then says that Ashley has been there at practice and Jimmy get’s wise to them. Craig denies that there’s anything going on, but Jimmy doesn’t buy it one bit.

Oh lord so the student teacher is teaching the yoga class and both Marco and Paige are staring at his ass. Marco whispers to her, “Check out his hot bulge too.” He comes along and helps Paige with her technique and she practically has an orgasm right then and there. After that Paige tells Hazel that he was flirting with her, Hazel thinks that she’s insane and that he’s just the teacher.

Back in Craig’s garage the band is still arguing over the direction their band should go. Craig is singing some lyrics and even Marco thinks that they’re fucking gay. He mentions that he thought that it was a rock band and the lyrics sound soft. Craig being an “artist” says that they need to change and not stay the same. Spinner decides to come by and brings his skank Manny along too. You can tell that both Craig and Ashley are annoyed that she’s there. Hey she was the reason that they broke up because she got pregnant with Craig’s love child. Craig asks Spinner what Manny is doing there and being a dickhead he says that if Ashley is there, so could Manny.

At the movie theater Paige is bothering Alex about Mr O and if she has a chance of boning him. Just then he comes walking on by and says hello. But wow, he says that she’s his favorite student. Going by that Paige is convinced that the guy wants to pork her and Alex tells her to go for it.

At Degrassi ,Manny is wearing a cowboy hat that all sluts and skanks like to wear. It’s like a part of their official uniform. Spinner and Marco are still annoyed that Ashley is in the band and has any input. So it seems like they’re there for an interview with Liberty and her pirate nerd newspaper. The guys get instantly annoyed because Craig and Ashley are the only ones answering the questions. I guess they think they’re Degrassi’s answer to the White Stripes, except they suck. Big time.

In the next scene Spinner and Marco decide to confront Craig about Ashley and how she’s ruining the band. Craig of course get’s all pissed off and says that they did agree to her being in the band, which is a big lie. Marco then points out that she lost the contest fair and square and why should she take Jimmy’s place now that he’s basically Professor X. Craig full of attitude tries to talk to them, but they both say that if he doesn’t get rid of her, then they’re quitting the band.

So he decides to do just that. But he can’t because she just has to be all sweet about being there while they’re recording their shitty single. Craig decides to just kiss her and she leaves looking pleasantly surprised. She’s all, “I was assaulted, it was fun!”

At the Dot the boys think that he finally got rid of Ashley, but that’s when Craig tells them that he and Ashley are back together again. Even though no such thing has happened. Predictably they leave even more pissed off than before.

We go back to Paige’s stupid subplot and we can tell that she wants his hands all over her body again. He ignores her and she get’s annoyed when he compliments Heather Saint Claire instead of her. After class Hazel is telling her that she’s insane and she needs to stay out of it. Mr Wonderful passes by and Paige over hears that he’s meeting one of his bro’s for drinks at some bar. Paige decides to go, even though she’s underage.

What a surprise, we see Ashley talking to Ellie and she’s just gushing over the fact that Craig kissed her. While all this is going on, Ellie is packing up because Sean left her high and dry, so she’s fucked there. And because of that Ellie is now a man hater and says that guys suck and that they enjoy playing with a woman’s emotions.

At the Dot Craig and Ashley decide to have a talk over what happened and of course she takes Ellie’s shitty advice and she pretty much says that they made a mistake and that at least they still have the band. You can tell that Craig got his heart broken but he’s staying strong.

Outside some bar or club Paige is showing this big Asian guy a fake ID and we don’t get to see if it worked or not. I’m guessing that it did.

We go back to Craig and the band and Spinner is escalating the bullshit by saying since Craig is always changing things, he’s having Manny now joining the band as well and she’s going to be playing the tambourine. Marco makes his little statement by busting out his accordion. Ashley walks in and wants to know why they’re making so many changes because they’re recording their song the next day. Spinner asks Craig why and of course he doesn’t answer so they go on to play some truly shitty music. Not that big of a change really.

So yeah, Paige and Hazel managed to get into the bar and Paige is acting like an idiot saying all loud that she can’t believe that they made it in. Right away she spies Mr O and she actually goes up and talks to him and offers to buy him a drink. Just then his really hot girlfriend comes along and proceeds to humiliate Paige by pointing out that Paige has a giant crush on him. Paige meanwhile wants to ooze down into the floor because she’s so embarrassed. His girlfriend though acts like a real bitch and pretty much tells that bartender that Paige is just a kid and they get kicked out. I gotta say, the girlfriend showed how insecure she really is by doing that shit.

Finally it’s time for the guys to record their single and they’re all still acting ridiculous over Ashley being there. Not that I blame them though. Ashley makes things worse because she just has to open her mouth and asks if they’re really going to record the song that way and then asks Craig, like he’s making him take her side. Everyone leaves and Craig buckles under the pressure and kicks Ashley out of the band. Ashley near tears asks if that’s what the whole band wants and he says yes, except for him.

So they’re recording the song they did last year at the contest and they’re much better with Ashley not being there. As he’s singing the song he realizes that he fucked up again by breaking her heart. He stops singing near the end and he tells the guys that he has to go and be with Ashley because apparently the whole fucking world revolves around her, messing up their recording time.

Craig chases after Ashley telling her that he chooses her over the band and the recording studio. Reasoning that the recording studio will always be there, but it won’t. Yeah, that really was his big chance because Craig sucks as a musician, so does Ashley. Ashley makes the situation confusing because she acts like she doesn’t like Craig in that way and he goes away dejected, but then she smiles and tells him that he’s not going away that easy. She is so annoying with her indecision at times. God, Craig has a huge zit on his face, he needs to pop it or something. I thought Sean was Degrassi’s resident pizza face. Anyways, the episode ends with the both of them smooching and becoming a couple again.

I didn’t care for this episode, because really, the whole Craig and Ashley thing has been played out already. It’s like I said at the beginning of the review, who cares about them. I didn’t like the Paige subplot either, I was all, “Yeah, it bored me.” But I guess that’s it for the Downtown Sasquatch.