Pre-credit opener: Ashley is showing Terri a necklace that has the initials A and J on it. And she asks her if she thinks that Jimmy will like it. Terri assures her that she will, even though the thing is huge and ugly and I would never want to be caught dead in it. Mrs Kwan tells the class that they’ll be breaking up into groups and do scenes from Romeo and Juliet. Spinner right way disapproves. Ashley all pissed off says that Jimmy is Romeo but that she’s playing the nurse. That’s when it’s revealed that the worst possible person is playing Juliet and that’s right it’s Paige. Ashley can’t help looking at her with hatred in her eyes.
In the Media Immersion class JT excitedly tells Toby that that old skivosa Dr Sally is coming to Degrassi. I can’t believe that she’s still alive because she already looked ancient in Degrassi Junior High. JT’s down about it though cause she’s only talking to the 8th graders. JT is seriously depraved because he’s heard that she brings in really graphic props. Leave it to him to be able to wack off to a clinical looking vagina model.
Snake then starts to teach and tells them that they’re going to be creating a website on an animal of their choice. Emma acts like motherfucking Arnold Horshack from Welcome Back Kotter and says, “OH, OH!!” She starts to talk about some endangered animal that I’m too lazy to google how it’s spelled. Sounds like she’s saying Mamaono. Or some shit like that. Anyways, Snake approves of her nerd website and tells everyone to have fun with the project. While Snake is going on about the project Toby’s having demented fantasy’s about Emma. The close up looked a little too much like that Savage Garden video. Sean interrupts him and thanks him for helping him out.
Dr Sally is with the 8th graders and is talking about how guys get a hard on. Of course they’re all immature and they just giggle at any sexual thing that she says. She then starts to talk about condoms and safe sex. She busts out a banana and explains how to put a condom on a fully engorged penis. Again this elicits more giggles from the class. Spinner then starts to talk about Jimmy and Ashley, not mentioning names of course, but it’s obvious he means them. Anyways, he asks her when they’re supposed to know when they should do the nasty. Dr Sally explains that physically they’re good to go, but emotionally, no. Drake all pissed off tells him, “What are you doing?!”
After class Terri says that she’ll never look at a banana the same way again. Ashley is furious at Spinner and she wants to cut his balls off. Paige then asks what is going on with them since they have been going out for 8 months now. Ashley then shows this lame heart that Jimmy made for her for their anniversary. Paige being a bitch can’t contain her contempt for the thing.
In the cafeteria Spinner is actually reading some Bill Shakespeare and he loves the fact that Romeo and Juliet boned at 13. Paige comes by and flirts with Jimmy, telling him that she’s memorized her lines already. Some nameless extra who actually got lines tells Spinner and Jimmy that he heard that Paige totally fucked a camp counselor last Summer. Jimmy then reminds nameless student that he has a girlfriend already.
We then cut to Liberty desperately telling JT that she can finish his assignment since she get’s straight A’s. I have no idea what the fuck they’re talking about. Oh, I guess the stupid website project. They start to talk about their boring assignments and Toby is being a big kiss ass with Emma talking about endangered species and wants to watch some DVD with her. Manny offers to have a viewing at her place since she’s not allowed to go out after sunset. I guess her dad is afraid that members of the Family from The Omega Man are going to get her. Emma then asks Sean if he wants to join them and Toby’s heart drops. Sean notices the look on his face and tells her no. Toby visibly gives a sigh of relief. Afterwards JT is giving Toby shit because he was so obvious.
In Mrs Kwan’s room Paige and Jimmy are rehearsing the play and Paige seems to be getting way too into it. Especially when they do the kiss. The Shakespearean type music that’s playing in the background is hilarious by the way. But Ashley can’t stands no more and she says her line where she’s not supposed to. Mrs Kwan all annoyed points that out to her and then tells Jimmy and Paige that they have great chemistry together. This infuriates Ashley even more.
After class Terri is telling Ashley not to worry about it because it’s only a play. Ashley then starts to say that ever since they were little Paige just had to be a fucking bitch and that everything that she had, Paige had to have too. That is really annoying when people are like that. Paige comes along and tells her what a great nurse she’s playing. Ashley not fucking around tells Paige that she know what she’s doing. Paige acts all innocent but at the same time implies that if Ashley keeps acting like a prude someone that he has chemistry with will come along. Jimmy tries to have a word with her, but she over does it and just starts macking on him. She mentions that they’ll be all alone that night and reminds him what that dirty old woman Dr Sally said. She adds, “I’m ready.” Jimmy probably got a hard on the size of the Statue of Liberty when he heard that.
In some back alley, Jimmy is hanging out with Spinner and the nameless extra. He mentions how Ashley wants to give him her ultimate gift. Spinner being borderline retarded says, “A Ferrari.” Drake then says, “You’re such an idiot. No, what Juliet gave Romeo.” Surprisingly he get’s it that she wants to give him her body. Spinner then suggests that Jimmy get condoms to be prepared.
At Ashley’s house, she and Terri are shopping for condoms online. How is Ashley able to buy this without her mom finding out? Unless she has her own credit card. Which would be beyond ridiculous if she does. Terri asks her if all this has to do because of Paige. Even the mere mention of her name elicit’s rage from Ashley. She denies that’s the reason, but it pretty much confirms that it is because of her. Terri tells her she doesn’t want her to regret having sex later on because it is a big deal. That’s when Ashley without any tact says, “I can’t believe I’m listening to relationship advice from someone who’s never had a date.” Terri instantly get’s pissed off and says that she’s leaving. Funny how Ashley doesn’t even try to apologize for her shitty remark. She just goes ahead and orders the condoms because she’s that self absorbed.
Back at Degrassi Emma is having trouble searching for her stupid endangered turtles. Toby being a big nerd gives it a try and immediately get’s search results. But it seems that Toby’s project was to create his own search engine. The subject of Mama Onu is the first result and it says, “All Emma could ever need to know about the green turtle.” He then fantasizes about touching her hand and she has love in her googly eyes for him. Back to reality she shoves his hand off of the mouse and starts yelling at him.
Seems like Terri and Ashley aren’t talking anymore, they just ignore each other and Ashley goes to talk to Jimmy. Drake starts to ask if they’re still on for that night, but Paige for the umpteenth time in the series so far interrupts them and tells Ashley that they won’t need her for their rehearsals the next day. She just has to be a major bitch about not needing her around because she only has two lines in the scene. Why Ashley doesn’t beat the shit out of her is beyond me, because clearly that’s what she needs. But Ashley tells Drake that they are so on for that night.
Emma is telling her crew if they’re ready to go to Manny’s to watch the boring DVD but that’s when Liberty comes along and cock blocks Toby. As if he had a chance in hell, but she mentions how Emma promised she would help proof read the Degrassi newspaper. Toby of course is beyond disappointed.
At Ashley’s house she comes in and her mom is still there. Someone knocks at the door and it’s a letter courier. He gives her the package and I didn’t know letter courier’s delivered freight. Anyways, her mom asks her what’s in the box and Ashley says, “Nothing, mind yo business.”
Ah, we come upon yet another scene that is being recycled from Degrassi Junior High. Spinner and Jimmy go to a convenience store and buy some condom’s. But Jimmy of course is hella embarrassed. The clerk of course is a big fucking asshole and he asks Jimmy if he has the right size. He’s all, “We have small, medium, large and extra large.” Jimmy just says, “What’s the fucking total guy?” But the guy won’t let up, he starts going on about colors and textures. Jimmy should have just told him that at least he’s getting laid while he’ll be busy pumping the neighbor’s dog. That would shut that dork’s mouth.
Jimmy knocks on Ashley’s door and clearly the both of them are nervous. They go into her bedroom and just awkwardly sit on her bed.
In the Media Immersion room Liberty is asking Emma if she really thinks that her boring ass article is interesting. Emma says yes and Liberty asks her if she wants to go out for smoothies on the way home. But fuck that. Emma thinking quickly on her feet spots Sean and get’s out of it by telling her that she promised she would help him out after school. She starts talking to him and he talks about his dog project. Mentioning that he misses his dumb dog Ruff that he was forced to leave behind, Emma falls for him just a little more because of that.
At Ashley’s she and Jimmy have now gotten into some classic heavy petting. But she puts the breaks on it. She walks out and tells him that she’s going to freshen up. She instantly berates herself saying, “Stop sweating, grow up you stupid bitch!!” Drake not respecting her privacy starts going through her stuff and finds the condoms that she bought. He asks her what’s wrong and she breaks down. Not crying mind you, but she tells him that she can’t bone him because she’s not ready for it, even though Paige probably is. He quickly figures out that she thinks that he wants her just because of the Shakespeare bullshit. He tells her that he’s not ready to have sex either and all is well in their little world.
At Manny’s front stoop, Toby is bummed that Emma never came by. Manny figures that it’s because of Liberty and they all know how fucking annoying she is. JT mentions that the DVD was boring as hell and it almost put him on the endangered species list. Toby blurts out that he rented it for her and just takes off all pissed off.
We see Toby going up the stairs at his house and opens the door to Ashley’s room saying that he’s home. That’s when he finds them blowing up the condom’s into balloons like a couple of idiots. Toby all surly tells them to pick that shit up before their parents get home and that he’s going to bed. He adds, “And Jimmy, girls are not worth it, believe me.” After he leaves Ashley gives him his lame necklace and he’s delighted by it.
The next day at Degrassi Emma mentions to Toby and Manny that she was with Sean but Toby won’t let her finish. He goes on to say that she promised she was going to come and what kind of friend is she. Emma wonders what the fuck all that was about and Manny tells her that he likes her. Emma is mortified at the thought.
At Drake’s locker Spinner asks him how it all went down, but Jimmy says that they were that close to boning but that Toby came home and ruined everything, which if you think about it isn’t really lying. Spinner offers to kick his ass, but Jimmy says nah. Ashley then tries to apologize to Terri saying what a major bitch she was for saying what she said. All Terri says is fine. Ashley then goes on to explain to her how they didn’t even have sex since they weren’t ready for it. Terri then asks if Jimmy wasn’t upset and Ashley says, “No Jimmy was cool about it.” Then adds with a look of concern on her face, “Entirely cool about it actually.” I swear you can’t win with some people. But that’s how this episode abruptly ends.
Again, I have to say, even though this was a reused plot from Degrassi Junior High, I enjoyed this episode. Toby once again was kept at a minimum. It’s like the Degrassi writers knew he was a lame annoying character. I think this episode was the beginning of the Toby, Sean, Emma love triangle. But I swear Paige shows what a horrible person she is in each episode and I’m totally advocating her beat down.