Degrassi The Next Generation Reviewed

Ah yes, the companion blog to Degrassi Junior High Reviewed. Each episode will be reviewed in order by a guy who loves the next generation's melodrama.

Season 1, Episode 13, “Cabaret”

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Pre-credit opener: We come upon Ashley playing her piano while Terri is busy worshiping Satan on the computer. She wants to conjure demons or some shit but Ashley tells her that she’s busy at the moment. Turns out that Terri is working on a project for school and it involves the black mass. Ashley mentions that she’s finished writing a song. Oh no, anytime that anyone sings on this show, it’s going to suck. Terri mentions how slow and boring the pace of the song is, but Ashley’s a slow and boring person and that’s just the way she wants it. You can tell Terri doesn’t agree by the face she’s making.

Terri, Ashley

We cut to Degrassi and Liberty is giving an announcement for anyone interested in signing up for the lunch time cabaret. Cabaret? Why not call it what it is, which is a talent show. Anyways, Paige tells Terri that they should go up for it, but Terri tells her that she’s already singing with Ashley and her boring ass song. Their band name is Two Girls and a Keyboard. Paige mentions how fucking lame it sounds and throws that Heather St Clair character under the bus again. Paige goes on to say that they do need her to jazz it up a little, especially when Terri mentions how boring the song is. They’re interrupted by Mr Raditch who says that he’ll continue to be their home room teacher due to Mrs Kwan being absent still. This is greeted by a bunch of jeers, but he seems to thrive one it.

Paige, Terri

We cut to the Media Immersion class and Emma wants Sean to be a part of her stupid environmental interpretive dance routine but he tells her hell no. Toby being a white knight see’s this as a perfect opportunity to get into Emma’s good graces and tells her that he’ll take the role of the hunter that Sean declined. Emma get’s all happy and tells him that she’ll meet him after school to practice.

JT, Toby

In Snake’s class Terri is giving the class a demonstration on how to summon all sorts of evil spirits by using a Ouija Board. She then offers to show everyone her newly found evil Satanic powers and asks for a volunteer. Spinner of course raises his hand and he asks her if he’s really a super stud. Snake tells him that he doesn’t need witchcraft to tell him the answer to that. Which makes it seem like Snake has a thing for him. Spinner then asks her what the name of his first pet is and Terri using ESP tells him that the name of it was Rocky. Spinner is both amazed and terrified. Paige asks Ashley if she really believes in this stuff and Ashley is a firm believer. Telling her that her aunt used to fuck with all sorts of witchery. Paige and Terri are very happy to hear this.

Terri Terri, Paige

After school JT is giving Toby shit for wanting to be a part of Emma’s stupid bullshit. He then points out that he’s wasting his time doing this gesture because she already has Sean as a boyfriend, but Toby is convinced that he’ll be able to weasel his way into her heart.

Out on the benches Terri has now moved on to divining Tarot cards. She’s giving Manny a reading and she tells her that her day is going to end unexpectantly with a twist. Manny has no idea what that means and Terri freaks her out by telling her to watch out. Paige then comes along and asks Terri if Two Girls and a Piano should become a trio. Ashley get’s all annoyed with because she doesn’t want Paige to be a part of it. Like get your own shit bitch! Anyways, they go with their little plan and they ask the Tarot cards what Ashley should do since she believes in that mumbo jumbo. Of course Terri manipulates, or perhaps her demon made it so that Paige get’s to join the group. Ashley being stupid and being too afraid to defy the inhuman spirits agrees to let Paige into the group.

Manny, Scared

Walking into a class room Ashley is all annoyed with Terri, especially since it seems like she wanted Paige to join their group. She correctly predicts that she’ll only try to make everything sexy and stupid. But Terri reminds her of her newly found power and then brings up how she knew of Spinner’s pet’s name. But Ashley says that stupid Spinner actually told her the name of his cat about a month ago. Terr’s like, “Fuck how did you know?” Ashley simply tells her that she was there.

Outside Paige is all pissed off because Ashley didn’t buy into their bullshit. Terri meanwhile is greatly offended of being called an amateur by Ashley. Even though she is one. Ashley then comes along and tells Paige that they don’t need her. Just then Manny is talking to Emma about their stupid dance routine and she tells her that maybe they need some cartwheels. That’s where she makes the stupid decision of trying it on the steps and she horribly rolls her ankle and falls down in a heap. Everyone is now terrified because Terri’s prophesy from earlier has come true. Ashley now a firm believer in her diabolical powers instantly agrees to let Paige into their musical group.

Manny, Falling Terri, Paige, Ashley

The next day of school Paige is already annoying Ashley by revamping everything. She hands her a flier and Ashley all disgusted reads, “Paige Michalchuk and the Sex Kittens.” Ashley of course hates it and proposes to just rename it Three Girls and a Keyboard. Man how unoriginal is she? Paige of course hates her suggestion because it’s hella boring. Ashley gives Paige a CD of their song so that she can listen to it and practice. She listens to it on her Discman and she obviously hates it.

Band flyer

In the hallway Emma suggests that Toby and Manny switch roles and so now Toby has to dance along with Emma. He’s not too sure about the idea, but JT says that he loves it because he’s an asshole. Toby being a big push over agrees to do it, because he doesn’t want to disappoint her.

In the girls restroom Paige comes out of a stall dressed up like a little hussy and asks Terri what she thinks of it. Terri loves it but she knows Ashley so well and predicts that she’s just going to hate it because Ashley is a boring prude. She walks in and yup, she hates it. Paige and Terri go outside and Paige tells her that she’s holding them back big time with how lame and boring the whole thing is. Terri comes up with the idea of both of them coming up with a newer better version of the song and see if Ashley likes it better. Paige agrees and she says she knows who they can get to help them.

Paige, Terri, Band outfit

And it turns out to be Snake. They ask him if they can add a synthesizer to their song through the magic of computer technology. He then takes the opportunity to tell them that he wishes that he had this kind of equipment back when he was a part of the Zit Remedy. He even mentions that they had a video. The both of them are all amazed that a giant dork like Snake was ever in a band.

Snake

Elsewhere Emma and Toby are practicing for the Cabaret and Toby is the most uncoordinated person at Degrassi. Basically he can’t dance for shit. Emma suggests that he practice in front of a mirror at home. JT says, “Man, how far will you go?”

Back in the Media Immersion class Snake has added a funky beat to Ashley’s song and they’re all busting a move to the more uptempo song. Ashley hears the song blasting from far away and walks in on them singing along to the new version. Of course she’s hating on it but Snake sounding like he’s all afraid of her assures her that her original snooze inducing version is still saved in the computer. Paige suggests that they once again use the dark arts to see whether they should go with the new version or not and Ashley agrees. Of course it comes up that they should go with the new version.

Ashley, Snake, Terri, Paige

Finally it’s time for the goddamn talent show and Paige and Terri are dressed in their lady of the night outfits and that’s when Ashley comes by dressed like her dour self and tells them that she saw online that Terri was lying her ass off with her Tarot card reading and that the card that came out meant staying with the old. She asks Terri why she did it and Terri tells her because Ashley always shoots down all of her suggestions and she doesn’t get a say in jack shit when it comes to the group.

The show has begun and Emma and Toby start their stupid animal dance. Right away Toby fucks up and they bump heads, making everyone in the crowd laugh. Spinner saying, “Man, this is too easy.”  Manny then comes on stage in the role of the hunter and pretends to shoot Emma and Toby with her crutches. Jimmy laughing his ass off says, “What is this?!” At this point everyone is laughing their asses off at Toby’s slow, spastic dying routine and Sean can’t take anymore. He stands up and tells everyone to shut the fuck up and to let them dance. The crowd get’s all quiet because they’re afraid of his pizza face I guess. At this gesture Emma all smiling is even more in love with Sean now.

Toby, Emma Drake Sean

Outside the three girls are still arguing and Ashley is telling them that they better watch out because the cards said go with the old. Terri tells her that she doesn’t give a shit what the cards said and that they’re going with the new version. That’s when Ashley quits the group because she’s a big baby that didn’t get her way.

They go on stage with a dance routine and they start singing. Immediately they’re bringing the house down because everyone is just loving it. Outside the door Ashley is gawking at them and you can tell by the look on her face that she’s thinking that they were right about her song.

Terri, Paige, Singing

In the hallway Emma thanks Toby for helping her out. Toby takes the time to try and ask her out I’m guessing but she doesn’t let him finish. She goes off with Sean and she thanks him for defending her and she gives him a kiss on the cheek. Toby sees this and completely feels like a Kentucky Fried idiot. Probably because he realized that he humiliated himself for no reason at all.

Sean, Emma Toby

In the girls restroom Paige and Terri are celebrating how awesome their performance was. Even though it literally lasted less then a minute. Ashley walks in face all dour and Paige asks her what she thought. She smiles suddenly and tells them that they were great and that her version sucked ass. They ask her to join the group again and Paige once again suggests Paige Michalchuk and the Sex Kittens, but Ashley once again shoots her down. Paige tells her that she wasn’t finished yet and suggests the initials and that the name should be PMS. Ashley thinks it’s gross and once again just wants Three Girls and a Keyboard. They ask Terri to break the tie and they suggest that she use her powers again. But Terri tells them that she doesn’t want to use the Tarot cards anymore. It was probably because she started hearing whispering, scratches inside of the walls, smelling foul odors and the moving of objects around 3 in the morning in her room every night. So she’s done with that shit and she decides to go with PMS. Ashley agrees to go with it and Degrassi’s newest super group is born.

PMS

On the next episode of Degrassi, it’s the Exorcism of Terri McGregor. That’s right. She finds out that she was too late in putting a stop to all of her witchcraft and is now possessed by a legion of demons. And so it’s up to Snake to save her immortal soul. Nah, I’m just kidding. It would have made a sweet episode though.

Ok, I liked this episode, even though Paige and Ashley were annoying as hell. But it was entertaining, and Toby once again was kept at a minimum and that’s always a plus. I would say this has been my favorite episode of the season thus far.

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Author: Degrassi TNG Guy

Well what's there to know. I got bored after finished Degrassi Junior High Reviewed, so I thought, why not do The Next Generation. Even though I vowed that I wouldn't. Well hope you guys enjoy these reviews as well. I definitely see this as the companion series to DJHR.

4 thoughts on “Season 1, Episode 13, “Cabaret”

  1. The chick who played Paige was pretty hot in the later seasons. I’m not surprised shes still working steadily.

    Like

  2. I loved all your Satan jokes XD

    I live in the US and I always say there’s no WAY we would casually put occultism into a children’s show.

    Like

    • HAHA! Yeah, I read a lot of books about demonic oppression and possession. So I was all, why not incorporate all that with Terri’s witchery. lol.

      Oh I’m from the states too and you’re right. You never see that in a children’s TV show.

      Like

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