For some reason I have in my head that I hate this episode. But we’ll see how it plays out.
Pre-credit opener: We see that it’s dinner time at Spike’s house and she’s invited Snake over for some Chinese food because they’re boyfriend and girlfriend now. They seem to be enjoying the conversation, but things get awkward because Emma is sitting there being a huge fucking buzz kill. She keeps calling him Mr Simpson, even when Snake tells her to call him Archie while they’re out of school. What a surprise Emma is acting like a complete shithead. But then again it’s Snake, so fuck him. I still haven’t forgiven him for what he did in School’s Out.
Manny and some Muslim girl are doing jumping jacks for Emma because she’s doing a study on her school project which is about healthy eating or something like that. I love that Emma is sporting a lab coat for no apparent reason. She spots Snake putting his bike in the bike racks like a complete dork and she can’t help complaining to Manny that he’s always around banging Spike now.
In the hallway Drake is on his knees seeming to be begging Ellie out on a date. I’ll admit, Ellie is very good looking but that just makes him look pathetic. And why the hell is she wearing an electric guitar strapped to her back. You can tell that she only has it as an accessory to look cool. (It’s not working.) Of course she tells him no on the grounds that Ashley is now her new best friend. Jimmy a bit disappointed tells Spinner that it’s the story of his life and that they should get going to class. But Spinner can’t stand up because he has a rock hard boner going on at the moment. It was probably the sight of Ellie and that stupid guitar that did it. But Spinner says that any girl will do it for him lately and he blames it on Emma’s science project because he’s eating more healthy foods at the moment. Drake slowly explains to him that it’s not the food, it’s his hormones that are turning him into a walking hard on. But he insists it’s the health food making him into a “Sex superman.” To solve the problem Drake gives him a binder and Spinner’s all, “A binder boner shield.” If I were Jimmy I would burn that binder.
In the science lab the very sexy Ms Hatzilakos is telling everyone that the big science fair is going to happen the next day in the morning. I love how all the kids are doing chemistry experiments. I didn’t get to take chemistry until I was a junior in high school. All we had in my junior high was a pet snake. Everyone is busy working on their projects and Liberty bores everyone to death with her stupid project on light deprivation on plants. She doesn’t realize that they chose to commit suicide than stay in her presence a moment longer. Emma then starts to complain that her project isn’t working thanks to Spinner and JT. Liberty can’t help being an asshole and just loves hearing that she’s failing.
In the hallway Emma starts to berate JT about fucking up her stupid project. JT insists that he hasn’t been cheating on the project by eating junk food but Emma refuses to believe him. That’s when Milhouse butts in and tells her that the health food she eats sucks ass, so she should blame it on that. To get rid of her, they both start to burp in her face.
She moves on to Spinner and I have to point out that this is probably the 2nd or 3rd time they’ve interacted with each other since the first episode of the series. Anyways, she accuse him of ruining her project while he accuses her of ruining his life thanks to the constant hard on’s, probably wet dreams too. He bumps into Ellie and there he goes off like a rocket again. The face that Emma makes when she notices what he’s doing is hilarious.
At Spike’s house Snake goes to get her some ice cream and he meet’s Emma in the kitchen working on her project. He asks her how it’s going and she tells him that nothing is working out thanks to JT and Spinner. Snake tries to get on her good side by telling her some quote that Einstein supposedly said. Spike in the next room is loving that he’s trying to relate to her, but she soon frowns because Emma acts like a complete fuckhead with him once again. Snake leaves all dejected and goes back to fingering Spike on the couch.
It’s finally the day of the big science fair and we hear this generic space age sounding music while we get a montage of everyone’s projects. Mr Raditch is one of the judges and JT shows him his project which are breast implants made out of water, flour and lard. How he got away with making such a project is beyond me, but that’s Degrassi for you, always pushing the envelope. Milhouse calls him over and talks about his paranoid sounding project about surveillance.
Emma meanwhile is feeling all down because her project has been a complete failure. She notices that Manny is eating a candy bar and gives her shit about it being so early in the morning. Manny then says, “I know, but, it tastes like happy.” Which really made her sound extremely retarded, who talks like that? Suddenly Emma feels all inspired and says that Manny is brilliant and goes and changes the title of her experiment before they can come and judge her.
Back to the science fair Liberty is going through step by boring step of her experiment. She bores Snake so much that he doesn’t even let her finish because she’s taking forever. As he moves on to Emma’s project she starts to tell him and the other judge about JT and Spinner’s results and the fact that she’s not even there. What a shithead. Emma comes running in and puts up her new banner which says, “The mind/body connection.” She goes on to explain that since JT is an idiot junk food makes him more happier, therefore better mood, better performance. But Spinner she can’t explain and chalks it up to a scientific anomaly.
At his locker Spinner is getting rid of all the pics of chicks in bikini’s out of his locker because anything is setting him off now. Jimmy once again explains that it’s not the health food that’s doing that to him, but his out of control hormones.
Back at the boring science fair the new wheelchair girl is giving a speech about the plight of the good ol timber wolf. But who cares, it’s time for the grand prize and Liberty all full of herself is sure that she’s going to win and is completely shocked that Emma won, even though her project was lackluster too. JT and his new breast implants should have won. Anyways, Liberty is a huge hater calling her a teachers pet even though Liberty is the queen of the ass kissers.
In the cafeteria Spinner has a bunch of fruit and he’s telling Drake about the fact that he’s convinced that all that health food is giving him newly found sexual powers and that women are helpless against it and can’t help giving him the eye. So he tells Jimmy, “The entire female race is a slave for Spinner, so why fight it.” So it’s nothing but fruit for him for now on. But all that’s going to end up doing is give him the major shits.
In the Media Immersion class Snake starts to talk about motherboards to the class and Manny and Emma aren’t even paying attention because they’re too busy emailing each other. Stupid Manny writes, “Archie Simpson loves Emma’s mom.” and accidentally sends it out to the entire class in a mass email. Liberty instantly starts to smile like an asshole and Snake tells Manny to see him after class so he can administer a brutal canning to her.
Back in the hallway Jimmy is pissed off to see that Spinner is asking Ellie out and you can tell that she gave him her phone number. Drake acting all hostile towards him shoves him against the lockers but Spinner tells him that he’s a lover not a fighter. He starts to talk about evolution and that Charles Derwin said that man has to spread his seed to survive. So he figures that if he dates and get’s Ellie pregnant, than he’s only doing his manly duty. Jimmy corrects him and calls him an idiot pointing out that his name was Charles Darwin.
In the girls restroom Liberty is flossing her fucking teeth because she’s a big loser. I remember this dork in my high school who nobody liked would do the same thing. She goes on to say that Snake only picked her to win because he’s porking her mom, so it’s favoritism. She then demands that Emma give up the first prize trophy, I just noticed that she put her used floss back in her bag. That’s fucking disgusting.
Emma shows up in the Media Immersion class because she’s a fucking idiot and actually took Liberty’s bullshit to heart. She confronts Snake about his judging in the science fair and makes a scene in front of his class accusing him of being biased because he’s banging Spike now. He tells her that Liberty’s project was good, but that her’s was better. To prove it to her he shows her the other judges sheets and they all agreed with him. Besides nobody likes Liberty and she doesn’t deserve to win on grounds that she’s an annoying bitch.
Ok, Mrs Kwan is having another non English class thing going on and this time it’s some improv. I swear we never did shit like that in my class. Drake is wearing a tiara for some reason and makes a scenero where Spinner is a delivery guy and Paige is a very lonely and horny housewife. You can tell this is revenge for Spinner getting Ellie’s number. How Mrs Kwan allowed this beginning to a porno scene to go on is beyond me, but she let it happen. Paige acts all seductive and sure enough Spinner get’s a raging hard on the size of the Statue of Liberty. He turns around to hide and Mrs Kwan tells him that he has to face the audience so that everyone can hear him and she turns him around again, exposing his manhood. Everyone starts to laugh their asses off at the sight and Spinner runs out of the room completely humiliated. When this aired on the N they didn’t show his boner poking through his pants. Damn you censorship!
In the cafeteria Jimmy finds Spinner with his head down and he asks him how he’s doing. Spinner tells him that he’s going to murder his ass for what he did to him. Jimmy just laughs it off and tells him that it was funny as hell. Spinner once again brings up the health food and that’s when Drake calls Sheila over and asks her if food helps guys get in the mood. She says that she’s heard that clams do the trick, but all it gave her husband was gas. I think that was more a of a defense mechanism that his body made so he wouldn’t have to have sex with her. Jimmy then asks her if food effects teenagers in that way and she starts to laugh saying that their barely maturing bodies are going crazy thanks to all the hormones. She then tells Jimmy not to worry about it and that it’s just a stage. They both start to laugh at the fact that she thinks that Jimmy was talking about himself.
Back at Spike’s house Spike and Snake have come back from a hairdressers contest or something like that. Who knew there was such a thing, anyways, she’s all happy because she won. You can tell that they wanna celebrate some more by having some hardcore fucking, but Emma is right there in the living room looking sour as usual, so Snake tells her that he should be going. Emma tells him to hold up and they have a heart to heart talk about their situation. Basically Emma apologizes to him for acting like a complete shithead towards him and she explains to him that it has more to do with people thinking that she’s his teachers pet, even though it’s just Liberty who thinks that. Snake suggests that she get transferred out of his class or that he and Spike should stop dating, but Emma doesn’t want either of those things to happen. He reassures her that she did indeed deserve to win first place and the episode ends with Emma calling him Snake. Thank God.
This was an alright episode. Emma and Liberty were both obnoxious as hell and were getting on my last nerve. The whole Spinner sub plot was pretty funny though. Could have been better.