So this one is a good one. I’ve noticed that all the episodes that have to do with the older cast members are of better quality. All the underclassmen focused episodes are completely shitty, unless it’s a Sean episode.
Pre-credit opener: Jimmy and Ashley are hanging out in her dark room and she’s subjecting him to all of her shitty emo music. You can tell Drake wants to rap his way out of there. But he’s fucked because Ashley is his girlfriend again, and he’s forced to listen and lie to her that her music is good. It isn’t. Ashley’s music sucks so bad. She goes on about connecting with him on an emotional level, but you can tell that he’s already clocked out of that relationship.
The next day Jimmy runs into Ashley and shows her last years year book. He makes her sign the goddamn thing and she goes on about looking awful the previous year. That’s when resident Degrassi Haley Joel Osment look alike Sully makes his first appearance. He talks shit about Ashley being a freak and Jimmy of course doesn’t beat the shit out of him for her honor. But then again, Jimmy is a big puss who get’s his ass kicked all the time.
Oh great, we come upon JT and Toby and JT is way too excited about Dr Sally coming in again to give her sex pep talk. He must be really hard up if he’s excited to hear her sex stories. Not even Toby is hoping for porn in that case. But he’s disappointed to hear that Coach Armstrong is going to be giving the sex lecture due to Dr Sally hurting her hip during a really intense geriatric sex session. Coach Armstrong starts to talk about Abstinence being the best thing to practice. Manny asks him what it means and he tells her that it’s best not to bone. Something that Manny won’t listen to in later seasons. Anyways, JT playing with a condom accidentally launches it and it lands on Armstrong’s back and hilarity ensues.
We cut to Ms Kwan’s class and she’s giving out an assignment. Which is to act out a scene from Bill Shakespeare’s immortal classic, The Taming Of The Shrew. At least this assignment is at related to English class. Last time she had them doing some shit that had nothing to do with the subject. Ashley is disappointed that Jimmy is paired with Hazel, while she get’s stuck with Craig.
Outside of class Craig has a leaf crown. He’s been hit so hard by his dad, he now thinks he’s Julius Caesar. They both come up with doing a really depressing emo version of the scene they’re supposed to do. You can tell that she likes it that he thought the same thing.
During lunch, Toby tells JT that he’s confused on when one should buy condoms. JT tells him that there’s no time like the present. But what he really should have told him was that there is no chance in hell that Toby is ever, ever going to get laid. But this being Degrassi, it recycles another plot from Degrassi Junior High and it’s the time when Joey and Wheels went to go buy condoms.
Back inside the school Ashley runs into Jimmy at his locker and she spots a picture of her from the last season and tells him to burn it. Man she’s so dark! She invites him home for dinner that night and you can tell that he really doesn’t want to go. Hey, I’ve been there before. It sucks.
We cut back to Toby and JT and they’ve picked out a box of Magnum condoms. Yeah right. Both of their dicks combined wouldn’t fill out that thing. Toby obviously being a Star Wars fan picks out some glow in the dark condoms and they have themselves a little mock lightsaber fight with some canes. As they’re going to check out to buy the condoms JT makes an ass of himself by asking the clerk for her phone number. The stocker behind him is so disgusted, he can’t help making a face.
Finally, it’s the big dinner scene and Ashley starts going on about how kids should be educated on sex and should be given condoms. This starts out a big debate on the dinner table and she totally puts Jimmy on the spot on what he thinks. I fucking hate it when people pull that shit. Instead of telling her that he wants to keep out of this messed up family discussion, he tells her that he sides with Toby’s dad that it gives out a bad message to kids. She get’s all pissed off at him for reluctantly giving his answer. I swear, you can’t win with people like her.
Back at Degrassi, Toby being a big puss gives JT the condoms to hold in his locker, saying that they’re his problem since he made him buy them. Spinner, Emma and Manny just happen to come along and Spinner sounds completely retarded trying to say lines from the play, so JT just can’t resist pointing out how stupid he sounds. At that he shoves JT into the locker and the condoms come tumbling out. Right away everyone figures out that they’re Toby’s. Spinner get’s so enraged that he vows to rip his balls off.
In the hallway, Ashley get’s Craig to take a pic of her with this gigantic Polaroid camera. Jimmy comes along and tapes it right next to her old picture, disappointing her even more. She get’s all pissed off about it and finally Jimmy admits to her that he likes the old, non scary, not so uptight Ashley.
Now Ashley is having an identity crisis. She wants to stay Goth, but at the same time she wants to please Jimmy. What’s a girl to do? Yup, she tries to please Jimmy and goes to school dressed normal, but of course now she’s all uncomfortable. Especially with a couple of skank’s making fun of her. Ellie comes along and can’t hide her disdain. But it’s not like Ashley was being original or herself either. She was just copying Ellie’s style. Jimmy comes along and he’s happier than a pig in shit that she’s no longer dressed like Winona Ryder was in Beetlejuice. My opinion is that she looks better non goth.
In the MI class Toby and JT are terrified of Spinner. Spinner seems to have either made a website or a really elaborate email. It describes and has an animated gif about how he’s going to decapitate Toby and shit down his neck. But I doubt Spinner could come up with such complicated graphics since he is a big dummy. Toby runs when he see’s that Spinner is directly behind him. Just as he thinks he’s getting away he runs into Kendra and she man handles him and slams him against the lockers. She yells at him and asks, “How old am I?” Toby says 12 and she says, “That’s right! This relationship is never getting past talking about Cowboy Bebop!!”
Outside Ashley is hanging out with Paige and her crew. They’re talking about some idiotic commercial and Terri tells her that they’ll get her back in the loop of things. I guess the loop of things is talking about stupid bullshit. Paige tells her that the goth look was actually working for her and asks why she reverted back to her boring self. Ashley just mumbles something and walks away. I gotta say, she does look out of place hanging out with them.
Out in the Degrassi haunted forest, Craig is waiting for Ashley so they can rehearse their scene. He acts all shocked that she actually looks decent, maybe a bit butch, but still feminine. Anyways, Craig tells Ashley exactly what she wants to hear from Jimmy, which is if someone really loves you, they’ll accept everything about you. Even the fucked up annoying parts. And that ladies and gentlemen is how you weasel yourself into a sad girls pants.
In the next scene Spinner grabs Toby and tells him that his ass is grass. But instead of just beating the shit out of him, he lets Toby tell him the reason why he bought the rubbers to begin with which is that he really likes his sister and if he porked her, he wanted to take care of her. Seems like Spinner was so touched it made his asshole clench and instantly forgives Toby. Kind of the whole Martha thing in Batman V Superman. But then Toby does a dickhead move and tells him that it was JT’s idea to buy the condoms, so now JT is in deep shit.
Finally it’s time for everyone’s scenes and Jimmy and Hazel are dressed like a football player and cheerleader. They have everyone laughing for some reason. Up next is Craig and Ashley and yeah, their scene is real messed up. Craig seems to be channeling his dad and it seems like he’s going to fuck Ashley up. Shit, he even resembles his dad. Everyone is in complete shock. Marco starts crying, telling them to stop because Ashley’s already dead.
In the hallway Spinner brings Toby into a room and see’s that JT has been tied up and is wearing a bunch of prophylactics. To humiliate JT even more, Spinner turns off the lights and now the condoms start to glow. Yeah, pretty unfunny and doesn’t even warrant a screen shot.
At Drake’s locker, Ashley comes up to him dressed all in black again (Hey, that’s the name of the episode!) and hands him a note. Basically she breaks up with him because he was trying to change her. The funny thing is, in the next season she’s going to change her look and no one is going to give two fucks about it. He should have told her that she’s just going through a phase. Might I point out that she’s the one broken up about it, meanwhile Jimmy is waiting for her to turn the corner so he can break dance, since he’s so happy that he’s finally gotten rid of his downer of a girlfriend.
So yeah, even though JT and Toby were kind of ruining this episode. I still enjoyed it. I guess I like bullshit drama and baby, whenever Ashley is involved, there’s always bullshit drama.