Welcome to season 3 of Degrassi the Next Generation all you Degrassi fiends. From what I remember, this season is where the show really start to pick up. But hopefully we won’t be getting anymore kiddie bullshit from Toby. What am I bitching about? This is a children’s show. I suddenly feel so ashamed of myself for watching this.
Pre-credit opener: We see Emma outside reading a book and all of a sudden we hear Spike yell out, “It’s time!” She and Snake get into a panic and this really annoying jungle type music with little kids singing comes on. Turns out that Spike is pregnant with Snake’s baby. Who would have thought that Spike would have let Snake bang her since she’s a major man hater. Oh yeah, she got pregnant last year. I forgot because it was never mentioned again until now. Anyways we hear Snake calling Liz (Who was in Degrassi Junior high and High). Leave it to Spike to be having a fucking home birth because she just has to be one of those people. Emma get’s hella annoyed because Spike was just testing them and then has the nerve to bitch them out when they complain.
We finally get new opening credits with this season and even the song is a bit different. Seems like they just added a base line. I gotta say it’s a huge improvement over the first two seasons. Plus we see that Snake, Spike, Joey and Caitlin are now a part of the cast.
In the basement it seems like Emma was moved down from her room so that the baby can have it’s own. Emma’s cool with it since she now can train her army of rats that she befriended down there. It’s the first day of school and Craig is still running around like an asshole taking people’s pictures. Oh lord. Spinner is sporting the Hobbit hairstyle that white boy’s liked to sport back during the mid 2000’s. Lucky for him he managed to bag Paige as his girlfriend. Ellie meanwhile is disgusted that they just called each other honeybee and it seems like she’s still play beard to Marco. Can Ellie be even more of a fucking hipster? Craig takes her picture while she films him with this old ass Fisher Price 8mm camera.
Outside Emma is bitching to Sean about her life no longer revolving around Spike since the new baby is about to come along. Sean meanwhile has now completed his transformation into that asshole Eminem.
Inside everyone is bummed out to know that their home room teacher again is going to be Snake. They all agree that being with the uptight Mrs Kwan is the worst of the two. She just has to be a bitch and points out to Spinner that she’s going to have him in grade 9 English again. Spinner is all humiliated and Paige assures him that no one’s laughing at his dumb ass. But that’s when Jimmy comes along and acts like a dick by saying, “I was.”
In Ms Hatzilakos room JT is also sporting the Hobbit hair style while Toby still looks like fucking Milhouse. We get a new character and his name is Chris Sharp. He’ll get more lines as the season progresses. Ms H says, “Emma Simpson” during roll call and Emma get’s all offended and starts to rant how that’s not her last name and then some how makes it about feminism. Miss Hot body tells her to calm her rat tits and that it was simply a mistake.
We come upon this really run down hallway and Paige is horrified to find out that she’s been assigned to the Dead Zone, which is basically Degrassi’s third world. But no school would have a hall way looking that shitty. Anyways, she complains as usual that she wants the locker next to the restroom which just happens to belong to Hazel. Spinner tries to get her locker for Paige but Hazel’s all, “Fuck that yo. I’m not giving the bitch shit.”
In the school library Emma is checking out a year book from the 80’s and what do you know. It’s from Degrassi Junior High. Or so I thought, we really see that it’s a mixture from both series. Which makes no sense. But that’s Degrassi for you. We see all the cast members and Craig is amazed to see Joey with hair. He’s all, “So he wasn’t always a loser Q ball? Ashley goes on to say that she should do her hair like Spike had hers. But Craig doesn’t want her to change her new emo hairstyle. See, I told you the goth thing was just a phase to her. Emma is staring at her dad’s photo who just happens to be Shane. But that is not Shane from Degrassi Junior High. That’s fucking J Roc from the Trailer Park Boys. Emma claims to have met him once and that he’s a doctor. We then get this foggy looking flashback where it seems like he and Spike are arguing. As always. But fans of the series will know that there is no chance in hell that Shane is a Dr of any kind. For those of you who don’t know. You’ll soon find out.
Back at home Snake is busy painting and Emma asks Snake if he got the people at school to change her last name. Snake reasons that the new secretary knows that she’s his daughter and now Emma is reverting back to form and just has to be a shit head by saying that she’s not Snake’s daughter. She throws a hint that she wants Shane involved in her life and Spike loses her shit and tells her that no way is she ever going to meet her dad.
The next scene is a baby shower for Spike and we see some other old faces. Liz and the twins, Heather and Erica. And yeah, they look awful! Turns out that Liz is going to be midwife to the Anti Christ that Spike is having. We then meet a new character and her name is Sidney, who just happens to be Joey’s girlfriend. How Joey manged to get someone who has it together is beyond me. Caitlin makes an ass of herself in front of her by making it sound like she and Joey were going to get together since they’re always on and off. Based on first impressions, Sidney is pretty cunty.
Later on, Emma just like Darth Vader is obsessed with finding Shane and she goes on to Canada People Finder and does a search. She finds a match who just happens to be a dr in the Toronto area. Back at school Spinner comes up with a brilliant idea and it’s to trade people for their lockers. Marco meanwhile is putting powder on his nose while Spinner tells him his latest scheme. How no one knows he’s gay is a mystery to me. I mean look at his shirt!
Emma meanwhile wants Sean to come with her to downtown Toronto so that she can meet her dad. But Sean doesn’t give a shit and he’d rather go back to class. Emma again acting like the whole fucking world revolves around her obnoxiously says, “Don’t you think finding my birth dad is more important?” Sean annoyed says, “Hell naw! We’ll go this weekend”
We then get this montage of Spinner trading lockers with a bunch of people. Amazing how they all just agree to it. JT agree’s because he’s a dip shit and is still intimidated by Spinner. Chris mumbles yes after being promised a boot leg track from some nobody rapper. Seriously, I was all, what the fuck did he just say? Hazel gives hers up after he pathetically begs her.
In the front of the school Emma manages to persuade Craig to go see her dad. She just mentions his dead dad and off they go into the mean streets of Toronto. They come to some house and they’re surprised to see this black man opening the door. Obviously this isn’t her dad since Emma is whiter than a motherfucker. Back at her house they use their computer and they check Snake’s Alumni folder and we see all the old Degrassi names, Including fucking Arthur. Funny how the pic they used was of the original Shane. Emma finds him and it seems like he lives really far away due to her reaction.
Back at school Spinner shows Paige her new locker and he tells her, “Happy Anniversary!” She hates it because Paige is a horrible person. But now that I think about it. It is a shitty gift because you can tell that no thought went into it. Jimmy comes along and uses a remote on some sort of futuristic looking lock. I guess this is to show what a rich asshole Jimmy is. Paige tells Spinner that she covets his locker and Jimmy acting like an asshole this entire episode tells them both to go fuck themselves and that it’s never going to happen.
We get another montage and it’s of Emma and Craig traveling along the Canadian country side while this lame song plays in the background. Finally they get to wherever they got to and they go into a hospital. Emma asks a nurse that they’re there to see Shane and the nurse looks at them both like she’s really confused and tells them to wait. Craig finds the room number and tells her to go up to it. Emma finally finds the room and she’s very surprised to find out that Shane isn’t a doctor at all, but is completely retarded and is actually a patient there. But of course us old Degrassi fans already knew that. The episode ends with Emma’s shocked face.
I gotta say, I did not like this episode. The jumping around and Spinner’s quest to find Paige’s perfect locker completely sucked. Not even having the old cast members was enough to save it. But you can look forward to more this season like dysfunctional families, sex, abortion, thievery, cutting, cancer, homophobia and even more homosexuality that is so damn in your face that it’s obvious that they’re cramming their message down your throat.