So this episode is kind of an important one because it’s Marco’s big coming out party and really the first openly gay main character in Degrassi. Viewers of the current show are probably saying, big fucking deal. Because every other character by now is gay or bi. Or they’re easily converted from being straight. But here, this shit was groundbreaking.
Pre-credit opener: Marco is telling Ellie not to worry about Paige. Ellie hates her guts due to Paige being a fucking bitch. It seems like they’re all going to the beach and everyone is dressed for it, except for Ellie. She looks like Wednesday Addams. If I was Paige I would be like Michael Scott from the Office when he was talking about Toby and say, “Why is she even here?” Here’s another first, Dylan, Paige’s gay older brother appears and it seems like he’s going to be driving them to the beach. Marco is elated to be sitting next to him for the drive over.
They finally get to the coldest looking beach in history and Spinner says that he doesn’t want to carry a basket because it’ll make him look like a homo. Dylan looks at him like he wants to kick his ass and Spinner quickly apologizes because he’s a moron who has no tact. But Dylan tells him that it’s ok. Probably because he knows what an idiot Spinner is.
The next scene we go to Spike’s and she’s being particularly bitchy towards everyone because the baby is asleep. Yeah that’s right, we can’t wake up his majesty and interrupt his beauty sleep. I noticed during this entire scene that they’re all whispering for the beast’s sake, but the kid is clearly wide awake. Emma starts to complain that she can’t sleep due to the baby’s constant crying at night and the drip from the hot water heater. Snake says that he’s on it and is trying to cut open a pack of Styrofoam and that’s when he cuts his thumb. Instead of saying fuck like any normal person. Snake says, “Fiddlesticks!” Because he’s that much of a fucking square. The insult to injury is that it seems like he has a cold and Spike kicks his ass out of the house because the baby is just getting over one. I told you, Spike is heartless. But if Snake was a man he would have told Spike to go to hell and that he’s not going anywhere. But we all know Spike already owns his balls.
Back at the world’s coldest beach, Marco is telling Ellie that maybe it was a huge mistake to invite her along. He should have known better that someone like Ellie doesn’t do well in social situations like those. Especially being outside. Ellie points out that she’s simply doing all that for him since he’s still in the closet. Shit, she pretty much tells him that she’s done being his beard and that she’s not his girlfriend. Marco says fine and goes to play with the boys.
We then get a montage of a volley ball game and if Marco had his way he would have all the guys greased up like they were in Top Gun. But no, the cool Degrassi kids are just having fun in the shade. Yeah, that’s right, there’s no fucking sun because it’s cloudy as hell at the beach. After all that Dylan tells the dudes that he has extra tickets for his hockey game and they all say they’d love to go. Marco decides to flirt with him by having Dylan teach him how to hit the ball because Marco is that much of a girl.
We cut to Joey’s and Craig and Ashley’s heavy petting session is interrupted by Snake who’s shown up with a bunch of luggage. He says that he’s there until he get’s over his cold. Craig says what I would have said which is, “Oh so you can come here and infect us.” Snake all awkward says, “Didn’t plan on spending Saturday night with old Mr Simpson huh.” Craig mutters, “What a DeBummer.”
Back at the beach Dylan is asking about Marco because his gaydar is going crazy and he’s surprised by Paige when she tells him that he’s going out with Ellie. Just then some dudes pass by and Dylan and the girls can’t help checking out their asses and cat calling them. Spinner can’t handle his disgust and he makes Marco very uncomfortable. Especially since Spinner suggests that they should be deported to some island.
At Joey’s, Snake and Craig are playing some Winter X games on the X-Box and Ashley couldn’t be more bored. I guess Craig cares more about video games then going no where sexually with Ashley. Snake being a big dork beats Craig at snowboarding and he starts to celebrate. Maybe a bit too much because he get’s dizzy all of a sudden and it seems like he’s going to pass out. But shit, it’s even worse because he also has a nose bleed.
Seems like the cool kids are now having a BBQ and Spinner can’t BBQ for shit because he just burnt all the fucking hot dogs. Everyone starts to pair off and Marco tries it with Ellie but she’s had it enough and tells everyone that they’re not even together anymore. Marco just runs away, looking like he wants to cry. Dylan feeling the gayness inside Marco go’s after him and sits next to him, asking if he’s ok. Marco looks at him with another crying face and they just share a quiet moment together. Yeah, Dylan knows what’s up and it’s Marco’s dick.
At Degrassi, Spinner is asking Paige why didn’t Marco tell him that he had broke up with Ellie, especially since they’re bro’s. Paige just reasons that it’s none of his goddamn business. Paige then tries to break it to him that Dylan thinks that maybe Marco plays for the other team. But Spinner refuses to believe that such a manly man like Marco can be gay.
Marco comes out of the boys laboratory sporting a Toronto Maple Leaf’s jersey and all of the dudes wonder why, since Marco has never been remotely interested in hockey before. Now that Paige has planted the gay seed in Spinner’s head, he decides to ask him a sports question which Marco of course get’s completely wrong because he confused the NHL with the NFL.
In the school library Marco spots Dylan and he can’t help having puppy dog eyes for him. Dylan asks him if he’s a fan of the Bud’s, at least I think that’s what he said. Marco of course has no fucking clue what he’s talking about because he has zero interest in sports. Marco tries to play it off, but he’s interrupted. This right here is the introduction to Jay. I couldn’t stand his character at first, but later on in the series, like season 23, his character changed a lot. but here, he’s a prick and says, “You better not drop the soap in front of Homochuck.” Dylan drops his book and get’s into Jay’s face, punking him out. Jay just leaves to save face because he knew he was going to get his ass kicked by a gay dude.
All of a sudden Craig comes to Emma and they get to talking about Snake and his cold. Emma tells him that it’s not a big deal and Spike has been acting extra cunty lately because of the baby. But Craig is obviously concerned since Snake almost passed out and was bleeding out of his snoz.
Outside Spinner is listening to some Limp Bizkit and the evidence against Marco is piling up. Especially since he saw Marco hugging and kissing some girls on the cheek while pretty much having some girl talk with them. In Mrs H’s class Spinner is grilling Marco and wants to know if Ellie didn’t want to fuck him or not. But Marco says that they didn’t work out because they were more like brother and sister. Spinner then tells him that they should find him another girlfriend and he suggests Hazel. Marco says sure because he’s not ready to come out. But you can tell he’s mortified at the thought of having another female touching him.
We cut to Snake and now he’s concerned because he’s still bleeding from the gash that he gave himself. Yeah, that right there isn’t a good sign. He’s barely listening to Manny and he agree’s to donate something for a silent auction for the school cheerleading squad. Probably his old Thundercat’s collection. Emma comes by and tells Snake that she’s concerned about what Craig told her and what if Snake doesn’t have a cold and it’s something more sinister. Snake tries to blow it off by saying that he’s over worked and obviously isn’t taking care of himself. But you can tell that he’s scared out of his fucking mind. So much so that he later calls his Dr to make an appointment.
At the Dot Marco is having a great time with Spinner, Paige and Hazel, but then Ellie drops in and it get’s really fucking awkward. Especially since she see’s him still trying to act straight by using Hazel. She can’t help being disgusted by him and she just keeps rolling her eyes. I gotta say, it’s annoying as hell. Again, for the third time in this episode it seems like Marco wants to cry. He get’s so flustered that he ends the date early and Spinner is very upset by his behavior.
In the next scene Snake is at his doctors and he’s ready to shit himself. Especially since he got some blood work done. But goddamn, that was fast because the Dr already has his results. For me it takes about one to two weeks and in some cases the motherfuckers don’t even call you with the results. I guess health care is the best in Canada. Anyways, his Dr tells him that it seems like he has Leukemia. I gotta give it to Stefan Brogin, this is some good acting here because it seems like he genuinely wants to cry during this scene. Shit, I know I would have if I heard horrible news like that. The Dr gives him some good news which is that they caught it early.
Shit, so if you got all emotional over that, then Degrassi is really going for it in this next scene. Spinner comes after Marco yelling at him, wanting to know why he would bail on Hazel for. Marco tells him, finally crying his eyes out the same lie that he needs to go home for dinner. Spinner says that Hazel and her big chocolate milk filled tits are way more yummier than his mom’s paaaah-sta sauce and demands to know what his problem is. (Seriously though, he says Pasta funny.) Marco tells him to leave him alone and that’s when Spinner shoves him against the wall and is adamant to know what’s going on. The episode ends with Marco telling him that he’s gay and loves the man meat. Spinner just walks away, disgusted.
So damn, in this episode Degrassi sure went there. Remember the commercials when Degrassi used to say that and that it was always 100% intense? Well this episode for once was. Will Spinner resort to harassing Marco? Will Snake get any sympathy from his bitchy wife? We’ll find out the answers to those questions next time.