Degrassi The Next Generation Reviewed

Ah yes, the companion blog to Degrassi Junior High Reviewed. Each episode will be reviewed in order by a guy who loves the next generation's melodrama. New reviews at least once a week. Hopefully. But if I feel like it I might make two to three reviews a week. So it'll depend.


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Season 3, Episode, 18 “Rock and Roll High School”

Welcome back to another episode review of Degrassi. Call me crazy, but I’ve always enjoyed this episode for some inexplicable reason. I mean, it has shitty singing from both Craig and Ashley, but got damn it, this is still a good one.

Pre-Credit Opener: Marco, Spinner and Jimmy happen to find Craig just staring at an ad on the school wall. Turns out it’s for a battle of the bands and the prize is to win studio time to record a single that no one will ever hear. The dudes much like Joey Jeremiah have delusions of grandeur. Ashley comes along and tells the guys to get out of the way because they’re signing up too. Craig tries to make nice but Ashley is obviously still angry about Craig porking and getting Manny pregnant. She predicts that the girls are going to kick their ass off the stage.

In Joey’s garage Craig is struggling to write some lyrics and it’s clear that he’s talentless. The rest of the guys walk in and Marco is seriously wimping out telling everyone that the girls are really good at playing emo rock. Well they do have the power to ward off sexual predators. Craig tells the guys that there is no fucking way that he’s going to allow Ashley to beat them. They start to jam and Craig starts to go off on everyone because they suck. Jimmy tells him to chill out before he breaks a foot up in his ass.

At Degrassi, Paige is telling the girls that Terri is doing much better, she might even open her eyes soon. Shit that is not doing better. She’s basically an invalid. Ashley for some reason hasn’t even gone to see her. That’s pretty low considering they were once best friends. Mrs Kwan walks in and Ashley starts to read lyrics from a song she just wrote and what a surprise it’s a downer. Craig starts to giggle and this mightily pisses Ashley off. Outside of class Ashley explains to the girls that it’s about a girl who died in the Spanish Civil War. Out of all the wars that have happened why that one and what 15, 16 year old girl talks about shit like that? Ellie tells her that it sucked and that it’s supposed to be about something about her. Ashley makes the song about Craig, again, what a surprise.

We cut to the B plot and it involves Joey and Caitlin.  Joey’s busy getting his grocery’s out of the truck of his used car that he drives around from his lot and that’s when Caitlin arrives in a cab. Angela is so excited to see her that she drops and breaks the eggs. Joey is super pissed because this means that he has to go to the dollar store again to get more. She starts to cry rather badly because she’s a horrible actress and Caitlin tries to cheer her up by doing a cartwheel. Joey tries to show that he’s fun and does a hand stand. Then he promptly busts his ass and hurts his back bad.

At the Degrassi mall kiosk Ashley and Craig run into each other and he tries to apologize for what happened. But this is Craig we’re talking about and he only apologizes for making fun of her song and not fucking Manny’s brains out. She get’s even more offended and leaves huffing and puffing away. Craig reasons that Manny seduced him, so he’s blameless.

The next scene is at Joey’s house where he’s dying from his back pain. I’ve had that before and it’s the worst pain ever. So for once I sympathize with him. Angela playing with Caitlin jumps on Joey and hurts his back even more. He can’t stand no more so he’s sending Angela away to his mom’s until he feels better. But Caitlin says that she’ll stay and take care of the both of them. Joey pretty much says that she’s not up to taking care of Angela because she’s a pain in the ass. But still she insists on helping. So she yells out to Angela and with crazy eyes says that she’s taking care of them both.

I guess we’re at the auditions for the battle of the bands and the guys are just doing an instrumental because they have no lyrics to their song yet. Craig all nervous says that he’ll take care of it. Coach Armstrong announces the next group and they’re called Hell Hath No Fury. The girls then come on and Ashley proceeds to destroy Craig and his character.

I’m already bored with the Joey, Caitlin subplot. Angela is being a little shit again and tells Caitlin that she doesn’t want to eat the slop that she made for breakfast. So Caitlin being stupid makes her some pancakes instead of telling her to eat her bowl of crap.

In Snake’s class, Craig walks in all pissed off and he tells Ashley that her lyrics weren’t cool. I don’t know why he’s so upset for, their song wasn’t even that great. Ashley and Ellie starts to say that he’s so vain because he thinks that the song is about him. Craig points out the obvious that Ashley is a bitter angry person and if she wasn’t such a prude, he never would have banged Manny. Which is the truth. Ashley all sarcastic says, ” But I thought you loved her.” It seems like Craig is about to tell her to go fuck herself but Snake tells them to shut up.

In the next scene Craig is telling the guys that he’s out of the competition, but Spinner says that if Ashley wants a war then she has it. We then get a horrible, lame rap that it’s obvious that Drake wrote it. Basically it’s about how much Ashley sucks as a person. Marco of course doesn’t like it and he takes him outside for some advice. Marco’s solution? For Craig to scream all his stress out. Yeah, that’ll do it.

Back to Joey’s house, Angela is now acting like a spoiled little shithead and tells Joey that her day out shopping was just ok even though she got a lot of new toys courtesy of Caitlin. She then announces that she’s going outside to play, but Caitlin tells her to wash up since it’s almost dinner time. Angela ignores her and starts to go out anyways. that’s when Caitlin finally get’s pissed off and tells her to get her ass upstairs and to wash her filthy hands. Angela says, “I hate you.” and goes upstairs stomping her damn feet. Joey of course being a big push over does nothing to punish his rotten little daughter.

Finally it’s time for the Battle of the Bands and the girls are wearing Craig on their shirts and it seems like his face is melting like on Raiders of the Lost Ark. Craig has had it with her petty shit and he starts to whine about how she won’t stop making his life a living hell. She starts to go off on him and says that he broke her heart when he fucked Manny into motherhood and says that she wanted to die because she’s emo as hell. Craig says that he’s sorry and says how many times he has to say it. Ashley all full of sass says, “Until you mean it.”

Ashley and the girls are then seen performing their ode to Craig and the crowd is just loving it. Outside it seems that Craig has flown the coop because he’s nowhere to be seen. Spinner says that they’ll be ok and they’ll use his lyrics instead.

The MC for the event comes out and he looks like Anton LaVey from the Church of Satan. (Google him) Oh we finally find out what their band name is and it’s The Downtown Sasquatch. I gotta say, I like it. Spinner makes an ass of himself and before he can embarrass himself further Craig comes out with a sheet of paper. It’s obvious he finally wrote the lyrics for their song. It’s pretty much about how he just realized how much he hurt Ashley and he feels like a complete pile of shit because of it. It’s hilarious to me that he just barely figured out that he broke Ashley’s heart. I gotta say, even though Craig sucks, it’s a very catchy tune.

We close out the B plot and Joey tells Caitlin that kids like Angela need limits and be told what to do. Caitlin sort of feels better for yelling at his annoying kid.

And so after just two bands the battle of the bands is over and the dudes are triumphant! Ashley comes by and tells Craig that his lyrics were just right. So shit, it seems like finally Ashley is over her heart break. And if you ask me, it’s about time.

So yeah, like I said, this was a good, entertaining episode. Even though I hate myself for sort of liking Craig’s song. True, the whole subplot with Angela and Caitlin was irritating as hell, but it was small enough that it didn’t effect the rest of the episode.


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Season 2, Episode 8, “Shout Part 2”

So yeah, I deliberately put this one off because I just hate this two parter so much. It’s probably because I dislike both Paige and Dean. Even though Paige is the victim in this episode.

Pre-credit opener: I’m surprised we didn’t get a recap of the last episode. Right away I can tell that Paige is dreaming just by going by the strange way the scene in the Degrassi girls restroom is being lit. As if to remind us how old as fuck Dean really is, he pops out of a stall and we can see that he has a tattoo on his forearm. With a smug look on his face, he says, “Hey Spirit.” Paige immediately starts to freak out and tells him that he raped her. Dream Dean starts to tell her that she wanted it and forces himself on her again. Mercifully Paige is woken up from her dream by her alarm clock.

Paige, Dean

At Degrassi Terri sporting some corn rolls tells Paige all about a female empowerment band competition, or something like that. Terri is way into getting into the competition, but Paige points out to her that their band PMS broke up. That didn’t last long at all. Probably because Ashley was ostracized by that shithead Paige. Paige being Paige now wants to do it because they can win a trip to LA and play in front of some record executives.

In Snake’s class Terri mentions to Paige that they need Ashley to sing but Paige still being filled with hatred tells her fuck no. Oh lord, she turns Hazel around and tells Terri that she’s their new lead singer. But she instantly regrets that decision because Hazel can’t sing worth a shit. She’s so God awful. Even Ashley looks like she wants to laugh her ass off in the back ground.

Paige, Hazel,

In Mrs Kwan’s English class Terri is giving a nervous speech about her ode to foode. Ashley then comes up and just like Claude from Degrassi High depresses everyone, because her’s is about the fucked up subject of rape. Where would she even think about doing that. It’s like, “Oh I have an afternoon free, let me write about rape.” As I typed that I saw my own reflection on the monitor and realized that I’m an asshole writing about rape on his free time too. Oh the irony. Moving on, Paige of course is taking it to heart because unlike Ashley, she is a victim of it.

Ashley, Paige, Hazel

Back to the MI lab and Sean is giving a report about the inventor of motorcycles. Isn’t this a computer class? Why are they giving speeches about people they admire? It’s like the teachers at that school just do whatever. And speaking of whatever, Liberty comes up and her subject is JT. She dresses up like him and completely humiliates him by having all sorts of embarrassing pictures of him. Including pictures of him looking extremely gay and looking even more gayer being outside shirtless with some floaties. Turns out that Milhouse is the one who gave her his photo album. But what kid at that age keeps photos of himself?

JT, Liberty

At the lockers JT comes up to all of his friends laughing their asses off at him and he tells them that it wasn’t that funny. But they beg to differ. Liberty points out that her imitation of him was a tribute. So going by that he starts to act like her and points out how she acts like a nerdy two shoes and how she really doesn’t have any friends and no one likes her. She leaves all pissed off sort of like she wants to cry and now everyone is pissed off at him. I hate it when people can dish it out, but they can’t take it. Stand your ground JT, she deserved it.

In the Degrassi music room Hazel is still singing like complete shit and Paige can’t take it any more. Terri comes in wearing the same outfit from the previous season and says that she did it to get into the mood. Paige tells her that it’s so last year and she’s way out of touch with trends. Terri tells her, “Bitch, why do you have to be so mean?” But of course being a heinous bitch she says, “I’m not mean, I’m right.” If I were Terri I would have said, “I quit.” Seriously who needs that abuse. Anyways, Paige tells her that they’re going to go by a new wardrobe and Terri, surprisingly  stands up for herself and tells her no. Then says, “Paige doesn’t understand that word, never has.” HAHA! That sure got her. Paige get’s super pissed and tells her to cut her shit out. They start to rehearse and yeah, they fucking suck donkey balls, mostly because of Hazel.

Terri, Hazel, Paige

Paige leaves the room all disgusted at the both of them and she decides to pay Ashley a visit at her house. Outside we can hear Ashley singing stupid emo songs that she wrote herself on her mom’s piano. Paige knocks on the door and Ashley all surly tells her, “What are you doing here?” As the scene is going on Ashley is pointing out to her that she has real nerve asking her for her help after what she did to her. Paige starts to kiss major ass and tells her how great her dark poem was and that it spoke to her. Ashley being right tells her that it’ll just end up like last year with Paige ruining everything. After much groveling Ashley agrees to join PMS again because she’s a glutton for punishment.

Ashley

At the Degrassi recording studios Ashley is back practicing on her keyboard and she gives all the girls new lyrics. She goes on to tell them that it’s about rape. Yeah out of all subjects fucking Ashley decides to go with this one. All happy about it, she tells the girls the stats on how many teenage girls get raped by the time they get to college. Predictably Paige goes ape shit and tells her to change the lyrics to the song and a whole big argument begins between the two of them. Paige then demands that they do the other lyrics instead. Again, I don’t know why Ashley doesn’t tell her to go fuck herself and quit the band.

We go back to the B plot and JT starts to make fun of Liberty and her lameness again. He points out the same thing I said that she can dish it out, but can’t take it. At that she starts to go off on him and calls him, “JT Dork.”  and some other shit about him not knowing her. He says that he does and that she’s a big bore of a person and she does nothing fun. She grabs a marker out of his hand and does a Satanic looking symbol on some lockers and tells him, “Fun enough for you!” Stupid JT then starts to try and rub it off, but since it’s a permanent, it’s not going anywhere.

JT

In the MI lab Ashley confronts Paige about the lyrics and they have another argument again. Ashley tells her that she’s acting just like she was last year and demands to know what her problem is with her fucked up lyrics. Paige shouts to her that singing a song about rape isn’t going to win them the contest. You know, I have to agree with her on that. She goes on to say that Ashley doesn’t know jack shit about it and her reading about it doesn’t mean that she does. Ashley tells her that she’s allowed to imagine and Paige shouts, “No you’re not!” And then stops because the whole class including Snake are just staring at the two of them. All calmly she tells Ashley to bring the old lyrics.

Media Immersion Class

Back with JT and Liberty, JT asks her how could she do that and she wrote “graffiti” on his locker. She starts to act like an asshole and that’s when Mr Raditch interrupts them and he’s seriously pissed off. He tells him what he was thinking and that people saw him do it. JT denies it but dumbass has all the red ink all over his hands because he tried to rub it off. Liberty is all smiles because Raditch took him to his office for a caning and a call home to his mom. In Mrs Kwan’s class Milhouse asks her if she’s seen JT and she tells him what happened. Milhouse get’s all depressed and tells Liberty that if JT got in trouble again his mom was going to send his ass to Oats Military Academy.

PMS is rehearsing again but that’s when Hazel walks in and tells them with a sign that she can’t sing. Paige makes a sarcastic remark at that and Hazel flips her off and says that she can’t sing due to Polyps. Ashley get’s all excited over Hazel’s misfortunes, which pretty much makes her look like an awful person. She starts to sing her rape song again and fuck! Paige for about the 6th time in this episode get’s all pissed off and tells her that they’re not going to use those lyrics.

They go outside and they start to go at it. Paige finally starts to cry and Ashley can finally see that Paige was actually raped. So the flood gates are now opened and Paige tells her what happened. Ashley asks her if she’s been to a dr and Paige tells her that he used a condom. She doesn’t even want to see a counselor about it. Later on all this inaction about Dean is going to bite Paige in the ass. But that’s a few seasons from now.

Ashley, Paige

Back to JT, it seems like Mr Raditch has given him a jar of piss and a tooth brush to clean the mess that Liberty made. And speak of the devil. She comes along and admits to him that she was the one who defaced school property.

Mr Raditch, Liberty, JT

Finally it’s time for the big battle of the Female bands and it seems like it’s at a shopping mall. Way to be cheap Degrassi producers. They come out and Paige is stricken stiff with terror because she spots Dean out in the crowd looking more smug than ever. But she actually starts to get pissed off and she starts to sing Ashley’s lyrics about being raped. Dean leaves all scared thanks to the power of Rock and Roll and those lyrics.

Paige Dean

We come to JT and Liberty and it seems like she’s on garbage detail and she tells JT all about Mr Raditch telling her parents what she did. And yeah, who cares. This is another B plot that always ground this episode to a halt.

In the hallway it’s clear by what they’re saying that they lost the battle of the bands. Ellie comes along and tells them that they were robbed. She goes on to tell Paige that she was awesome. As they all leave Paige is going to walk into her guidance counselor’s office and she’s ready to talk. But she’s talking to the wrong person. Going by experience, my guidance counselor was completely useless.

Paige, Ellie, Ashley Paige, End Credits

So there you have it peeps. The rape two parter. It was ok. No you know what? I hate this two part episode. Why lie about it. It pisses me off that nothing really happened to Dean. You would have thought that an alpha bitch like Paige would do everything in her power to completely destroy that piece of shit. But no, it’s left all opened ended. But what do we expect from Degrassi. God forbid we ever get any closure to story lines.