Degrassi The Next Generation Reviewed

Ah yes, the companion blog to Degrassi Junior High Reviewed. Each episode will be reviewed in order by a guy who loves the next generation's melodrama.


4 Comments

Season 4, Episode 14, “Secret Part 1”

Hey there Degrassi maniacs, yes it’s been awhile since I last posted an episode review. I originally intended on starting up again once I got settled into moving into my fiance’s house back in June. But as usual, things don’t go as planned. First she was diagnosed with cervical cancer, we were devastated to hear this news. But luckily they caught it early and she beat it. Then while she was recovering, about a week after her surgery I got this horrible pain in my gut and I was diagnosed with Diverticulitis. They said it was a mild case of it. I can’t imagine how a full blown attack feels like because that hurt like a motherfucker. Anyways, needless to say, it was a pretty shitty Summer for the both of us but it’s now November and we’re both recovering nicely. I may be rusty at doing this again, so bare with me.

Pre Credit Opener: Ah, I just noticed that this is the big episode where Emma sucks Jay’s nasty dick. So we’re in for a real treat with this one. We open with Johnny Mathis going over his lines for Liberty’s stupid Dracula play. Jay notices Emma just standing there and he starts to massage her shoulders, saying how tense she is. Jay noticing that Emma doesn’t mind one bit that he’s touching her decides to risk it and feels her tight little ass next. Or is he fingering her asshole? I can’t tell. She get’s yelled at by JT because she missed her cue and all she does is look back at Jay with a confused look on her face. Probably because she liked it I’m guessing.

After class the teacher who was played by the same guy who worked for LD’s dad from Degrassi Junior High is telling Emma that her participation grade is going really low and he knows that she went through a lot with the shooting, but she needs to get her head out of her ass already. Emma just stands there with a blank look on her face and just leaves. She stops in her tracks and gawks at Jay and Alex making out. Jay sees her and says the classic line of, “Why don’t you take a picture it’ll last longer.” But he’s looking at her with lust in his eyes.

Outside the school Ashley is really worried about Craig for some reason. Ellie tells her that it’s so not her job to be worrying about him all the time. Which just goes to show how dead Ellie is inside after Sean dumped her. Craig comes by and is eating his lunch like a slob. Craig stops swallowing his food into his mouth and asks Ashley what they were talking about. Ashley tells him not to worry and she hasn’t told anyone that he’s a bi polar asshole. She then makes the mistake of asking him if he’s thought about going to a support group with other fucked up individuals as himself. Craig of course doesn’t want to talk about it and get’s annoyed with her. Which isn’t hard, Ashley can be irritating. She then makes a deal with him that he should at least go for one night and if he hates it, he doesn’t have to go back again. Yeah, that’s going to work out well.

In the next scene they’re still rehearsing Liberty’s stupid play and it’s obvious that Darcy sucks ass at acting. Emma corrects her one too many times and she gets annoyed at her. JT is going insane because she just happens to be the leading lady. He then pretty much fires her and she goes off in a huff. Emma starts to recite more lines back stage and Manny tells her to just go for it, but she’s in depressed mode right now so her confidence is at an all time low. Meanwhile Amy is going on about her cheap bracelets missing, why even mention this? Because it’s integral to the plot that’s why!

We cut to the teen support group and Craig is already boring people with his problems. He quickly clams up because surprise, surprise Ellie walks in and he knows he’s fucked because she now knows how fucked up he is. But really? Everyone knows how messed up he is so no one would really be surprised.

The next day Jay pulls up to Emma showing off his car because he’s seen the Fast and the Furious one too many times. Emma accepts and get’s in the car and they talk about Sean and how much they miss him. She does at least. They pull up to her house and he asks her if she wants to go to the park where all the bad Degrassi kids hang out. Emma walks in and hears Spike talking about how worried she is about her acting like a basket case and Spike should know because she acted the same way in Degrassi High. Down in her room Manny calls her but she ignores her. She then decides to go hang out with that scumbag Jay at the park.

She get’s there and it’s like a scene from the Outsiders where all the greasers were hanging out with a bon fire going on. She asks him if he thinks that she’s weird and he tells her that she’s no more weirder than the rest of them. Suddenly these two people come out of this junked out van and it’s obvious they did the nasty in it. Emma asks him what’s in the van and Jay now being horny asks her if she wants to see. Because Emma is predictable she goes in there with him. Jay just goes for it and kisses her. He explains to her that the van is used for people to suck dick in there. She panics and starts to leave, but Jay being a walking hard on gives her one of the cheap bracelets that Amy was going on about and says that every player get’s a prize.

The next day of class JT and Liberty are irritating as hell talking about the stupid play. JT is in deep shit because he lost his leading lady. Emma stands up and starts to say more lines from the play. Liberty being a shit head tells her that they need someone reliable and that she’s been off lately. Emma convinces JT pretty quickly because he’s desperate.

In the hallway Ashley tells Craig all about her two dad’s big gay honeymoon, but all he’s concerned with is that they think he’s insane. But he did act like a fucking maniac in front of everyone. Craig acting like a little bitch tells her that she sent him to Ellie’s group on purpose and then Ashley has the nerve to be offended when he tells her that she didn’t think about his feelings. Which is kind of true.

We go back to rehearsals and Emma fucks things up by laughing when she’s supposed to kiss Dracula. Back stage Amy and Alex are making fun of Emma because they somehow know that she’s afraid of some penis. That or they’re just bitches who assume that she’s a goodie two shoes. Emma all full of herself shows her bracelet to Amy and tells her that it’s hers, even though she never sucked Jays hairy root. Amy and her very thin eye brows is very confused for some reason. Alex for once has no idea what the both of them are talking about. Which is surprising.

After school Emma tells Jay how Amy shut up when she showed her her cheap ass bracelet. Jay tells her that maybe she should shut up about it because she didn’t earn anything and Amy did. Emma asks him if Amy earned it from him. He tells her that there’s plenty of skanks in that ravine and she should feel lucky because he picked her. Emma being stupid feels really complimented by that.

At Joeys Ellie comes by and asks Craig if he knows how to restring a guitar. He quickly see’s right through the ploy and she admits that Ashley made her go. She then goes on to say that she’s a cutter and he says that he knows. Shit, the whole school knows since she’s emo as fuck. She tries to talk to him by saying that she’ll always be a cutter and that he should just accept it. She then desecrates Kirk Cobain’s name by mentioning it next to Craig’s and says that if he would have accepted it, things would have been different. She then tells him that he should go back to the group, but he should also talk to Ashley too. He tells Ellie that all she wants to talk to him about is his craziness and that she’s bringing him down with that bullshit.

Back at the park Emma comes up to Jay and says she wants a tour of the jizz filled van. Seriously, that’s fucking disgusting, but it seems Emma doesn’t mind one bit. They go into the van and yeah. Emma is going to go to town on Jay’s wang saying, “Hello boner.”

In the next scene Craig is telling Ashley that he did like Ellie group and that he’ll most likely go back again. Ashley apologizes for the shit that she pulled but is glad that he’s going back. He tells her that he wants to be her boyfriend and not some crazy bastard that she has to save all the time. Pretty much he tells her to cut her shit out already.

Uh oh. Emma is sneaking into her room in the basement and she’s caught by a very pissed off Spike. Emma lies and tells them that she went out for a walk. She finally breaks down and tells Spike that ever since the shooting, she can’t sleep and is deathly afraid of the world. They ¬†feel sorry for her and tell her that they’ll be time to talk in the morning. The episode ends with her having a smug look on her face and is proud to have another bracelet on her wrist.

So this was an interesting episode. I can’t wait until the stupid play is over with, because really who cares about that shit and I’m a fan of Dracula, but not when JT and Liberty get their hands on it. Craig’s story line is also played out, how much more can they squeeze out of his mental illness? This being Degrassi, the answer is plenty since they like to cover any topic that can affect every Human being on the planet. The highlight of course is Emma gurgling Jay’s meat on a van down by the river! Stay tuned for part two. I promise it won’t take six months for the next review.

Advertisements


2 Comments

Season 4, Episode 12, “Voices Carry, Part 2”

We continue Craig’s decent into madness with the conclusion of a not so great two part episode. Yeah that’s right, I said it. It fucking sucks!

Pre-Credit Opener: So it seems like Craig’s crazy ass has finally calmed down and he’s just sitting in his wreaked motel room spinning around his dead mom’s wedding ring on a table when the phone rings. Of course it’s Ashley and she says that she was trying to call him all night but he wasn’t picking up. Yeah, that’s because he had completely blacked out and was doing an all night rampage in his room. They have some small talk and that’s when stupid Ashley says that she doesn’t want to marry him now. She does want to marry him in the future though. Craig being depressed one second is now elated that she said that and his mood is now one of pure joy. What an asshole.

At the Dot Craig once again is looking hyper as hell when Marco walks in and Craig starts to say that he acted like an idiot. Marco knows all this already and wants to know what’s the matter with him. Craig tells him about Ashley and going to her gay dad’s wedding. I love how he called Marco because he wants help with shopping for a new expensive suit. Marco should be pissed off that he called him for that exact reason, but I think he loves shopping so much, he doesn’t give a shit.

Seems like Craig is going shopping using Joey’s gold credit card, I have no idea how Joey can even afford to have a credit card since he never ever has any money. Or perhaps, that’s why he’s in such deep shit all the time. During this whole montage Craig is picking out clothes that would make him look like a fucking clown. So good thing that Marco is there to shoot down all his horrible choices. After all that it’s obvious that he ran up a huge bill, but it looks like he just got the same suit that he wore in the previous episode.

Oh god!! I forgot about Liberty and Jt’s stupid ass subplot about the Degrassi school musical. They tell everyone about the Raditch song and they love it, but Manny and the rest of the drama club don’t want to sing it because they know that they’ll get into deep shit.

At the hotel elevator Craig is boring some poor east Indian guy to death with Ashley and her dad’s wedding. You can tell the guy just wants the doors to open so that he can get away from this yapping crazy fuck he’s stuck with. Mercifully the doors open and Craig get’s out, but that’s when he see’s the hotel security and staff looking at his destroyed room. Craig quickly get’s back in to hide from them.

Poor Jimmy is sort of enjoying his horrible hospital food when Craig bursts through the damn door and demands to use his bathroom so that he can change into his suit. He starts to change and Jimmy looks away because he doesn’t want to look at his wang. Craig meanwhile is telling him all about Ashley and him getting married. Jimmy tells him that he has time for that, and that’s when he says that Ashley said yes. Which is not the truth by far. Jimmy points out that he’s sixteen and maybe he should wait until he graduates and get’s a job. All Craig does is completely ignore him and asks him for help with his cuff link. Jimmy now seeing how deranged he’s acting asks him if he’s drunk or high as fuck. Craig just shouts, “I LOVE HER!” Jimmy should have told him, “I don’t have time for this Mickey Mouse bullshit, get out of my room.”

Finally it’s time for gay wedding and everyone there is as happy as can be. Craig meanwhile is there and he’s twitching away like a motherfucker. Ashley meanwhile doesn’t seem to notice it and mouths I love you to him.

Back at Joey’s house, Joey has finally noticed that his credit card is missing and he asks Caitlin if she can pay for the Chinese food. Something tells me that he asks her for help paying for shit alot. Spike and Snake are there helping and she pays for the food because she fees bad for him. Joey mentions that he thinks that Craig probably stole it. Snake makes a face and asks him how he’s been doing lately. Snake tells him that he’s a bit concerned about him because he’s acting a bit unstable. Joey not wanting to believe that Craig has something wrong with him just blows him off. But uh oh, the hotel has now called his house and they tell him about how Craig fucked up the hotel room and he’s now stuck with a huge bill. I guess he believes him now.

At the wedding Ashley’s mom is giving a toast to the two newlyweds. She mentions that their family might be unusual, but that they’re awesome or something. At that she asks Ashley to stand up and she does so slightly embarrassed. As she sits down Craig’s crazy ass stands up and she tries to get him to sit down, but he says he has something to say. And yeah, he tells everyone that he and Ashley are getting married and she’s beyond mortified. Her mom is pissed and everyone else just feels awkward as hell.

In the next scene Ashley is asking him what he was thinking by doing that shit. Craig starts to ramble on about how she told him that she would want to get married to him eventually and he didn’t see anything wrong with him telling everyone, so he’s blameless. Ashley then tells him that she’s changed her mind and she wants him to leave. Craig of course acts like a lunatic and get’s on his knees, declaring his love for her. Having enough, she tells him to go home. Craig says he will, but first he needs to cause a scene. He goes up to Ashley’s mom and two dad’s and tells them that he needs to talk to them. All he does is start to ramble again and that’s when Ashley’s dad’s husband starts to drag his ass out and they get into a tussle. Craig falls onto a table and he goes through it like Chris Farley used to.

Way to grind the episode to a fucking halt Degrassi writers. It’s time for Liberty and JT’s song and of course they piss Mr Raditch off. That’s exactly what they do and he gives them both detention. This is so stupid and not necessary I’m not even going into detail with it because there was more.

Craig meanwhile has really gone into the deep end and is crying like crazy saying that he needs Ashley. Seriously, he looks so demented he’s making me laugh. Since he’s totally wacked out of his mind he decides to pick a fight with the phone booth and he loses that one as well.

He finally makes his way to Joey’s house where Caitlin tells him that Joey’s not there because he’s out looking for him. She see’s that his hand is bleeding and she’s going to go and get something for it. Angela tells him that Joey’s super pissed, Craig not caring tells her that she needs to give Ashley his dead mom’s wedding ring and he goes up to his room.

Back at the wedding Joey comes by looking for Craig and pretty much starts accusing Craig and Ashley of stealing his credit card and booking a hotel room with it. Ashley get’s embarrassed because her mom hears all this and she’s just sickened because she knows that Craig’s nasty ass just banged her daughter. Joey then asks her why they had to trash it for and it’s going to cost him $4,000 dollars in damages. Ashley surprised says that she didn’t and quickly figures out that Craig did he because he had a huge meltdown the previous night when she turned down his marriage proposal. Ashley’s mom now pissed off tells Joey that Craig has a lot of problems and that’s when Ashley defends him because she’s stupid. Joey meanwhile is in despair wondering what’s going on with Craig.

At Joey’s Craig comes down the stairs and tells Caitlin that she should give Joey an envelope. Caitlin mentions that they know that he stole the credit card. He get’s all pissed off and says that it’s about $3,000 dollars and the credit card is there too. She asks him where he’s going and he says back to the wedding. But shit, Joey’s home and he’s fuming. Craig tries to leave and Joey tells him that he’s not going anywhere because something isn’t right with him. Craig once again acts like a maniac and Joey has to push him back so he can sit down. Craig hulks out in anger and pushes Joey around like a rag doll and then proceeds to kick the shit out of Joey’s ass. Goddamn Joey, even a teenage kid can beat your ass. This is like the third or fourth fight he’s lost since the original series. Ashley walks in and puts a stop to Craig’s rage. Immediately he calms down, shit that’s just like the Black Widow and the Hulk right here. Ashley tells him that he needs help and that’s when he seems to notice that Joey’s been beaten to a pulp. Joey you truly are a bald loser! Pathetic I swear!

At detention JT and Liberty are there and they have a kiss that’s so nauseating. Where did that come from? JT only hated her since the show debuted. He must have zero standards. That or I guess he figured that all he has is Toby, Johnny Mathis, and his hand. So I guess Liberty wins. But apparently they’re a couple now.

At the hospital Craig is telling Ashley that he still can’t sleep and that he’s crazy. Ashley says that he’s not crazy, he’s bi polar. So that explains all the erratic behavior. Craig tells Ashley that maybe she should go, and goes on to say that he’ll be dealing with the condition for the rest of his life. The episode ends with Ashley saying that she’s not leaving and that they’re still a couple.

So ok, this episode was a bit better than the previous one. I still find it hilarious that Joey got his ass kicked by his teenage stepson. So Craig’s bi polar, he’s still an chode though. As for Liberty and JT, who cares. Who would have thought that there’d be a worse couple than Craig and Ashley. You really out did yourself in this one Degrassi.