Degrassi The Next Generation Reviewed

Ah yes, the companion blog to Degrassi Junior High Reviewed. Each episode will be reviewed in order by a guy who loves the next generation's melodrama. New reviews at least once a week. Hopefully. But if I feel like it I might make two to three reviews a week. So it'll depend.


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Season 3, Episode, 18 “Rock and Roll High School”

Welcome back to another episode review of Degrassi. Call me crazy, but I’ve always enjoyed this episode for some inexplicable reason. I mean, it has shitty singing from both Craig and Ashley, but got damn it, this is still a good one.

Pre-Credit Opener: Marco, Spinner and Jimmy happen to find Craig just staring at an ad on the school wall. Turns out it’s for a battle of the bands and the prize is to win studio time to record a single that no one will ever hear. The dudes much like Joey Jeremiah have delusions of grandeur. Ashley comes along and tells the guys to get out of the way because they’re signing up too. Craig tries to make nice but Ashley is obviously still angry about Craig porking and getting Manny pregnant. She predicts that the girls are going to kick their ass off the stage.

In Joey’s garage Craig is struggling to write some lyrics and it’s clear that he’s talentless. The rest of the guys walk in and Marco is seriously wimping out telling everyone that the girls are really good at playing emo rock. Well they do have the power to ward off sexual predators. Craig tells the guys that there is no fucking way that he’s going to allow Ashley to beat them. They start to jam and Craig starts to go off on everyone because they suck. Jimmy tells him to chill out before he breaks a foot up in his ass.

At Degrassi, Paige is telling the girls that Terri is doing much better, she might even open her eyes soon. Shit that is not doing better. She’s basically an invalid. Ashley for some reason hasn’t even gone to see her. That’s pretty low considering they were once best friends. Mrs Kwan walks in and Ashley starts to read lyrics from a song she just wrote and what a surprise it’s a downer. Craig starts to giggle and this mightily pisses Ashley off. Outside of class Ashley explains to the girls that it’s about a girl who died in the Spanish Civil War. Out of all the wars that have happened why that one and what 15, 16 year old girl talks about shit like that? Ellie tells her that it sucked and that it’s supposed to be about something about her. Ashley makes the song about Craig, again, what a surprise.

We cut to the B plot and it involves Joey and Caitlin.  Joey’s busy getting his grocery’s out of the truck of his used car that he drives around from his lot and that’s when Caitlin arrives in a cab. Angela is so excited to see her that she drops and breaks the eggs. Joey is super pissed because this means that he has to go to the dollar store again to get more. She starts to cry rather badly because she’s a horrible actress and Caitlin tries to cheer her up by doing a cartwheel. Joey tries to show that he’s fun and does a hand stand. Then he promptly busts his ass and hurts his back bad.

At the Degrassi mall kiosk Ashley and Craig run into each other and he tries to apologize for what happened. But this is Craig we’re talking about and he only apologizes for making fun of her song and not fucking Manny’s brains out. She get’s even more offended and leaves huffing and puffing away. Craig reasons that Manny seduced him, so he’s blameless.

The next scene is at Joey’s house where he’s dying from his back pain. I’ve had that before and it’s the worst pain ever. So for once I sympathize with him. Angela playing with Caitlin jumps on Joey and hurts his back even more. He can’t stand no more so he’s sending Angela away to his mom’s until he feels better. But Caitlin says that she’ll stay and take care of the both of them. Joey pretty much says that she’s not up to taking care of Angela because she’s a pain in the ass. But still she insists on helping. So she yells out to Angela and with crazy eyes says that she’s taking care of them both.

I guess we’re at the auditions for the battle of the bands and the guys are just doing an instrumental because they have no lyrics to their song yet. Craig all nervous says that he’ll take care of it. Coach Armstrong announces the next group and they’re called Hell Hath No Fury. The girls then come on and Ashley proceeds to destroy Craig and his character.

I’m already bored with the Joey, Caitlin subplot. Angela is being a little shit again and tells Caitlin that she doesn’t want to eat the slop that she made for breakfast. So Caitlin being stupid makes her some pancakes instead of telling her to eat her bowl of crap.

In Snake’s class, Craig walks in all pissed off and he tells Ashley that her lyrics weren’t cool. I don’t know why he’s so upset for, their song wasn’t even that great. Ashley and Ellie starts to say that he’s so vain because he thinks that the song is about him. Craig points out the obvious that Ashley is a bitter angry person and if she wasn’t such a prude, he never would have banged Manny. Which is the truth. Ashley all sarcastic says, ” But I thought you loved her.” It seems like Craig is about to tell her to go fuck herself but Snake tells them to shut up.

In the next scene Craig is telling the guys that he’s out of the competition, but Spinner says that if Ashley wants a war then she has it. We then get a horrible, lame rap that it’s obvious that Drake wrote it. Basically it’s about how much Ashley sucks as a person. Marco of course doesn’t like it and he takes him outside for some advice. Marco’s solution? For Craig to scream all his stress out. Yeah, that’ll do it.

Back to Joey’s house, Angela is now acting like a spoiled little shithead and tells Joey that her day out shopping was just ok even though she got a lot of new toys courtesy of Caitlin. She then announces that she’s going outside to play, but Caitlin tells her to wash up since it’s almost dinner time. Angela ignores her and starts to go out anyways. that’s when Caitlin finally get’s pissed off and tells her to get her ass upstairs and to wash her filthy hands. Angela says, “I hate you.” and goes upstairs stomping her damn feet. Joey of course being a big push over does nothing to punish his rotten little daughter.

Finally it’s time for the Battle of the Bands and the girls are wearing Craig on their shirts and it seems like his face is melting like on Raiders of the Lost Ark. Craig has had it with her petty shit and he starts to whine about how she won’t stop making his life a living hell. She starts to go off on him and says that he broke her heart when he fucked Manny into motherhood and says that she wanted to die because she’s emo as hell. Craig says that he’s sorry and says how many times he has to say it. Ashley all full of sass says, “Until you mean it.”

Ashley and the girls are then seen performing their ode to Craig and the crowd is just loving it. Outside it seems that Craig has flown the coop because he’s nowhere to be seen. Spinner says that they’ll be ok and they’ll use his lyrics instead.

The MC for the event comes out and he looks like Anton LaVey from the Church of Satan. (Google him) Oh we finally find out what their band name is and it’s The Downtown Sasquatch. I gotta say, I like it. Spinner makes an ass of himself and before he can embarrass himself further Craig comes out with a sheet of paper. It’s obvious he finally wrote the lyrics for their song. It’s pretty much about how he just realized how much he hurt Ashley and he feels like a complete pile of shit because of it. It’s hilarious to me that he just barely figured out that he broke Ashley’s heart. I gotta say, even though Craig sucks, it’s a very catchy tune.

We close out the B plot and Joey tells Caitlin that kids like Angela need limits and be told what to do. Caitlin sort of feels better for yelling at his annoying kid.

And so after just two bands the battle of the bands is over and the dudes are triumphant! Ashley comes by and tells Craig that his lyrics were just right. So shit, it seems like finally Ashley is over her heart break. And if you ask me, it’s about time.

So yeah, like I said, this was a good, entertaining episode. Even though I hate myself for sort of liking Craig’s song. True, the whole subplot with Angela and Caitlin was irritating as hell, but it was small enough that it didn’t effect the rest of the episode.


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Season 3, Episode 12, “Holiday Part 2”

Hello all you Degrassi maniacs, in this review we continue the most depressing Christmas episode in the history of ever.

Pre-credit opener: We come upon Spinner and Craig Christmas shopping at the mall. Spinner is impressed that he bought all sorts of cheap crap. He should have just went to a dollar store if he’s going to be such a miser. Craig mentions how he bought Ashley a one of a kind Ramone’s t shirt from 1979. But then when you see it later on you can tell that it’s modern and that he found it at Hot Topic, we’ll return to that for more ridicule later. Craig then finds a stupid ice skating bracelet and he decides that it’s just perfect for his side hoe Manny. Caitlin meanwhile finds Spike with her Devil child having a picture with Santa. Caitlin is so self absorbed that she doesn’t mind one bit ruining the baby’s Christmas photo. Her love life comes first damn it and Spike has to know right away what happened between her and Joey!

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Later on we see Caitlin writing Joey a letter saying that it seems like they have another chance at love and they shouldn’t waste it. All full of Christmas cheer, she goes over to Joey’s house and drops it off in his mail slot. Instantly she regrets what she does and tries to break in, because Caitlin doesn’t respect anyone’s privacy or private property. But this being the new goofy Caitlin, she get’s stuck at the window instead. Probably by her tits like that one time Claude left her hanging on the fence and she got arrested. Anyways Joey and Sidney find her hanging there and you can tell that Sidney is very annoyed because she’s a bitch.

At Craig’s ice cave/garage, Ashley is complaining that she’s freezing her ass off so Craig offers to go get her some hot cocoa. Once he fucks off, Ashley finds his bag of Christmas goodies and she finds the very girly and modern looking Ramone’s t shirt. I mean look at that shit. Vintage my ass. To make a plot point, she also finds Manny’s bracelet, something that will come to bite Craig right in the keister later on in the episode. But we’re getting a little ahead of ourselves.

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Back to Caitlin and Sidney, Sidney’s had just about enough of Caitlin and her cuteness. She decides to be alpha bitch and let’s her know that Caitlin isn’t going to ruin Sidney’s dictatorship at the Jeremiah residence because they need her and not some stupid klutz from the past. Craig meanwhile comes in and finds the letter. Caitlin all upset grabs the letter from Craig and leaves Joey’s house full of tears. Craig is just, whatever.

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At Degrassi, Snake’s MI class has decided to give him a present. Snake is immediately touched that he has an Elvis wig to wear for the Winter recital that’s going on later in the day. Jimmy points out that they would have given him a better one, but a good wig isn’t cheap. I can’t help but think that Jimmy is a cheap bastard, because we all know that he has money.

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In the next scene we see Joey coming to Caitlin’s office at the TV station to have a chat about their little smooch. She tries to play it off like it was nothing and you can tell that he got his feelings hurt. The Rico Suave guy comes by and gives her a little Christmas present which is an early flight to Montreal the next night. Joey meanwhile is getting jealous and Caitlin says nothing to the fact that the dude is gay. After that, they have a little awkward “we’re cool” moment happening.

Back at Degrassi, Craig decides to give Manny her stupid present early because her family is going away to the motherland for the holiday. She’s so touched by the gesture she probably gave him head in the empty classroom.

Backstage Ashley is telling Manny that she doesn’t know why she’s feeling so nervous for because she’s bored everyone to tears in other shitty performances, but she figures that this time it’s because she’s singing with Craig. Manny starts to do her make up and says that maybe Ashley needs to distance herself from Craig because of her emotions. Ashley not knowing what the fuck she’s talking about asks her what she means by that. But that’s when she notices the ice skate bracelet on Manny’s wrist. She asks her where she got it from and Manny says, “Just a guy I’ve been fucking a while.” Ashley not being dense quickly figures out that Craig has been cheating on her with Degrassi’s biggest slut since Stephanie Kaye. Manny’s smug look is quickly erased when she finds out that Craig never broke up with Ashley. Oh snap! Take that! Karma! All of that shit!!

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Finally, it’s time for Degrassi’s big holiday gala spectacle. The night opens on a bummer though because Toby is up there talking about Hanukkah. I’m telling you, he ruins everything. Off stage Craig tells Ashley not to worry about her stupid emo Christmas song. Oh, if he only knew that she’s a mushroom cloud in the beginning stages. Mercifully Toby’s finished and JT comes out as the host dressed like Willy Wonka and introduces Craig and Ashley with their song, I’ll spend Christmas With You. Craig starts to sing and notices that Ashley is just sitting there like a wooden Indian. He just starts to ask her what’s wrong and that’s when she slaps the shit out of him and storms off. JT jokes, “Maybe they won’t be spending Christmas together. HAHA!” That was a good one, I’ll admit.

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In the hallway Craig asks her what her problem is and right away she lets him know that she found out that he was cheating on her with that skank Manny. Craig looking like he wants to cry tries to play dumb. Ashley now crying asks him how he could do such a thing. Craig meanwhile can’t say a fucking word, because what can he say. She dumps his ass and takes back her grand father’s ugly guitar. But it’s not over yet, Manny comes over fuming and just looks at him with so much sass. Craig accuses her of telling her, but Manny says that Ashley figured it out because he’s stupid. Manny then follows suit and dumps Craig’s Screech looking ass too. The insult to injury being that she drops the bracelet on the floor. Much like Joey a decade earlier, he has two girls that hate his guts. Craig is going to be spending a while getting reacquainted to his regular masturbation schedule again.

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Joey comes along and wants to know what’s going on because he’s nosy. Craig pretty much tells him what he did. Joey must have had a monster flash back to when he fucked up his relationship with Caitlin. He then tells Craig the whole story, you can read all about it here, https://degrassijuniorhighreviewed.wordpress.com/tag/degrassi-schools-out/ because that shit is ancient Degrassi history. After that history lesson, Craig tells Joey to get real because he and Caitlin have never gotten over each other. He then says that he can see how it is between the both of them. Even that harpy Sidney. Joey asks him what he’s talking about and it’s assumed that Craig snitches on Sidney, but we don’t see it because the scene just cuts away to the people coming out of the school gym.

As soon as they come out Joey asks Snake if he can watch over Angela while he talks to Sidney. Right away she knows that something is wrong because she says, “Joe, you’re making me nervous over here.” And that’s another thing that’s annoying, the fact that she calls him Joe. Anyways, he asks her if she said anything to Caitlin, driving her away. Sidney doesn’t even try to deny it and says yes. She says she did it because Caitlin was always just hanging around, fucking up everyone’s Chi. Sidney then asks Joey if he’s sure that Caitlin is just his ex. She then starts to say that she needs their relationship to work because she loves him, but ouch. Joey doesn’t say anything to that and she knows that he doesn’t feel the same. Broken hearted she leaves all full of tears. Yeah good riddance! In the screen shot you can see the exact moment that her heart got ripped to shreds.

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At the airport Joey calls Caitlin just as she’s waiting to take off to her boring spa weekend. She see’s Joey, Craig and Angela in the terminal and she rushes out because she knows that once again she’s won Joey’s corny heart. Out in some hanger Joey tells her to stay and says that Sidney has hit the bricks. Joey goes on to say that when he cheated on her with that Whoville looking chick Tessa, he thought that he lost her forever. So the episode ends on a happy ending with Joey and Caitlin kissing and becoming a couple again.

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Part 2 was a little better, we finally ended Sidney’s reign of terror on Joey and Angela. She was good looking though and could do way better than Joey. I wonder, did Caitlin really win in the end? Hmm. As for the Craig, Ashley, Manny love triangle? It was pretty much another retread from School’s Out. That’s why it’s so funny that Joey told him that he did the exact same thing. If I were to give this episode a letter grade, it would be a hard C.


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Season 3, Episode 11, “Holiday Part 1”

It’s Christmas time in Degrassi land and you know that these motherfuckers are going to have drama up the ass. They can never just have a joyous holiday or occasion occur. There’s always gotta be something going on.

Pre-credit opener: This is another episode where the DVD version is different from the version that was shown on The N. The N version said that it was a Degrassi Christmas Special and it had some generic Christmas like music playing in the background. This one has a Charlie Brown sounding Oh Tannenbaum version playing. Anyways, Joey is having a tree trimming party at his house and Spike, Snake, Caitlin, Emma and Ashley are all invited. Right away Sidney, Joey’s girlfriend shows what a control freak she is by telling Joey that the angel on top isn’t straight and that the actual tree itself would look better in another position. Joey being pussy whipped immediately does her bidding with Craig helping. Ashley calls Craig a man amongst men and he kisses her on the cheek. Just then Manny calls and she sounds all pathetic telling him that she misses him. Craig not wanting to be caught calls her Spinner and says that he’ll talk to her later, disappointing her greatly.

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Caitlin meanwhile is in despair because it’s obvious she’s into Joey again, even though she broke up their engagement about a decade earlier. She goes on to tell Joey that she’s going to Montreal to have a lame spa weekend because Caitlin has no one in her life. Not even her mom. The insult to injury being that Sidney and Joey start to kiss about 3 inches away from her face.

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I guess it’s the next day and we have some more horrible acting by Angela Jeremiah, aka Manny Jr. It seems like Sidney has made a dress for her skating pageant that’s coming up. Joey sounding like a complete bitch asks Sidney why she can’t go to the stupid pageant. Sidney, sounding like the man in the relationship says that she can’t because she has a work commitment. This greatly hurts Joey’s feelings because he can just shut down his lousy used car lot whenever he wants. It’s not like he has customers anyways.

You know, it’s funny, this is the first time that I’ve ever noticed that there’s snow. I mean it’s Canada but you’d never know it because the show portray’s a forever Spring and Fall world going on. But yes! We finally have Winter going on. Inside, Craig is taking pics of Angela being a Christmas star apparently. Yeah, it’s lame and boring, just like being there. Craig then spots Manny and runs off because he get’s instantly rock hard whenever he sees her. He finds her at the cafeteria and tells her to meet him at his garage because Craig needs to have an early Christmas present from Manny. Spinner see’s them kissing and makes his presence known.

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Spinner not giving a shit that Craig is cheating on Ashley wants to know what it’s like to be pounding two women at once. Well girls mostly, but you know what I mean. Craig being full of himself thinks that he’s a mack daddy and basically says that pimping ain’t easy. Craig asks him if he thinks that it’s wrong, Spinner says for him it would be, but for Craig, not at all. Especially since he has Paige and he knows that she would destroy him with the power of rock and roll and her band PMS. Spinner goes on to call Craig a stud and Craig obnoxiously says, “Yeah well, I get around.” All the while making a face that would make Screech proud.

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Back at Joey’s, Caitlin’s there for no reason and she asks him about Sidney. Caitlin then starts to go on about her lack of love/sex life. Joey burns his fucking hand in the fireplace when she says that she has no one to keep her warm at night. He probably can’t believe it because she’s still super good looking. But that’s when Sidney walks in just in time to see Caitlin holding Joey’s melting hand and she just can’t help getting jealous.

In the next scene we go to Joey’s freezing garage where Manny is patiently waiting for Craig. She tells him that he needs to warm her up and they start to make out. She interrupts the love fest by giving him a scarf that she made him for Christmas. She then drops the bomb on him that all she wants for Christmas is for Craig to dump Ashley’s annoying goth ass. Craig tells her that he can’t make that choice and she get’s her little whore’s heart broken and says, “I think you just did.” Manny should have known that she’s just the side bitch.

At the Degrassi, all the kids are getting ready for their big holiday around the world pageant they’re having. Ashley and Craig are rehearsing a really lame emo Christmas song that the talentless Ashley probably wrote. Manny passes by and her hatred is so high that her glare cause’s the string on Craig’s guitar to break.

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We then cut to Caitlin’s office at the local Degrassi TV station and we see that Sidney has decided to pay her a little visit by bringing her flowers. This Don Juan looking guy pops in to tell her that they’re waiting for her at a meeting. Sidney goes on to say that he’s pure beefcake, but Caitlin points out that he’s gay and proud. Besides, she hasn’t been with anyone since she broke things off with the Hollywood wannabe jerkoff from the very first episode. Sidney cuts to the chase and asks Caitlin if she would babysit Angela for Joey since they’re going to a date that night.

Oh my God! In class Jimmy is reading from A Christmas Carol and he’s doing a horrible English accent. It’s so bad, it’s hilarious. Craig asks the teacher if he can go pee due to boredom. But it’s really because he just saw Manny passing by in the hallway. As soon as she see’s him she starts to cry her harlot’s eyes out and makes an ugly badger face. Manny basically says that she’s much better for him because she loves him more than Ashley ever could. Well at least Manny puts out, Ashley doesn’t even give him head.

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Oh lord, once again we see Caitlin give someone horrible life advice. If only people knew that Caitlin is terrible with making life choices. Craig then makes the mistake of asking her what she would do in his situation. She goes on to say that love isn’t about luck, that it’s about being with the right person. So from that Craig decides that he’s in love with the Asian persuasion Manny. Back at the ice rink Craig comes in all out of breath and spots Manny skating around in very tight fucking jeans. He calls out to her and he tells her that he made a huge mistake and that she’s the only one that he wants. Manny being stupid get’s all happy and starts to dry hump him right then and there.

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After that we cut back to Joey complaining to Sidney that he had nothing in common with her white collar friends because he’s a big loser who’s way out of her league. Sidney’s talking about God knows what but Joey’s not paying attention. He spots Caitlin and Angela sleeping on the couch so he decides to take a picture of the moment. Sidney meanwhile is annoyed because she constantly demands his full attention and you can tell that she doesn’t like Caitlin. Especially since Caitlin let Angela wear her pageant dress and got it dirty. Damn woman, it’s not that big a deal! Just wash that shit and it’ll be as good as new. Caitlin leaves because she knows that she fucked up, but Joey follows her outside to say that it’s really not a big deal and that Sidney doesn’t hate her. But clearly she does. At that they start to kiss because why not.

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At Ashley’s, Toby the toad let’s Craig in and wishes him a happy Hanukkah. Craig is there to finally break things off with the boring prude. But before he can say anything, she gives him his Christmas gift which is an ugly old guitar that looks like it has a hubcap on it that belonged to her grandfather. Making things worse, she says that he’s had such a horrible year and that he deserves it. Craig blown away by the gesture now changes his mind and just tells Ashley that he loves her.

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Back at Degrassi, Craig is trying to sound like a blue’s man and is playing all sorts of riff’s on the guitar. Manny passes by and she’s super pissed that he’s still with Ashley. She pulls him aside and asks him what the fuck is going on since he’s supposed to be all in love with her. Craig tries to bullshit his way past this and tells her that he did break up with her, but he just didn’t tell her about him porking Manny on a regular basis. He goes on to say that he doesn’t want to break Ashley’s heart until after the pageant. The episode ends with it saying “to be continued” and Manny again being incredibly gullible and believing him.

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Now, I’m someone who enjoy’s Christmas episodes. I know, I know. But this one was a little meh. Sidney is an annoying character and I just knew that there would have been drama in this episode. So Degrassi didn’t disappoint there. Caitlin I’ve noticed is acting a bit out of character. I’ve never remembered her acting like a nervous klutz before. I do have to point out that they’re recycling the story line from the School’s Out movie from Degrassi High. I guess they figured that today’s kids have never seen it, so they just said fuck it. Here’s hoping that part two is better.


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Season 3, Episode 9, “Against All Odds”

Hey everyone. Happy New Year, hope everyone had a great holiday season. Welcome back to another pointless episode review of Degrassi. In this episode we get to know the new kid Chris some more.

Pre-credit opener: We see Emma walking into Ms Kwan’s room and runs into Sean and get’s instantly annoyed when she see’s a huge hickey on his neck. Ms Kwan then asks the class what they thought of Bill Shakespeare’s immortal classic, Julius Caesar. Sean makes this really lame speech about how Shakespeare doesn’t know anything about him or his life. That’s when Chris chimes in and goes on to talk about the themes and then basically calls him a wigger. At that diss, Emma is mightily impressed and you can tell that she now wants his Alabama black snake.

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Outside the school, Craig is telling Ashley not to be messing around on him with some studly French Canadian guys. Funny coming from him since he fucked Manny a few episodes ago. But Ashley reassures him that she’s just taking Ellie for a little vacation since she’s had a rough time. But Ellie is always sad! As soon as they leave Manny the skank comes along and aggressively tells him that she misses him. Craig being the typical douche bag tells her that there’s nothing to miss since he only boned her once. Not to be dismayed, Manny invites him to a rave that night.

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In the hallway Chris is talking like a fucking robot and is beepbopping to some bullshit rhyme he came up with on the spot. Once again Emma is impressed because she just happens to be the lamest white girl on the planet. In Mr Armstrong’s class, Spinner is in deep shit because he had a horrible mark on his homework assignment. Being desperate he asks Jimmy for some help, but is reluctant to go over because Jimmy invited Marco over to his house too. Just a reminder, Spinner is really grossed out by Marco’s homosexuality. But what do you expect from an asshole like Spinner?

Back in the hallway Chris starts to talk to Emma about God know’s what, because you can barely understand him. Manny let’s Emma know that Chris’s cousin is the DJ for the Kid’s Bop rave that’s going on that night and Emma yet again is impressed because he always let’s Chris spin a set. I gotta say, Emma is impressed by really stupid shit in this episode. Later on at her house, Manny and Emma are sluttifying themselves but Emma goes out to point out that she’s a “White Dork.” Which is true. But Manny finally at the peak of her whorish powers tells her that she looks hot and tells her that she has to do whatever it takes to bag him. I gotta say, Manny looks ridiculous with her thong sticking out as much as it is. She just looks like a little girl who’s trying too hard.

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We cut back to Jimmy’s condo where he lives by himself and it seems like Spinner has the shits due to too much spray cheese. He get’s annoyed because he see’s that he has to sit next to Marco and is afraid of catching gay. Jimmy turns on the tv and puts on a porno movie. Jimmy turns it right off because he points out that maybe Marco isn’t interested in watching porn, but Marco tells him to turn it back and because he was enjoying it and was staring at the guy giving the woman a good deep dicking. At that Spinner is even more disgusted and turns the tv right off again.

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Back at the lame rave, Manny is telling Emma not to talk about the fucking environment and her other stupid interests. Emma spots Chris and decides to go talk to him. I hope she brought a translator for the occasion. Back at Joey’s, Craig is becoming hornier and hornier by the minute. I mean, Manny pretty much is a sure thing so I don’t blame him. Eventually he can’t take no more and leaves Joey and Sidney’s boring night at home. But they’re elated because now that he’s out of the way, they can get their own boning done.

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We cut back to Jimmy’s and he puts the porn back on and Marco makes Spinner uncomfortable by patting him on the knee. Spinner decides to get some more spray cheese and while he’s eating that, Marco starts to go on about the porno dude. At that Spinner get’s so disgusted that he literally starts to choke on his food. Marco tells him that he knows the Heimlich maneuver and tries to help him out. But Spinner would rather die than let Marco nail him in his keister. Eventually Marco save’s Spinner’s life and Jimmy just responds with the fact that they just ruined his new carpet.

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Emma finally makes her way through the crowd and talks to Chris. His cousin let’s him spin a set and all Chris does is talk over the music. Emma being a dumbass steps on the power button for the whole thing and shuts all the music down. Humiliated she tells him sorry, but Chris tells her not to worry about her and puts his arm around her. Just then his girl friend LaShaquanishia comes along and tells him what the fuck he thinks he’s doing.

Emma finds Manny and tells her that she wants to go home because he has a girlfriend. That’s when Manny shows Emma the secret of getting with a guy by taking advantage of the fact that he’ll be very vulnerable and that he’ll be easy for the kill. But come on, this is Emma here and says that it’s not right. But surprisingly she listens to Manny. As she goes to get some water, Manny meets up with Craig and they start to dirty dance.

We go back to Jimmy’s and Spinner is begging Jimmy to let him stay in his room because he thinks that Marco is going to molest him or something. But Jimmy tells him fuck no and that he needs to deal with the fact that his good friend is gay and proud.

Back at the rave Emma apologizes to Chris for getting him in trouble with his girlfriend. They go somewhere to talk because she wants to make her move. Chris starts to go on about loving the beat of the music, but he’s more interested in feeling Emma up and proceed’s to touch her boobs on the pretense of  having the feeling of the beat in her heart. Now if Emma didn’t have pimple tits, I’d be impressed. Manny meanwhile is now completely horny and starts to make out with Craig. He starts to say that he has a girlfriend but Manny the harlot doesn’t care. She says, “I can keep a secret.” At that Craig get’s a raging boner and they start to go at it right then and there. Emma starts to kiss Chris too, but Emma being a prude feels really bad about it and runs away. Poor Chris probably has a serious case of blue balls.

emma-chris

At Jimmy’s meanwhile, Marco and Spinner have finally fallen asleep and Marco’s hand brushes Spinner’s chest. At that Spinner wakes up in a blind panic and accuses Marco of wanting the monster between his legs. Marco get’s instantly offended and tells him that he’s not even remotely interested in him because Spinner is a moron with horrible fashion sense. The insult to injury being that he tells Spinner that he’s not even cute and goes to sleep in the bathtub.

Emma comes home from the rave and finds Manny and Craig in her bed going at it like jack rabbits. Nah, they were just making out, but he was practically fingering her. Emma tells Craig to get the fuck out and acts all judgmental towards Manny.

craig-manny

At Degrassi, Marco and Spinner make some small talk and they finally have it out about Marco’s gayness. He pretty much tells him that he has nothing to worry about and that he’ll never ever be attracted to him. Spinner doesn’t give it a thought because he figures that Marco has horrible taste.

marco-spinner

The episode ends with Emma and Manny having an argument about Manny being a huge whore and Emma being a prude who’s afraid to take chances. Manny tired of Emma’s self righteousness tells her that she does’t want to be her friend anymore and goes on to call her a “Stuck up, prude princess.” Emma returns fire with, “Good, because I don’t want to be friends with the school slut who smells like a stripper.” Burn. So it seems like their friendship is no more. Oh well.

manny-emma-end-credits

I would say that I liked this episode. Mostly because Toby had nothing to do with it, so that’s always a good thing there. But it had it’s humorous moments with Spinner and his homophobia. Yeah, I know how that sounds, but it was funny how Marco cut him down. Now that Manny isn’t in Emma’s shadow, maybe she’ll become more interesting. Shit, what am I talking about? She already is and it’s just going to get better in future episodes.


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Season 3, Episode 7 “Should I Stay Or Should I go?”

So I had already written this on Degrassi Junior High Reviewed so this is just going to be slightly re-tweaked.

Pre-credit opener: Oh lord, we see Craig and Ashley making out on her bed. Craig trying his hardest to unbuckle her belt. But she hasn’t shaved that week, so she doesn’t want him to. No the real reason is, she simply doesn’t want to. Or isn’t ready for it. So Craig get’s the biggest blue balls since Joey Jeremiah in Schools Out. Right away I’m thinking, “Recycled story line!” Because this is basically from School’s Out and Joey wanting to bone Caitlin real hard but she’s being a prude. But this time Craig is the horndog and Ashley is the prude. Going on, she tells him, “I love you.” Craig of course acts all weird about it, because he just wants to get some. Ashley being Ashley get’s upset and shuts her legs shut like a well oiled bear trap.

ashley craig

Back at Degrassi, Craig is talking to Marco and they run into Spinner and Paige and they’re so disgusting with how affectionate they are. After Paige leaves, Craig tries to ask Spinner advice on what he does when Paige rebuke’s him sexually too. But Spinner is such an idiot, he just says, “Dude, I don’t know what to do.” Marco correctly says that all Spinner does is jerk off in his room because he ain’t getting none from Paige either. Spinner replies with, “Like you know anything about getting to home plate. You’re too busy checking out the bat boy.” The machismo is strong in Spinner.

spinner, paige marco craig

Spike is seen dropping Snake off and she’s telling him that he should just stay home since he’s feeling like complete shit. But he says that it’s too late because they can’t get a sub. She tries to be understanding about it. But Snake can’t help being a dick due to the chemo. Or is that his natural self? I can’t tell anymore.

snake

In the hallway. Marco asks Craig if he loves Ashley, but Craig can’t even explain himself to Marco. Manny, in another J Lo outfit comes by and says hi to Craig all seductive like. Even Marco of all people can sense that she want’s Craig’s dick. Marco then get’s the bright idea of Craig sending Ashley a Rose-a-gram, so that she can really see how he feels about her. Being a big kiss ass, he makes it a dozen.

manny craig marco

In class Spinner some how suckered Ashley into having a birthday party for Paige at her house. I don’t know why she agreed to it since it seems like Ashley doesn’t even like her. Snake comes into class and is being an asshole with everyone in his class, telling everyone to shut the hell up. Everyone starts to get their roses and Ashley receive’s her bouquet. She’s delighted at first, but then we see that Craig once again fucked up. He wrote down, “Ash, you rock. XO Craig.” Which is something you say to someone if you want to banish them into the friend zone. What an ass.

ashley disappointed

In the next scene we cut to zit faced, The Sixth Sense looking motherfucker Sully and Manny. She asks him if they’ll be going to the party and he acts like a dick towards her and he blows her off by saying that he won’t be going to Paige’s party. He’d rather hang out with some Bob character. This guy has no right to be that confidant. He leaves her all disappointed, but not before he slaps her ass.

sully ugly

Back at Ashley’s, she’s busying making Paige a cake. Man, she sure is going out of her way for her. Especially since Paige treats everyone like complete shit. Craig walks in and she tells him that they need to talk. Which is never a good thing. Basically she wants to take a break from him because she feels that he doesn’t feel the same way. But how could anyone like a sour puss like her?

Uh oh. We see Craig’s band consisting of Spinner, Marco and Jimmy. Their band still sucks. But they’re way better than the Zit Remedy ever was. After Jimmy berates Spinner for being off beat, Spinner throws his drumstick, which just happens to connect with Craig’s Jewfro as he’s walking into the garage. After telling them that they fucking suck, Jimmy suggests that they go have a burger so Craig can wallow in self pity with Marco. So they’re off to Big Kahuna Burger. Marco suggests that he just tell her how he feels. Craig rolls his eyes and says, “Ok, you really are a girl.” Man Marco is getting fruity jokes at his expense all episode long.

marco spinner jimmy craig jewfro

So what does Craig do? He leaves a note for Ashley and she meets him in the gym. And he goes on to sing the world’s cheesiest, emo love song ever. Ashley and Manny, who’s gawking at them gets weak at the knees. Manny saying, “I wanna have your babies!” But of course this lame gesture totally suckered Ashley in again. You can tell by that, “Oh God I love him!” smile on her face.

manny ashley

Back at Ashley’s, they’re busy decorating for Paige’s party. I would definitely make Spinner’s ass help out at least. Put him on garbage detail or something. Moving on, Ashley was so touched by Craig’s stupid song that she totally wants to bang him now, so she invites him to stay over. He probably got instantly rock hard when he heard that.

At Spike and Snake’s house. Spike tries to cheer Snake up by making him some nacho’s. But Snake wants to fucking throw up from the smell alone. He tells her, “Are you insane Christine? Nacho’s? You know I’m nauseous.” Just then Joey comes in, being more obnoxious than usual. He tells Snake that they’re going bowling, but Snake can’t help being a fucking prick. At that Spike can’t take it anymore and she goes off on his ass. She’s all, “Put the shirt on Archie. You’re not dead yet. Put the damn shirt on and go.” Nice to see that Spike hasn’t changed one bit in being a bossy bitch during this situation. It’s funny to see that Emma seems like she wants to laugh her ass off.

joey snake spike emma

We go to the bowling alley where they seem to be playing the Canadian version of bowling. Snake finally seems to be perking up. Until we hear a familiar voice. It’s the most Canadian of all voices. That’s right it’s Wheels and goddamn. He’s as bald as the both of them. Snake get’s instantly annoyed, and uncomfortable and just says, “Joey.” Joey gives Wheels his bowling shirt that says, Pin Pals on it and leaves the two of them alone.

wheels

Finally it’s Paige’s big surprise party and stupid Craig does the huge mistake of telling Spinner all about fucking Ashley the moment everyone leaves the party. She notices Spinner giving Craig a Top Gun wind mill high five, but thinks nothing of it. Manny meanwhile is just sitting there completely bored. I have no idea what she’s even doing there.

We cut back to the Zit’s bowling some more. Wheels tells Snake that he heard that he was sick, but that he doesn’t look it. Snake acts all sarcastic towards him. Because he just can’t resist being a jerk to him. Wheels goes on to ask Snake how he’s doing. Snake admits that he wishes that he was dead. Wheels tells him that he knows how that feels. Snake retorts with, “No you don’t, I’m sorry, but there’s no way you do.” Wheels bringing up the past tells him, “Snake, I was drunk, I drove. I killed a kid. I think I know what wanting to die feels like.” Which is pretty sad if you think about what really happened to Neal Hope. Snake asks him what he did to cope. Wheels tells him that he found something inside him that wanted to keep going. Snake close to tears admits that he’s really scared, so scared that he can’t even tell Spike about it. Wheels simply tells him that he has to keep fighting. Just then Joey comes along with their drinks and they do a toast to old friends. So finally after about what, 13, 14 years? Snake seems to have forgiven Wheels and stopped being such a judgmental asshole.

snake wheels the zits

Back at the party, Spinner completely fucks things up for Craig by blowing up a balloon to epic dick size. Ashley instantly looks at Craig, pissed off. Craig doesn’t help the situation by looking guilty as hell mouthing, “Spin.” She takes him outside to rip him a new asshole and she accuses him of conning her into sleeping with him with his stupid lie of a song. She then says the whammy that he doesn’t even love her. Craig of course get’s all pissed off and storms out of the house. Manny that Devilish little Succubus see’s her chance and follows him out. She goes for the kill by mentioning how great the song was and how she would have sucked him off right then and there if she was Ashley.

ashley pissed

At Spike’s house. She and Emma look out the window as the Zits are heard pulling up in Joey’s car, singing their number one hit with a bullet, Everybody Wants Something. Both seem to be delighted that Snake finally got that huge stick out of his ass.

wheels snake joey

Uh oh, We go to Joey’s garage and Manny asks Craig to sing his stupid song again. He starts off a bit, but her sexual powers are so great that there’s no way that Craig can resist. So of course they start to make out and Craig goes for it, unbuttoning her shirt. Possibly her very tight pants too.

craig manny

The next day at Degrassi, Manny is telling Emma all about how that was the best day of her life. Emma wants to know all the horny details, but Manny tells her that she can’t for some reason. Craig comes by and he’s basically treating Manny how Wheels treated Heather after he finger banged her outside of her porch in that one episode. She starts to tell Craig that she missed him over the weekend, (Which instantly makes her sound clingy as hell.) but they’re interrupted by a repentive Ashley. She tells him that she talked with Paige and she admits that she completely over reacted. Craig is now guilt ridden like a motherfucker, but she won’t let him talk. She goes on to say that she wants him back and that she loves him. Craig making direct eye contact with Manny says, “I love you too.” Breaking her skanky little heart.

manny heart broken craig end freeze frame

So this was a pretty good episode. Despite it being a recycled plot from the previous series. Too bad that it hardly had any Wheels in it though. But Manny has finally done the final thing to qualify her as Degrassi’s biggest whore in the history of Degrassi.  Later on, their sex capades will come back to bite the both of them on their asses. But that’s another story.