Degrassi The Next Generation Reviewed

Ah yes, the companion blog to Degrassi Junior High Reviewed. Each episode will be reviewed in order by a guy who loves the next generation's melodrama. New reviews at least once a week. Hopefully. But if I feel like it I might make two to three reviews a week. So it'll depend.


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Season 3, Episode, 18 “Rock and Roll High School”

Welcome back to another episode review of Degrassi. Call me crazy, but I’ve always enjoyed this episode for some inexplicable reason. I mean, it has shitty singing from both Craig and Ashley, but got damn it, this is still a good one.

Pre-Credit Opener: Marco, Spinner and Jimmy happen to find Craig just staring at an ad on the school wall. Turns out it’s for a battle of the bands and the prize is to win studio time to record a single that no one will ever hear. The dudes much like Joey Jeremiah have delusions of grandeur. Ashley comes along and tells the guys to get out of the way because they’re signing up too. Craig tries to make nice but Ashley is obviously still angry about Craig porking and getting Manny pregnant. She predicts that the girls are going to kick their ass off the stage.

In Joey’s garage Craig is struggling to write some lyrics and it’s clear that he’s talentless. The rest of the guys walk in and Marco is seriously wimping out telling everyone that the girls are really good at playing emo rock. Well they do have the power to ward off sexual predators. Craig tells the guys that there is no fucking way that he’s going to allow Ashley to beat them. They start to jam and Craig starts to go off on everyone because they suck. Jimmy tells him to chill out before he breaks a foot up in his ass.

At Degrassi, Paige is telling the girls that Terri is doing much better, she might even open her eyes soon. Shit that is not doing better. She’s basically an invalid. Ashley for some reason hasn’t even gone to see her. That’s pretty low considering they were once best friends. Mrs Kwan walks in and Ashley starts to read lyrics from a song she just wrote and what a surprise it’s a downer. Craig starts to giggle and this mightily pisses Ashley off. Outside of class Ashley explains to the girls that it’s about a girl who died in the Spanish Civil War. Out of all the wars that have happened why that one and what 15, 16 year old girl talks about shit like that? Ellie tells her that it sucked and that it’s supposed to be about something about her. Ashley makes the song about Craig, again, what a surprise.

We cut to the B plot and it involves Joey and Caitlin.  Joey’s busy getting his grocery’s out of the truck of his used car that he drives around from his lot and that’s when Caitlin arrives in a cab. Angela is so excited to see her that she drops and breaks the eggs. Joey is super pissed because this means that he has to go to the dollar store again to get more. She starts to cry rather badly because she’s a horrible actress and Caitlin tries to cheer her up by doing a cartwheel. Joey tries to show that he’s fun and does a hand stand. Then he promptly busts his ass and hurts his back bad.

At the Degrassi mall kiosk Ashley and Craig run into each other and he tries to apologize for what happened. But this is Craig we’re talking about and he only apologizes for making fun of her song and not fucking Manny’s brains out. She get’s even more offended and leaves huffing and puffing away. Craig reasons that Manny seduced him, so he’s blameless.

The next scene is at Joey’s house where he’s dying from his back pain. I’ve had that before and it’s the worst pain ever. So for once I sympathize with him. Angela playing with Caitlin jumps on Joey and hurts his back even more. He can’t stand no more so he’s sending Angela away to his mom’s until he feels better. But Caitlin says that she’ll stay and take care of the both of them. Joey pretty much says that she’s not up to taking care of Angela because she’s a pain in the ass. But still she insists on helping. So she yells out to Angela and with crazy eyes says that she’s taking care of them both.

I guess we’re at the auditions for the battle of the bands and the guys are just doing an instrumental because they have no lyrics to their song yet. Craig all nervous says that he’ll take care of it. Coach Armstrong announces the next group and they’re called Hell Hath No Fury. The girls then come on and Ashley proceeds to destroy Craig and his character.

I’m already bored with the Joey, Caitlin subplot. Angela is being a little shit again and tells Caitlin that she doesn’t want to eat the slop that she made for breakfast. So Caitlin being stupid makes her some pancakes instead of telling her to eat her bowl of crap.

In Snake’s class, Craig walks in all pissed off and he tells Ashley that her lyrics weren’t cool. I don’t know why he’s so upset for, their song wasn’t even that great. Ashley and Ellie starts to say that he’s so vain because he thinks that the song is about him. Craig points out the obvious that Ashley is a bitter angry person and if she wasn’t such a prude, he never would have banged Manny. Which is the truth. Ashley all sarcastic says, ” But I thought you loved her.” It seems like Craig is about to tell her to go fuck herself but Snake tells them to shut up.

In the next scene Craig is telling the guys that he’s out of the competition, but Spinner says that if Ashley wants a war then she has it. We then get a horrible, lame rap that it’s obvious that Drake wrote it. Basically it’s about how much Ashley sucks as a person. Marco of course doesn’t like it and he takes him outside for some advice. Marco’s solution? For Craig to scream all his stress out. Yeah, that’ll do it.

Back to Joey’s house, Angela is now acting like a spoiled little shithead and tells Joey that her day out shopping was just ok even though she got a lot of new toys courtesy of Caitlin. She then announces that she’s going outside to play, but Caitlin tells her to wash up since it’s almost dinner time. Angela ignores her and starts to go out anyways. that’s when Caitlin finally get’s pissed off and tells her to get her ass upstairs and to wash her filthy hands. Angela says, “I hate you.” and goes upstairs stomping her damn feet. Joey of course being a big push over does nothing to punish his rotten little daughter.

Finally it’s time for the Battle of the Bands and the girls are wearing Craig on their shirts and it seems like his face is melting like on Raiders of the Lost Ark. Craig has had it with her petty shit and he starts to whine about how she won’t stop making his life a living hell. She starts to go off on him and says that he broke her heart when he fucked Manny into motherhood and says that she wanted to die because she’s emo as hell. Craig says that he’s sorry and says how many times he has to say it. Ashley all full of sass says, “Until you mean it.”

Ashley and the girls are then seen performing their ode to Craig and the crowd is just loving it. Outside it seems that Craig has flown the coop because he’s nowhere to be seen. Spinner says that they’ll be ok and they’ll use his lyrics instead.

The MC for the event comes out and he looks like Anton LaVey from the Church of Satan. (Google him) Oh we finally find out what their band name is and it’s The Downtown Sasquatch. I gotta say, I like it. Spinner makes an ass of himself and before he can embarrass himself further Craig comes out with a sheet of paper. It’s obvious he finally wrote the lyrics for their song. It’s pretty much about how he just realized how much he hurt Ashley and he feels like a complete pile of shit because of it. It’s hilarious to me that he just barely figured out that he broke Ashley’s heart. I gotta say, even though Craig sucks, it’s a very catchy tune.

We close out the B plot and Joey tells Caitlin that kids like Angela need limits and be told what to do. Caitlin sort of feels better for yelling at his annoying kid.

And so after just two bands the battle of the bands is over and the dudes are triumphant! Ashley comes by and tells Craig that his lyrics were just right. So shit, it seems like finally Ashley is over her heart break. And if you ask me, it’s about time.

So yeah, like I said, this was a good, entertaining episode. Even though I hate myself for sort of liking Craig’s song. True, the whole subplot with Angela and Caitlin was irritating as hell, but it was small enough that it didn’t effect the rest of the episode.


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Season 3, Episode 15, “Accidents Will Happen Part 2”

So we continue with this emotional roller coaster Degrassi style.

Pre-Credit Opener: Craig and Manny seem to be a couple again because Manny is carrying Craig’s bastard offspring. Craig is either really giddy because he’s just that excited or he’s just that insane. It has more to do with insanity it seems like. He starts to go on about wanting a little girl and how Angela has always wanted a baby sister. Their joy is cut short because they run into Ellie who tells them to step off. Paige meanwhile is being nosy as hell and has noticed how they’re both acting now. Paige pretty much suspects that Manny is pregnant. In the MI class the first thing Ellie did was tell Ashley about Craig going out with Manny, but Paige being a shit starter tells her that she thinks that Craig got Manny pregnant. Ashley is so shocked by the notion that steam comes out of her ears.

In the 8th grader’s class JT is beyond happy that Liberty has been paired with Sean for a school project. Man, I forgot that Liberty was even a cast member. Talk about someone who doesn’t matter. She’s definitely the Female Toby. Anyways, the both of them are less than thrilled to be working together. Sean calls her a brown noser teacher’s pet while Liberty calls him a loser wigger.

In the cafeteria Craig is already showing symptoms of being a maniac. Manny tells him that she already finished her milk, but he insists that she has another for her health. Jesus, Craig is already looking up names in a baby book. Ashley comes along huffying and puffying asking them what they’re reading. Craig tries to hide the book but she just snatches it from his hands. Seeing the book pretty much confirms that Craig porked Manny and that she’s now carrying his seed. Out of spite Ashley get’s everyone’s attention and says, “Hey everybody! These two have an announcement to make.” They don’t say anything of course and she continues with, “These two idiots are pregnant.” Manny runs out of there crying while Craig just stares at Ashley. Ashley tells him, “I can’t believe you slept with her!” Hey, that’s what you get for not putting out. I’m not defending what Craig did because it was a real asshole move, I’m just saying it happens.

Manny is crying her little eyes out in a stall and she can over hear Paige and Terri talking. Terri also being a moron says that she’s almost jealous of Manny. Paige is so annoyed with her she asks if she had a brain tumor for breakfast. Paige starts to then go off on Manny saying that she’s ruining her life. You can tell that Manny is taking what Paige said to heart.

Oh lord Emma walks in and calls her out of the stall. She starts to say that she wishes that she would have talked to her. That’s when Manny points out that they weren’t really talking anymore because Emma is a self righteous asshole. Emma being decent asks her if she wants to come over after school. Manny mentions Craig because he’s being really needy and obsessive in this episode. Emma just says to bring his Arnold Horshack looking ass along.

Great, we go back to the B plot which already isn’t that great. JT comes along on his skateboard and annihilates himself in front of everyone. Liberty helps him up and invites him to a Three Stooges film festival. JT once again rejects her and says, “Oh hell naw!” Tired of how annoying she is, he tells her that he doesn’t want to go out with her. She retorts with, “Because of Manny?” She then mentions that he should move on. JT even more annoyed tells her that her three year old crush on him is played out and tells her to fuck off. Wow, the B plot suddenly got better. Finally she got the point.

At Emma’s house they’re having baby 101 it seems like. Craig is all fascinated with Emma’s baby brother while Emma shows Manny what her baby looks like at whatever month she’s at. Manny goes on to say that she can’t tell her mother because she’ll be get her ass kicked and then get murdered for having a child out of wedlock. Apparently Manny’s parents are the strict religious types. The baby starts to cry because he’s sick or something. Craig tries to act like taking care of him is no problem. Manny meanwhile you can tell is getting turned off by motherhood by the second.

Emma answers the door and it’s her new man Chris. What the hell, is there ever a time that Chris isn’t beat boxing or acting like an 80’s robot? Anyways, Emma can hear Manny and Craig struggling to get the baby to shut it’s yap so he can fall asleep. Things predictably aren’t going well. Finally Craig is seeing how difficult it is to actually take care of another Human being. Manny obviously wants to run to Planned Parenthood. You know, I barely noticed that Manny stopped dressing like a whore. I guess pregnancy will do that to you.

In the MI lab Sean is going on about the first time that Canada started getting cars from Japan. But Liberty isn’t listening because she can’t stop staring at JT and his Bobby Brady hair. Sean mentions the fact that his big breasted girlfriend Amy dumped him for some guy at a motocross. But Sean could care less. He tells Liberty, “Bitches ain’t shit but hoes and tricks.” Talk about a true Canadian gangsta. He tells her to move on and to get over JT. Uh oh, she smiles at Sean and you can tell she now has a thing for him. Poor Sean.

Outside the school Craig comes along and asks Spinner if he’s seen Manny. You can tell that Craig is manic about the whole situation, being all jumpy. Spinner asks him if he can ask him a question then slaps the shit out of Craig’s forehead. Spinner starts to ask if he’s lost his fucking mind because he got a girl pregnant acting like he’s all happy. Spinner starts to go on about how his life will be over and he won’t be able to do shit because he’ll have to take care of a baby instead. Craig now angry tells Spinner that he doesn’t get it. Basically Craig is desperate to have a family because his own family are all fucking dead. Sounding like a tyrant he says, “Manny and the baby, they’re mine.” Yikes!

We cut to Spike’s house and Manny comes barging in asking Spike what it’s like to be a single mom. Spike tells her the truth that it’s a tough, stressful life. Especially raising a kid like Emma. Spike then starts to talk about all the love a kid can give you too. Manny doesn’t seem interested in that aspect though. Especially when Spike mentions that she didn’t get to go to college or on trips. Manny says that she wants to study fashion even though I’ve never noticed that that was a passion of hers. Spike being polite says that that sounds nice and that’s when Manny, full of desperation says, “But Craig wants to keep it.” Spike’s inner militant feminist side comes out and says, “And is Craig always going to be there?” She goes on to say that ultimately the decision is hers. Manny seeing a light at the end of the tunnel is delighted to hear that.

Holy shit!! Liberty comes along and says to Sean, “You like?” Sean his trying his best not to laugh because she’s dressed like one of the Pink Ladies. Apparently Liberty thinks that Sean is a 50’s greaser. Wigger Liberty, he’s a wigger!! Sean all angry asks JT, “What is going on?” JT all smug and full of cheer says, “You’re the rebound.” JT tells him that the only way that he’s going to get rid of her annoying dork ass is to be brutal and just say that he’s not even remotely interested in her.

In the next scene we go to Manny’s house and it’s obvious that she’s ready to tell her mom that she’s a slut that’s pregnant. But she has to be careful about it or else she’ll be decapitated or something. She tells her mom that she saw her doctor and is pregnant with child. Her mom of course loses her shit. Manny says, “Mom, I’m not a little girl anymore.” Yeah, clearly. She goes on to say that she wants to have an abortion and says that she’s sorry. All sorts of crying ensues.

In the cafeteria Liberty comes along to Sean’s table and proceeds to make an ass out of herself. She tells him that they should go to the ravine and that she can get a pack of smokes with her five finger discount. Jay starts to laugh his ass off because she is the wackest, lamest person at the school. She’s at Toby’s level now. Sean tells her to cut the shit out and that he will never ever be interested in her. She runs away broken hearted. Meanwhile, their silent black friend with the do rag seems to be interested in her.

Manny goes over to Emma’s house and tells her that her mom was much more reasonable than what she thought. She’s even taking her to the clinic for an abortion. Surprisingly Emma is against this and says, “You can’t” You would have thought that Emma being a feminist would be supportive, but no. They start to talk about live and death. Emma even mentions adoption, but Manny doesn’t want to go through all that.

Finally we come to the climax of this episode. In the hallway Manny tells Craig what she’s going to do and he has the mother of all meltdowns. Craig is clearly a psychopath and tells her no, and that he won’t let her. Emma tells him to watch his hands because he’s becoming all grabby. Craig tells her to get lost and to mind her own business. Emma tells him that she agrees with him but Manny is her friend and it’s her decision. Craig being all possessive says, “It’s my baby!” Emma goes on to say that it’s her body and her choice. Manny all full of tears says that she can’t have a baby and Craig just walks away without saying a word. Emma doing the same thing.

In the MI lab Liberty is feeling sorry for herself because no one likes her. Shit, I know I don’t. Sean tells her not to feel bad because he knows someone that does. What a surprise it’s the thug. He probably just wants her to do his homework for him. Having no standards, she’s beyond happy that anyone likes her.

At the clinic Manny is having a talk with someone there about the abortion. Manny asks the woman how she will feel afterwards. The lady says that everyone has a different reaction to the procedure. Manny relieved that she’s terminating the pregnancy says that she’ll be ok. You know I’m disappointed that Manny didn’t have to fight her way through a crowd of protesters with one holding a baby fetus doll out to her like they did to Erica in Degrassi High. Oh well.

So this was a pretty good two part episode. Craig was over the top crazy in this one. He couldn’t even take care of a wet dream, let alone a baby. Manny meanwhile learned the hard way that if she’s going to have sex, she better use a damn condom next time. It’s obvious that an episode like this will cause a huge debate, but I think it was wrong of The N to not air it. Up until I saw this DVD release, I had idea that Manny even had an abortion.


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Season 3, Episode 14, “Accidents Will Happen Part 1”

So this episode is one that I’ve hardly seen because it didn’t air here in the United States. I guess the issue of abortion was just too hot to handle. The same thing happened with the original Degrassi High because it was the same subject matter. But we’re watching it now thanks to the magic of DVD. Up yours censorship!

Pre-Credit Opener: So we start off with Degrassi’s gymnastic’s team. Seriously? I had no idea that high schools even had that. I thought it was only for college and you know, people who compete world wide. But ok, Degrassi is branching off into Olympic sports. Kendra starts to complain that she doesn’t feel so good and Mrs Hotness says, “Oh noes, not you too Kendra.” But Kendra runs off in mid sentence to go yack in the girls restroom. Hopefully she doesn’t have the shits either. Manny splits her legs and what a surprise, she does it in front of Craig who is taking pictures for the year book. But she looks at him with hate in her eyes because he was caught being a cheating bastard.

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In the hallway Ashley and Ellie are talking shit about Manny. As they pass by Ashley says, “Hey Ellie do you smell the stench of a nasty stripper?” Ellie responds with, “Yes, it definitely smells like skank in here.” Manny starts to say something along the lines of,” I didn’t want Craig ahoma homa.” Yup, she just trailed off into a mumble and didn’t even finish her sentence. Paige tries to cheer Manny up by saying that Manny is a great gymnast and everyone is talking about how good she is. But her smile quickly fades because her reputation as Degrassi’s biggest whore is seriously the talk of the school. We get the first hint of Manny’s future trouble when Paige mentions that she looks a little pale.

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We move onto the B plot and it involves more of Toby’s despair of still being Degrassi’s resident nerd with the now cool friend. Jimmy comes along and asks JT if he still wants to go down to Buffalo for the concert of the year. Toby tries to act like he’s down with Jimmy but Jimmy tells him not to talk to him because he doesn’t talk to annoying fucking toads. Toby is so depressed when Jimmy just leaves him hanging. Toby says to JT that he doesn’t get it, that Jimmy used to be his friend. JT points out that it was before Ashley dumped his ass. But really, JT doesn’t have the heart to tell him that he’s just that unlikable.

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In the MI lab, Manny sort of tries to apologize to Ashley for banging Craig, but Ashley doesn’t want to hear it. Once again, Manny can’t get out a complete sentence. Finally she says that she’s sorry, but Ashley responds with, “Sorry doesn’t make up for all the pain you caused.” But please, Ashley dwells with emotional pain. That’s why she’s so Emo Supremo. Ashley sort of feels better when Manny said that Craig lied to her too, telling her that she was the only one.

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In Mrs Kwan’s room Manny looks like death and it’s obvious that she’s fighting not to throw up. She asks for permission to go to the restroom and that’s when Mrs Kwan decides to have a hissy fit and starts to complain about coming to school when she knew that she was sick. Seriously, what a bitch. Manny begs her and off she goes to throw up her breakfast.

In the cafeteria Jimmy is telling Hazel that he might not be able to go the concert after all because he’s failing a class. Toby being extra fucking white bread and lame tries to talk all hip hop to him. But this only annoys Jimmy like it annoys me. Toby tries to weasel his way to the concert only to have Jimmy say that there’s limited car space and besides, Toby doesn’t even like rap. Being desperate , he then tries to use his nerd skills to help Jimmy out with his grades, if he can change it, Jimmy says that he’s in.

Back in the hallway Emma reminds Manny that if she’s really sick, then she can’t compete. Manny all full of attitude tells her, “Who are you my mother?” I forgot that they both hate each other now. Manny for her whorish ways and Emma for being a self righteous little bitch. And to prove the point Emma tells her, “The coach should know.” Manny begs her not to tell due to the fact that her life sucks at the moment and gymnastics is the only thing keeping her sane.

During practice Mrs Hotness tells Manny to show everyone else how it’s done. Manny all full of pride get’s on the balance beam with a huge smile on her face. In the locker room Manny tells Emma that she’s sorry to hear that Snake is in the hospital. Emma says that he’s actually doing good, that the more intense chemo is good for him. You can tell that the both of them are slowly on the way to become friends again. They’re interrupted by Hazel though who wants a tampon from either one of them because she has an intense flow going on. Manny throws her one and says, “I haven’t used mine in forever.” Right away Emma’s mind starts to go crazy and quickly wonders if she’s pregnant. Manny being stupid just blows it off because she’s been training like crazy and get’s mad at Emma all over again for even suggesting that she’s with child.

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Outside the school Manny is going into a panic and is going through her calendar, seeing the evidence that she hasn’t had a period in a while. Shit, it goes all the way back to the party when Craig first porked her.

It’s a new day and Manny is just standing there, staring at Craig while he’s sitting on a bench. In Paige’s office, the girls restroom, Manny goes in there for sage advice from her. She asks her, “How do I know, if a guy used a condom?” Paige responds with, “If he didn’t, you wouldn’t have to piss out his goo.” Manny pretty much tells Paige that she has no idea if Craig used a condom or not. But she’s leaning to no. Paige tells her not to worry because he seems like he’s sort of responsible. Paige tells her to ease her mind she should just ask him and next time she does the nasty with someone, she should make damn sure that he uses a condom.

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In the library Toby is trying to hack into the school’s data base and he’s doing it using a hard line and doing it in plain view no less. Toby of course messes up and can’t change the grade because he got disconnected from the server.

It’s finally time for the big gymnastics meet and wow, this is the first time that we’ve seen Manny’s mom. I thought she just lived by herself this whole time. Manny is nervous as hell, but it’s not because she’s competing. Spike’s baby whimpering near by isn’t helping matters out either. Because she can’t take the pressure Manny right away falls off the balance beam and just fucked up the team’s score.

Craig follows her outside and asks her if she’s ok. Manny decides to go for it and asks him if he used a condom when they had sex. Craig clearly going into a panic says that Manny said it was ok and he assumed that meant that she was on the pill. Sort of crying she tells Craig that it was her first time and that doing the act alone was ok. About to lose his mind he asks her if everything is ok. She shakes her head and says, “No it’s not.” But for some reason she lies to him and says that nothing is wrong. He leaves and runs for the hills saying, “See you.”

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Out in the hallway Jimmy asks him how the hacking went and that’s when Toby tells him that he fucked it up and accidentally gave Jimmy an impossible grade. Jimmy asks him if he’s going to fix it, but Toby starts to make excuses. Jimmy just man handles him and tells him to fix the mistake before he get’s into deep shit. Just as he’s getting started Mr Radich comes in and asks him for help because he can’t log into his user account. I love how he comes to Degrassi’s resident techno nerd. Anyways, he get’s caught because he’s a jackass. Jimmy meanwhile runs for his life right out of the room.

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It’s after school and Manny decides to go for a run with her massive Discman. Remember those? She must have anti shock because those damn things would skip over any bump. Anyways, she has a very short run because she starts to throw up again.

She makes her way to Spike’s and she pretty much tells her that she thinks that she’s pregnant. Once again Spike is everyone’s go to person for that since she had Emma at such a young age too. Probably younger than Manny. Later on, Manny comes down and it’s obvious that she’s taken a pregnancy test. She starts to say that she’s stupid for even being in that situation. All Spike says is that she’s not and that she should learn from this mistake. God knows Spike is still paying because she had Emma. Yeah that’s right. I said it! Spike then asks her what she’s going to do if she is pregnant with Craig’s Screech looking child. Manny says that she can’t think about that and she goes on to tell Spike that she’s never going to tell her parents because they’ll literally murder her. The timer finally goes off and it’s the moment of truth. And if you haven’t figured it out already by the title alone, Manny’s pregnant!

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In the next scene Jimmy walks into Mr Radich’s office and he’s told to join him and Toby. Right away Jimmy  much like Manny knows that he’s fucked and it’s obvious that Toby ratted him out. Raditch tells him that he’s going to call his parents and that they both got a Saturday. Mrs Kwan calls Raditch out and that’s when Toby starts to say that he freaked out and didn’t know what else to tell him. Any other kid would have come up with a great lie. I know I would have. But I forget that Toby is the lamest motherfucker in the planet and Jimmy just tells him how it is. He starts to go off on him and says that that Saturday is the rap concert and not only is Toby a fake rap fan, he’s also Canada’s stupidest most worthless computer hacker in that nation’s history.

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Outside the school Craig tells Manny that he got her message. She starts to say that something bad happened and finally tells him that she’s pretty sure that she’s pregnant. Craig all shocked just sits down. Surprisingly he says that it’s ok. Much like Shane (Emma’s dad) in Degrassi Junior High, Craig has delusions of grandeur and thinks that he can actually take care of a baby. Clearly insane he tells Manny that they can be a little family. The episode ends with Manny thinking that Craig has lost his fucking mind.

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This was a pretty good episode. Sure we’ve seen it before in Degrassi Junior High, but this is a good modern take on the subject matter. Toby of course just had to be in it, but I’m glad that Jimmy told him that he sucks because he does! We’ll continue this story line with the shocking conclusion in part 2


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Season 3, Episode 12, “Holiday Part 2”

Hello all you Degrassi maniacs, in this review we continue the most depressing Christmas episode in the history of ever.

Pre-credit opener: We come upon Spinner and Craig Christmas shopping at the mall. Spinner is impressed that he bought all sorts of cheap crap. He should have just went to a dollar store if he’s going to be such a miser. Craig mentions how he bought Ashley a one of a kind Ramone’s t shirt from 1979. But then when you see it later on you can tell that it’s modern and that he found it at Hot Topic, we’ll return to that for more ridicule later. Craig then finds a stupid ice skating bracelet and he decides that it’s just perfect for his side hoe Manny. Caitlin meanwhile finds Spike with her Devil child having a picture with Santa. Caitlin is so self absorbed that she doesn’t mind one bit ruining the baby’s Christmas photo. Her love life comes first damn it and Spike has to know right away what happened between her and Joey!

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Later on we see Caitlin writing Joey a letter saying that it seems like they have another chance at love and they shouldn’t waste it. All full of Christmas cheer, she goes over to Joey’s house and drops it off in his mail slot. Instantly she regrets what she does and tries to break in, because Caitlin doesn’t respect anyone’s privacy or private property. But this being the new goofy Caitlin, she get’s stuck at the window instead. Probably by her tits like that one time Claude left her hanging on the fence and she got arrested. Anyways Joey and Sidney find her hanging there and you can tell that Sidney is very annoyed because she’s a bitch.

At Craig’s ice cave/garage, Ashley is complaining that she’s freezing her ass off so Craig offers to go get her some hot cocoa. Once he fucks off, Ashley finds his bag of Christmas goodies and she finds the very girly and modern looking Ramone’s t shirt. I mean look at that shit. Vintage my ass. To make a plot point, she also finds Manny’s bracelet, something that will come to bite Craig right in the keister later on in the episode. But we’re getting a little ahead of ourselves.

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Back to Caitlin and Sidney, Sidney’s had just about enough of Caitlin and her cuteness. She decides to be alpha bitch and let’s her know that Caitlin isn’t going to ruin Sidney’s dictatorship at the Jeremiah residence because they need her and not some stupid klutz from the past. Craig meanwhile comes in and finds the letter. Caitlin all upset grabs the letter from Craig and leaves Joey’s house full of tears. Craig is just, whatever.

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At Degrassi, Snake’s MI class has decided to give him a present. Snake is immediately touched that he has an Elvis wig to wear for the Winter recital that’s going on later in the day. Jimmy points out that they would have given him a better one, but a good wig isn’t cheap. I can’t help but think that Jimmy is a cheap bastard, because we all know that he has money.

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In the next scene we see Joey coming to Caitlin’s office at the TV station to have a chat about their little smooch. She tries to play it off like it was nothing and you can tell that he got his feelings hurt. The Rico Suave guy comes by and gives her a little Christmas present which is an early flight to Montreal the next night. Joey meanwhile is getting jealous and Caitlin says nothing to the fact that the dude is gay. After that, they have a little awkward “we’re cool” moment happening.

Back at Degrassi, Craig decides to give Manny her stupid present early because her family is going away to the motherland for the holiday. She’s so touched by the gesture she probably gave him head in the empty classroom.

Backstage Ashley is telling Manny that she doesn’t know why she’s feeling so nervous for because she’s bored everyone to tears in other shitty performances, but she figures that this time it’s because she’s singing with Craig. Manny starts to do her make up and says that maybe Ashley needs to distance herself from Craig because of her emotions. Ashley not knowing what the fuck she’s talking about asks her what she means by that. But that’s when she notices the ice skate bracelet on Manny’s wrist. She asks her where she got it from and Manny says, “Just a guy I’ve been fucking a while.” Ashley not being dense quickly figures out that Craig has been cheating on her with Degrassi’s biggest slut since Stephanie Kaye. Manny’s smug look is quickly erased when she finds out that Craig never broke up with Ashley. Oh snap! Take that! Karma! All of that shit!!

manny

Finally, it’s time for Degrassi’s big holiday gala spectacle. The night opens on a bummer though because Toby is up there talking about Hanukkah. I’m telling you, he ruins everything. Off stage Craig tells Ashley not to worry about her stupid emo Christmas song. Oh, if he only knew that she’s a mushroom cloud in the beginning stages. Mercifully Toby’s finished and JT comes out as the host dressed like Willy Wonka and introduces Craig and Ashley with their song, I’ll spend Christmas With You. Craig starts to sing and notices that Ashley is just sitting there like a wooden Indian. He just starts to ask her what’s wrong and that’s when she slaps the shit out of him and storms off. JT jokes, “Maybe they won’t be spending Christmas together. HAHA!” That was a good one, I’ll admit.

craig

In the hallway Craig asks her what her problem is and right away she lets him know that she found out that he was cheating on her with that skank Manny. Craig looking like he wants to cry tries to play dumb. Ashley now crying asks him how he could do such a thing. Craig meanwhile can’t say a fucking word, because what can he say. She dumps his ass and takes back her grand father’s ugly guitar. But it’s not over yet, Manny comes over fuming and just looks at him with so much sass. Craig accuses her of telling her, but Manny says that Ashley figured it out because he’s stupid. Manny then follows suit and dumps Craig’s Screech looking ass too. The insult to injury being that she drops the bracelet on the floor. Much like Joey a decade earlier, he has two girls that hate his guts. Craig is going to be spending a while getting reacquainted to his regular masturbation schedule again.

manny-craig-ashley

Joey comes along and wants to know what’s going on because he’s nosy. Craig pretty much tells him what he did. Joey must have had a monster flash back to when he fucked up his relationship with Caitlin. He then tells Craig the whole story, you can read all about it here, https://degrassijuniorhighreviewed.wordpress.com/tag/degrassi-schools-out/ because that shit is ancient Degrassi history. After that history lesson, Craig tells Joey to get real because he and Caitlin have never gotten over each other. He then says that he can see how it is between the both of them. Even that harpy Sidney. Joey asks him what he’s talking about and it’s assumed that Craig snitches on Sidney, but we don’t see it because the scene just cuts away to the people coming out of the school gym.

As soon as they come out Joey asks Snake if he can watch over Angela while he talks to Sidney. Right away she knows that something is wrong because she says, “Joe, you’re making me nervous over here.” And that’s another thing that’s annoying, the fact that she calls him Joe. Anyways, he asks her if she said anything to Caitlin, driving her away. Sidney doesn’t even try to deny it and says yes. She says she did it because Caitlin was always just hanging around, fucking up everyone’s Chi. Sidney then asks Joey if he’s sure that Caitlin is just his ex. She then starts to say that she needs their relationship to work because she loves him, but ouch. Joey doesn’t say anything to that and she knows that he doesn’t feel the same. Broken hearted she leaves all full of tears. Yeah good riddance! In the screen shot you can see the exact moment that her heart got ripped to shreds.

sidney-crying

At the airport Joey calls Caitlin just as she’s waiting to take off to her boring spa weekend. She see’s Joey, Craig and Angela in the terminal and she rushes out because she knows that once again she’s won Joey’s corny heart. Out in some hanger Joey tells her to stay and says that Sidney has hit the bricks. Joey goes on to say that when he cheated on her with that Whoville looking chick Tessa, he thought that he lost her forever. So the episode ends on a happy ending with Joey and Caitlin kissing and becoming a couple again.

joey-caitlin

Part 2 was a little better, we finally ended Sidney’s reign of terror on Joey and Angela. She was good looking though and could do way better than Joey. I wonder, did Caitlin really win in the end? Hmm. As for the Craig, Ashley, Manny love triangle? It was pretty much another retread from School’s Out. That’s why it’s so funny that Joey told him that he did the exact same thing. If I were to give this episode a letter grade, it would be a hard C.


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Season 3, Episode 11, “Holiday Part 1”

It’s Christmas time in Degrassi land and you know that these motherfuckers are going to have drama up the ass. They can never just have a joyous holiday or occasion occur. There’s always gotta be something going on.

Pre-credit opener: This is another episode where the DVD version is different from the version that was shown on The N. The N version said that it was a Degrassi Christmas Special and it had some generic Christmas like music playing in the background. This one has a Charlie Brown sounding Oh Tannenbaum version playing. Anyways, Joey is having a tree trimming party at his house and Spike, Snake, Caitlin, Emma and Ashley are all invited. Right away Sidney, Joey’s girlfriend shows what a control freak she is by telling Joey that the angel on top isn’t straight and that the actual tree itself would look better in another position. Joey being pussy whipped immediately does her bidding with Craig helping. Ashley calls Craig a man amongst men and he kisses her on the cheek. Just then Manny calls and she sounds all pathetic telling him that she misses him. Craig not wanting to be caught calls her Spinner and says that he’ll talk to her later, disappointing her greatly.

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Caitlin meanwhile is in despair because it’s obvious she’s into Joey again, even though she broke up their engagement about a decade earlier. She goes on to tell Joey that she’s going to Montreal to have a lame spa weekend because Caitlin has no one in her life. Not even her mom. The insult to injury being that Sidney and Joey start to kiss about 3 inches away from her face.

sidney-caitlin-joey

I guess it’s the next day and we have some more horrible acting by Angela Jeremiah, aka Manny Jr. It seems like Sidney has made a dress for her skating pageant that’s coming up. Joey sounding like a complete bitch asks Sidney why she can’t go to the stupid pageant. Sidney, sounding like the man in the relationship says that she can’t because she has a work commitment. This greatly hurts Joey’s feelings because he can just shut down his lousy used car lot whenever he wants. It’s not like he has customers anyways.

You know, it’s funny, this is the first time that I’ve ever noticed that there’s snow. I mean it’s Canada but you’d never know it because the show portray’s a forever Spring and Fall world going on. But yes! We finally have Winter going on. Inside, Craig is taking pics of Angela being a Christmas star apparently. Yeah, it’s lame and boring, just like being there. Craig then spots Manny and runs off because he get’s instantly rock hard whenever he sees her. He finds her at the cafeteria and tells her to meet him at his garage because Craig needs to have an early Christmas present from Manny. Spinner see’s them kissing and makes his presence known.

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Spinner not giving a shit that Craig is cheating on Ashley wants to know what it’s like to be pounding two women at once. Well girls mostly, but you know what I mean. Craig being full of himself thinks that he’s a mack daddy and basically says that pimping ain’t easy. Craig asks him if he thinks that it’s wrong, Spinner says for him it would be, but for Craig, not at all. Especially since he has Paige and he knows that she would destroy him with the power of rock and roll and her band PMS. Spinner goes on to call Craig a stud and Craig obnoxiously says, “Yeah well, I get around.” All the while making a face that would make Screech proud.

craig

Back at Joey’s, Caitlin’s there for no reason and she asks him about Sidney. Caitlin then starts to go on about her lack of love/sex life. Joey burns his fucking hand in the fireplace when she says that she has no one to keep her warm at night. He probably can’t believe it because she’s still super good looking. But that’s when Sidney walks in just in time to see Caitlin holding Joey’s melting hand and she just can’t help getting jealous.

In the next scene we go to Joey’s freezing garage where Manny is patiently waiting for Craig. She tells him that he needs to warm her up and they start to make out. She interrupts the love fest by giving him a scarf that she made him for Christmas. She then drops the bomb on him that all she wants for Christmas is for Craig to dump Ashley’s annoying goth ass. Craig tells her that he can’t make that choice and she get’s her little whore’s heart broken and says, “I think you just did.” Manny should have known that she’s just the side bitch.

At the Degrassi, all the kids are getting ready for their big holiday around the world pageant they’re having. Ashley and Craig are rehearsing a really lame emo Christmas song that the talentless Ashley probably wrote. Manny passes by and her hatred is so high that her glare cause’s the string on Craig’s guitar to break.

manny

We then cut to Caitlin’s office at the local Degrassi TV station and we see that Sidney has decided to pay her a little visit by bringing her flowers. This Don Juan looking guy pops in to tell her that they’re waiting for her at a meeting. Sidney goes on to say that he’s pure beefcake, but Caitlin points out that he’s gay and proud. Besides, she hasn’t been with anyone since she broke things off with the Hollywood wannabe jerkoff from the very first episode. Sidney cuts to the chase and asks Caitlin if she would babysit Angela for Joey since they’re going to a date that night.

Oh my God! In class Jimmy is reading from A Christmas Carol and he’s doing a horrible English accent. It’s so bad, it’s hilarious. Craig asks the teacher if he can go pee due to boredom. But it’s really because he just saw Manny passing by in the hallway. As soon as she see’s him she starts to cry her harlot’s eyes out and makes an ugly badger face. Manny basically says that she’s much better for him because she loves him more than Ashley ever could. Well at least Manny puts out, Ashley doesn’t even give him head.

manny-crying

Oh lord, once again we see Caitlin give someone horrible life advice. If only people knew that Caitlin is terrible with making life choices. Craig then makes the mistake of asking her what she would do in his situation. She goes on to say that love isn’t about luck, that it’s about being with the right person. So from that Craig decides that he’s in love with the Asian persuasion Manny. Back at the ice rink Craig comes in all out of breath and spots Manny skating around in very tight fucking jeans. He calls out to her and he tells her that he made a huge mistake and that she’s the only one that he wants. Manny being stupid get’s all happy and starts to dry hump him right then and there.

craig-manny

After that we cut back to Joey complaining to Sidney that he had nothing in common with her white collar friends because he’s a big loser who’s way out of her league. Sidney’s talking about God knows what but Joey’s not paying attention. He spots Caitlin and Angela sleeping on the couch so he decides to take a picture of the moment. Sidney meanwhile is annoyed because she constantly demands his full attention and you can tell that she doesn’t like Caitlin. Especially since Caitlin let Angela wear her pageant dress and got it dirty. Damn woman, it’s not that big a deal! Just wash that shit and it’ll be as good as new. Caitlin leaves because she knows that she fucked up, but Joey follows her outside to say that it’s really not a big deal and that Sidney doesn’t hate her. But clearly she does. At that they start to kiss because why not.

caitlin-joey

At Ashley’s, Toby the toad let’s Craig in and wishes him a happy Hanukkah. Craig is there to finally break things off with the boring prude. But before he can say anything, she gives him his Christmas gift which is an ugly old guitar that looks like it has a hubcap on it that belonged to her grandfather. Making things worse, she says that he’s had such a horrible year and that he deserves it. Craig blown away by the gesture now changes his mind and just tells Ashley that he loves her.

ashley-craig

Back at Degrassi, Craig is trying to sound like a blue’s man and is playing all sorts of riff’s on the guitar. Manny passes by and she’s super pissed that he’s still with Ashley. She pulls him aside and asks him what the fuck is going on since he’s supposed to be all in love with her. Craig tries to bullshit his way past this and tells her that he did break up with her, but he just didn’t tell her about him porking Manny on a regular basis. He goes on to say that he doesn’t want to break Ashley’s heart until after the pageant. The episode ends with it saying “to be continued” and Manny again being incredibly gullible and believing him.

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Now, I’m someone who enjoy’s Christmas episodes. I know, I know. But this one was a little meh. Sidney is an annoying character and I just knew that there would have been drama in this episode. So Degrassi didn’t disappoint there. Caitlin I’ve noticed is acting a bit out of character. I’ve never remembered her acting like a nervous klutz before. I do have to point out that they’re recycling the story line from the School’s Out movie from Degrassi High. I guess they figured that today’s kids have never seen it, so they just said fuck it. Here’s hoping that part two is better.


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Season 3, Episode 7 “Should I Stay Or Should I go?”

So I had already written this on Degrassi Junior High Reviewed so this is just going to be slightly re-tweaked.

Pre-credit opener: Oh lord, we see Craig and Ashley making out on her bed. Craig trying his hardest to unbuckle her belt. But she hasn’t shaved that week, so she doesn’t want him to. No the real reason is, she simply doesn’t want to. Or isn’t ready for it. So Craig get’s the biggest blue balls since Joey Jeremiah in Schools Out. Right away I’m thinking, “Recycled story line!” Because this is basically from School’s Out and Joey wanting to bone Caitlin real hard but she’s being a prude. But this time Craig is the horndog and Ashley is the prude. Going on, she tells him, “I love you.” Craig of course acts all weird about it, because he just wants to get some. Ashley being Ashley get’s upset and shuts her legs shut like a well oiled bear trap.

ashley craig

Back at Degrassi, Craig is talking to Marco and they run into Spinner and Paige and they’re so disgusting with how affectionate they are. After Paige leaves, Craig tries to ask Spinner advice on what he does when Paige rebuke’s him sexually too. But Spinner is such an idiot, he just says, “Dude, I don’t know what to do.” Marco correctly says that all Spinner does is jerk off in his room because he ain’t getting none from Paige either. Spinner replies with, “Like you know anything about getting to home plate. You’re too busy checking out the bat boy.” The machismo is strong in Spinner.

spinner, paige marco craig

Spike is seen dropping Snake off and she’s telling him that he should just stay home since he’s feeling like complete shit. But he says that it’s too late because they can’t get a sub. She tries to be understanding about it. But Snake can’t help being a dick due to the chemo. Or is that his natural self? I can’t tell anymore.

snake

In the hallway. Marco asks Craig if he loves Ashley, but Craig can’t even explain himself to Marco. Manny, in another J Lo outfit comes by and says hi to Craig all seductive like. Even Marco of all people can sense that she want’s Craig’s dick. Marco then get’s the bright idea of Craig sending Ashley a Rose-a-gram, so that she can really see how he feels about her. Being a big kiss ass, he makes it a dozen.

manny craig marco

In class Spinner some how suckered Ashley into having a birthday party for Paige at her house. I don’t know why she agreed to it since it seems like Ashley doesn’t even like her. Snake comes into class and is being an asshole with everyone in his class, telling everyone to shut the hell up. Everyone starts to get their roses and Ashley receive’s her bouquet. She’s delighted at first, but then we see that Craig once again fucked up. He wrote down, “Ash, you rock. XO Craig.” Which is something you say to someone if you want to banish them into the friend zone. What an ass.

ashley disappointed

In the next scene we cut to zit faced, The Sixth Sense looking motherfucker Sully and Manny. She asks him if they’ll be going to the party and he acts like a dick towards her and he blows her off by saying that he won’t be going to Paige’s party. He’d rather hang out with some Bob character. This guy has no right to be that confidant. He leaves her all disappointed, but not before he slaps her ass.

sully ugly

Back at Ashley’s, she’s busying making Paige a cake. Man, she sure is going out of her way for her. Especially since Paige treats everyone like complete shit. Craig walks in and she tells him that they need to talk. Which is never a good thing. Basically she wants to take a break from him because she feels that he doesn’t feel the same way. But how could anyone like a sour puss like her?

Uh oh. We see Craig’s band consisting of Spinner, Marco and Jimmy. Their band still sucks. But they’re way better than the Zit Remedy ever was. After Jimmy berates Spinner for being off beat, Spinner throws his drumstick, which just happens to connect with Craig’s Jewfro as he’s walking into the garage. After telling them that they fucking suck, Jimmy suggests that they go have a burger so Craig can wallow in self pity with Marco. So they’re off to Big Kahuna Burger. Marco suggests that he just tell her how he feels. Craig rolls his eyes and says, “Ok, you really are a girl.” Man Marco is getting fruity jokes at his expense all episode long.

marco spinner jimmy craig jewfro

So what does Craig do? He leaves a note for Ashley and she meets him in the gym. And he goes on to sing the world’s cheesiest, emo love song ever. Ashley and Manny, who’s gawking at them gets weak at the knees. Manny saying, “I wanna have your babies!” But of course this lame gesture totally suckered Ashley in again. You can tell by that, “Oh God I love him!” smile on her face.

manny ashley

Back at Ashley’s, they’re busy decorating for Paige’s party. I would definitely make Spinner’s ass help out at least. Put him on garbage detail or something. Moving on, Ashley was so touched by Craig’s stupid song that she totally wants to bang him now, so she invites him to stay over. He probably got instantly rock hard when he heard that.

At Spike and Snake’s house. Spike tries to cheer Snake up by making him some nacho’s. But Snake wants to fucking throw up from the smell alone. He tells her, “Are you insane Christine? Nacho’s? You know I’m nauseous.” Just then Joey comes in, being more obnoxious than usual. He tells Snake that they’re going bowling, but Snake can’t help being a fucking prick. At that Spike can’t take it anymore and she goes off on his ass. She’s all, “Put the shirt on Archie. You’re not dead yet. Put the damn shirt on and go.” Nice to see that Spike hasn’t changed one bit in being a bossy bitch during this situation. It’s funny to see that Emma seems like she wants to laugh her ass off.

joey snake spike emma

We go to the bowling alley where they seem to be playing the Canadian version of bowling. Snake finally seems to be perking up. Until we hear a familiar voice. It’s the most Canadian of all voices. That’s right it’s Wheels and goddamn. He’s as bald as the both of them. Snake get’s instantly annoyed, and uncomfortable and just says, “Joey.” Joey gives Wheels his bowling shirt that says, Pin Pals on it and leaves the two of them alone.

wheels

Finally it’s Paige’s big surprise party and stupid Craig does the huge mistake of telling Spinner all about fucking Ashley the moment everyone leaves the party. She notices Spinner giving Craig a Top Gun wind mill high five, but thinks nothing of it. Manny meanwhile is just sitting there completely bored. I have no idea what she’s even doing there.

We cut back to the Zit’s bowling some more. Wheels tells Snake that he heard that he was sick, but that he doesn’t look it. Snake acts all sarcastic towards him. Because he just can’t resist being a jerk to him. Wheels goes on to ask Snake how he’s doing. Snake admits that he wishes that he was dead. Wheels tells him that he knows how that feels. Snake retorts with, “No you don’t, I’m sorry, but there’s no way you do.” Wheels bringing up the past tells him, “Snake, I was drunk, I drove. I killed a kid. I think I know what wanting to die feels like.” Which is pretty sad if you think about what really happened to Neal Hope. Snake asks him what he did to cope. Wheels tells him that he found something inside him that wanted to keep going. Snake close to tears admits that he’s really scared, so scared that he can’t even tell Spike about it. Wheels simply tells him that he has to keep fighting. Just then Joey comes along with their drinks and they do a toast to old friends. So finally after about what, 13, 14 years? Snake seems to have forgiven Wheels and stopped being such a judgmental asshole.

snake wheels the zits

Back at the party, Spinner completely fucks things up for Craig by blowing up a balloon to epic dick size. Ashley instantly looks at Craig, pissed off. Craig doesn’t help the situation by looking guilty as hell mouthing, “Spin.” She takes him outside to rip him a new asshole and she accuses him of conning her into sleeping with him with his stupid lie of a song. She then says the whammy that he doesn’t even love her. Craig of course get’s all pissed off and storms out of the house. Manny that Devilish little Succubus see’s her chance and follows him out. She goes for the kill by mentioning how great the song was and how she would have sucked him off right then and there if she was Ashley.

ashley pissed

At Spike’s house. She and Emma look out the window as the Zits are heard pulling up in Joey’s car, singing their number one hit with a bullet, Everybody Wants Something. Both seem to be delighted that Snake finally got that huge stick out of his ass.

wheels snake joey

Uh oh, We go to Joey’s garage and Manny asks Craig to sing his stupid song again. He starts off a bit, but her sexual powers are so great that there’s no way that Craig can resist. So of course they start to make out and Craig goes for it, unbuttoning her shirt. Possibly her very tight pants too.

craig manny

The next day at Degrassi, Manny is telling Emma all about how that was the best day of her life. Emma wants to know all the horny details, but Manny tells her that she can’t for some reason. Craig comes by and he’s basically treating Manny how Wheels treated Heather after he finger banged her outside of her porch in that one episode. She starts to tell Craig that she missed him over the weekend, (Which instantly makes her sound clingy as hell.) but they’re interrupted by a repentive Ashley. She tells him that she talked with Paige and she admits that she completely over reacted. Craig is now guilt ridden like a motherfucker, but she won’t let him talk. She goes on to say that she wants him back and that she loves him. Craig making direct eye contact with Manny says, “I love you too.” Breaking her skanky little heart.

manny heart broken craig end freeze frame

So this was a pretty good episode. Despite it being a recycled plot from the previous series. Too bad that it hardly had any Wheels in it though. But Manny has finally done the final thing to qualify her as Degrassi’s biggest whore in the history of Degrassi.  Later on, their sex capades will come back to bite the both of them on their asses. But that’s another story.


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Season 2, Episode 22, “Tears Are Not Enough Part 2”

I can’t believe it. We made it to the last episode of season 2. I would have to agree with some of you that this season wasn’t that great. With that being said, we conclude this downer of a two episode finale.

Pre-credit opener: I’m surprised we didn’t get a previously on Degrassi. But we open up with Sully and his ugly mug doing video announcements for the big luau dance. Snake being very serious turns off the TV and tells the class that Craig’s dad died in a horrible car wreck and now haunts the streets of Toronto. Much like Large Marge went around in her rig on the anniversary of her death. Marco asks if Craig is ok, Snake says that he is but he assumes that he won’t be back for the rest of the school year. Ashley tells everyone that she’s collecting money to send flowers to him. (Like he would want that.) All of a sudden Craig walks in all cheerful like his dad didn’t get dismembered in a car wreck and you can tell that everyone is thinking, what the fuck?

Craig

We see a bunch of students in the gym decorating for the dance, shouldn’t they be in class instead? Paige being very fucking annoying just walks across the banner they’re painting, leaving her hoof prints all over the place. Being actually decent she gives Ashley some money for the flower fund. Ashley starts to confide in Terri, shit I forgot all about Terri. I don’t think I’ve seen her for a couple of episodes already. Anyways, Terri tells her that she can’t do anything for Craig at the moment. She would know because her mom is a festering corpse too.

Paige

Ashley of course doesn’t listen to Terri because what does Terri know compared to Ashley? Craig once again is acting weird about the whole situation and says that he can’t wait to go to the dance. Ashley is shocked that he doesn’t want to stay home at Joey’s sulking and writing horrible emo songs like she would be doing.

We go to our B plot and it involves Paige and Spinner’s insane quest to become luau king and queen. Hazel get’s a bit annoyed when Paige just assumes that they’re going to win the title.

In class Marco and Jimmy can’t help gawking at Craig and they point out how well he’s taking the demise of his dad. Jimmy says that he wouldn’t be that cool. Craig comes from Mrs Hot Body and shows them that he got an A+. Craig then proceeds to lie his ass off and tells the guys that he was with his dad when he crashed and then laughs and says, “Guys I was at Joey’s getting stitched up because my dad beat me up. For the last time. Haha!” They both just say, “Good one.”

Marco, Jimmy

After class Jimmy starts to talk shit to Spinner and tells him to get to work at the cafeteria and he just has to mention how Spinner stole his iPod, I mean MP3 Player. Spinner’s had enough and he tells Jimmy to fuck off and he won’t be laughing when he and Paige take the crowns at the stupid dance. Jimmy, infuriated decides fuck that and asks Hazel of all people to run against them.

In the next scene Joey takes Craig back to his dad’s house to collect his belongings. Already you can tell that Joey is looking at stuff that he can sell because he’s always low on cash. Craig meanwhile is starting to hear his dad’s voice, so yeah, he’s starting to lose it.

Craig, Joey

It’s finally time for the funeral and this co worker of his dad comes up to say a few words about him. He starts to talk about how much of a good father he was and Craig says all loud, “Please!” Joey and Caitlin both look at him with shocked expressions. Ok, you know how hot I think Caitlin is and love any appearance that she does. But why is she there at the funeral? I doubt she knew his dad or Craig for that matter. Anyways, Craig starts to laugh like a maniac and Joey has to take him outside so he can calm his ass down. Craig starts to tell Joey that he hated his dad and he’s glad that he’s dead because he was an abusive asshole.

Caitlin, Craig, Joey

The next day Ashley is telling Ellie all about the spectacle that Craig made at his dad’s funeral. All of a sudden Craig comes along and tells her that he’s entered them for the luau king and queen contest. Ashley of course is her old dour self and hates the idea. But he probably figures that they have the sympathy vote.

Ashley

Being that they’re super white, Paige and Spinner go to a tanning place and Spinner shows that he’s afraid of UV light. He closes the lid and starts crying like a bitch. He tells Paige that he can’t do it and he wants to go home. Paige being a bitch of course doesn’t give a shit and makes him wait until she has her all over tan.

Paige, Spinner

Oh lord, at Joey’s Craig tells him that he’s borrowing one of his loud obnoxious Hawaiian shirts for the dance. Leave it to him to still have that. Joey wants to talk about the whole Children’s Aid thing but Craig is still acting like a mad man. Joey tells him that he’s afraid that the pain of losing his dad is going to catch up to him. But of course Craig just blows him off by saying, “You, me. Anyone can go next. That’s why tonight, WE DANCE!!”

It’s finally time for the big dance and people are voting via computer. Leave it to Toby to be in charge of the whole operation. It was the only way he could get into the dance since no one likes him. Spinner and Paige come along and they look exactly like Donald Trump with horrible tans. Snake puts on this jam and all the Degrassi kids start to dance their little asses off. Right away Ashley annoys me because everything including her lei and dress are black.

Snake dressed like someone from the Australian outback comes up and announces the king and queen and predictably Craig and Ashley win. Just as he’s celebrating he starts to hallucinate that his dad is there at the dance cheering him on. But it’s just a teacher that looks just like him. At that Craig is starting to lose it mentally and goes outside upset. Ashley comes along and makes things worse by saying that she knew it was a mistake for him to come to the dance. Taking it out on her, he starts to go off on her and how annoying her look is. He then becomes completely possessed by his dad’s now demonic spirit and starts to go ape shit and rips apart the banner that the Degrassi kids worked so hard on and runs away. Needless to say, he scared the bejesus out of Ashley.

Ashley, Craig

Mr Raditch tells everyone to just let him cool off but Terri takes that as an opportunity to relate to him because both of their mother’s are dead. She goes on to say that when she found out that her mom died she was at Chucky Cheese for a birthday party and she got upset because she couldn’t finish her personal deep dish pizza due to her mom having died and ruining everything. Craig says that he hated the motherfucker and can’t figure out why he’s crying about him for. Terri stating the obvious says, “Because you love him.”

Terri, Craig

Spinner and Jimmy seem to have made up and they bond because the four of them look like complete tools. Adding insult to injury, Ellie comes by to take their picture while she’s calling them losers. No wonder Ellie doesn’t have any friends. Craig comes back in and tells Ashley that he’s going to go back to Joey’s pigsty but he wants his dance with Ashley first. The episode ends with Ashley asking Craig how he’s feeling and he says better. Man, that Terri sure knows how to calm someone down.

Jimmy, Hazel, Paige, Spinner, Ellie Craig, End Credits

Well that does it for season 2 of Degrassi. I would say that most episodes were either a hit or miss. This one being one of the better ones. Hopefully next season we’ll see some less of Toby and JT’s bullshit, but we all know that’s not going to happen. Stay tuned for Season 3 peeps.