Degrassi The Next Generation Reviewed

Ah yes, the companion blog to Degrassi Junior High Reviewed. Each episode will be reviewed in order by a guy who loves the next generation's melodrama. New reviews at least once a week. Hopefully. But if I feel like it I might make two to three reviews a week. So it'll depend.


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Season 3, Episode 13, ” This Charming Man”

In this episode Sean continues his downward spiral with Canada’s lamest gangstas. While the upper class men dive into the wonderful world of Drivers ED.

Pre credit opener: We begin the episode in Mr Armstrong’s math class. Chris comes along and asks Emma, “So English, did you read the chapta?” I ain’t bullshitting either, that’s how he said it. Emma all smitten with him says, “Sure.” then smiles at him like she has a little girl crush. Class begins and Emma get’s called up to the chalk board to answer a problem. She’s interrupted by Sean and his new big breasted girlfriend Amy making out in class. Emma doesn’t like this one bit and just glares at him with hatred in her eyes. Chris meanwhile is wondering why she even cares about an asshole like Sean for.

amy-sean

At Emma’s house, Spike proudly shows Emma Snake’s birthday gift which is a new used laptop. Fucking Spike is too cheap to get him a brand new one I guess, but then again, he did lose the other one thanks to Sean. So Snake seems to be out of luck. Emma offers to back up his data and she get’s instantly sad when she see’s a picture of her and Sean. It doesn’t last long though because she deletes it out of spite. Spike has taught her daughter well.

Back at Degrassi, JT and Toby are talking about Sean practically fingering Amy in math class. Emma tries to act like it doesn’t bother her, but clearly it does. They then start to talk about the rumors that Sean’s lame gang are stealing all sorts of shit from the school like the construction paper and all the Now and Later’s they could get their hands on. JT pretty much suggests that maybe it was Sean who stole Snake’s laptop, but Emma for some weird reason doesn’t think that he’s scumbag enough to do that to a sick man like Snake. But oh, yes he is.

The B plot involves Spinner, Paige, Jimmy and Hazel taking Drivers E.D. Paige tries to play with Spinner but he’s a nervous wreak because he wants to ride like the wind when he get’s his license. Big surprise he’s studying and can’t retain the knowledge. Plus he’s also blaming a Mrs Gonzalez for being a hard ass teacher.

paige-spinner

In the MI lab I’m assuming, Ashley and Emma want to use the DVD player for their environmental club, but big surprise, there’s a DVD player missing. Right away Emma suspects that it’s Sean and his crew of flunkies. So being Emma, she spots them outside and starts asking them if they know anything about it. Sean denies it and then has the nerve to act like he’s all hurt by the accusation. Oh lord, Chris comes along fucking beat boxing again, Emma clearly isn’t in the mood for his stupid bullshit. Emma starts to say that she’s trying to remember what it was about Sean that she liked. Chris again barely being understandable says something along the lines of, “Don’t bother, Slim Shady isn’t worth remembering.” He then asks her out on a hot date for some milk shakes, which quickly makes Emma’s day.  Chris meanwhile is so happy he starts to rap and pop and locks his way out of school with some Degrassi style hip hop music playing in the background.

emma-chris

Outside the older kids are waiting for their teacher and Spinner is delighted to see that it’s actually someone else. Some dude comes out of the car and Paige is instantly smitten with him. He calls himself Mr Falcone, but I always just call him Mr Falcon. Paige is now all hot and bothered and acts all nervous around Mr Wonderful.

jimmy-spinner-paige-mr-falcone

At the Dot Emma and Chris are having their date but she’s quickly distracted by Sean and his friends walking in. Chris is trying to sound like he’s interested in Emma boring crap but he’s going nowhere because she’s so fixated on Sean. All of a sudden she spots Jay stealing candy from the joint. What is it with these motherfuckers and candy? Anyways, Emma has had enough and decides to rat them out to the owner.

As they’re waking home Emma decides to go for it and asks Chris if he wants to go to Snake’s birthday party. He says sure and offers to rap for all the guests. Emma’s joy is short lived because Sean and his “gang” arrive and Jay get’s into her face. He tells Emma that they’re now banned for life from the Dot. Chris then get’s into his face and tells him to go eat somewhere else. Sean knowing that Jay would probably get his ass kicked tells him to just go. But Jay says that since they want to ruin their fun, he’ll start ruining their’s as well. Emma all smart alecky says, “And what is fun for you Jay? Stealing the school DVD player?” Because Jay is a dickhead, he pretty much admits that they stole Snake’s laptop. Sean makes it worse by making a face at him, pretty much cementing his guilt.

sean

Later on at night Snake is working on his piece of shit computer because he can’t sleep. He’s getting super frustrated because it keeps freezing on him. Hey, we’ve all been there right? Snake says that if he hadn’t lost his other one, he wouldn’t be using Spike’s cheap one. That’s when Emma says, “You didn’t lose it.” Snake asks her what’s that supposed to mean, but she annoyingly says, “Nothing.” I hate it when people do that.

Emma spots Chris at his locker and he says that he has the best present for Snake’s party. Turns out that he wants to give him his mix CD. But he can’t really tell Emma because she’s now obsessed with ruining Sean’s life. You can tell that he’s getting sick and tired of her.

At the drivers ed class, Spinner and Jimmy are making fun of Paige because she’s doing horribly in the class. Hazel meanwhile has quickly figured out that Paige is sucking badly in class because she wants to do Mr Falcon.

In the hallway Emma see’s another picture of her and Sean and she destroy’s it because she’s hella petty. She then see’s Sean and I gotta say, he is acting suspicious as hell. Looking all over the place holding a box close to his chest. Emma decides to play detective and starts to follow him around. But that’s the thing, she’s horrible at it and Sean confronts her and shows her that the box just has a bunch of jumpsuits for autoshop. He then starts to talk straight with her and pretty much tells her what’s what. He tells her that he’s sorry that he hurt her and that their breakup sucked. He then goes on to say that what he does with Jay and his new hoe Amy are none of her business. Which is true. Emma of course get’s pissed off even more because she doesn’t like being talked to that way.

emma-sean

Out in some park Spinner and Jimmy are still making fun of Paige, but that’s when stupid Hazel says that the only reason she’s doing bad is because of Mr Falcon and that Paige likes him. Spinner being a moron doesn’t get it right away, but he becomes infuriated and leaves huffing and puffing when he figures out that Paige want’s Mr Falcon’s D.

hazel-jimmy-spinner-paige

In the MI lap JT is playing NBA Jams on the computer and that’s when Chris comes along and says that Sean really fucked her up good. See, I told you he’s getting tired of her shit. JT doesn’t help matters by pretty much implying that he’s just her rebound. Chris now has the idea in his head and that’s when Emma comes around for her next scheme at getting back at Sean. She basically wants him to help her narc on Jay and Sean to Mr Raditch. Chris is all, “You’ll let this go?”Emma lies and says yes.

In Radich’s office Chris is actually being honest when they get asked if they saw Jay stealing all the shit that they’re accusing him of. He starts to say no, but he’s cut off by Emma. With no shame or remorse, she starts to say that she and Chris saw Jay and Sean loading some equipment into Jay’s car. Chris is so disgusted by her that he makes a face that makes him look like he smelled a really rancid fart. Radich of course has no choice but to call the police.

chris

Back to the B plot, Spinner is acting all aggressive towards Mr Falcon, being super disrespectful and talking shit. Paige tells him to calm down, but Mr Falcon tells her to stop distracting him because he has to improve. Spinner meanwhile is so caught up with hating him that he crashes the car. He probably did it on purpose because he wanted to kill him. The stunt man with the Zack Morris hair looks hilarious in this screen shot.

spinner-stunt-man

Outside the school Jay’s car is being searched by the Mounties. Jay being a smartass is telling them that they won’t find a thing because he’s innocent. Emma comes along and Sean starts to go off on her, not believing that she’s that fucking petty. But this is Spike’s daughter we’re talking about. Of course she’s petty as hell. Mr Raditch interrupts him and asks if there’s anything he wants to say. Sean blurts out, “Yeah! Eat a bowl of dicks!” Radich then gives him Saturday’s for the next two months. He then adds, “Don’t mess with the bull young man, you’ll get the horns.” Sean meanwhile spits in front of Emma’s feet and leaves fuming.

jay-mr-raditch

In the hallway Emma finds Chris and she’s all giddy about getting Sean in trouble. Chris asks her, “What about Simpson’s computer?” That’s when Emma shows her true colors and says, “What about it?” Chris has finally had it when she says, “Sean is finally going to pay for what he did to me.” He goes on to say that she’s not over him yet and that he’s just wasting his time. Which is so damn true. He does the Electric Slide and leaves all pissed off.

It’s finally Snake’s big birthday bash and Spikes brings him a desk top cake. I guess Snake is now known as being a techno nerd douche bag instead of the life ruining idiot he was back in School’s Out. Snake tells Emma that he heard that Chris is going to make an appearance but she says that he’s not coming due to him hating her guts. Snake just tells her that if he’s a good person, he’ll forgive her.

spike-snake-emma

At the Dot Paige comes by and Spinner tells her to leave him alone because he’s working so that he can pay for all the repairs that he did to the student car. Paige tells him that she loves him and blah, blah, blah. Spinner tells her that he switched them back to the mysterious Mrs Gonzalez. I had no idea students had the option to switch back in forth between teachers. But hey, this is Degrassi. Paige says, “It’s ok, I will miss those dimples, chiseled jaw and that huge bulge of his.” Spinner get’s steamed but that’s when she laughs and says that she’s just kidding.

spinner-paige

In the last scene Emma spots Chris at the mall and she tells him that she loves track 3 to whatever rap album he’s listening to. But Emma is full of shit. You can tell that she listens to The Dave Matthew’s Band and Nickelback. She starts to then kiss his ass and asks him for another chance. She promises that she’ll never talk about Sean again and that she did what she did because he broke her heart. Chris mumbles, “Does it feel any betta?” She says that it might if he would come over for some birthday cake.

emma-chris-end-credits

So this episode pretty much sucked. I didn’t care for the B plot at all and Emma was just annoying as hell through out. I can totally see why people hate Emma so much for. But no worries Degrassi fiends. The next episode is better because we continue with Manny and Craig’s relationship. See I told you Manny became a much more interesting character once she stopped hanging out with Emma.

 

 

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Season 3, Episode 10, “Never Gonna Give You Up”

Ok, after a computer breaking down and then having internet issues, I’m back for another review of Canada’s most fucked up school.

Pre-credit opener: We open on the students sitting on the gym floor for some type of class and Rick’s trying his best to be Lord fucking Byron with Terri. You know, I had forgotten that she had even gotten together with him. Oh of course it’s Mrs Kwan’s English class, so you know, they’re doing another activity that barely has to do with the subject she’s supposed to be teaching. Seems that they’ll be reenacting a scene that Marco has written. I guess he think’s he’s the next Shakespeare. Jimmy tells the group that he doesn’t want to act so he wants to be the director. Rick being annoying as hell says that he’s better suited because his mom once took a shit where they had plays once. Jimmy quickly shuts him down and makes him the stage manager. His smug look and attitude is infuriating. He get’s pissed though when Jimmy announces that Terri is going to be the lead and she gives him a hug. Clearly this motherfucker is insecure.

rick

The rehearsal’s for the scene is on and Terri is the world’s worst actress. Jimmy tries to get her to relax, but that’s when Rick comes along and gives her the worst stage directions like breathing deeply. He should know that someone of Terri’s size can’t take deep breathing, she’ll get really dizzy and pass out. Anyways, she does what he told her and it’s even worse acting than before. Terri sucks so bad that Jimmy wants a meeting at The Dot after school.

We cut to Spinner and Craig and Spinner is really dismayed that JT has wormed his way into Paige’s good graces. That’s because if you remember, he tried to beat up Dean for raping Paige, but he lost the fight badly. So maybe she just feels sorry for him. But Spinner doesn’t give a shit because JT is fucking aggravating and is always around. Spinner comes along and shoves JT out of the way and tells him to get lost. JT being an annoying pecker head starts to mimic Spinner, driving him crazy. I know I would have beat the shit out of him long ago. But he’s pussy whipped by Paige and he leaves him alone.

jt-paige

In the next scene Rick is starting to show Terri how insecure he is by asking her how long she’s known Jimmy and if she likes him. She says yeah, and he quickly makes a face. She tells him not like she likes him. If he wasn’t such a spaz, he’d realize that Jimmy has zero interest in Terri. In Snake’s class, Jimmy makes a face as they kiss. Hazel laughs and says that they’re not that bad. But Jimmy says that Rick is the one who’s nauseating. At her computer station Terri has carved Rick’s name onto the desk.

Later on at The Dot, Rick is giving the group more pointers about the boring world of theater. After he finishes, Terri has this smug look on her face like she’s super impressed by Rick and his stupid bullshit. Spinner comes along and takes their order because he’s working there now and that’s when they start to notice that Rick is a bit controlling. Especially since she wants a burger and he suggests that she order a salad instead because of her weight. If the woman wants to eat her own weight in chicken nuggets than let her you asshole. Of course Terri being stupid, she neither minds nor notices.

terri-rick

Back at Degrassi, Mr Raditch asks JT if there’s something that he wants to tell him. JT being a fuck up wonders what he did now to piss him off. That’s when he shows him a note where apparently it’s a love note for Mr Raditch from him. JT adamantly denies that it’s from him and Raditch is relieved to hear that. As he walks away, JT opens his  locker to see that he has a love shrine dedicated to Radich and quickly slams the door shut. Right away he knows that it was Spinner who did it. He then makes it clear that he doesn’t want JT’s corny ass hanging around anymore.

mr-raditch

At the theater stage, Terri is talking directly to the audience like a robot thanks to Rick’s advice. At that Jimmy has had enough and he goes up to Rick and tells him not to be telling Terri want to do because her performance has become worse and worse each time. Rick offers to tell her, but Jimmy says that he will, later on at The Dot without him. Rick didn’t like that one bit and looks at Jimmy with hatred in his eyes.

In the hallway Spinner is telling Paige and laughing at the fact that he completely humiliated JT earlier that day. That’s when JT comes along and tears off Spinner’s track suit pants, revealing his heart boxers to the world at large. Spinner swears vengeance against JT as everyone including Paige laughs their asses off at him.

spinner

Elsewhere Rick is having a meltdown over Jimmy telling him what’s what. Rick being an asshole then tells Terri that she doesn’t have to listen to him. Terri points out that she sort of has to because Jimmy’s the director. Being a typical manipulator he tells her that he just doesn’t want her to make an ass of herself in front of everyone.

And what does she do? She makes an ass of herself, but only because she listened to Rick’s advice. It’s funny because she was doing just fine until she saw Rick and his look of disappointment on his face. She goes from being natural to talking like a 60’s robot who has breathing problems. I love how she see’s that everyone is laughing at her when she started to do that, but she just can’t stop herself.

terri-marco

After school, Terri starts to go off on Rick and his stupid stage directions that humiliated her in front of the whole class. She mentions how she should have listened to Jimmy and that’s when he grabs her wrist all hard and tells her that he doesn’t like that tone of voice. Terri all afraid tells him that he’s hurting her and to let her go. You can tell this piece of shit feels no remorse for what he just did.

rick-terri

The next day Rick like all typical abusers tries to act like nothing happened and makes it up to her by bringing her flowers. He starts to tell her his paranoid fantasies of Jimmy being into her. Once again she tells him that they’re just friends. He then changes tactics and goes on to say how beautiful and wonderful she is. Terri craving attention of this kind completely falls for it.

In the girls restroom Paige and Hazel are telling Terri how lucky she is that she found a sweet dweeb like Rick. Why is this important you ask? Well I’ll tell you. Paige wants to hang out at her house so that Terri can tell them all about her relationship and that’s when Terri says, “I’ll have to ask him first.” After Paige leaves, that’s when Hazel notices Rick’s hand prints all over Terri’s wrist. Right away Hazel knows what’s up.

Out in the hallway, Spinner and JT’s prank war continues. Spinner’s next move is to act like he’s over the whole thing, but behind JT, Craig comes along and puts a speaker device in JT’s locker. After he leaves JT tries to flirt with Manny the whore, but that’s when these really monster sounding farts start to come out of his locker. Manny leaves all disgusted and right away he finds it and knows that it was Spinner still fucking with him. I just noticed that the girl behind Manny seems to be checking out her ass.

manny

In the theater/gym, Terri decides to ask Rick if she can go and hang out with Paige and have a girls night. Being possessive Rick tells her that he doesn’t like that idea and even tries to invite himself along. He goes on to accuse her of wanting to talk about him and trying to pick up other guys. Terri tells him that he’s acting crazy and that’s when he snaps and decides to bitch slap the shit out of her. Terri see’s blood on her lips and just leaves without saying anything.

terri-rick-slap

At The Dot, JT decides to order a really complicated order which flusters Spinner because he’s an idiot. Spinner tells him to cut his shit out and that’s when JT starts to copy everything Spinner says again. Spinner loses his minds starts to rough JT up and that’s when the owner comes along and calls him into his office all pissed off. Now, JT fucking with Spinner at his place of work is not cool, he definitely deserves a severe ass kicking for that shit.

We cut to Paige’s and that’s when Hazel decides to grill her about their relationship. Especially the fact that Rick and Terri never fight. Terri says sometimes, but it’s mostly just Rick being abusive towards her. So it’s one sided. Hazel then notices Terri’s fat lip, Terri being the victim defends Rick and denies that Rick is hurting her. She even goes on to say that Hazel is being a hater and leaves in a huff.

She comes along to one of Degrassi’s back alley’s and runs into Rick waiting for her like a fucking stalker. He tries to manipulate her again, by saying how much he loves her. Terri upset about her fight with Hazel tells him that she just wants to be alone. That’s when Rick takes it as an opportunity to tell her that he’s making a new rule and that rule is that she’s only allowed to talk to Paige and Hazel at school only. Instead of telling him to fuck off with that, she just says that she needs to go to think. Rick yet again loses it and starts to accuse her of wanting to dump his ass. She tells him that she does love him, but that he’s clingy as hell. When he hears that he shoves Terri against a shed and then apologizes to her. Terri now pissed off tells him that that’s the last time that he’ll ever touch her.

rick-terri-angry

In the hallway JT is telling Spinner how sorry he is for getting him in trouble at work. Especially since Paige told him that he got demoted to dishwasher. I’m surprised that Spinner didn’t get fired for beating up a customer. Anyways, they both call of their prank war. Spinner agrees to it as long as JT promises to stop cock blocking him. All JT demands is to be treated like a Human. However, JT get’s one final laugh as Mrs Kwan comes along and shows Spinner a love poem that he supposedly wrote to her.

spinner-jt

Elsewhere Jimmy is telling Terri that if Rick ever does that kind of shit again, to let him know so that Jimmy can get his ass kicked by Rick. Because come on, Jimmy has lost every single fight he’s been in and lost them badly. Terri goes on to tell Hazel that she feels so stupid for putting up with Rick’s abuse. She’s even more stupid because she says that she still cares for him. At her locker Terri see’s that Rick left a rose for her like he did before they got together. The episode ends with Terri full of sass throwing it onto the floor and annihilating it with her foot while making direct eye contact with Rick.

terri-end-credits

I’ll say that this was a good episode and only because this was a completely recycled episode from Degrassi High when Kathleen and her formerly mustached boyfriend Scott beat the holy hell out of her too. You can check out my episode review here: https://degrassijuniorhighreviewed.wordpress.com/2014/09/04/season-1-episode-6-nobodys-perfect/ I mean, goddamn, they even reused the same exact situation about Kathleen wanting to rehearse a scene from a play. Not very original at all Degrassi writers. As for the JT and Spinner prank war, it was more annoying than funny. So meh. The whole JT being in love with Raditch was funny though, so I’ll give them that.


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Degrassi Of The Dead (Halloween Special)

So it’s October and I thought I would do a review of this webisode series because I love Halloween. I have a feeling this is going to be cheesy as hell though.

We start out with season 9’s opening credits and all of a sudden we get some spooky imagery. Well spooky to Degrassi standards. After that bullshit we see some news bulletins that says that Degrassi, or I should say Toronto is being hit with a zombie epidemic. Turns out that it happened because people were eating genetically modified fruits and vegetables. Seems like Emma and Ashley were right all along then. But going by that, I’m guessing this is only happening around Degrassi.

degrassi-of-the-dead

I gotta say, it has pretty good gore effects for such a low budget production, let alone webisodes. I believe Manny is narrating and we see that Peter, Ashley, Jay and Paige have barricaded themselves in Degrassi. Yup, it was Manny. Going by the dialog they’re totally ripping off Dawn of the Dead. Especially when Peter says that the kids are coming back to school because it was important to them. Jay in disgust can’t fathom why anyone would want to go back to Degrassi. He does make a good point. Ashley is playing the part of panicky idiot and is crying why the army or anyone else comes to rescue them. Paige tells her that they’re the only one’s left alive. That’s when Manny says that Emma is on her way in her car to rescue them out of that hell hole. But nope, Emma is now one of the flesh eaters, so they’re fucked now.

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Jay says that he’s not going to stand around holding his dick while the zombies eventually break through the door. Being a scumbag, he knows where Mrs H keeps the spare bus keys. But no principle would keep spares. That would be at the motor pool or whatever. But that’s Degrassi for you, wants you to dispel any logic. They tell Jay that they should stick together but he’s basically all, “Every man for himself!” Peter says that he won’t find the keys because he already has them. I love how they don’t even bother to tell Jay that. All of a sudden we see Jay pop back out screaming and it’s Mrs H biting the hell out of his throat. The blood spraying looks like such bad cgi. It’s hilarious.

jay

Peter starts to go on about the fact that they just killed his mom. Even though they didn’t even show it. Paige says that she knew that she was a man eater, but that was ridiculous. So did Paige just call Mrs H a whore? Ashley starts to say that it wasn’t his mom anymore and it was just a zombie. That’s when she spots Jimmy and he’s now a zombie too.

All of a sudden Emma appears at the gym doors and it’s obvious that the zombies have broken into the school now. Manny heads into a vent and crawls into it with Paige following. Ashley being stupid get’s too close and that’s when Jimmy fucking kills her. No big loss there. Everyone else makes it except for Peter, he get’s pulled back out and he throws the bus keys to Paige. So Peter’s dinner now.

ashley-jimmy

Even as a zombie, Emma is still being a nag. She’s bitching out Manny, telling her that she tried for years warning people about the deadly effects of genetically modified foods, but no one listened to her. Of course not, Emma has a new bullshit cause every week. She doesn’t have any credibility. Funny how Manny was daydreaming all that.

emma

In the vents Paige is telling Manny that she’s sorry for being such a bitch to her all these years and that she’s glad that she’s there with her. Manny then says, “You’re not hitting on me are you?” Referring to that fact that Paige is now a lesbian too. I told you, everyone at the school eventually turns gay.

They come out of the vents into one of the science rooms. Paige is nearly bitten by Spinner who’s tied up and looks more like a raccoon than a zombie. That or a bank robber. Now I’m thinking that they blew most of their budget on the beginning of the first webisode. Spinner then says, “Sexy.” Out of nowhere, that dork Derek, dressed like a scientist explains that Spinner is now a zombie but that his extincts are still there, meaning that even though he’s dead, he still wants to fuck.

spinner-zombie

Derek goes on to say that he’s glad he’s there and that his dreams are finally going to come true. Manny asks him what he’s talking about and he says that he wants to repopulate the Earth. Meaning he wants to bang, possibly rape the both of them. Paige says that he’s out of his mind and he says not only that, but horny too. Seriously, he said he was horny. Fucking Degrassi, always going there I guess. He then goes on to say that he’s going to blow up the school and take all the zombies with it.

Manny goes on to say that they have to get the hell out of there and that’s when Paige uses her sexuality to get to Derek and starts to kiss him. Being a horny loser, he falls for it. But that’s when she signals Manny to get out of the way so that she can push him towards Spinner, who bites his neck open. Derek pushes the detonator and all Paige can do is say, “Oh crap.” Manny runs out of the room before she can become a crispy critter too. The explosion looked fake as hell. Haha.

derek-paigemanny-explosions

Manny seems to be the only survivor and is explaining to everyone that the explosion should have cleared a way to the school bus. They would show us that the school is destroyed, but they can’t afford to.

As she turns around she see’s that there’s a shit load of zombies in front of the bus so Derek and his stupid plan failed miserably. Peter starts to talk to her and tells her to play dead so they can get by them. I don’t know how he survived. But whatever, bad screen writing really. But what do you expect from a webisode series. Just as they’re about to get there, Manny get’s stopped in her tracks when she see’s Emma blocking the entrance. Manny points out that even though she’s dead, Emma still looks pretty. I swear, I just saw an extra who looked like he was more confused than dead.

peter-manny-zombies

Finally they get on the bus and escape. But as they’re driving away, it’s pretty clear that Peter was bitten. By why is everyone being bitten on the neck for? Anyways, Peter turns into a zombie and then it seems like he’s going to bang her doggy style. Probably figures that a slut like Manny would like that and that’s where this ends with no one surviving!

peter-zombie-manny

We then get the closing credits and I’m laughing my ass off because Drake is dancing around like Michael Jackson in Thriller. He even does the fucking robot! Someone’s singing/rapping during this. They’re pretty much summarizing what happened and I can swear that it’s Snake. It’s pretty bad too, so it must be him.

drake-zombie-end-credits-thriller

Well there you have it, Degrassi of the Dead. This was pretty lame, it did have impressive gore effects in the beginning, but it was all down hill from then. But if you like lame horror movies that you see in five dollar bins, then this will be right up your alley. Maybe I’m being to hard on it, it was after all a webisode series and it’s doubtful they had much money to do it. Plus it looked like it was fun to make. Ok, I change my mind, this was a fun little thing to watch for October and Halloween.


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Season 2, Episode 18, “Dressed In Black”

So this one is a good one. I’ve noticed that all the episodes that have to do with the older cast members are of better quality. All the underclassmen focused episodes are completely shitty, unless it’s a Sean episode.

Pre-credit opener: Jimmy and Ashley are hanging out in her dark room and she’s subjecting him to all of her shitty emo music. You can tell Drake wants to rap his way out of there. But he’s fucked because Ashley is his girlfriend again, and he’s forced to listen and lie to her that her music is good. It isn’t. Ashley’s music sucks so bad. She goes on about connecting with him on an emotional level, but you can tell that he’s already clocked out of that relationship.

Ashley, Jimmy

The next day Jimmy runs into Ashley and shows her last years year book. He makes her sign the goddamn thing and she goes on about looking awful the previous year. That’s when resident Degrassi Haley Joel Osment look alike Sully makes his first appearance. He talks shit about Ashley being a freak and Jimmy of course doesn’t beat the shit out of him for her honor. But then again, Jimmy is a big puss who get’s his ass kicked all the time.

Oh great, we come upon JT and Toby and JT is way too excited about Dr Sally coming in again to give her sex pep talk. He must be really hard up if he’s excited to hear her sex stories. Not even Toby is hoping for porn in that case. But he’s disappointed to hear that Coach Armstrong is going to be giving the sex lecture due to Dr Sally hurting her hip during a really intense geriatric sex session. Coach Armstrong starts to talk about Abstinence being the best thing to practice. Manny asks him what it means and he tells her that it’s best not to bone. Something that Manny won’t listen to in later seasons. Anyways, JT playing with a condom accidentally launches it and it lands on Armstrong’s back and hilarity ensues.

JT, Armstrong, Condom

We cut to Ms Kwan’s class and she’s giving out an assignment. Which is to act out a scene from Bill Shakespeare’s immortal classic, The Taming Of The Shrew. At least this assignment is at related to English class. Last time she had them doing some shit that had nothing to do with the subject. Ashley is disappointed that Jimmy is paired with Hazel, while she get’s stuck with Craig.

Outside of class Craig has a leaf crown. He’s been hit so hard by his dad, he now thinks he’s Julius Caesar. They both come up with doing a really depressing emo version of the scene they’re supposed to do. You can tell that she likes it that he thought the same thing.

Craig, Ashley

During lunch, Toby tells JT that he’s confused on when one should buy condoms. JT tells him that there’s no time like the present. But what he really should have told him was that there is no chance in hell that Toby is ever, ever going to get laid. But this being Degrassi, it recycles another plot from Degrassi Junior High and it’s the time when Joey and Wheels went to go buy condoms.

Back inside the school Ashley runs into Jimmy at his locker and she spots a picture of her from the last season and tells him to burn it. Man she’s so dark! She invites him home for dinner that night and you can tell that he really doesn’t want to go. Hey, I’ve been there before. It sucks.

Ashley, Jimmy, Hallway

We cut back to Toby and JT and they’ve picked out a box of Magnum condoms. Yeah right. Both of their dicks combined wouldn’t fill out that thing. Toby obviously being a Star Wars fan picks out some glow in the dark condoms and they have themselves a little mock lightsaber fight with some canes. As they’re going to check out to buy the condoms JT makes an ass of himself by asking the clerk for her phone number. The stocker behind him is so disgusted, he can’t help making a face.

JT, Toby

Finally, it’s the big dinner scene and Ashley starts going on about how kids should be educated on sex and should be given condoms. This starts out a big debate on the dinner table and she totally puts Jimmy on the spot on what he thinks. I fucking hate it when people pull that shit. Instead of telling her that he wants to keep out of this messed up family discussion, he tells her that he sides with Toby’s dad that it gives out a bad message to kids. She get’s all pissed off at him for reluctantly giving his answer. I swear, you can’t win with people like her.

Jimmy, Ashley

Back at Degrassi, Toby being a big puss gives JT the condoms to hold in his locker, saying that they’re his problem since he made him buy them. Spinner, Emma and Manny just happen to come along and Spinner sounds completely retarded trying to say lines from the play, so JT just can’t resist pointing out how stupid he sounds. At that he shoves JT into the locker and the condoms come tumbling out. Right away everyone figures out that they’re Toby’s. Spinner get’s so enraged that he vows to rip his balls off.

In the hallway, Ashley get’s Craig to take a pic of her with this gigantic Polaroid camera. Jimmy comes along and tapes it right next to her old picture, disappointing her even more. She get’s all pissed off about it and finally Jimmy admits to her that he likes the old, non scary, not so uptight Ashley.

Now Ashley is having an identity crisis. She wants to stay Goth, but at the same time she wants to please Jimmy. What’s a girl to do? Yup, she tries to please Jimmy and goes to school dressed normal, but of course now she’s all uncomfortable. Especially with a couple of skank’s making fun of her. Ellie comes along and can’t hide her disdain. But it’s not like Ashley was being original or herself either. She was just copying Ellie’s style. Jimmy comes along and he’s happier than a pig in shit that she’s no longer dressed like Winona Ryder was in Beetlejuice. My opinion is that she looks better non goth.

Ashley, Non Goth

In the MI class Toby and JT are terrified of Spinner. Spinner seems to have either made a website or a really elaborate email. It describes and has an animated gif about how he’s going to decapitate Toby and shit down his neck. But I doubt Spinner could come up with such complicated graphics since he is a big dummy. Toby runs when he see’s that Spinner is directly behind him. Just as he thinks he’s getting away he runs into Kendra and she man handles him and slams him against the lockers. She yells at him and asks, “How old am I?” Toby says 12 and she says, “That’s right! This relationship is never getting past talking about Cowboy Bebop!!”

Toby, Kendra

Outside Ashley is hanging out with Paige and her crew. They’re talking about some idiotic commercial and Terri tells her that they’ll get her back in the loop of things. I guess the loop of things is talking about stupid bullshit. Paige tells her that the goth look was actually working for her and asks why she reverted back to her boring self. Ashley just mumbles something and walks away. I gotta say, she does look out of place hanging out with them.

Hazel, Terri, Paige, Ashley

Out in the Degrassi haunted forest, Craig is waiting for Ashley so they can rehearse their scene. He acts all shocked that she actually looks decent, maybe a bit butch, but still feminine. Anyways, Craig tells Ashley exactly what she wants to hear from Jimmy, which is if someone really loves you, they’ll accept everything about you. Even the fucked up annoying parts. And that ladies and gentlemen is how you weasel yourself into a sad girls pants.

In the next scene Spinner grabs Toby and tells him that his ass is grass. But instead of just beating the shit out of him, he lets Toby tell him the reason why he bought the rubbers to begin with which is that he really likes his sister and if he porked her, he wanted to take care of her. Seems like Spinner was so touched it made his asshole clench and instantly forgives Toby. Kind of the whole Martha thing in Batman V Superman. But then Toby does a dickhead move and tells him that it was JT’s idea to buy the condoms, so now JT is in deep shit.

Toby, Spinner

Finally it’s time for everyone’s scenes and Jimmy and Hazel are dressed like a football player and cheerleader. They have everyone laughing for some reason. Up next is Craig and Ashley and yeah, their scene is real messed up. Craig seems to be channeling his dad and it seems like he’s going to fuck Ashley up. Shit, he even resembles his dad. Everyone is in complete shock. Marco starts crying, telling them to stop because Ashley’s already dead.

Ashley, Craig

In the hallway Spinner brings Toby into a room and see’s that JT has been tied up and is wearing a bunch of prophylactics. To humiliate JT even more, Spinner turns off the lights and now the condoms start to glow. Yeah, pretty unfunny and doesn’t even warrant a screen shot.

At Drake’s locker, Ashley comes up to him dressed all in black again (Hey, that’s the name of the episode!) and hands him a note. Basically she breaks up with him because he was trying to change her. The funny thing is, in the next season she’s going to change her look and no one is going to give two fucks about it. He should have told her that she’s just going through a phase. Might I point out that she’s the one broken up about it, meanwhile Jimmy is waiting for her to turn the corner so he can break dance, since he’s so happy that he’s finally gotten rid of his downer of a girlfriend.

Ashley, End Credits

So yeah, even though JT and Toby were kind of ruining this episode. I still enjoyed it. I guess I like bullshit drama and baby, whenever Ashley is involved, there’s always bullshit drama.


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Season 2, Episode 17, “Relax”

So right away my heart dropped because this is a Liberty episode and we all know that Liberty is one of the worst characters in Degrassi history.

Pre-credit opener: So it seems like there’s try out’s going on for the Degrassi field hockey team, except they’re playing inside the gym. Right from the get go it’s clear that Liberty has no coordination or athletic ability whatsoever. Mrs Hot Piece of Ass seems to be the coach and pulls her aside to talk to her. It’s hilarious hearing Liberty saying that she needs to improve on her scoring if she’s going to lead the team to victory. Like she would ever be any team captain. Anyways, Mrs Hot Piece tells Liberty that she wants her to be the equipment manager because she obviously sucks ass big time. So with very little dignity she assumes every nonathletic nerd’s position on a sports team.

girls hockey team

Outside the locker room it’s apparent that Manny, Emma and Jackie Chan impersonator Kendra have all made the team. Kendra mentions that it’s time to initiate Manny into the team and yeah, it’s as lame as you would expect. They spray her into oblivion with silly string. Liberty comes along and acts like a dick by saying that she’s going to keep all the girls inline. Someone should explain to her that she has no authority at all when it comes to the team. Except for washing dirty uniforms.

In class, Liberty has gotten a high mark on a paper that she did on Napoleon. I can imagine JT saying like Bill and Ted that he was just a short dead dude. Meanwhile, it seems like Terri hasn’t learned her lesson from the previous season and is starting to dabble in Satanism and witchcraft again. And to prove my point Ashley being Ashley points out that she hasn’t learned a thing from last year. Paige having no fear asks Terri to read her palm and Terri is immediately terrified because she just saw death in Paige’s palm. Of course Paige being stupid completely believes in Terri’s bullshit.

Terri, Hazel

Oh lord, we cut away to Liberty and she’s helping Degrassi fight the battle of dirty drawers. What a thankless job she has. She’s so bored in fact that she imagines the whole school cheering her on. She comes back to reality when Manny’s soiled uniform comes out of the washer. Coach Armstrong walks in and right away she starts to bitch at him because the girls uniforms are literally coming apart and points out that the boys teams all have the new ones. He tells her that the boys get more shit because there’s more boy’s teams. This is where she get’s her inspiration to seek out a sponsor for the girls.

And she goes to Joey for help. I don’t know why, since Joey seems to be always broke thanks to barely selling shitty cars to losers. But it turns out that she’s too late since the boys already asked him to sponsor  the basketball team. It sounds so sad when he tells her that boys have been doing really good all year, because it’s clear that he follows high school sports. To shut her up, he tells her that he’ll think about it. I don’t know why she just doesn’t go to someone or somewhere else. You know, someone who can actually donate a lot of fucking money.

Joey

Before practice Liberty is telling the girls what she’s planning to do about getting new uniforms, she even proudly shows them a jersey that she designed herself. But it’s short lived, Mrs Hot Piece comes along and tells her to fuck off  and to clean more laundry so that the other girls can practice for their first game.

In the MI lab, Paige and Hazel figure out that Terri is a complete idiot and miss read her palm. Turns out that she’s supposed to read the right hand and Paige has a long ass life line. Terri comes along and gives Paige some flowers. She makes it worse on herself because she tells her that anything she wants from her, just ask. Leave it to a shithead like Paige to take advantage of her stupid oafish friend.

Out in the Degrassi Quad, Liberty is feeling sorry for herself and Emma and the girls try to cheer her up by saying that they appreciate what she’s doing for them. But that’s when Drake and the boys come along and start to give her shit for her trying to steal Joey’s 200 dollar contribution to the Degrassi boy’s team. Liberty get’s so pissed at the boys dissing the girls that she challenges the boys to a match at floor hockey. The winner gets to have Joey’s worthless sponsorship, the losers have to do the other’s laundry for a month. Right away the girls know that they’re fucked because A, they’re boys and B, they’re older than they are. So they’re not really relishing washing Spinners soiled jock strap.

Liberty, Sean, Spinner, Jimmy

The next day of school Mrs Hot Piece tells the girls that they’re on their own because she doesn’t have time to coach them in a bullshit game that doesn’t really matter. That or she has a webcam show that she has to do after school in order to bring in some more cash. Liberty in a mad grab for power assumes the role of coach, saying that she’s going to take Napoleon’s approach to winning. She brings this huge book and it has a bunch of stupid ass ideas for the girls winning.

Mrs Hatzilakos

At their practice Liberty looks even more like an idiot because she’s sporting a cape. All the girls want to laugh their asses off at her because she looks like a complete dipshit. Manny tells her that she’s having a horrible period and wants to be excused but Liberty, predictably has already let what little power she has to go to her head and basically treats Manny like complete shit and tells her to basically walk it off.

Liberty, Kendra, Emma, Manny

Out in the hallway, Paige is hella taking advantage of Terri, especially by asking her to write her book report. What a fucking bitch I swear. But Terri is an idiot.

Meanwhile Drake and the boys are laughing at Liberty yelling at all the girls for not getting the plays that she wants to them memorize. She concentrates her fury on Manny, calling her the weakest link in the team. Manny should have told her that at least she made the goddamn team. It’s clear that the girls already don’t like Liberty as the coach. Well no one likes Liberty, but more than ever she’s hated. Out in the hallway Kendra tells her that no one likes her yelling at everyone and that they don’t get her stupid complicated plays.  After that tongue lashing, she turns around and the boys tapped a nasty looking jock strap to her locker. Just to stick it to her, and you know what? She deserves it.

Liberty, Kendra

In the MI lab Terri just finished Paige’s report at the cost of her own. Paige notices that Terri has a nasty, juicy looking zit on her forehead. Terri says it’s from stress, but that doesn’t faze Paige at all. And to prove it, she tells Hazel, “Who says dying isn’t fun?” Ashley just happens to overhear her and you can tell that she’s going to rat her out.

Terri Paige, Ashley, Hazel

And yeah, she walks up to Terri and  lets her know that she’s being played for a fucking moron.

Finally it’s time for the big game and there’s a huge crowd here for the battle of the sexes. Until Liberty comes along and kicks everyone out. Why anyone would listen to her is beyond me, but ok, she got them to leave the gym.

She tries to inspire the girls with a brainac quote, but no one understands what the fuck she’s talking about. Outside the school Ashley and Terri are conjuring up a really powerful demon to destroy Paige for making Terri out to be sap.  Paige runs away because Terri is ready to annihilate her ass.

Paige, Hazel, Ashley, Terri

Now that that bullshit is taken care of we go back to the game and the girls are losing 4 to 1.  All of a sudden Manny runs into Spinner and she hurts her wrist pretty bad. Joey tells her to go to the nurse, but Liberty, being a shithead tells Joey that she’s fine and can still play in the game. Joey ignores her and tells another one of the girls to take Manny to get checked out. At this Liberty completely loses her shit and starts to berate the girls and that’s when they’ve all had enough of her and they decide to quit.

Manny, EmmaLiberty

In the locker room the entire team calls out Liberty on being a gigantic asshole. They decide to go back to the game, but without her. Just like fucking Urkle, Liberty feels sorry for herself after being called out on her shit. Mrs Hot Ass comes along and quickly figures out what a horrible coach Liberty is.

Predictably the girls lost big time because Liberty is washing all the boys nasty jockstraps. Emma and the girls come in and they surprise Liberty by showing them brand new uniforms that she designed. You’d think that it would say the name of the school in the front, but instead it says, Jeremiah Motors. Turns out that Joey decided to sponsor both teams. He must have taken a loan from a mobster, or sold his Zits memorabilia because we all know that Joey is a broke dick loser. Anyways, Liberty is happy because she got her own uniform that says Equipment Manager. That’s normally something you don’t want to advertise.

Liberty End Credits

So yeah, this episode was pretty weak. Liberty was annoying as hell and it was basically another rehash of an episode of Degrassi Junior High when Wheels and the Chinese kid had a swim meet against LD, Caitlin and Melanie. You can tell the writers were scrapping the bottom of the barrel here.


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Season 2, Episode 11, “Don’t Believe The Hype”

Now I don’t remember watching this one when The N was airing the show. Maybe it was too controversial because it has to do with hate crimes against Muslims, plus 9/11 had barely happened 2 years before I think. So maybe they thought it was too much to take for American audiences. Way to puss out The N!

Pre-credit opener: Hazel and Terri are at their lockers discussing what dish they should bring for international day. Terri thinks she should bring some Haggis. Hazel clearly disgusted points out that it’s just full of sheep guts. Paige comes along and gives Hazel a ticket for being a fashion victim. Just then this girl named Fareeza comes along and we can tell right away that she’s a Muslim because of the head scarf she has on. Terri wonders out loud, “Do you think they’re bald under there?” Ashley get’s all offended and points out to Terri what a shitty thing that was to say. But oh it’s get’s worse. Hazel stops her and says that she’s under arrest for “terrorist chic.” Fareeza all pissed off rolls it up to a ball and throws it away. Not only is she a terrorist, she’s a litter bug! I’m just kidding with that, so don’t be sending me angry comments. But even Paige being a major bitch is shocked at what Hazel just did. Yup, it’s going to be a special episode of Degrassi. Even though most of them are, or at least the writers think they are.

Fareeza Hazel

In the MI room Snake comes along and takes away Spinner and Jimmy’s hacky sack away from them. Why? Because he’s a dick still. He reminds everyone about how it’s going to be international day and Spinner tells him that he doesn’t have a culture. Snake says that it’s bullshit and that everyone has something ethnic about them. It’s obvious that Hazel has a real issue with International day and doesn’t want to participate. Paige wonders why she hasn’t even bothered starting yet, let alone being invited to her house.

Oh lord we come to the B plot and I knew it was going to involve Toby or JT. Luckily for all of us we get stuck with JT in this episode. Liberty comes along and she fucking sucks at sewing things together. JT meanwhile seems to be a professional seamstress. No way did he do that, it looks store bought. Toby and Sean come in the class and Sean complains about how much the class sucks because it’s for girls. Then why did you sign up for it then, cause I’m assuming it’s an elective. Anyways Liberty points out how good JT’s project is and Sean calls him “Gay T.” I admit, I laughed my ass off at that. Good one Sean. We then get the old sitcom device of a misunderstanding. JT takes Liberty’s project and calls it his own. The teacher now thinks that Liberty is a seamstress genius.

JT

In the hallway Spinner is telling Drake how he asked his mom where his family came from and she pointed to a globe and said he was from Earth. I can totally relate to that. My dad would be just as helpful about his family line because he doesn’t give a shit. Glad I never had to do such a project in school because I’d be so boned. Paige is telling Hazel all about her Ukrainian outfit that she has planned but Hazel is dead set about international day. It doesn’t take a genius to already know that she’s ashamed of where she’s from. It’s hilarious how Paige just assumes that Hazel is from Jamaica. To make the point we get this lame Jamaican music cue as the scene changes.

Outside Liberty is begging JT for some help because she has to make a skirt now. JT says that he doesn’t care about her problem and neither do I. Of course she black mails him and now he’s stuck having to do her project.

Ok, stop it Degrassi, we get another Jamaican cue and Hazel is going to a Jamaican restaurant to get some jerk chicken to show her class the real Jamaica. As the guy is giving her the chicken for her project he points out to her that she’s not Jamaican. This guy is way too fucking nice. He gives her a discount on a large order of chicken and gives her a poster of Jamaica.

Hazel, Old Man

Finally it’s International day and Spinner is dressed like a cowboy for some reason. He gives Snake a pizza with Polish, Italian and Russian sausage. Snake wants to immediately throw up though because dumbass barely cooked it. So it’s safe to assume that Snake is now dying of Salmonella poisoning. Mr Raditch meanwhile is fighting against getting a boner and trying not to look at Paige’s body because of her slutty version of her Ukrainian costume. Hazel get’s some high marks for her chicken and Snake points out that it’s just as good as the Jamaican place he lives near by. Yeah, of course he just happens to live near the place.

Snake, Spinner, Drake Mr Raditch, Paige

It’s lunch time and Fareeza decides to confront Hazel. The way she looks and talks, I thought it was Lani Billard who played Busy in Ready or Not. But Busy is around my age and she would have been too old for this already. Anyways, Fareeza points out to Hazel how her last name sounds like it’s more from Somalia, she even points out how she even looks Somalian. Hazel tells her to fuck off and to mind her own goddamn business before Jamaica nukes Iraq. Oh God, JT and Liberty are working on the project and JT is showing her his magic. He goes on to say that his mom is a seamstress and that’s where he got his mad skills. I’m convinced that he is gay now.

Hazel, Fareeza

As the students are walking in to the gym again they’re all in shock to see that someone defaced Fareeza’s project on Iraq. Even writing Terrorist across her damn board. Did 9/11 really create this kind of hatred in Canada too? How interesting.

Terrorist

Back in the MI class Fareeza is in tears talking to the police and Mr Raditch. Snake is outraged at this heinous act and says that a hate crime was committed. He says that for now International day and all classes are on hold. Me being an asshole I would be all too happy to hear this news. Terri blurts out that none of them did it and that none of them are like that. That’s when Ashley decides to be a shit head and calls her out on what she said about Muslims earlier. Fuck off Ashley. I hate shit starters like her. Spinner goes on to point out how people are scared and what does she expect. Jimmy tells everyone about a neighbor who has had his bank account frozen a few times because his name just happens to be Osama. Ah the times when people were really paranoid of Muslims and terrorist attacks. Actually that shit has gotten worse, especially here.

Ashley

Here we get a montage of different class rooms talking about what happened. Toby just says, “Come on Sean, it’s hate!” I rolled my eyes so hard I now need surgery. Then he goes on to mention the Holocaust and if he was around at the time he and Gilbert Gottfried would have been the first one’s thrown into an oven. Kendra goes on to point out that she’s Asian and her family are white people. So she’s proof that different races can get along. Spinner saying what people really think says that he doesn’t want to be blown out of the sky from some terrorist. Ashley just can’t help being all judgmental towards everyone who disagrees with her. Can you all sense that Degrassi wanted to start a dialog with kids back in the day? It’s so damn preachy though.

Toby

Uh oh, Hazel seems to be in deep shit because Raditch has now called her up to his office. Turns out that Hazel is the prime suspect because of how shitty she treated Fareeza the whole episode. Hazel goes on to say that she can’t stand Fareeza because she’s a shit head. But that she would never do something like that to her display. Raditch get’s a call and then tells them that they caught who did it. Turns out it was two guys in grade 10. If I was Hazel I would demand a fucking apology from Raditch for being quick to lay blame. Instead he lectures her some more and tells her that her harassment was still a fucked up thing to do. So Hazel still loses in this.

In the Home Ec class Liberty admits to everyone that JT is the real genius and everyone is surprised to learn that JT isn’t completely retarded. Of course Sean and Toby make fun of him until JT get’s surrounded by all the Degrassi women who want to pay him to make them custom pants. He’s charging up the ass for them, so it seems like JT has the last laugh here. Especially since that little horn dog get’s to measure their bodies.

JT, Manny, Emma

So here we come to the heart to heart scene of the episode. It turns out that Fareeza was completely spot on about everything Hazel. Turns out that she is a skinny and at her last school Hazel was hella harassed for being a Muslim and her head scarf. Fareeza not even having one trace of compassion for her doesn’t give a shit about what happened or for her tears.

Hazel, Crying

In Snake’s class Hazel gives everyone a presentation and admits that she’s from Somalia and they came to Canada because of the civil war there. Terri not even waiting for her to finish talking interrupts and asks her why she doesn’t wear the head scarf thing. Hazel says what it is and that it’s a choice if she wants to wear it or not. Funny, I always assumed that it wasn’t a choice. But Degrassi says so, so it must be true. The episode ends with Hazel telling everyone like in X-Men First class, “Muslim and proud.”

Hazel, End Credits

For this being Hazel’s one and only episode, I think it was a good one. We finally got to see what makes a minor character tick. But this episode was so goddamn preachy too. The lesson is kids, be tolerant. Funny how it was never mentioned again that she was a Muslim. Degrassi sure ran away from that issue real fast.


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Season 2, Episode 10, “Take My Breath Away”

Hey Degrassi fiends. Sorry I haven’t posted shit for what? Weeks, or a month? Anyways, I think I’ve lost the drive to do this blog. If you see a next entry it’s because I just did it on a whim, it’ll probably be like that for now on.

Pre-credit opener: We see Craig interrupting Mrs Kwan’s boring lecture and Manny is all full of love in her eyes for him. Clearly Manny is completely insane because all of a sudden they’re wearing formal wear and break out into song. But she comes back to reality and Craig is telling her to move her ass out of the way because he has to get a projector to Snake’s class. Don’t you hate it when TV shows try to showcase the cast singing? I’m all, Stop that because they fucking suck!

Craig, Manny

In the MI lab Toby tells Snake that the computers are all messed up and Snake asks JT if he emailed him naked baboon pictures again. Snake isn’t even embarrassed to admit his sick addiction. He opens up his computer and it’s this lame, demented looking wedding announcement. Seems like Snake and Spike are getting married. Manny still living on another planet asks him what it’s like to find his one true love. She’s so Disney it makes me sick!

Spike, Snake

In the hallway Emma is bragging to Manny about the engagement ring that Snake and Emma picked out. We then see how Snake is even more of a pussy because it turns out that Spike asked him to get married. Right away we know who’s in charge in that relationship. Craig comes by and says hi to the both of them and it’s pretty obvious that Craig is into Manny too.

Outside Ellie is reading a book and Marco let’s on that he’s read it too. She says that Mrs Kwan didn’t think it was so great for a book report. Well no shit Ellie. That thing seems like it’s a fucked up book by Tim Burton and it was meant for five year old’s. It’s kind of like in the Simpson’s when Bart’s book report was Baby’s First Pop Up Book. Anyways she tries to flirt with him, but he just says, “Catch you later.” On the bench next to her Ellie is dismayed to find out that Hazel is into him and wants his nuts badly.

Goth BookEllie

In the MI room Ellie is sending him an “anonymous” email, but I don’t know how he wouldn’t figure out it was her because she sent it in the same stupid style as the book they were just talking about. Ashley comes along and not respecting her privacy wants to know who it is that she likes, but all Ellie says is that she’s never felt like that for anyone before. To end this boring scene Marco reads it and just smiles at Hazel. Ellie is even more depressed because she figures that she fucked up and has driven them even more closer together.

In the hallway Manny is once again tripping balls about Craig almost telling her that he loves her, but then she comes back to reality. She spots him by himself and just blurts out to him, “Craig, I like you.” She get’s all mortified and leaves all embarrassed but Craig tells her that he likes her too and that’s when she squeals like the little girl that she is. Long story short, they make a date for a movie.

Manny

In the library Marco brings up the email to Ellie and she pretty much plays dumb and just says that it means that someone likes him. He goes on to ask why they would ask such a retarded cryptic question to him. She goes on about the anonymous part. So yeah Marco pretty much knows that it’s her.

At Joey’s house Joey is telling some girl on the phone that he doesn’t want to see her anymore and that it’s over. Oh please. Like fucking Joey is a real catch and that someone would be begging for his presence. Joey is all proud of Craig for taking out such fresh meat like Manny. At Spike’s house Manny is way too nervous about their big date and all of a sudden Mr Wonderful arrives. Before they leave Emma takes their picture with this gargantuan camera. I mean that thing is fucking huge!

Emma

The next scene is at Degrassi and it’s obviously a new day. Manny is telling Liberty and Emma about the date and she pretty much says that they’re officially boyfriend and girlfriend because they’re so in love. She’s so delusional it’s sad. To illustrate the point Craig is telling his side of the story to Spinner and Drake and you can tell he had the worst time ever. I just noticed that Spinner bleached the hell out of his hair. Why?

So right here we get another taste of the madness that is Degrassi. Manny and Craig are both going to tell their version of the date and both versions couldn’t be more different. I’m not going to go through the whole scene. Basically hers was all romantic because they had an indoor carnival in the mall. That must be a pretty shitty carnival. But ok, he buys her some cotton candy and she feeds it to him all sexy. In his version she’s acting like such a little girl and she fucking shoves the cotton candy down his throat and Craig is gasping for air.

Craig

The next incident is where they play the game where you throw a ball through a hole to win a prize. He wins her some stupid stuffed horse and Manny not even embarrassed tells him that it’s part of a collection that she has. It’s her turn and she throws the ball and she gives Craig a concussion by beaming him in the head with the damn ball. All of a sudden Craig looks into her eyes and he thinks that she’s the hottest piece in the planet. But he can’t bring himself to kiss her because she reminds him of his sister Little Manny, aka Angela. Both Jimmy and Spinner point out what a sick fuck Craig is.

Craig, Manny

Manny’s version is that she annihilates Craig’s head and he’s way too polite about it. I’m surprised she didn’t say that they had a good make out session, but she admits to Liberty and Emma that they didn’t kiss. Liberty says that she loves that in a man. Please, she would have been begging anyone for just a smooch on the cheek.

Manny, Craig

I completely forgot about Ellie and Marco’s subplot. She sends him another email and this time she wants to meet up with him. You can tell that she’s nervous as hell about it. In the hallway Manny is acting like a maniac with him already and he mentions that everyone is talking about them and she says that they’re now Degrassi’s hottest new couple. Just going by his tone of voice Emma can tell that Craig doesn’t really like her. She tries to tell her but Manny being stupid and desperate doesn’t want to hear it.

I love how Degrassi has a zen garden. I should have mentioned that in the scene where Ellie told Marco to meet her. But yes they have a zen garden, my school didn’t have any money to waste on stupid shit like that. Marco comes along and says that he was supposed to meet Hazel. She says that she knows, first hand in fact. That’s when he asks her if she was the one who was writing to him. Instead of just saying yes she get’s all sad and just leaves. What the fuck Ellie? How is the dude supposed to know that you like him if you keep staying quiet and just leave when confronted with the question.

Ellie. sad

Outside Marco is calling her on her old ass cell phone and explains to her that he wasn’t rejecting her. I don’t know how the fuck she got that from him hardly saying anything at all. He goes on to say that he was going to tell Hazel that she’s not his type. Then he says, “I go for cool, alternative.” Oh boy, does he ever! So Ellie is all happy because she bagged her dream man.

Marco

In the hallway Craig is getting tired of Manny and her shit. She’s now completely decorated his locker with a bunch of girly bullshit and you can tell that he wants to throw everything into the trash. Ashley comes along and asks Craig if he still wants to sign a petition protesting GM foods. Like anyone in that age group would even remotely care about such things. Manny goes on to show what an idiot she is and asks her what it means and then asks if it’s a good thing. They both look at her with disgust because of her stupidity.

Ashley

As soon as Ashley leaves she tells Craig that she doesn’t think that he should talk to her anymore. Holy shit did she turn into a psycho quick. All he says is that she’s in his class. That’s when Manny takes this as an opportunity to ask him what they’re going to be doing that Friday night. At that Craig can’t stands no more and he tells her flat out that he doesn’t like her. The episode ends with Manny making an ugly I wanna cry face.

Manny, End Credits

I would say this was another alright episode. The Ellie, Marco subplot was a bit boring and was wrapped up way too quickly. Manny though showed everyone what not to do when you like someone and that is to never smother them.