Degrassi The Next Generation Reviewed

Ah yes, the companion blog to Degrassi Junior High Reviewed. Each episode will be reviewed in order by a guy who loves the next generation's melodrama. New reviews at least once a week. Hopefully. But if I feel like it I might make two to three reviews a week. So it'll depend.


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Season 3, Episode 19, “It’s Raining Men”

Going by the name of the episode it’s pretty safe to assume that this one is starring Marco.

Pre-Credit Opener: Marco pulls up next to Paige, Spinner and Hazel and all excited shows them the poster for the semi formal. Geesh this guy is way too into himself, because it’s him and Ellie in East Indian garb. But goddamn, his dad comes out and he looks and sounds like Super Mario. Degrassi tries really hard to be liberal but holy moley if this isn’t an Italian stereotype right here. Anyways, the girls start to talk about how they’re going to win king and queen of the formal and Marco’s dad tells them that Marco is going to be the king. He just has to find the right queen. Poor bastard, he doesn’t realize that he already found his queen and it’s Dylan. But let’s be serious here guys. In that situation, Marco would be the queen.

In the hallway Marco is telling Dylan how embarrassing his dad is and he tells him that he already likes a guy. Being all awkward Marco can’t find the courage to ask Dylan to the stupid dance. Dylan taking the initiative asks Marco out to a zombie movie. But Marco being stupid says that they freak him out, so Dylan is going to ask another gay dude named Tom instead.

Oh lord, we come to the B plot and it involves JT dressing like a wigger while peddling curly fries in the cafeteria. Apparently there’s going to be a commercial for it since the fries are going to be in school cafeteria’s all over the country. Manny passes by and it’s obvious that JT still has a thing for her. He says hi to her, but she just walks on by because she’s so depressed in how her life is going at the moment. After that JT convinces Toby to have a launch party for his commercial at his place.

Speaking of the cafeteria, Spinner comes along and asks Marco all loud if he has a thing for Dylan. Marco all embarrassed says yes but he’s scared to ask him out. Funny how Spinner of all people is helping him out. Good for him for getting over his hatred of queer people. In the hallway Marco is just about to make his move but then Tom comes along. He’s gayer than Marco and Dylan combined. So he’s definitely Degrassi’s top gay. Marco see’s them together and leaves all disappointed.

We cut to Mrs Hotass’s science class and Spinner freaks Marco out by showing him a picture of a bee. Spinner then asks him what’s up with that Tom character and Marco wants to grind his balls into dust because he stole his crush. Man Marco has zero confidence because all he does is put himself down and has completely given up on getting with his favorite piece of beef cake.

Out in the hallway again Spinner decides to take it upon himself to hook Marco and Dylan up. This looks very bizarre because they both have the same hairstyle and it just seems like Spinner is talking to himself. Spinner see’s Tom coming and gives Dylan a hug. Dylan says, “What is this, hug the homo day?” Tom seeing a manly man like Spinner runs away in fear. After getting rid of him Spinner tells Dylan that Marco really likes him and that Dylan should ask him out. Dylan thinks that he isn’t ready and since Dylan had a horrible first gay date, he doesn’t want the same thing to happen to Marco. Spinner just tells him to think about it.

At cheer practice, Paige tries to complement JT but he just brushes her off so he can go and talk to Manny. He corners her and begs her to go to his party. She doesn’t want to because she’s Degrassi’s top slut and she knows that everyone knows it too. But she feels sorry for him and reluctantly agrees to go.

We go to Marco and he’s getting more and more depressed because he see’s couple after happy couple. At his locker Dylan comes along and says that he’s into him. Now that he knows, Dylan asks him out to the zombie movie and Marco agrees to go on his first date.

In the next scene we go to Spinner’s house and he’s playing with fucking toy dinosaurs. It’s hilarious. He quickly hides them like Dark Helmet because Marco just comes barging in with an arm full of clothes. Of course this being Marco, he’s freaking out and he wants to find the best outfit for the occasion. I don’t know how his dad doesn’t know that he’s gay because all his clothes are gayer than a motherfucker. He has a gay looking disco shirt, a Dracula/Hamlet looking shirt and even a goddamn cowboy shirt. Spinner vetos all of those choices by making fun of him and tells him to just keep it simple. At that Marco thanks him for helping him out.

Dylan finally comes by Spinner’s house to pick up Marco. He comes out wearing a stupid hat and Dylan points out that the hat is more for a club. Marco feels bad about the fashion faux pas, but he can’t dwell on it because there’s a bee in the car and he freaks out and makes a total fool of himself. But Dylan just thinks it’s cute. At their date Marco and Dylan are talking about their fears and you can tell that Marco is finally feeling more and more comfortable.

It’s finally time for JT’s party and Manny is having the worst time ever sitting next to two stoner look alikes. The commercial comes on and it’s the lamest thing ever. It’s so hard to describe, but it features a dog dressed just like him and his big catch phrase is, “Hey don’t be all up in my fries, dog.” After the commercial ends everyone is just sitting there in dead silence. Jimmy tells him if people make fun of him tomorrow, he should just tell them his catch phrase. At that, everyone starts to laugh their asses off at him and JT is experiencing humiliations galore. Especially because his crush Manny is right there witnessing it all.

Meanwhile at the movie Marco goes for it and holds Dylan’s hand. As they’re leaving Marco is mortified to see that his parents are at the mall too and they run into them. Marco not having the guts to say that they’re on a date simply tells them that he just happened to run into him. At that his dad invites them to dinner. And what a surprise, they go to an Italian restaurant. Marco’s parents start to go off on Marco and how he doesn’t have a girlfriend. Marco’s humiliation increases when an obviously gay waiter comes to their table and his dad Mario starts to make fun of him as soon as he leaves. He says, “How can that fagola carry the trays with his limp wrists?” He then starts to go off more on gay people and that the thought of gay sex is disgusting. Marco upset now tells him to shut the fuck up. Dylan, either being pissed off or just embarrassed decides to go home early. Thus ending their date.

The next day of school Jay and Sean are already making fun of JT and his lame commercial. Manny comes by and tries to cheer him up. She mentions that his commercial sucked but that he was actually great in it. JT says that she should tell people that. But she doesn’t think that anyone would want to listen to Degrassi’s resident whore. They sort of start to flirt and they go into the school.

The episode ends with Dylan and Marco having a heart to heart scene. Marco is apologizing about his dad and his anti gay shit. Dylan tells him that it wasn’t a big deal and that they’ve both heard worse. Marco was afraid that Dylan wouldn’t want to talk to him again. He says that he considered it, but ultimately he likes Marco and to prove the point he kisses him. Good thing they were in a back alley or else everyone would have seen them.

So yeah, this episode was very gay and Degrassi delivered. I enjoyed the episode and it was good to see Spinner finally mature. Even though he was playing with toys. Plus the whole JT commercial was pretty amusing as well. In the future Degrassi will go really queer, so this episode here wasn’t shit compared to future episodes and seasons. Now that I think about it, I believe this was Degrassi’s first gay kiss. But certainly not the last.


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Season 3, Episode 4, “Pride, Part 1”

So this episode is kind of an important one because it’s Marco’s big coming out party and really the first openly gay main character in Degrassi. Viewers of the current show are probably saying, big fucking deal. Because every other character by now is gay or bi. Or they’re easily converted from being straight. But here, this shit was groundbreaking.

Pre-credit opener: Marco is telling Ellie not to worry about Paige. Ellie hates her guts due to Paige being a fucking bitch. It seems like they’re all going to the beach and everyone is dressed for it, except for Ellie. She looks like Wednesday Addams. If I was Paige I would be like Michael Scott from the Office when he was talking about Toby and say, “Why is she even here?” Here’s another first, Dylan, Paige’s gay older brother appears and it seems like he’s going to be driving them to the beach. Marco is elated to be sitting next to him for the drive over.

Degrassi Kids

They finally get to the coldest looking beach in history and Spinner says that he doesn’t want to carry a basket because it’ll make him look like a homo. Dylan looks at him like he wants to kick his ass and Spinner quickly apologizes because he’s a moron who has no tact. But Dylan tells him that it’s ok. Probably because he knows what an idiot Spinner is.

The next scene we go to Spike’s and she’s being particularly bitchy towards everyone because the baby is asleep. Yeah that’s right, we can’t wake up his majesty and interrupt his beauty sleep. I noticed during this entire scene that they’re all whispering for the beast’s sake, but the kid is clearly wide awake. Emma starts to complain that she can’t sleep due to the baby’s constant crying at night and the drip from the hot water heater. Snake says that he’s on it and is trying to cut open a pack of Styrofoam and that’s when he cuts his thumb. Instead of saying fuck like any normal person. Snake says, “Fiddlesticks!” Because he’s that much of a fucking square. The insult to injury is that it seems like he has a cold and Spike kicks his ass out of the house because the baby is just getting over one. I told you, Spike is heartless. But if Snake was a man he would have told Spike to go to hell and that he’s not going anywhere. But we all know Spike already owns his balls.

Snake, Emma, Spike

Back at the world’s coldest beach, Marco is telling Ellie that maybe it was a huge mistake to invite her along. He should have known better that someone like Ellie doesn’t do well in social situations like those. Especially being outside. Ellie points out that she’s simply doing all that for him since he’s still in the closet. Shit, she pretty much tells him that she’s done being his beard and that she’s not his girlfriend. Marco says fine and goes to play with the boys.

Marco, Ellie

We then get a montage of a volley ball game and if Marco had his way he would have all the guys greased up like they were in Top Gun. But no, the cool Degrassi kids are just having fun in the shade. Yeah, that’s right, there’s no fucking sun because it’s cloudy as hell at the beach. After all that Dylan tells the dudes that he has extra tickets for his hockey game and they all say they’d love to go. Marco decides to flirt with him by having Dylan teach him how to hit the ball because Marco is that much of a girl.

We cut to Joey’s and Craig and Ashley’s heavy petting session is interrupted by Snake who’s shown up with a bunch of luggage. He says that he’s there until he get’s over his cold. Craig says what I would have said which is, “Oh so you can come here and infect us.” Snake all awkward says, “Didn’t plan on spending Saturday night with old Mr Simpson huh.” Craig mutters, “What a DeBummer.”

Ashley, Craig

Back at the beach Dylan is asking about Marco because his gaydar is going crazy and he’s surprised by Paige when she tells him that he’s going out with Ellie. Just then some dudes pass by and Dylan and the girls can’t help checking out their asses and cat calling them. Spinner can’t handle his disgust and he makes Marco very uncomfortable. Especially since Spinner suggests that they should be deported to some island.

Jimmy, Marco, Spinner

At Joey’s, Snake and Craig are playing some Winter X games on the X-Box and Ashley couldn’t be more bored. I guess Craig cares more about video games then going no where sexually with Ashley. Snake being a big dork beats Craig at snowboarding and he starts to celebrate. Maybe a bit too much because he get’s dizzy all of a sudden and it seems like he’s going to pass out. But shit, it’s even worse because he also has a nose bleed.

Craig, Ashley, Snake

Seems like the cool kids are now having a BBQ and Spinner can’t BBQ for shit because he just burnt all the fucking hot dogs. Everyone starts to pair off and Marco tries it with Ellie but she’s had it enough and tells everyone that they’re not even together anymore. Marco just runs away, looking like he wants to cry. Dylan feeling the gayness inside Marco go’s after him and sits next to him, asking if he’s ok. Marco looks at him with another crying face and they just share a quiet moment together. Yeah, Dylan knows what’s up and it’s Marco’s dick.

Marco, Dylan

At Degrassi, Spinner is asking Paige why didn’t Marco tell him that he had broke up with Ellie, especially since they’re bro’s. Paige just reasons that it’s none of his goddamn business. Paige then tries to break it to him that Dylan thinks that maybe Marco plays for the other team. But Spinner refuses to believe that such a manly man like Marco can be gay.

Marco comes out of the boys laboratory sporting a Toronto Maple Leaf’s jersey and all of the dudes wonder why, since Marco has never been remotely interested in hockey before. Now that Paige has planted the gay seed in Spinner’s head, he decides to ask him a sports question which Marco of course get’s completely wrong because he confused the NHL with the NFL.

In the school library Marco spots Dylan and he can’t help having puppy dog eyes for him. Dylan asks him if he’s a fan of the Bud’s, at least I think that’s what he said. Marco of course has no fucking clue what he’s talking about because he has zero interest in sports. Marco tries to play it off, but he’s interrupted. This right here is the introduction to Jay. I couldn’t stand his character at first, but later on in the series, like season 23, his character changed a lot. but here, he’s a prick and says, “You better not drop the soap in front of Homochuck.” Dylan drops his book and get’s into Jay’s face, punking him out. Jay just leaves to save face because he knew he was going to get his ass kicked by a gay dude.

Dylan, Jay

All of a sudden Craig comes to Emma and they get to talking about Snake and his cold. Emma tells him that it’s not a big deal and Spike has been acting extra cunty lately because of the baby. But Craig is obviously concerned since Snake almost passed out and was bleeding out of his snoz.

Outside Spinner is listening to some Limp Bizkit and the evidence against Marco is piling up. Especially since he saw Marco hugging and kissing some girls on the cheek while pretty much having some girl talk with them. In Mrs H’s class Spinner is grilling Marco and wants to know if Ellie didn’t want to fuck him or not. But Marco says that they didn’t work out because they were more like brother and sister. Spinner then tells him that they should find him another girlfriend and he suggests Hazel. Marco says sure because he’s not ready to come out. But you can tell he’s mortified at the thought of having another female touching him.

Marco, Spinner

We cut to Snake and now he’s concerned because he’s still bleeding from the gash that he gave himself. Yeah, that right there isn’t a good sign. He’s barely listening to Manny and he agree’s to donate something for a silent auction for the school cheerleading squad. Probably his old Thundercat’s collection. Emma comes by and tells Snake that she’s concerned about what Craig told her and what if Snake doesn’t have a cold and it’s something more sinister. Snake tries to blow it off by saying that he’s over worked and obviously isn’t taking care of himself. But you can tell that he’s scared out of his fucking mind. So much so that he later calls his Dr to make an appointment.

At the Dot Marco is having a great time with Spinner, Paige and Hazel, but then Ellie drops in and it get’s really fucking awkward. Especially since she see’s him still trying to act straight by using Hazel. She can’t help being disgusted by him and she just keeps rolling her eyes. I gotta say, it’s annoying as hell. Again, for the third time in this episode it seems like Marco wants to cry. He get’s so flustered that he ends the date early and Spinner is very upset by his behavior.

Marco, Hazel, Ellie

In the next scene Snake is at his doctors and he’s ready to shit himself. Especially since he got some blood work done. But goddamn, that was fast because the Dr already has his results. For me it takes about one to two weeks and in some cases the motherfuckers don’t even call you with the results. I guess health care is the best in Canada. Anyways, his Dr tells him that it seems like he has Leukemia. I gotta give it to Stefan Brogin, this is some good acting here because it seems like he genuinely wants to cry during this scene. Shit, I know I would have if I heard horrible news like that. The Dr gives him some good news which is that they caught it early.

Snake

Shit, so if you got all emotional over that, then Degrassi is really going for it in this next scene. Spinner comes after Marco yelling at him, wanting to know why he would bail on Hazel for. Marco tells him, finally crying his eyes out the same lie that he needs to go home for dinner. Spinner says that Hazel and her big chocolate milk filled tits are way more yummier than his mom’s paaaah-sta sauce and demands to know what his problem is. (Seriously though, he says Pasta funny.) Marco tells him to leave him alone and that’s when Spinner shoves him against the wall and is adamant to know what’s going on. The episode ends with Marco telling him that he’s gay and loves the man meat. Spinner just walks away, disgusted.

Spinner, Marco

So damn, in this episode Degrassi sure went there. Remember the commercials when Degrassi used to say that and that it was always 100% intense? Well this episode for once was. Will Spinner resort to harassing Marco? Will Snake get any sympathy from his bitchy wife? We’ll find out the answers to those questions next time.