Degrassi The Next Generation Reviewed

Ah yes, the companion blog to Degrassi Junior High Reviewed. Each episode will be reviewed in order by a guy who loves the next generation's melodrama. New reviews at least once a week. Hopefully. But if I feel like it I might make two to three reviews a week. So it'll depend.


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Season 3, Episode, 18 “Rock and Roll High School”

Welcome back to another episode review of Degrassi. Call me crazy, but I’ve always enjoyed this episode for some inexplicable reason. I mean, it has shitty singing from both Craig and Ashley, but got damn it, this is still a good one.

Pre-Credit Opener: Marco, Spinner and Jimmy happen to find Craig just staring at an ad on the school wall. Turns out it’s for a battle of the bands and the prize is to win studio time to record a single that no one will ever hear. The dudes much like Joey Jeremiah have delusions of grandeur. Ashley comes along and tells the guys to get out of the way because they’re signing up too. Craig tries to make nice but Ashley is obviously still angry about Craig porking and getting Manny pregnant. She predicts that the girls are going to kick their ass off the stage.

In Joey’s garage Craig is struggling to write some lyrics and it’s clear that he’s talentless. The rest of the guys walk in and Marco is seriously wimping out telling everyone that the girls are really good at playing emo rock. Well they do have the power to ward off sexual predators. Craig tells the guys that there is no fucking way that he’s going to allow Ashley to beat them. They start to jam and Craig starts to go off on everyone because they suck. Jimmy tells him to chill out before he breaks a foot up in his ass.

At Degrassi, Paige is telling the girls that Terri is doing much better, she might even open her eyes soon. Shit that is not doing better. She’s basically an invalid. Ashley for some reason hasn’t even gone to see her. That’s pretty low considering they were once best friends. Mrs Kwan walks in and Ashley starts to read lyrics from a song she just wrote and what a surprise it’s a downer. Craig starts to giggle and this mightily pisses Ashley off. Outside of class Ashley explains to the girls that it’s about a girl who died in the Spanish Civil War. Out of all the wars that have happened why that one and what 15, 16 year old girl talks about shit like that? Ellie tells her that it sucked and that it’s supposed to be about something about her. Ashley makes the song about Craig, again, what a surprise.

We cut to the B plot and it involves Joey and Caitlin.  Joey’s busy getting his grocery’s out of the truck of his used car that he drives around from his lot and that’s when Caitlin arrives in a cab. Angela is so excited to see her that she drops and breaks the eggs. Joey is super pissed because this means that he has to go to the dollar store again to get more. She starts to cry rather badly because she’s a horrible actress and Caitlin tries to cheer her up by doing a cartwheel. Joey tries to show that he’s fun and does a hand stand. Then he promptly busts his ass and hurts his back bad.

At the Degrassi mall kiosk Ashley and Craig run into each other and he tries to apologize for what happened. But this is Craig we’re talking about and he only apologizes for making fun of her song and not fucking Manny’s brains out. She get’s even more offended and leaves huffing and puffing away. Craig reasons that Manny seduced him, so he’s blameless.

The next scene is at Joey’s house where he’s dying from his back pain. I’ve had that before and it’s the worst pain ever. So for once I sympathize with him. Angela playing with Caitlin jumps on Joey and hurts his back even more. He can’t stand no more so he’s sending Angela away to his mom’s until he feels better. But Caitlin says that she’ll stay and take care of the both of them. Joey pretty much says that she’s not up to taking care of Angela because she’s a pain in the ass. But still she insists on helping. So she yells out to Angela and with crazy eyes says that she’s taking care of them both.

I guess we’re at the auditions for the battle of the bands and the guys are just doing an instrumental because they have no lyrics to their song yet. Craig all nervous says that he’ll take care of it. Coach Armstrong announces the next group and they’re called Hell Hath No Fury. The girls then come on and Ashley proceeds to destroy Craig and his character.

I’m already bored with the Joey, Caitlin subplot. Angela is being a little shit again and tells Caitlin that she doesn’t want to eat the slop that she made for breakfast. So Caitlin being stupid makes her some pancakes instead of telling her to eat her bowl of crap.

In Snake’s class, Craig walks in all pissed off and he tells Ashley that her lyrics weren’t cool. I don’t know why he’s so upset for, their song wasn’t even that great. Ashley and Ellie starts to say that he’s so vain because he thinks that the song is about him. Craig points out the obvious that Ashley is a bitter angry person and if she wasn’t such a prude, he never would have banged Manny. Which is the truth. Ashley all sarcastic says, ” But I thought you loved her.” It seems like Craig is about to tell her to go fuck herself but Snake tells them to shut up.

In the next scene Craig is telling the guys that he’s out of the competition, but Spinner says that if Ashley wants a war then she has it. We then get a horrible, lame rap that it’s obvious that Drake wrote it. Basically it’s about how much Ashley sucks as a person. Marco of course doesn’t like it and he takes him outside for some advice. Marco’s solution? For Craig to scream all his stress out. Yeah, that’ll do it.

Back to Joey’s house, Angela is now acting like a spoiled little shithead and tells Joey that her day out shopping was just ok even though she got a lot of new toys courtesy of Caitlin. She then announces that she’s going outside to play, but Caitlin tells her to wash up since it’s almost dinner time. Angela ignores her and starts to go out anyways. that’s when Caitlin finally get’s pissed off and tells her to get her ass upstairs and to wash her filthy hands. Angela says, “I hate you.” and goes upstairs stomping her damn feet. Joey of course being a big push over does nothing to punish his rotten little daughter.

Finally it’s time for the Battle of the Bands and the girls are wearing Craig on their shirts and it seems like his face is melting like on Raiders of the Lost Ark. Craig has had it with her petty shit and he starts to whine about how she won’t stop making his life a living hell. She starts to go off on him and says that he broke her heart when he fucked Manny into motherhood and says that she wanted to die because she’s emo as hell. Craig says that he’s sorry and says how many times he has to say it. Ashley all full of sass says, “Until you mean it.”

Ashley and the girls are then seen performing their ode to Craig and the crowd is just loving it. Outside it seems that Craig has flown the coop because he’s nowhere to be seen. Spinner says that they’ll be ok and they’ll use his lyrics instead.

The MC for the event comes out and he looks like Anton LaVey from the Church of Satan. (Google him) Oh we finally find out what their band name is and it’s The Downtown Sasquatch. I gotta say, I like it. Spinner makes an ass of himself and before he can embarrass himself further Craig comes out with a sheet of paper. It’s obvious he finally wrote the lyrics for their song. It’s pretty much about how he just realized how much he hurt Ashley and he feels like a complete pile of shit because of it. It’s hilarious to me that he just barely figured out that he broke Ashley’s heart. I gotta say, even though Craig sucks, it’s a very catchy tune.

We close out the B plot and Joey tells Caitlin that kids like Angela need limits and be told what to do. Caitlin sort of feels better for yelling at his annoying kid.

And so after just two bands the battle of the bands is over and the dudes are triumphant! Ashley comes by and tells Craig that his lyrics were just right. So shit, it seems like finally Ashley is over her heart break. And if you ask me, it’s about time.

So yeah, like I said, this was a good, entertaining episode. Even though I hate myself for sort of liking Craig’s song. True, the whole subplot with Angela and Caitlin was irritating as hell, but it was small enough that it didn’t effect the rest of the episode.


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Season 3, Episode 17, “Don’t Dream It’s Over”

So we return to an Episode that “Goes There”. That’s right this is the big Terri get’s fucked up by her boyfriend episode. I’m not sure, but I believe this is the last episode she’s featured in, or maybe she makes one last appearance as the season concludes. But who cares. Let’s see how Terri get’s taken out of Degrassi. Man, what a DeBummer.

Pre-Credit Opener: We open up with Paige telling the gang that she has her parents mini van for the weekend and you know what that means. Party!! Everyone is super excited except for Terri because she doesn’t have that special someone to go on what’s most likely going to be a lame road trip. Hazel tells her, “You’ll be with all of your friends idiot!” Paige tells her to bring someone and we all know who Terri is thinking of bringing along because she is indeed an idiot.

Oh what a surprise. Yet again Mrs Kwan is teaching something that isn’t remotely related to language class. I would say she’s more of a life skills teacher. I remember when I was in Jr High we had a class called Life Skills class. And it was pretty much stupid shit like this. Rick and Terri become partners for a trust exercise and yeah, it’s pretty predictable. They each fall into each other’s arms and with that, Rick weasel’s his way into Terri’s heart again.

After class Rick tells Terri that he wanted to call her to apologize for beating the hell out of her, but he was too much of a chicken shit to do it. He goes on to say that he misses her and the fact that she hung out with Paige all the time made stalking her hard. Terri just leaves and says she’ll talk to him later.

In Snake’s class Marco is being a little brown noser and tells him that the sub that they had sucked ass and they’re all glad that he’s back. Snake is back to his old self. At least he’s not a dick anymore. Oh lord Marco and Ellie have a night of watching an Indian movie double feature. What a couple of bores I swear. Ashley points out to Ellie that Sean like most normal teenage boys wouldn’t sit through that kind of boring bullshit. Ellie says, “Why would Sean come?” Ashley points out that they are sort of seeing each other, but Ellie is adamant that things haven’t changed between her and Marco just because she’s seeing Sean now. Yeah, we all know this isn’t going to end well.

At Caitlin’s TV station Sean walks into Caitlin and Ellie’s bull session. Sean cuts to the chase and he wants to watch a new movie called Elimination Round 3. Ellie says that she wants to go with him, but she realized that she has a boring evening with Marco planned already. What’s a girl to do?

We cut to The Dot and everyone is disgusted and pissed off at Terri for bringing Rick along to their sacred hangout. Paige all full of fury says that she’s not going to be driving that asshole around all day long. Spinner points out that it’s better that they come along since they’ll be able to keep an eye on them.

Ha! The poster to Elimination Round 3 features a bald black dude and none other than motherfucking Yick Yu! Marco and Ellie come along and right away he’s acting like such a woman. Sean much like I would be in that situation is disappointed that she brought him along.

So it’s finally time for the big road trip and it seems like they just went to the local Degrassi park. Rick sit’s his ass on the hood of the van and tells Terri to come and join him. Paige all annoyed tells him to get the hell off before he and Terri put the mother of all dents on it.

Back at the movie Marco and Ellie are acting like a couple of assholes. You can tell that they think that they’re sophisticated and that an action movie is beneath them. Jay get’s so annoyed at them that he throws popcorn at Marco. Sean then reaches for some popcorn but he touches Marco’s hand instead. He probably wants to boil it because he thinks he has gay now.

The scene cuts back to the park and Paige is fuming and you can tell she’s about to blow. Rick goes to get what I’m assuming is food for Terri. She takes that as an opportunity to talk to her about Rick. Terri being a fool says that he apologized. Paige getting more irritated by the minute shouts out, “Of course, that’s what his kind does!” Rick comes out of nowhere and starts to tell Paige that she has no right to tell Terri who she can be friends with and that she’s a backstabber. I don’t know how she is in that situation. It’s not like she ever fucked Rick over like she did to Manny and Hazel. Anyways, Paige goes on to call him a psycho and Rick loses it and kicks Paige’s mini van and leaves. Terri being on Rick’s side starts to yell at Paige. She pretty much says that she’s sick of her shit and constantly being told what to do. Paige having enough yells at her to go after him if she’s such a bad friend. I gotta say, I’ve been in Paige’s situation before with people like Terri. Especially when they get back together with someone they know is toxic. It’s very annoying and frustrating, but you can’t control people. Even if they are fucking stupid.

Out in some field where a bunch of bricks are just laying around, Rick is going crazy kicking at the air in anger. Terri starts to apologize about Paige but Rick cuts off her shouting, “She does not matter!” Terri says, “Calm down day time Emmy.” He does and goes on to say that he’s happy that they’re together again. After they kiss, Terri starts to pull him along and says to just ignore Paige. He tugs her back all aggressive and says he’d rather walk back. Terri points out that it’s far walk. Rick says that she called him a psycho. Paige tells Rick that that’s just Paige being herself, which is a bitch. Rick now is starting to get more aggravated and says, “What? That makes it ok? My feelings mean nothing to you?” Terri starts to panic from his vise like grip thanks to him hulking out due to anger again. She says that she’s going back because he’s hurting her. At that he loses it and yells, “You’re not going! You’re not!!” And then pushes her and Terri fucking splits her head open falling on top of one of the random cinder blocks just lying around. At this point Rick makes a shocked face because he knows that he went way over the line. He went up to 11 with that fury.

We cut back to Paige and she’s clearly worried about Terri because it’s been awhile since she left. They come out of the bushes and spot Rick kneeling next to Terri’s carcass. Rick looking like OJ with Terri’s blood all over his hands panics and runs away. I love how Spinner made no attempt to chase him and stomp his ass into the ground. Instead he runs to get his cell phone.

At Degrassi Mr Raditch is telling the entire class that Terri was maimed that weekend and is in the hospital until further notice. Marco starts to ask Snake if it was an accident and Spinner cuts him off by saying that it wasn’t an accident. Ashley wonders out loud if Rick is in jail. Snake tells everyone since he’s a minor he’s not allowed to talk about any specifics. Spinner tells him that if he see’s Rick, his ass is grass. Oh lord Snake then says, “We can talk about our feelings together.” I’m with Spinner, get the fuck out of here with that hippy bullshit Snake. Paige busts out this lame looking get well card for Terri and everyone signs it.

Back to the B plot, Ellie is telling Marco that she doesn’t really want to go visit Terri since she didn’t even know her. And you know what? Why should she? Marco offers to go with her and that’s when Sean comes by and get’s instantly annoyed at seeing Marco next to Ellie. He makes a major alpha move and makes Marco move out of the way. It’s hilarious. Ellie now pissed off leaves Sean by himself and goes with Marco. Ellie doesn’t seem to know how to act in a relationship.

The next scene is at the local Degrassi hospital. Terri is so messed up that she’s now in a coma. Terri’s dad comes along and tells Spinner and Paige that she’ll be having surgery later on in the night because she has a blood clot. He then starts to go off on Rick and he can’t believe that little prick would hurt his daughter like he did. By the look on their faces he picks up on the fact that they knew that he was being abusive towards her.  Understandably he yells at the both of them and asks why the hell didn’t they say anything. The both of them just leave with tears in their eyes.

Outside The Dot Paige stops her mini van and starts to cry. Spinner tells her that she’s going to be ok and gives her a little smooch. At that Paige aggressively starts to make out with him. Even Spinner being a big horn dog isn’t down for this shit. Paige of course get’s all pissed off and starts with the blame game. She goes on to say that none of this would have happened if Spinner would have just left them behind like she wanted to. Spinner now angry blurts out the fact that she’s the one who told her to go off with him. Check mate!

Inside, Ellie is telling Marco that she should dump Sean because he’s being rude towards Marco. Marco points out that the only rude one in that relationship is her. Plus he’s tired of being her security blanket and feeling like a third wheel. I think he just doesn’t want to hang out with Sean’s scumbag friends.

All dejected, Spinner makes his way back to Degrassi and then he spots Rick waiting inside a car. Spinner get’s super pissed and drags his ass out. Rick starts to yell, “Spinner stop!” Spinner asks him if he stopped when he ravaged Terri. Paige then comes along pleading for him to stop too. Rick’s mom then comes out of the school and tells them to leave her son alone. Spinner just leaves crying. Ugh! I would have been like Kevin Dillon’s character in Platoon and told Spinner, “Fucking pussy! He’s laughing at you!” I would have beat the shit out Rick. But you know, this is Degrassi and it wants to teach that an eye for an eye is not the way. Spinner sits on a bench and starts to cry to Paige that he’s no different than Rick. Paige tells him that he is different because he stopped himself. *Eye roll* Whatever.

We conclude the B plot by Sean and Ellie having a conversation about their relationship. They both think that they’re dumping each other. Ellie tells him that she’s sorry for being a horrible girlfriend, and then she says, “You haven’t been a great boyfriend either.” I don’t know how she figures this, but Sean knowing better just agrees with her craziness and says that he doesn’t hate Marco, he just wants to date her.

At the hospital Terri’s dad comes out and tells them that they don’t know if she’s brain damaged or not. They all apologize for their behavior and Paige says that they should have said something. He makes them feel better by saying that they’re good friends.

Man, I must be rusty, this took me about two hours to write. Ridiculous. But this was a pretty good episode. I guess we had to have a domestic violence story and Degrassi delivered. I still say Rick should have had his balls cut off for what he did. Another frustrating thing is that we never found out if Rick was punished or not. But this is Degrassi after all and they always like to leave things open ended.


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Season 3, Episode 16, “Take On Me”

Ok all you Degrassi maniacs, this episode is possibly one of the worst episodes of the series. Definitely the worst one for this season. This is an episode that make’s me think, “Well this is unpleasant. Why do I want to be here?”

Pre-Credit Opener: Ellie comes up to the school and makes a face that pretty much shows that she doesn’t want to be there. We then see that she has some OCD thing because she starts to flick a rubber band she has on her wrist. Man she’s more fucked up than I thought. In the cafeteria Mr Raditch walks in dressed like a Mississippi Pimp. No, he’s obviously trying to dress like the asshole teacher was in The Breakfast Club. The students there are Sean, Ellie, Jimmy, Hazel and Toby. Anyways, Raditch just lays down the law and tells them to study and to think about why they’re there. Sean being a rebel burps at him as he’s walking out.

Being lameo’s they actually do what Raditch tells them to do. Except for Sean. Sean is just throwing his prized rubber ball against a wall, annoying everyone. Jimmy can’t stand it and just has to say something. Sean tells him to fuck off and throws the ball up. It knocks down a part of the ceiling almost killing Ellie. But Ellie does’t care about her well being, she just cares that it fell on her emo bag. Sean goes to see if everything is alright and Ellie acts all strange like she doesn’t want anyone near her bag.

I guess they don’t want to get into trouble so the guys are trying to put the ceiling tile back. But because Toby is a useless idiot he can’t get it back in. All of a sudden they get unbalanced and fall to the floor killing Toby. Yes! The moment that I’ve been waiting for. But no, they just fell and didn’t even get hurt. The episode would have been much better if it was one of those situations where they killed Toby and they got rid of his body and they all made a pact never to talk about it again. But they would never do something awesome like that. By the way, the stunt person they used for Toby looks hilariously bad. Anyways, Ellie helps Sean up and they seem to have a connection. Just like Judd Nelson and Molly Ringwald!

Barely an hour has passed and Hazel is complaining about the Saturday detention taking an eon to be finished. Sean rolls his eyes and she says, “Some of us have social engagements.” Sean responds with, “Like what? Combing Paige’s ass hairs?” Jimmy acting like Emilo Estevez tells him to back his shit off. Ignoring him because Sean can easily kick his ass as we’ve seen in past seasons, he wonders out loud what Hazel did to end up in Saturday detention. Ellie all of a sudden says that she got caught skipping class. They all make a face like they don’t care and who asked her. Jimmy goes on to say that he’s there because gopher balls over on the other table fucked up hacking the school computer and ratted him out. Hazel meanwhile avoids the question and runs to the rest room instead.

Oh lord. Radich must be at the peak of his homosexuality and is working out with some tight work out clothes and listening to some disco music in the school gym. Hazel walks in and he’s obviously embarrassed that she saw him doing his jazzercize .

Later on the five of them have become so bored that they start to play truth or dare. Seems like it’s Hazel’s turn and she says that she choose’s truth. Ellie right away wants to know why she’s there. Hazel being odd about it doesn’t want to say and says that she wants to do dare instead. Of course they pick out the worst dare that anyone could have come up with. She has to kiss Toby. Disgusted at first she decides to take a bite out of her shit sandwich and walks over to him. The cheesiest sexy music comes on and and she gives him a kiss while Toby is making a face that he can’t believe that a hot girl like Hazel would ever kiss a fucking dweeb like him.

Outside the school Snake is coming out of his car still looking like Lex Luthor but is looking much better. Seems like he’s finally coming back to work.

Back to the lame Breakfast Club, Toby is telling Hazel that JT is going to be so jealous after he hears that he kissed Hazel. Hazel tells him that he’s not telling him shit. Sean asks her what her problem is since it was just a stupid dare. Jimmy speaking for all of us, especially me says, “Because she’s too embarrassed to say that she macked with a total geek.” Toby knowing that he’s hated by all leaves all disappointed and back to his spot under the stairs like the troll that he is. Sean now pissed off starts to get mad at her and says that she’s a person who follows all the rules and doesn’t have the balls to tell anyone why she’s there. After Sean starts hounding her Hazel admits that she got caught looking at porn on the school computer, much to the delight of all of them.

To make the time go by fast they start to play games where they’re throwing shit at Toby. I told you, no one likes him. Snake comes in and asks them what is going on in there. Jimmy tells him that they’re all there because Mr Raditch gave them all Saturday’s. Snake then tells everyone that he’s all done with chemo and he’s ready to work again. He just doesn’t want to be stuck at home with Spike and her Devil child. So who can blame him.

Sean sits next to Ellie and he asks her what’s up with her and the rubber bands. Ellie tells him that it’s a therapy technique to help her stop cutting herself. Sean being genuinely interested asks her why she cuts herself. Being emo as hell, she tells him that it’s the only pain that she could control. He says that it makes sense and she tells him that he’s the first person to say that. She goes on to say that people talk about him too and his reputation for stealing shit from the school. He pretty much admits that he does steal. Just as Jimmy is impaling Toby with a stick Radich walks in and is super pissed to see them goofing off. Ah, we finally see why Ellie was careful with her bag, she has a tape recorder there. Why she would want to record them is beyond me, they’re all so boring.

And we quickly get the answer to that in the next scene. Seems that she’s taping them for some stupid report for either the school paper or Caitlin’s TV station. So wow, Raditch has put each of them in separate rooms for the rest of the day. That’s pretty illegal to do, especially since he’s not even supervising them. Ellie comes into each room and talks everyone into breaking out and wandering around the school. So yeah, we get a lame montage of the five of them doing wacky stupid shit around the school. Eventually they find an elevator that leads to the roof.

Being a big puss Toby is telling them that he doesn’t think that it’s such a good idea. Hazel tells him, “Stop being a bitch and come on!” Hazel wonders out loud if they’re the only ones that have gone up there. Jimmy finds a necklace making it obvious that other people have been up there before. Being romantic he gives the dirty thing to Hazel because she loves it so much. Jimmy then decides to go for it and kisses her. Else where Sean tells Ellie that he thinks that she’s cute. Sean goes on to say that she doesn’t seem afraid of him. Ellie points out that Sean isn’t freaked out by all of her problems either. I guess this is her being romantic, she exposes her arm and shows Sean all of her hideous scars. Because he’s cool, Sean just holds her hand.

Alone because who would want to be with Toby, he sees Mr Raditch and Snake walking out, talking about all the bad behavior from the students lately. Snake tells him that they’re acting like the police. They should educate them yes, discipline them when it’s needed. But that life is too short and he shouldn’t be trying to control them. It seems like he took what Snake said to heart but then he see’s Toby up there because he’s a stupid fuck. Raditch makes a run for it, while the rest of the Degrassi kids do the same.

The rest of them make it to their respective class rooms but stupid Sean locked his own door for some reason. Jimmy tries to help but it’s too late. Sean just tells him to go just as Jimmy opens the door. But uh oh, as he’s running in he drops the keys that Raditch finds as soon as he goes into the hallway. Back in the cafeteria, Raditch is chewing them all out. Since no one is going to rat the person who did it, he decides to give them all Saturday’s for another three weeks. But he seem’s to have a change of heart and just says that he’s trying to do the right thing with them. At that Toby tells him that it was him who took the keys. He tells him that he appreciates his honesty and then tells the rest of them to go home and enjoy their weekends.

Jimmy tells him that he didn’t expect for Toby to be a man and he finally gives him that high five that he was waiting for in the previous episodes. Ellie says that they should take a group photo. As she’s taking out her camera, the tape recorder falls out and they all hear Sean and Ellie’s conversation. They all get disgusted at her and she explains that it was for the TV station. Toby’s all, “You were recording us?” But please, no one gives two fucks for Toby. Sean quickly figures out that it’s about all the thefts that has been happening around the school. Sean pissed off destroy’s her tiny tape with his boot and leaves fuming. Man, Ellie is going to cut the shit out of her arm now.

Seems like it’s Monday and Jimmy and Hazel are now a couple. As they pass by she says hi to Toby. JT noticing that someone cool actually talked to him asks what happened there that past Saturday. Ellie comes by Sean’s locker and says that she was wrong for what she did. But she really wants the connection that she had with him on the roof. She gives him another tape and says that there isn’t going to be a story. Sean having warmed up to her holds her hand and Ellie is happier than a pig in shit.

So yeah, this episode fucking sucked and it was a chore just to make a recap of it. It was such an unoriginal idea and they probably figured that any kid watching this has never seen or heard of The Breakfast Club before. I will admit that it was key in that two relationships blossomed from it and Toby is now being acknowledged as being a Human. But that wasn’t enough to save this shitastic episode. It was such bad TV and I hate the writers of this show for ripping off and ruining The Breakfast Club for life.


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Season 3, Episode 8 “Whisper To A Scream”

Ellie becomes a cutter in this episode. Could she be even more fucking emo?

Seems like the Canadian army is deploying to Afghanistan for the war on terror and Ellie’s dad is going to be going into the shit. Ellie of course is depressed and her dad tells her not to worry since it’s just a peace keeping mission. Yeah right. I guess Ellie isn’t really worried about her dad, she’s worried about her mom. His dad tells her to calm her tits and that she’s under control. Whatever that means. Going by that, I’m assuming Ellie’s home life is complete and utter shit. No wonder she’s so dour. And to make the point, as soon as her dad kisses her mom good bye and goes onto the bus, her mom tells her not to show any emotions because she’s that cold of a person.

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The next day Ashley comes by and asks Ellie if she’s ok. Ellie completely following in her mother’s footstep’s tells her that it’s no big deal because he’s in the army and that’s what happens. Apparently Ellie is hella nervous because she’s interviewing for the most important and chance of a lifetime job she’ll ever get. Oh no wonder she’s nervous, she’ll be working for Caitlin and her stupid nature show. But Ellie, always negative is sure that Paige will get it because Paige get’s everything that she wants.

Seems like the B plot involves Terri and some creep who keeps leaving roses on her locker. I gotta say, it’s been a long time since Terri has had a storyline in the show. Terri seems to have a huge crush on a nerd who has 90’s rocker hair. Hazel starts laughing and says all loud, “You have the hots for Rick? Why don’t you ask her out bitch?” Hazel pushed Terri onto Rick and it’s as awkward as it can get.

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In Coach Armstrong’s class Paige comes by and looks obnoxious as hell with her stupid old fashioned glasses and power suit she has on. She basically tells Ellie that she’s totally going to get the job and Ellie get’s even more down. If that was possible. To make her day worse, Armstrong says that they’ll be taking a pop quiz and Ellie is so boned because she didn’t do her homework and it would have helped her out if she had done it.

The next scene Ellie is in the cafeteria and she’s bummed as hell because she bombed the test big time. Marco comes by bitching about the fact that he got a B+. Ellie tells him to shut the fuck up and not worry about it. She can’t finish her thought though because Marco has spotted Dylan taking off his sweater and is now horny for him. So off he goes to accost him. Paige and Ashley come by and that’s when the Asian counselor decides to make a visit and they have to sign some forms for the internship. Ashley got one for a record company. I don’t know how she did this, she’s completely talent less music wise. Please stop trying to make her and Craig into stars Degrassi! It’s not going to happen! Anyways, Paige some how manages to spill grape juice all over Ellie’s white emo shirt and she’s so distressed she seems like she’s going to cry. In the restroom Ellie is furiously scrubbing away, but at this point she’s fucked because that stain isn’t coming out, no matter what she does.

ashley-ellei-paige

We cut to Caitlin’s TV station and Paige is kissing major ass. It’s disgusting. Ellie meanwhile is wearing a huge rain coat that makes her look like a serial killer. Caitlin tells her to relax because Ellie is coming apart at the seams during her interview.

Outside Terri and Hazel are asking Manny the whore that if she likes someone if she would go for it. Manny says while looking at Craig, yes in a heart beat and life is too short. Craig still feeling guilty just looks at Manny and hauls ass. The conversation is interrupted by Toby and he’s creeping everyone out, more than usual I should say because he’s talking like fucking Hannibal Lector. Hazel thinks that maybe Toby is the secret admirer and Terri can’t help shuttering in disgust. Even Terri wouldn’t stoop so low as to go out with a spaz like Toby. Seems like she has dignity after all.

Oh come on Degrassi writers! Seriously?! Ellie walks in and sees her mother drunk as shit on the couch. I have a lot of disdain right now because they’re completely recycling the episode from Degrassi Junior High where Kathleen’s mom had the same problem which lead her to have bulimia. Instead of going that route, Ellie being a true emo supremo goes the cutting route.

ellie-cutting

The next morning Paige is pretty much telling everyone that she got the job because she and Caitlin connected on such a personal level. Ellie and Paige are then called out of class by the Asian counselor and much to Ellie’s surprise she got the job. Ha! In your face Paige! Paige makes a shitty remark because she’s a piece of shit and leaves in a huff. Not that Ellie cares though, because she just landed a nice primo job.

We cut back to Terri and Toby is once again acting like a creepy little shit by acting like Hannibal. Including having a creepy grin on his face. I swear, Toby adds nothing to this show. He’s the worst.

toby

In the next scene we see Ellie being way too into her new job and we get a montage of her working on a story for teen hotlines while this really lame song plays in the background. The story seems to hit a little close to home for her because someone brings up the subject of cutting. A pain she knows far too well. The rest of the montage deals with her lousy drunk of a mom and her coping with her drunkenness by cutting herself on her arm.

ellie-montage

We see her running up the steps of the school and it’s obvious that she’s late. The secretary is being a real bitch by pointing out that she doesn’t have a note explaining why she was late and that she was late a few times the last couple of weeks too. She then basically threaten’s Ellie by telling her that she can lose her job over it. I had no idea that the school secretary had that much power over students.

Upset over that fucking bitch acting like she was. Ellie goes into the restroom ready to cry and that’s when she decides to take her compass out and scratch the hell out of her arm. She’s interrupted by the worst possible person, Paige. Paige notices that Ellie is bleeding a lot and becomes concerned. Or is it just being nosy? Outside Paige tells her that she saw what she did and asks her why she would do that to herself for. Paige pleads with her to get help, but Ellie tells her to fuck off. It doesn’t help that Ellie can’t stand her ass.

ellie-paige

Oh lord. We got back to Terri and Toby once again pops out of the shadows with his horrible Hannibal impression. Terri’s had enough of his shit and asks him if he left her the rose. Toby then busts out a notebook and he explains that it’s a science report and he was testing Terri to see if she really has evil Satanic powers because Ashley told him about it. He goes on to say that Terri doesn’t have any gifts and that she failed miserably. Needless to say, Terri is beyond relieved that Toby isn’t the one that’s into her.

In the hallway, Paige is waiting on a bench and that’s when the Asian counselor conveniently says in front of Ellie that she’ll see her in a bit and wants to know all about her friend and her problem. Ellie of course loses her shit and goes off on Paige. Paige tells her that what she’s doing to herself is both scary and dangerous. Ellie tells her that Paige just can’t handle the fact that she lost out to Ellie and she’s just doing this because she wants her job. Paige tells her that it’s not the case and she just wants to help Ellie. She then proceeds to yell at her telling her to show her her arm. Ellie now in tears shows her her arm and it looks like a fucking Freddy Krueger attacked her in her nightmares. Paige in a rare show of compassion tells her that it’s ok and holds her hands.

ellie-cuts

Finally the Terri secret admirer story line is wrapped up and she’s glad to see that it is in fact that super nerd Rick that she likes. She catches him red handed putting the rose on her locker and it seems like he’s about to die of embarrassment. He tells her while using a bunch of big words, which is annoying as hell by the way that she’s totally worth all the effort and gives her the rose. Seems like they’re a good match since they both have about zero social skills.

terri

In the counselors room the Asian chick is just staring at Ellie while Ellie is just sitting there like a wooden Indian. The time for the session is up and it seems like that’s all the both of them did the entire time, which was nothing. Ellie apologizes for being a huge weirdo but the counselor tells her that it’s ok and that her just being there is a huge first step. The episode ends with Ellie reluctantly saying that she’ll be there the next day for another session where nothing get’s accomplished.

ellie-end-credits

Eh, I’m going to say that this episode was just ok. I remember when this episode aired, it generated a lot of controversy because a lot of the kids who watched it started to cut themselves too. I guess Degrassi didn’t do a good enough job by pointing out that cutting is fucked up and seriously bad for you. As for the Terri story line Toby delivered again and that was that he was an annoying little toad who added nothing to the story. At least Terri has finally found a guy willing to date her.

 


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Season 2, Episode 20, “How Soon Is Now”

Ok, so I’ve been away from a while and it’s not because I’ve been busy with anything really. I just hate this episode with a passion. Anything that has to do with that asshole Dean I automatically hate. Especially seeing that smug shit eating grin on his face. But I guess that says a lot to the dude’s acting ability. Well enough with this bullshit. Let’s get the show on the road.

Pre-credit opener: Paige is seen in a therapy session reading out loud a letter she wrote to her rapist, Dean. She seems to have finally accepted the fact that it wasn’t her fault that she got raped because she said no. The Asian lady tries to set up another appointment but Paige thinks that she’s fully healed. She’s not.

Paige

Out in the hall way JT is acting like his usual dipshit self and has now discovered the lame world of Mime artistry. Paige all of a sudden is nice to him and JT is beside himself. Again, it’s funny how being raped brought out the decent in her. She even goes to Spinner and complements him on his horrible dye job.

In the MI lab Snake has just approved Marco and Ellie’s project which is a unisex fragrance, or some shit like that. The next phase is to make a commercial for it and of course Marco being super gay, they’re going to make it into a fabulous musical. Seriously guys, Marco said that it was going to be fabulous. Craig tells them both what a great couple they are and Marco kisses her hand and you can just tell that Ellie has fallen in love with him again. Even though he pretty much told her that he’s gay.

Ellie, Craig, Marco

In the next scene we see the cheerleaders and JT practicing their routine. Turns out there’s going to be a basketball tournament the next day at Degrassi and Spinner comes along and tells Paige that her boyfriend Dean is invading their school.

Paige had a couple of flash backs about Dean’s creeper mug and she’s decided to go to her counselor and wants to know what the process is about pressing charges. The counselor tells her that since she waited a fucking eternity to do anything about it, he just might get away with it. Plus it turns out that she doesn’t really have any evidence at all since she had Dr’s examine her and nothing was out of the ordinary. Maybe it had to do with the fact that she also took forever to get looked at. After all that, she leaves defeated.

Outside Ellie tells Ashley that Marco is obsessed with Bollywood musicals. Of course he is. Marco comes by and acts like Lord fucking Byron again and now Ashley can see that Ellie is smitten by his charms and says, “Can you two be more meant for each other?” Which really stings Ellie because she knows that she has zero chance with him.

Ellie

Oh my God. Can JT just be murdered already? He comes along and does his stupid routine again and Paige just isn’t in the mood to pretend to be nice anymore. Paige tells JT that she’s not coming to the game and explains sort of that she doesn’t want to see the prick. JT tells her to let her alpha bitch side come out and give that asshole some of her medicine.

JT

Finally Ellie and Marco are filming their commercial and this is a dream come true for Marco because this is possibly the gayest thing I’ve seen in the show so far and yes, I know the show will go to warp factor ten with the gay stuff in later seasons. Marco comes prancing in with a pink boa and says his line. Ellie can’t help herself and goes in for a kiss. Marco much like Freddy Mercury kissed a girl and he didn’t like it.

Ellie, Marco

Meanwhile back to Paige’s plot, it seems like she stayed up all night dreading the coming of the rapist Dean to the hollowed halls of Degrassi. The bus arrives and Mr Wonderful comes out and spots her right away. This motherfucker, I’ll give it to him is a cocky bastard. He comes up to Paige and the girls and basically laughs about raping her and you can tell that he’s not in the slightest remorseful for what he did.

Dean

In the MI lab, Marco is distressed because Ellie has changed the way their entire commercial is. Seems like she ditched the whole gay Bollywood shit and went with Sprockets from SNL instead. Ellie is surprised that he’s cool with it though, but he’s doing it out of pity because he can tell how pathetic she is.

Spinner see’s Dean say another taunting thing and Paige leaves like she’s going to cry. Spinner is convinced it’s because that Dean dumped her after banging her just once. Hazel pretty much fucking tells him that he raped her, but Spinner being borderline retarded says, “Good one Hazel, but the only one she said no to, was me.” She could have used hand puppets and he still wouldn’t get it.

Marco and Ellie start having an argument during the reshoots for their commercial. Ellie tells him that she feels like she’s a slave to him and his lies and she can’t take it anymore. She says the word flaming and Marco is instantly offended. He tells her that he can’t be what she wants. Ellie goes on to say that he has a choice, but Marco would rather have some man meat than to be stuck with a moody goth chick.

Marco

Shit! When is this horrible episode going to end?! Paige is outside with Hazel and she’s hella pissed at her for spilling the beans to Spinner. But she shouldn’t worry since dumbass didn’t even believe her. Still, Paige decides to leave. I love how it seems that the fate of the game rests on whether Paige will be there cheering them on or not. In the hallway Paige tells Manny that she saw her talking to Dean earlier and she tries to warn Manny about him and his rapist ways, but Manny acting like a bitch tells Paige that she knows that she porked him and that he never called her back because she was a lousy lay and that she’s jealous of Manny and her sexual powers. Oh Paige, Face!

Manny

Goddamn!! How much longer are they going to draw this shit out?! JT goes outside to find Paige gently weeping on the Degrassi steps and he tells her what the big fucking deal is. Blah, blah. Paige Admits to him that that fucker raped her and JT goes crazy and rushes into the gym and attacks Dean. It would be heroic had it not been for the fact that JT is a twerp and is completely weak. Dean is laughing his ass off, but goes ape shit when JT calls him a rapist. At that, Dean easily overpowers him and just as he’s about to cave in JT’s face, they get broken up and the both of them get kicked out of the game. Spinner knows that something is up because JT out of all people rushed to defend Paige’s honor. He talks to Paige and she now admits to him to that she was raped by the creepiest and oldest looking high schooler in the history of TV shows. I think at this point the whole school knows that Paige was raped.

Dean, JT

As Dean is walking out of the school, Spinner now decides to start with him, but of course he doesn’t do a damn thing like kick the shit out of him because the writers of this show doesn’t want the audience to have any satisfaction whatsoever. All that happens is that Paige, completely empowered like Shira tells Dean that she’s now coming after him. He’s all, “Yeah, yeah, bake a pie, eat a pie.” and goes into the bus for the duration of the game.

Ellie and Marco finally have their heart to heart and she tells him that being his beard is really hard and she can’t take it anymore. So she asks him if he’s still confused about his sexuality. Marco tells her that he’s not confused, and that he has no interest in anything female. Ellie is obviously disappointed because it’s hard for a girl like her to find someone who will put up with her and her bullshit.

Ellie, Sad

In the counselors office, Paige tells her that she now wants to press charges against Dean. The counselor says that the Mounties are now going to get involved in the matter. Spinner waiting outside gives Paige these really stale looking sandwiches and tells her that not all guys are complete pieces of shit like Dean, that some of the guys are good. But Spinner is an asshole, so he really doesn’t qualify as a good guy either. With that being said, Paige asks Spinner to the end of the year dance and the episode ends on a good note for once.

Paige, Spinner

So yeah, this episode fucking sucked. It was pure torture for me and I never want to see it again. The only thing interesting about it was Ellie and Marco’s relationship and even that was doomed from the start.


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Season 2, Episode 14, “Careless Whisper”

Pre-credit opener: We see the dudes playing a pick up game of basketball, shirts vs skins. Right off the bat we know that Marco is gay as hell because he can’t take his eyes off of Sean’s glistening body. Not that there’s nothing wrong with that. Sean catches him and says, “What’re you looking at fag?” The first time I saw this I was all, Whoa! Because this line of dialog was definitely censored when it aired on the N. I swear the N edited a lot of shit for us Americans. I guess they didn’t want to deal with any controversy. Anyways, Marco tries to play it off, but we all know better.

MarcoSean, Spinner

We come back to Marco and Ellie and you can tell that she has a major thing for him. She asks him if what she’s wearing is ok and he asks her since when does she care about what people think of what she’s wearing. She says that she only cares about what he thinks. Marco you can tell is panicking right away because he has zero interest in her except to be her friend. He spots Jimmy and Spinner and hauls ass. Ellie mentions to Ashley that she wants to go out with him, thus proving that Ellie has horrible gaydar.

Marco, Ellie

In the MI lab, Snake is telling the students that that old schivosa Dr Sally is making a return to Degrassi. Ellie’s all, “Who the fuck is that?” And Snake lets her know that she’s an expert in all things sex and you can tell he’s really excited because Dr Sally can teach him a thing or 12 about it. (Going off for a bit, me and my girlfriend went to a diner just this weekend and the waitress looked just like her, but she wasn’t cool like Dr Sally was. This old crow was a bitch and didn’t deserve a damn tip at all because she was rude as hell. She even complained about having to check what kind of soup they had available. I was like, well that is part of your fucking job. My girlfriend is still laughing about it because I’m still fuming about it days later.) Anyways, Jimmy asks Snake why Dr Sally is coming again since they saw her last year. Snake just says that they always have something to learn about. Spinner takes that as an opportunity to say something homophobic and you can tell that it hit a nerve with Snake because of his gay, horse faced brother Glen and how he and his family disowned him when he came out to them in Degrassi Junior High. Check it out here:

https://degrassijuniorhighreviewed.wordpress.com/2014/07/10/season-3-episode-6-he-aint-heavy/

Wow, we get to Dr Sally right away and she busts out a bunch of condoms like she’s making it rain with money, except it’s condoms. She tells the class, “If you can’t be careful, name it after me.” She goes onto the subject of straight and same sex sex. Spinner and Jimmy are curious about what makes a gay dude get really horny and Dr Sally basically says that a big, meaty dick will do the trick for them. Paige jumps into the convo and says that she has an older brother who’s gay and he claims that he was born that way, that he always knew. Dr Sally tells her that some people think that and other’s think that it’s genetic. During all this Marco is conflicted as hell. Especially when Terri says that being gay is a sin, and Dr Sally says that the greater sin is to not be yourself.

Dr Sally

Because this show hates me, we cut to the B plot and it involves Toby smothering his Jackie Chan looking girlfriend, Kendra. He completely humiliates her by standing outside of Snake’s class like Micheal Myers and then he starts to make a kissy face. Snake get’s so disgusted he shuts the blinds to spare the rest of the class the plague that is Toby. Kendra just can’t help making this retarded looking face.

Kendra

Class is dismissed and Ellie walks up to Dr Sally and asks her advice about how she can bag Marco. Dr Sally gives her sound advice, but if she only knew that Marco only craves the man cock. Spinner being Spinner calls Marco Marcy and gives him some fem care. This causes Marco to get all pissed off and says, “I hate fags ok, what they do makes me sick.” But then he tells Spinner to cut his shit out already or else he’s going to bend him over and send him home with a, I just pumped the neighbor’s cat look on his face.

Outside Toby is making an ass of himself with Kendra and she tells him that maybe he should cool it because she got in trouble with Snake. Toby mentions that he got in trouble too because he was caught jerking off in the girls restroom. He then shows his stalker, possessive side by telling her that he made a schedule for her in the guise of helping her out with her grades. Her body language is apparent and who can blame her? I noticed that he’s always up in her face. She get’s so creeped out by him she tells him to stop and leaves in a huff. Milhouse is really confused because he has no idea how to handle a woman.

Toby, KendraKendra's Schedule

Ok, since when is Snake a damn expert on film and techniques? Because he’s telling the class about noticing the directors technique in a commercial or whatever. I thought he was just a computer geek. But then again, the class is called Media Immersion. What a bullshit class if you ask me. Seems like school is out for the day and Marco waits for everyone to leave so that he can check out a gay website to confirm that he’s gay and proud. It’s short lived though because Spinner and Drake come along and ask him if he wants to go walking home with them. After clicking the hell out of the mouse to get out of the site, he tells them no.

Out on some bench Ellie finally get’s the nerve to talk about whether they’re just friends or not. Marco still fighting the gayness within him tells her that they should go out on a date since they like each other alot. Ellie is clearly happy, but you can tell that Marco is like GOB in Arrested Development and is saying in his head, “I’ve made a huge mistake.”

Ellie, Marco

It’s finally date time and things couldn’t be more awkward. Marco holds her hand and she instantly get’s happy, but Marco not feeling it fakes a sneeze and Ellie again instantly get’s disappointed. It’s a new day and Ashley is telling Terri that Jimmy is coming over for a project and she’s nervous because it’s the first time that he’s back at her house after she called him out for being  lame square and cheating on him with Sean. Ashley finds Ellie and she makes it all obvious that she had a horrible date with Marco, even though she has fun being with him. Ellie is afraid that he doesn’t like her more than a friend and that’s when Ashley says that maybe he’s not into any females. At that Ellie get’s all pissed off at her and basically tries to call Ashley a homophobe. But it’s pretty obvious that Marco likes the man meat.

Ellie, DateAshley, Ellie

At Kendra’s locker, Toby is decorating the hell out of it like a prissy school girl. Manny comes along and points out that he’s smothering her because she did the same mistake with Craig. He reasons that if she see’s that he’s willing to do anything for her, she’s bound to respect him. But of course Kendra get’s pissed off at the gesture, rips a heart in half, (which she basically did to his real one) and leaves for her next class. Milhouse is obviously left heartbroken. Manny can’t help being a shithead and says, “Told you.” And leaves all happy.

Manny, Kendra, Toby

In the locker room, or the Playgirl mansion according to Marco, Spinner being a fuckhead still calls Marco Marcy again and this time Jimmy get’s annoyed with him because his bits are getting old fast. Marco bullshits all of them and tells all the dudes that he’s going out with Ellie. He lets on that something happened on their date, but of course he can’t think of anything plausible and they all figure out what a fucking liar he is.

Outside the school, Marco and his crew come along and he tries to lie to them, but mostly himself that he’s into Ellie. He goes over to her like he’s fucking Lord Byron and starts to mack with Ellie. I’m surprised he didn’t make gagging noises because he’s so not into her sexually. She’s clearly happier than she’s ever been in her miserable life. Poor Ellie, she doesn’t deserve that.

Ellie

Kendra comes along and Toby can’t help acting like a bitch and tells her that she doesn’t like him anymore because he’s always up her ass.

Finally the Degrassi kids are at Ashley’s watching some sort of National Geographic bullshit. It was so boring that it put Spinner to sleep, until Ashley walks in with a couple of pizza pies. I just noticed that Toby isn’t around. She must have tied him up like an animal in the basement to avoid further embarrassment. The dudes start to dig in and Marco tells them, “Ladies first.” Spinner then tells him, “Well after you Marco.” Marco did walk into that one. One point to Spinner. Ellie get’s all annoyed at him and she invites him up to go to Ashley’s room. They all assume that they’re going up there to fool around. But if they only knew.

As soon as Marco walks into the room Ellie jumps his bones and starts to make out with him like crazy. She then asks him to sit on the bed and she obviously wants to get down to some old fashioned heavy petting, but Marco starts to cry and Ellie, heartbroken obviously knows that he’s gay. Finally Marco can’t take it anymore and confesses to her that he thinks that he might be batting for the other team, but he’s really confused.
Ellie, Marco Crying

At his locker Toby is taking down all of Kendra’s pictures because he’s so sure that she’s going to break up with his puny dweeb ass. Kendra comes along and basically tells him that she does like him, but that he just has to back his shit off for a bit and to let her have some free time away from him. I know I need some time away from Toby.

At Marco’s locker Jimmy and Spinner are totally fooled with Marco and Ellie. She tells the dudes that they should be totally jealous and gives Marco a smooch on the lips. Marco is doing his best not to look all disgusted. And at that, Ellie has decided to play along and has now become his beard. The episode ends with Ellie telling Marco that she can’t pretend forever, and neither can he. She mentions a gay youth group, but Marco tells her that he’s not ready for that shit yet, he has a plan and it involves gay twink porn. I think it’s a good idea. Just ease into it Marco.

Marco, End Credits

I think this was a good episode. We clearly see the pain that Marco is going through, trying to come to terms with his sexuality. I can’t imagine a more awkward and painful time to realize something like that. Too bad Toby had to be thrown into the mix, but his story line was barely in the episode, so we all won that round. But this episode is only a small taste of what’s coming for the future of Degrassi. At this current season of the show, it’s homosexual high.


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Season 2, Episode 10, “Take My Breath Away”

Hey Degrassi fiends. Sorry I haven’t posted shit for what? Weeks, or a month? Anyways, I think I’ve lost the drive to do this blog. If you see a next entry it’s because I just did it on a whim, it’ll probably be like that for now on.

Pre-credit opener: We see Craig interrupting Mrs Kwan’s boring lecture and Manny is all full of love in her eyes for him. Clearly Manny is completely insane because all of a sudden they’re wearing formal wear and break out into song. But she comes back to reality and Craig is telling her to move her ass out of the way because he has to get a projector to Snake’s class. Don’t you hate it when TV shows try to showcase the cast singing? I’m all, Stop that because they fucking suck!

Craig, Manny

In the MI lab Toby tells Snake that the computers are all messed up and Snake asks JT if he emailed him naked baboon pictures again. Snake isn’t even embarrassed to admit his sick addiction. He opens up his computer and it’s this lame, demented looking wedding announcement. Seems like Snake and Spike are getting married. Manny still living on another planet asks him what it’s like to find his one true love. She’s so Disney it makes me sick!

Spike, Snake

In the hallway Emma is bragging to Manny about the engagement ring that Snake and Emma picked out. We then see how Snake is even more of a pussy because it turns out that Spike asked him to get married. Right away we know who’s in charge in that relationship. Craig comes by and says hi to the both of them and it’s pretty obvious that Craig is into Manny too.

Outside Ellie is reading a book and Marco let’s on that he’s read it too. She says that Mrs Kwan didn’t think it was so great for a book report. Well no shit Ellie. That thing seems like it’s a fucked up book by Tim Burton and it was meant for five year old’s. It’s kind of like in the Simpson’s when Bart’s book report was Baby’s First Pop Up Book. Anyways she tries to flirt with him, but he just says, “Catch you later.” On the bench next to her Ellie is dismayed to find out that Hazel is into him and wants his nuts badly.

Goth BookEllie

In the MI room Ellie is sending him an “anonymous” email, but I don’t know how he wouldn’t figure out it was her because she sent it in the same stupid style as the book they were just talking about. Ashley comes along and not respecting her privacy wants to know who it is that she likes, but all Ellie says is that she’s never felt like that for anyone before. To end this boring scene Marco reads it and just smiles at Hazel. Ellie is even more depressed because she figures that she fucked up and has driven them even more closer together.

In the hallway Manny is once again tripping balls about Craig almost telling her that he loves her, but then she comes back to reality. She spots him by himself and just blurts out to him, “Craig, I like you.” She get’s all mortified and leaves all embarrassed but Craig tells her that he likes her too and that’s when she squeals like the little girl that she is. Long story short, they make a date for a movie.

Manny

In the library Marco brings up the email to Ellie and she pretty much plays dumb and just says that it means that someone likes him. He goes on to ask why they would ask such a retarded cryptic question to him. She goes on about the anonymous part. So yeah Marco pretty much knows that it’s her.

At Joey’s house Joey is telling some girl on the phone that he doesn’t want to see her anymore and that it’s over. Oh please. Like fucking Joey is a real catch and that someone would be begging for his presence. Joey is all proud of Craig for taking out such fresh meat like Manny. At Spike’s house Manny is way too nervous about their big date and all of a sudden Mr Wonderful arrives. Before they leave Emma takes their picture with this gargantuan camera. I mean that thing is fucking huge!

Emma

The next scene is at Degrassi and it’s obviously a new day. Manny is telling Liberty and Emma about the date and she pretty much says that they’re officially boyfriend and girlfriend because they’re so in love. She’s so delusional it’s sad. To illustrate the point Craig is telling his side of the story to Spinner and Drake and you can tell he had the worst time ever. I just noticed that Spinner bleached the hell out of his hair. Why?

So right here we get another taste of the madness that is Degrassi. Manny and Craig are both going to tell their version of the date and both versions couldn’t be more different. I’m not going to go through the whole scene. Basically hers was all romantic because they had an indoor carnival in the mall. That must be a pretty shitty carnival. But ok, he buys her some cotton candy and she feeds it to him all sexy. In his version she’s acting like such a little girl and she fucking shoves the cotton candy down his throat and Craig is gasping for air.

Craig

The next incident is where they play the game where you throw a ball through a hole to win a prize. He wins her some stupid stuffed horse and Manny not even embarrassed tells him that it’s part of a collection that she has. It’s her turn and she throws the ball and she gives Craig a concussion by beaming him in the head with the damn ball. All of a sudden Craig looks into her eyes and he thinks that she’s the hottest piece in the planet. But he can’t bring himself to kiss her because she reminds him of his sister Little Manny, aka Angela. Both Jimmy and Spinner point out what a sick fuck Craig is.

Craig, Manny

Manny’s version is that she annihilates Craig’s head and he’s way too polite about it. I’m surprised she didn’t say that they had a good make out session, but she admits to Liberty and Emma that they didn’t kiss. Liberty says that she loves that in a man. Please, she would have been begging anyone for just a smooch on the cheek.

Manny, Craig

I completely forgot about Ellie and Marco’s subplot. She sends him another email and this time she wants to meet up with him. You can tell that she’s nervous as hell about it. In the hallway Manny is acting like a maniac with him already and he mentions that everyone is talking about them and she says that they’re now Degrassi’s hottest new couple. Just going by his tone of voice Emma can tell that Craig doesn’t really like her. She tries to tell her but Manny being stupid and desperate doesn’t want to hear it.

I love how Degrassi has a zen garden. I should have mentioned that in the scene where Ellie told Marco to meet her. But yes they have a zen garden, my school didn’t have any money to waste on stupid shit like that. Marco comes along and says that he was supposed to meet Hazel. She says that she knows, first hand in fact. That’s when he asks her if she was the one who was writing to him. Instead of just saying yes she get’s all sad and just leaves. What the fuck Ellie? How is the dude supposed to know that you like him if you keep staying quiet and just leave when confronted with the question.

Ellie. sad

Outside Marco is calling her on her old ass cell phone and explains to her that he wasn’t rejecting her. I don’t know how the fuck she got that from him hardly saying anything at all. He goes on to say that he was going to tell Hazel that she’s not his type. Then he says, “I go for cool, alternative.” Oh boy, does he ever! So Ellie is all happy because she bagged her dream man.

Marco

In the hallway Craig is getting tired of Manny and her shit. She’s now completely decorated his locker with a bunch of girly bullshit and you can tell that he wants to throw everything into the trash. Ashley comes along and asks Craig if he still wants to sign a petition protesting GM foods. Like anyone in that age group would even remotely care about such things. Manny goes on to show what an idiot she is and asks her what it means and then asks if it’s a good thing. They both look at her with disgust because of her stupidity.

Ashley

As soon as Ashley leaves she tells Craig that she doesn’t think that he should talk to her anymore. Holy shit did she turn into a psycho quick. All he says is that she’s in his class. That’s when Manny takes this as an opportunity to ask him what they’re going to be doing that Friday night. At that Craig can’t stands no more and he tells her flat out that he doesn’t like her. The episode ends with Manny making an ugly I wanna cry face.

Manny, End Credits

I would say this was another alright episode. The Ellie, Marco subplot was a bit boring and was wrapped up way too quickly. Manny though showed everyone what not to do when you like someone and that is to never smother them.