Degrassi The Next Generation Reviewed

Ah yes, the companion blog to Degrassi Junior High Reviewed. Each episode will be reviewed in order by a guy who loves the next generation's melodrama.


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Season 3, Episode 19, “It’s Raining Men”

Going by the name of the episode it’s pretty safe to assume that this one is starring Marco.

Pre-Credit Opener: Marco pulls up next to Paige, Spinner and Hazel and all excited shows them the poster for the semi formal. Geesh this guy is way too into himself, because it’s him and Ellie in East Indian garb. But goddamn, his dad comes out and he looks and sounds like Super Mario. Degrassi tries really hard to be liberal but holy moley if this isn’t an Italian stereotype right here. Anyways, the girls start to talk about how they’re going to win king and queen of the formal and Marco’s dad tells them that Marco is going to be the king. He just has to find the right queen. Poor bastard, he doesn’t realize that he already found his queen and it’s Dylan. But let’s be serious here guys. In that situation, Marco would be the queen.

In the hallway Marco is telling Dylan how embarrassing his dad is and he tells him that he already likes a guy. Being all awkward Marco can’t find the courage to ask Dylan to the stupid dance. Dylan taking the initiative asks Marco out to a zombie movie. But Marco being stupid says that they freak him out, so Dylan is going to ask another gay dude named Tom instead.

Oh lord, we come to the B plot and it involves JT dressing like a wigger while peddling curly fries in the cafeteria. Apparently there’s going to be a commercial for it since the fries are going to be in school cafeteria’s all over the country. Manny passes by and it’s obvious that JT still has a thing for her. He says hi to her, but she just walks on by because she’s so depressed in how her life is going at the moment. After that JT convinces Toby to have a launch party for his commercial at his place.

Speaking of the cafeteria, Spinner comes along and asks Marco all loud if he has a thing for Dylan. Marco all embarrassed says yes but he’s scared to ask him out. Funny how Spinner of all people is helping him out. Good for him for getting over his hatred of queer people. In the hallway Marco is just about to make his move but then Tom comes along. He’s gayer than Marco and Dylan combined. So he’s definitely Degrassi’s top gay. Marco see’s them together and leaves all disappointed.

We cut to Mrs Hotass’s science class and Spinner freaks Marco out by showing him a picture of a bee. Spinner then asks him what’s up with that Tom character and Marco wants to grind his balls into dust because he stole his crush. Man Marco has zero confidence because all he does is put himself down and has completely given up on getting with his favorite piece of beef cake.

Out in the hallway again Spinner decides to take it upon himself to hook Marco and Dylan up. This looks very bizarre because they both have the same hairstyle and it just seems like Spinner is talking to himself. Spinner see’s Tom coming and gives Dylan a hug. Dylan says, “What is this, hug the homo day?” Tom seeing a manly man like Spinner runs away in fear. After getting rid of him Spinner tells Dylan that Marco really likes him and that Dylan should ask him out. Dylan thinks that he isn’t ready and since Dylan had a horrible first gay date, he doesn’t want the same thing to happen to Marco. Spinner just tells him to think about it.

At cheer practice, Paige tries to complement JT but he just brushes her off so he can go and talk to Manny. He corners her and begs her to go to his party. She doesn’t want to because she’s Degrassi’s top slut and she knows that everyone knows it too. But she feels sorry for him and reluctantly agrees to go.

We go to Marco and he’s getting more and more depressed because he see’s couple after happy couple. At his locker Dylan comes along and says that he’s into him. Now that he knows, Dylan asks him out to the zombie movie and Marco agrees to go on his first date.

In the next scene we go to Spinner’s house and he’s playing with fucking toy dinosaurs. It’s hilarious. He quickly hides them like Dark Helmet because Marco just comes barging in with an arm full of clothes. Of course this being Marco, he’s freaking out and he wants to find the best outfit for the occasion. I don’t know how his dad doesn’t know that he’s gay because all his clothes are gayer than a motherfucker. He has a gay looking disco shirt, a Dracula/Hamlet looking shirt and even a goddamn cowboy shirt. Spinner vetos all of those choices by making fun of him and tells him to just keep it simple. At that Marco thanks him for helping him out.

Dylan finally comes by Spinner’s house to pick up Marco. He comes out wearing a stupid hat and Dylan points out that the hat is more for a club. Marco feels bad about the fashion faux pas, but he can’t dwell on it because there’s a bee in the car and he freaks out and makes a total fool of himself. But Dylan just thinks it’s cute. At their date Marco and Dylan are talking about their fears and you can tell that Marco is finally feeling more and more comfortable.

It’s finally time for JT’s party and Manny is having the worst time ever sitting next to two stoner look alikes. The commercial comes on and it’s the lamest thing ever. It’s so hard to describe, but it features a dog dressed just like him and his big catch phrase is, “Hey don’t be all up in my fries, dog.” After the commercial ends everyone is just sitting there in dead silence. Jimmy tells him if people make fun of him tomorrow, he should just tell them his catch phrase. At that, everyone starts to laugh their asses off at him and JT is experiencing humiliations galore. Especially because his crush Manny is right there witnessing it all.

Meanwhile at the movie Marco goes for it and holds Dylan’s hand. As they’re leaving Marco is mortified to see that his parents are at the mall too and they run into them. Marco not having the guts to say that they’re on a date simply tells them that he just happened to run into him. At that his dad invites them to dinner. And what a surprise, they go to an Italian restaurant. Marco’s parents start to go off on Marco and how he doesn’t have a girlfriend. Marco’s humiliation increases when an obviously gay waiter comes to their table and his dad Mario starts to make fun of him as soon as he leaves. He says, “How can that fagola carry the trays with his limp wrists?” He then starts to go off more on gay people and that the thought of gay sex is disgusting. Marco upset now tells him to shut the fuck up. Dylan, either being pissed off or just embarrassed decides to go home early. Thus ending their date.

The next day of school Jay and Sean are already making fun of JT and his lame commercial. Manny comes by and tries to cheer him up. She mentions that his commercial sucked but that he was actually great in it. JT says that she should tell people that. But she doesn’t think that anyone would want to listen to Degrassi’s resident whore. They sort of start to flirt and they go into the school.

The episode ends with Dylan and Marco having a heart to heart scene. Marco is apologizing about his dad and his anti gay shit. Dylan tells him that it wasn’t a big deal and that they’ve both heard worse. Marco was afraid that Dylan wouldn’t want to talk to him again. He says that he considered it, but ultimately he likes Marco and to prove the point he kisses him. Good thing they were in a back alley or else everyone would have seen them.

So yeah, this episode was very gay and Degrassi delivered. I enjoyed the episode and it was good to see Spinner finally mature. Even though he was playing with toys. Plus the whole JT commercial was pretty amusing as well. In the future Degrassi will go really queer, so this episode here wasn’t shit compared to future episodes and seasons. Now that I think about it, I believe this was Degrassi’s first gay kiss. But certainly not the last.

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Season 2, Episode 10, “Take My Breath Away”

Hey Degrassi fiends. Sorry I haven’t posted shit for what? Weeks, or a month? Anyways, I think I’ve lost the drive to do this blog. If you see a next entry it’s because I just did it on a whim, it’ll probably be like that for now on.

Pre-credit opener: We see Craig interrupting Mrs Kwan’s boring lecture and Manny is all full of love in her eyes for him. Clearly Manny is completely insane because all of a sudden they’re wearing formal wear and break out into song. But she comes back to reality and Craig is telling her to move her ass out of the way because he has to get a projector to Snake’s class. Don’t you hate it when TV shows try to showcase the cast singing? I’m all, Stop that because they fucking suck!

Craig, Manny

In the MI lab Toby tells Snake that the computers are all messed up and Snake asks JT if he emailed him naked baboon pictures again. Snake isn’t even embarrassed to admit his sick addiction. He opens up his computer and it’s this lame, demented looking wedding announcement. Seems like Snake and Spike are getting married. Manny still living on another planet asks him what it’s like to find his one true love. She’s so Disney it makes me sick!

Spike, Snake

In the hallway Emma is bragging to Manny about the engagement ring that Snake and Emma picked out. We then see how Snake is even more of a pussy because it turns out that Spike asked him to get married. Right away we know who’s in charge in that relationship. Craig comes by and says hi to the both of them and it’s pretty obvious that Craig is into Manny too.

Outside Ellie is reading a book and Marco let’s on that he’s read it too. She says that Mrs Kwan didn’t think it was so great for a book report. Well no shit Ellie. That thing seems like it’s a fucked up book by Tim Burton and it was meant for five year old’s. It’s kind of like in the Simpson’s when Bart’s book report was Baby’s First Pop Up Book. Anyways she tries to flirt with him, but he just says, “Catch you later.” On the bench next to her Ellie is dismayed to find out that Hazel is into him and wants his nuts badly.

Goth BookEllie

In the MI room Ellie is sending him an “anonymous” email, but I don’t know how he wouldn’t figure out it was her because she sent it in the same stupid style as the book they were just talking about. Ashley comes along and not respecting her privacy wants to know who it is that she likes, but all Ellie says is that she’s never felt like that for anyone before. To end this boring scene Marco reads it and just smiles at Hazel. Ellie is even more depressed because she figures that she fucked up and has driven them even more closer together.

In the hallway Manny is once again tripping balls about Craig almost telling her that he loves her, but then she comes back to reality. She spots him by himself and just blurts out to him, “Craig, I like you.” She get’s all mortified and leaves all embarrassed but Craig tells her that he likes her too and that’s when she squeals like the little girl that she is. Long story short, they make a date for a movie.

Manny

In the library Marco brings up the email to Ellie and she pretty much plays dumb and just says that it means that someone likes him. He goes on to ask why they would ask such a retarded cryptic question to him. She goes on about the anonymous part. So yeah Marco pretty much knows that it’s her.

At Joey’s house Joey is telling some girl on the phone that he doesn’t want to see her anymore and that it’s over. Oh please. Like fucking Joey is a real catch and that someone would be begging for his presence. Joey is all proud of Craig for taking out such fresh meat like Manny. At Spike’s house Manny is way too nervous about their big date and all of a sudden Mr Wonderful arrives. Before they leave Emma takes their picture with this gargantuan camera. I mean that thing is fucking huge!

Emma

The next scene is at Degrassi and it’s obviously a new day. Manny is telling Liberty and Emma about the date and she pretty much says that they’re officially boyfriend and girlfriend because they’re so in love. She’s so delusional it’s sad. To illustrate the point Craig is telling his side of the story to Spinner and Drake and you can tell he had the worst time ever. I just noticed that Spinner bleached the hell out of his hair. Why?

So right here we get another taste of the madness that is Degrassi. Manny and Craig are both going to tell their version of the date and both versions couldn’t be more different. I’m not going to go through the whole scene. Basically hers was all romantic because they had an indoor carnival in the mall. That must be a pretty shitty carnival. But ok, he buys her some cotton candy and she feeds it to him all sexy. In his version she’s acting like such a little girl and she fucking shoves the cotton candy down his throat and Craig is gasping for air.

Craig

The next incident is where they play the game where you throw a ball through a hole to win a prize. He wins her some stupid stuffed horse and Manny not even embarrassed tells him that it’s part of a collection that she has. It’s her turn and she throws the ball and she gives Craig a concussion by beaming him in the head with the damn ball. All of a sudden Craig looks into her eyes and he thinks that she’s the hottest piece in the planet. But he can’t bring himself to kiss her because she reminds him of his sister Little Manny, aka Angela. Both Jimmy and Spinner point out what a sick fuck Craig is.

Craig, Manny

Manny’s version is that she annihilates Craig’s head and he’s way too polite about it. I’m surprised she didn’t say that they had a good make out session, but she admits to Liberty and Emma that they didn’t kiss. Liberty says that she loves that in a man. Please, she would have been begging anyone for just a smooch on the cheek.

Manny, Craig

I completely forgot about Ellie and Marco’s subplot. She sends him another email and this time she wants to meet up with him. You can tell that she’s nervous as hell about it. In the hallway Manny is acting like a maniac with him already and he mentions that everyone is talking about them and she says that they’re now Degrassi’s hottest new couple. Just going by his tone of voice Emma can tell that Craig doesn’t really like her. She tries to tell her but Manny being stupid and desperate doesn’t want to hear it.

I love how Degrassi has a zen garden. I should have mentioned that in the scene where Ellie told Marco to meet her. But yes they have a zen garden, my school didn’t have any money to waste on stupid shit like that. Marco comes along and says that he was supposed to meet Hazel. She says that she knows, first hand in fact. That’s when he asks her if she was the one who was writing to him. Instead of just saying yes she get’s all sad and just leaves. What the fuck Ellie? How is the dude supposed to know that you like him if you keep staying quiet and just leave when confronted with the question.

Ellie. sad

Outside Marco is calling her on her old ass cell phone and explains to her that he wasn’t rejecting her. I don’t know how the fuck she got that from him hardly saying anything at all. He goes on to say that he was going to tell Hazel that she’s not his type. Then he says, “I go for cool, alternative.” Oh boy, does he ever! So Ellie is all happy because she bagged her dream man.

Marco

In the hallway Craig is getting tired of Manny and her shit. She’s now completely decorated his locker with a bunch of girly bullshit and you can tell that he wants to throw everything into the trash. Ashley comes along and asks Craig if he still wants to sign a petition protesting GM foods. Like anyone in that age group would even remotely care about such things. Manny goes on to show what an idiot she is and asks her what it means and then asks if it’s a good thing. They both look at her with disgust because of her stupidity.

Ashley

As soon as Ashley leaves she tells Craig that she doesn’t think that he should talk to her anymore. Holy shit did she turn into a psycho quick. All he says is that she’s in his class. That’s when Manny takes this as an opportunity to ask him what they’re going to be doing that Friday night. At that Craig can’t stands no more and he tells her flat out that he doesn’t like her. The episode ends with Manny making an ugly I wanna cry face.

Manny, End Credits

I would say this was another alright episode. The Ellie, Marco subplot was a bit boring and was wrapped up way too quickly. Manny though showed everyone what not to do when you like someone and that is to never smother them.


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Season 1, Episode 11, “Friday Night”

Ha, it’s Friday afternoon and here I am writing this one up. Let’s see what trouble the Degrassi kid’s get into this time.

Pre-credit opener: In the very busy Degrassi hallway Manny is showing Emma her new nail polish called Passion Flame. Emma says that it sounds very hot and Manny says, “Speaking of hot.” And of course Sean comes up and strikes up a conversation with Emma. They do some small talk and that’s when he goes for it and asks her if she wants to hang out that night. Manny comes back and asks her what he wanted. Emma says, “Manny I’m not sure, but I think he asked me on a date.” They both start to squeal like a couple of little girls. Cause that’s exactly what they are.

Emma, Manny

In the Media Immersion class Manny is all excited for Emma’s first date because she’s so lame she has to live through Emma to experience all these things. Toby tries to talk to Emma but of course he just acts like the awkward spaz that he is. Emma picks up on what he’s trying to do and she tells Manny that they should go sharpen their pencils. As soon as they’re in the other side of the room she tells Manny that she wishes that Toby liked Manny instead of her. But Manny could give two fucks about Toby and wants all the details on what Sean said. Both of them are now confused and can’t figure out if they’re going on a date or not.

Manny, Emma

In Mrs Kwan’s class, she’s telling everyone about a field trip they’re going on so that they can watch Romeo and Juliet. But she’s interrupted by this really annoying drumming and of course it’s Spinner tapping his pen against the table. She see’s that he’s listening to his ancient and cheap looking discman. She takes his head phones off and tells him that he has detention after school. Stupid Spinner like an imbecile just smiles and says, “What?” She tries to take the discman away, but Spinner tries to take it back and that’s when she drops it. I told you it was cheap. The thing broke into a couple of pieces as soon as it hit the floor. Spinner loses his shit, but Mrs Kwan tells him that it’s his fault for listening to it in her room. She then says, “Keep wasting my time Gavin and I’ll keep wasting yours.”

Mrs Kwan, Spinner

In gym class Emma and Manny are still super confused about whether she has a date or not. But luckily Sean is in there and they have a talk. Emma says, “Sean about tonight?” He just get’s this really blank look on his face and says, “Yeah.” Then walks away. Emma instantly get’s pissed off and yells, “SEAN!” Coach Armstrong then comes in and tells everyone that they’re going to play dodge ball. I guess his little case about molesting Liberty was resolved quickly then. Anyways, he gives the ball to Emma and you can tell by the look in her eyes that she has nothing but evil intentions now. The game starts and she throws the ball all hard at him. Armstrong tells her that she has a good arm, but tells her that there’s other people to hit instead of Sean.

In the hallway Spinner is all sad about his CD player and Jimmy tells Ashley and Terri that Mrs Kwan is a major fucking tyrant. Ashley then asks him who he’s sitting next to the bus when they go on their field trip. He says next to her of course and they start to make out. Mrs Kwan then comes by and says, “Ms Kerwin, Mr Brooks. This is a school not a petting zoo. Kindly disengage yourselves.” What is she a fucking cyborg? Who talks like that?! Ashley tries to explain and Mrs Kwan isn’t finished yet. She threatens to take her to Mr Raditch then as she’s walking away she adds, “You two may think you’re adorable, but that doesn’t mean anyone else does.” Once she’s gone Jimmy says, “Total Tyrant.” What bug crawled up her ass? What a bitch.

Mrs KwanAshley, Jimmy, Terri

In the cafeteria Jimmy is telling Spinner all about what happened in the previous scene. Spinner says that she’s made it her mission to make everyone’s live’s there miserable and blames her for him working there. That’s when he comes up with the idea of him and Jimmy teaming up to get her back. But Jimmy is a big puss and tells him no way. Sheila the lunch lady comes by Spinner and says, “Hey princess, less talk, more work.”

In the hallway stupid Emma and Manny are still debating if she has a date or not. Emma was so desperate that she even talked to Toby about it. She says that he told her that he thinks that Sean was only trying to make small talk. I’m surprised that dork didn’t try throwing Sean under the bus some how. Once again Paige being nosy as hell over hears their conversation and says that her thing for Sean is more obvious then Heather St Claire’s nose job. Emma reluctantly tells her what happened and asks her for her advice. Paige tells her that it is a date and it was just Sean’s weirdo way of asking her out.

Paige

Terri comes into Mrs Kwan’s class and tells them that she’s in a meeting with Mr Raditch and that they’re supposed to do some bullshit busy work. Spinner decide to use the time to impersonate Mrs Kwan. Jimmy goes ahead and plays along too, going through their little bit with Spinner using some of her phrases, because like I said, who talks like that? She comes in and Spinner sits his ass down. She starts to talk about the assignment but she starts to repeat some of the shit that Spinner and Jimmy said. They look all confused as to how she knew and she tells them that she heard everything they said on the intercom and then gives Jimmy detention too.

Spinner, Jimmy Kwan

In the Media Immersion class Emma sends Sean on email and asks him what’s going on that night. Sean calls her out on her hostile ass and she denies hating him. Sean cuts the bullshit because he’s a real man and they both decide to go out on a date.

In detention Jimmy is hella bummed about being stuck there on a Friday afternoon. He tells Spinner all this and Mrs Kwan tells them that she’s going to be teaching a night school class in about three hours, so if they don’t shut the fuck up, they’ll be there along with her too. But I think that’s illegal in someway. Anyways, Jimmy decides to go with Spinner’s plan and it’s time for revenge, Degrassi style!

Revenge

Finally it’s dusk and Sean is in front of Emma and Spike’s house in his best denim jean jacket and a spiffy looking turtleneck. Emma is nervous as hell and is asking Spike what outfit she should wear. Man Spike is looking good in that top she has on. Anyways, she starts to talk about how she remembers her first date. But she should stop herself, because it’ll probably lead into how Shane porked her just once and got her pregnant with Emma. Mercifully Sean knocks on the door and Spike lets him in. She tells them to have a good time and for Emma to be back home by ten. Before they leave Spike busts out this humongous Polaroid camera and takes their picture. It’s the most hilarious thing ever with their big moonie smiles.

Spike Emma, Sean, pic

Outside Emma is suggesting all sorts of shit that they can do, but Sean tells her to take it easy and that they’ll figure something out. Emma finally relaxes but that’s when a bird takes a giant shit on her. If that ain’t a sign of things to come, I don’t know what is.

Emma, Bird Shit

It’s night time at Degrassi and Sean and Jimmy sneak in to fuck with Mrs Kwan. While she’s teaching English to a bunch of foreigners, Jimmy turns on the intercom in Mr Raditch’s office and Spinner starts to chew gum loudly into it. Right away Mrs Kwan get’s pissed off and tells whoever’s doing that should spit it out, but of course Spinner keeps doing it. They fuck things up though when she hears them laughing through the intercom. She excuses herself and goes to check Raditch’s office, but they hide before she can catch them. Spinner then initiates part II of his evil little plan and orders some take out to the school.

Drake, Spinner

We cut to the mall’s food court and apparently Emma bought Sean dinner because she feels she owes it to him since Spike made them take another picture with her weird looking camera. Oh God, Emma tells him that she ordered him a veggieburger and Sean not wanting to blow it tells her that it’s fine. He goes on to tell her that he spent a Summer at his aunt and uncle’s farm and got disgusted when he saw some cows being slaughtered. Emma starts to talk about some vegetarian bullshit, but that’s when Sean notices a big glob of ketchup or whatever on her cheek and tells her about it. Emma of course is embarrassed as hell.

Back to Mrs Kwan’s room this dude comes in and tells her that someone ordered a shit load of buffalo wings. She tells him that she didn’t order it and refuses to pay the big ass bill for it. But the foreigners are happy to pay for themselves since they’re starving while taking her stupid English test. In Mr Raditch’s office Spinner and Jimmy are laughing their asses off. Those little bastards.

Pizza Guy, Mrs KwanForeighners

Back to Sean and Emma’s boring date. Emma can’t find her wallet and is convinced that she threw it out with the rest of their food at the food court. Poor Sean decides to make himself look like a garbage picker and sticks his hand in the trash, but he only finds a piece of hamburger. That’s when a security guard comes along and Sean pretty much figures out that they’re getting kicked out.

Sean, Emma, Date

At the Degrassi parking lot Jimmy and Spinner are taking out their frustrations on Mrs Kwan’s car by throwing eggs at it. She comes out all of a sudden and they hide behind a car. She see’s what they did and she can’t take it anymore. She starts to cry her eyes out. But shit, I think she really would have lost it if they had keyed it. Anyways, Jimmy feels bad about it now, but Spinner is a prick and is smiling all satisfied that he finally got her back.

Mrs Kwan, Crying Spinner

Outside of the mall Sean is dumpster diving but he can’t find shit. He asks her again to retrace her steps and it turns out that stupid Emma had her wallet on her the whole time. She put it inside of her jacket pocket that she had tied around her waist. All of a sudden she runs off, looking like she wants to cry. Man what a shitty date and Sean still has a horrible pizza face. Just saying.

Emma, Sean

It’s finally Monday at Degrassi and Emma is telling Manny, JT and Toby all about their disastrous first date. Sean comes along and Emma starts to apologize for the date, but Sean just spots the Polaroid and asks her if he can have it. Man that went no where. But Emma is obviously even more smitten with him.

Emma

In Mrs Kwan’s class stupid Spinner and Drake are telling the whole class what they did. No way would I be bragging about something like that. It’s how you get busted. But Spinner doesn’t give a shit. He starts to say that he wishes that he had a video camera just so that he had footage of her crying. Everyone is laughing except for Ashley because she’s a huge bore. Spinner tells her that she was asking for it. (Check out Canadian Ronald McDonald there.) Just then Raditch walks in and tells the class that Mrs Kwan won’t be coming back for the rest of the term. Raditch tells them since she won’t be there that their field trip is now canceled, which bums everyone out. It turns out her husband is sick, cancer I’m guessing and that she was doing a lot of over time and she just couldn’t take the stress anymore. Man, no wonder she was a such a Thundercunt this whole episode. Poor creature. The episode ends with Spinner and Jimmy looking guilty as hell.

Spinner, Jimmy, Class Spinner, Jimmy, End Credits

Over all, I would say I liked this episode. It was a nice change of setting because the whole school thing get’s old fast. Although I really didn’t care much for Sean and Emma’s lame first date. This episode I would definitely sub title it The Wrath of Kwan.