Degrassi The Next Generation Reviewed

Ah yes, the companion blog to Degrassi Junior High Reviewed. Each episode will be reviewed in order by a guy who loves the next generation's melodrama.


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Season 3, Episode 19, “It’s Raining Men”

Going by the name of the episode it’s pretty safe to assume that this one is starring Marco.

Pre-Credit Opener: Marco pulls up next to Paige, Spinner and Hazel and all excited shows them the poster for the semi formal. Geesh this guy is way too into himself, because it’s him and Ellie in East Indian garb. But goddamn, his dad comes out and he looks and sounds like Super Mario. Degrassi tries really hard to be liberal but holy moley if this isn’t an Italian stereotype right here. Anyways, the girls start to talk about how they’re going to win king and queen of the formal and Marco’s dad tells them that Marco is going to be the king. He just has to find the right queen. Poor bastard, he doesn’t realize that he already found his queen and it’s Dylan. But let’s be serious here guys. In that situation, Marco would be the queen.

In the hallway Marco is telling Dylan how embarrassing his dad is and he tells him that he already likes a guy. Being all awkward Marco can’t find the courage to ask Dylan to the stupid dance. Dylan taking the initiative asks Marco out to a zombie movie. But Marco being stupid says that they freak him out, so Dylan is going to ask another gay dude named Tom instead.

Oh lord, we come to the B plot and it involves JT dressing like a wigger while peddling curly fries in the cafeteria. Apparently there’s going to be a commercial for it since the fries are going to be in school cafeteria’s all over the country. Manny passes by and it’s obvious that JT still has a thing for her. He says hi to her, but she just walks on by because she’s so depressed in how her life is going at the moment. After that JT convinces Toby to have a launch party for his commercial at his place.

Speaking of the cafeteria, Spinner comes along and asks Marco all loud if he has a thing for Dylan. Marco all embarrassed says yes but he’s scared to ask him out. Funny how Spinner of all people is helping him out. Good for him for getting over his hatred of queer people. In the hallway Marco is just about to make his move but then Tom comes along. He’s gayer than Marco and Dylan combined. So he’s definitely Degrassi’s top gay. Marco see’s them together and leaves all disappointed.

We cut to Mrs Hotass’s science class and Spinner freaks Marco out by showing him a picture of a bee. Spinner then asks him what’s up with that Tom character and Marco wants to grind his balls into dust because he stole his crush. Man Marco has zero confidence because all he does is put himself down and has completely given up on getting with his favorite piece of beef cake.

Out in the hallway again Spinner decides to take it upon himself to hook Marco and Dylan up. This looks very bizarre because they both have the same hairstyle and it just seems like Spinner is talking to himself. Spinner see’s Tom coming and gives Dylan a hug. Dylan says, “What is this, hug the homo day?” Tom seeing a manly man like Spinner runs away in fear. After getting rid of him Spinner tells Dylan that Marco really likes him and that Dylan should ask him out. Dylan thinks that he isn’t ready and since Dylan had a horrible first gay date, he doesn’t want the same thing to happen to Marco. Spinner just tells him to think about it.

At cheer practice, Paige tries to complement JT but he just brushes her off so he can go and talk to Manny. He corners her and begs her to go to his party. She doesn’t want to because she’s Degrassi’s top slut and she knows that everyone knows it too. But she feels sorry for him and reluctantly agrees to go.

We go to Marco and he’s getting more and more depressed because he see’s couple after happy couple. At his locker Dylan comes along and says that he’s into him. Now that he knows, Dylan asks him out to the zombie movie and Marco agrees to go on his first date.

In the next scene we go to Spinner’s house and he’s playing with fucking toy dinosaurs. It’s hilarious. He quickly hides them like Dark Helmet because Marco just comes barging in with an arm full of clothes. Of course this being Marco, he’s freaking out and he wants to find the best outfit for the occasion. I don’t know how his dad doesn’t know that he’s gay because all his clothes are gayer than a motherfucker. He has a gay looking disco shirt, a Dracula/Hamlet looking shirt and even a goddamn cowboy shirt. Spinner vetos all of those choices by making fun of him and tells him to just keep it simple. At that Marco thanks him for helping him out.

Dylan finally comes by Spinner’s house to pick up Marco. He comes out wearing a stupid hat and Dylan points out that the hat is more for a club. Marco feels bad about the fashion faux pas, but he can’t dwell on it because there’s a bee in the car and he freaks out and makes a total fool of himself. But Dylan just thinks it’s cute. At their date Marco and Dylan are talking about their fears and you can tell that Marco is finally feeling more and more comfortable.

It’s finally time for JT’s party and Manny is having the worst time ever sitting next to two stoner look alikes. The commercial comes on and it’s the lamest thing ever. It’s so hard to describe, but it features a dog dressed just like him and his big catch phrase is, “Hey don’t be all up in my fries, dog.” After the commercial ends everyone is just sitting there in dead silence. Jimmy tells him if people make fun of him tomorrow, he should just tell them his catch phrase. At that, everyone starts to laugh their asses off at him and JT is experiencing humiliations galore. Especially because his crush Manny is right there witnessing it all.

Meanwhile at the movie Marco goes for it and holds Dylan’s hand. As they’re leaving Marco is mortified to see that his parents are at the mall too and they run into them. Marco not having the guts to say that they’re on a date simply tells them that he just happened to run into him. At that his dad invites them to dinner. And what a surprise, they go to an Italian restaurant. Marco’s parents start to go off on Marco and how he doesn’t have a girlfriend. Marco’s humiliation increases when an obviously gay waiter comes to their table and his dad Mario starts to make fun of him as soon as he leaves. He says, “How can that fagola carry the trays with his limp wrists?” He then starts to go off more on gay people and that the thought of gay sex is disgusting. Marco upset now tells him to shut the fuck up. Dylan, either being pissed off or just embarrassed decides to go home early. Thus ending their date.

The next day of school Jay and Sean are already making fun of JT and his lame commercial. Manny comes by and tries to cheer him up. She mentions that his commercial sucked but that he was actually great in it. JT says that she should tell people that. But she doesn’t think that anyone would want to listen to Degrassi’s resident whore. They sort of start to flirt and they go into the school.

The episode ends with Dylan and Marco having a heart to heart scene. Marco is apologizing about his dad and his anti gay shit. Dylan tells him that it wasn’t a big deal and that they’ve both heard worse. Marco was afraid that Dylan wouldn’t want to talk to him again. He says that he considered it, but ultimately he likes Marco and to prove the point he kisses him. Good thing they were in a back alley or else everyone would have seen them.

So yeah, this episode was very gay and Degrassi delivered. I enjoyed the episode and it was good to see Spinner finally mature. Even though he was playing with toys. Plus the whole JT commercial was pretty amusing as well. In the future Degrassi will go really queer, so this episode here wasn’t shit compared to future episodes and seasons. Now that I think about it, I believe this was Degrassi’s first gay kiss. But certainly not the last.

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Season 3, Episode 9, “Against All Odds”

Hey everyone. Happy New Year, hope everyone had a great holiday season. Welcome back to another pointless episode review of Degrassi. In this episode we get to know the new kid Chris some more.

Pre-credit opener: We see Emma walking into Ms Kwan’s room and runs into Sean and get’s instantly annoyed when she see’s a huge hickey on his neck. Ms Kwan then asks the class what they thought of Bill Shakespeare’s immortal classic, Julius Caesar. Sean makes this really lame speech about how Shakespeare doesn’t know anything about him or his life. That’s when Chris chimes in and goes on to talk about the themes and then basically calls him a wigger. At that diss, Emma is mightily impressed and you can tell that she now wants his Alabama black snake.

emma-chris-manny-sean

Outside the school, Craig is telling Ashley not to be messing around on him with some studly French Canadian guys. Funny coming from him since he fucked Manny a few episodes ago. But Ashley reassures him that she’s just taking Ellie for a little vacation since she’s had a rough time. But Ellie is always sad! As soon as they leave Manny the skank comes along and aggressively tells him that she misses him. Craig being the typical douche bag tells her that there’s nothing to miss since he only boned her once. Not to be dismayed, Manny invites him to a rave that night.

craig-ashley-ellie manny

In the hallway Chris is talking like a fucking robot and is beepbopping to some bullshit rhyme he came up with on the spot. Once again Emma is impressed because she just happens to be the lamest white girl on the planet. In Mr Armstrong’s class, Spinner is in deep shit because he had a horrible mark on his homework assignment. Being desperate he asks Jimmy for some help, but is reluctant to go over because Jimmy invited Marco over to his house too. Just a reminder, Spinner is really grossed out by Marco’s homosexuality. But what do you expect from an asshole like Spinner?

Back in the hallway Chris starts to talk to Emma about God know’s what, because you can barely understand him. Manny let’s Emma know that Chris’s cousin is the DJ for the Kid’s Bop rave that’s going on that night and Emma yet again is impressed because he always let’s Chris spin a set. I gotta say, Emma is impressed by really stupid shit in this episode. Later on at her house, Manny and Emma are sluttifying themselves but Emma goes out to point out that she’s a “White Dork.” Which is true. But Manny finally at the peak of her whorish powers tells her that she looks hot and tells her that she has to do whatever it takes to bag him. I gotta say, Manny looks ridiculous with her thong sticking out as much as it is. She just looks like a little girl who’s trying too hard.

emma-manny

We cut back to Jimmy’s condo where he lives by himself and it seems like Spinner has the shits due to too much spray cheese. He get’s annoyed because he see’s that he has to sit next to Marco and is afraid of catching gay. Jimmy turns on the tv and puts on a porno movie. Jimmy turns it right off because he points out that maybe Marco isn’t interested in watching porn, but Marco tells him to turn it back and because he was enjoying it and was staring at the guy giving the woman a good deep dicking. At that Spinner is even more disgusted and turns the tv right off again.

spinner

Back at the lame rave, Manny is telling Emma not to talk about the fucking environment and her other stupid interests. Emma spots Chris and decides to go talk to him. I hope she brought a translator for the occasion. Back at Joey’s, Craig is becoming hornier and hornier by the minute. I mean, Manny pretty much is a sure thing so I don’t blame him. Eventually he can’t take no more and leaves Joey and Sidney’s boring night at home. But they’re elated because now that he’s out of the way, they can get their own boning done.

joey-sidney-craig

We cut back to Jimmy’s and he puts the porn back on and Marco makes Spinner uncomfortable by patting him on the knee. Spinner decides to get some more spray cheese and while he’s eating that, Marco starts to go on about the porno dude. At that Spinner get’s so disgusted that he literally starts to choke on his food. Marco tells him that he knows the Heimlich maneuver and tries to help him out. But Spinner would rather die than let Marco nail him in his keister. Eventually Marco save’s Spinner’s life and Jimmy just responds with the fact that they just ruined his new carpet.

jimmy-spinner-marco

Emma finally makes her way through the crowd and talks to Chris. His cousin let’s him spin a set and all Chris does is talk over the music. Emma being a dumbass steps on the power button for the whole thing and shuts all the music down. Humiliated she tells him sorry, but Chris tells her not to worry about her and puts his arm around her. Just then his girl friend LaShaquanishia comes along and tells him what the fuck he thinks he’s doing.

Emma finds Manny and tells her that she wants to go home because he has a girlfriend. That’s when Manny shows Emma the secret of getting with a guy by taking advantage of the fact that he’ll be very vulnerable and that he’ll be easy for the kill. But come on, this is Emma here and says that it’s not right. But surprisingly she listens to Manny. As she goes to get some water, Manny meets up with Craig and they start to dirty dance.

We go back to Jimmy’s and Spinner is begging Jimmy to let him stay in his room because he thinks that Marco is going to molest him or something. But Jimmy tells him fuck no and that he needs to deal with the fact that his good friend is gay and proud.

Back at the rave Emma apologizes to Chris for getting him in trouble with his girlfriend. They go somewhere to talk because she wants to make her move. Chris starts to go on about loving the beat of the music, but he’s more interested in feeling Emma up and proceed’s to touch her boobs on the pretense of  having the feeling of the beat in her heart. Now if Emma didn’t have pimple tits, I’d be impressed. Manny meanwhile is now completely horny and starts to make out with Craig. He starts to say that he has a girlfriend but Manny the harlot doesn’t care. She says, “I can keep a secret.” At that Craig get’s a raging boner and they start to go at it right then and there. Emma starts to kiss Chris too, but Emma being a prude feels really bad about it and runs away. Poor Chris probably has a serious case of blue balls.

emma-chris

At Jimmy’s meanwhile, Marco and Spinner have finally fallen asleep and Marco’s hand brushes Spinner’s chest. At that Spinner wakes up in a blind panic and accuses Marco of wanting the monster between his legs. Marco get’s instantly offended and tells him that he’s not even remotely interested in him because Spinner is a moron with horrible fashion sense. The insult to injury being that he tells Spinner that he’s not even cute and goes to sleep in the bathtub.

Emma comes home from the rave and finds Manny and Craig in her bed going at it like jack rabbits. Nah, they were just making out, but he was practically fingering her. Emma tells Craig to get the fuck out and acts all judgmental towards Manny.

craig-manny

At Degrassi, Marco and Spinner make some small talk and they finally have it out about Marco’s gayness. He pretty much tells him that he has nothing to worry about and that he’ll never ever be attracted to him. Spinner doesn’t give it a thought because he figures that Marco has horrible taste.

marco-spinner

The episode ends with Emma and Manny having an argument about Manny being a huge whore and Emma being a prude who’s afraid to take chances. Manny tired of Emma’s self righteousness tells her that she does’t want to be her friend anymore and goes on to call her a “Stuck up, prude princess.” Emma returns fire with, “Good, because I don’t want to be friends with the school slut who smells like a stripper.” Burn. So it seems like their friendship is no more. Oh well.

manny-emma-end-credits

I would say that I liked this episode. Mostly because Toby had nothing to do with it, so that’s always a good thing there. But it had it’s humorous moments with Spinner and his homophobia. Yeah, I know how that sounds, but it was funny how Marco cut him down. Now that Manny isn’t in Emma’s shadow, maybe she’ll become more interesting. Shit, what am I talking about? She already is and it’s just going to get better in future episodes.


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Season 3, Episode 5, “Pride, Part 2”

So last episode was quite the shocker right? And by that I mean the thing with Snake, not Marco. Everyone could tell that he was gay except for Spinner because’s he’s a complete idiot. We now continue this emotional hurricane of a two parter.

Pre-credit opener: It seems like it’s the next day of school and Marco tries to talk to Spinner about the fact that he’s a homosexual. But Spinner acting like a true asshole plays dumb and pretends to not know what Marco is talking about. Marco is pleading with him not to tell anyone his big secret. Spinner just mutters, “Maybe I did. Maybe I didn’t.” And then sunders off like the piece of shit that he is. Right now Marco is terrified, but I bet half the school knows already.

Spinner, Marco

In the hallway Ellie tries to reassure Marco that Spinner wouldn’t tell anyone. But Marco knows better and says that he would try to make his life a living hell because he’s a dickhead. They come along to Craig and Jimmy talking about a big secret that Spinner told them and Marco is about to shit his pants. He’s relieved to find out that he’s only planning Paige’s 16th surprise party

Emma comes along knocking on Snake’s glass wall in the MI lab and it seems like Snake was crying. I gotta say, I can’t blame him. It seems like Spike is going to be picking him up later on so that he can have a biopsy. Emma suggests that he should go home, but that’s the last place he wants to be because Spike is a fucking nag and would probably put him to work doing chores. Looking at a picture of the anti-christ, Snake goes on to say that he’s going to look a lot like baby Jack and be bald like him. But he already is.

Snake, Emma

After class Craig is talking about some nonsense about not wanting to be a farmer and that’s when Dylan comes around and gives them their tickets for his game that night. He mentions to save one for Marco and Spinner can’t help getting all angry over the thought of Marco joining them for a guy’s night at the hockey game. Craig and Jimmy are really excited about a guy’s night out and Spinner all full of hate tells them, “Ohh, guy’s night out! Can you two be bigger fags?!” This is Degrassi going there again I guess. Both Craig and Jimmy wonder why he’s acting like such an asshole for.

Craig, Jimmy, Spinner

In gym glass Jimmy  and Craig both ask Marco why he’s not coming with them to see the hockey game that night. Marco is pissed now and confront’s Spinner on why he lied to the dudes for. Spinner tells him, “Why would you want to come for anyways? It’s Hockey, not the ballet.” Marco says that Dylan invited him and Spinner says that’s the only reason he wants to be there because of his big gay crush. Well it’s obvious Spinner, a lot of people go and do shit they normally wouldn’t do because the person they like is going to be there. They start to play volleyball and Spinner starts to spike the ball right towards Marco. Coach Armstrong has had enough after he does it a second time and kicks his ass out of the class. Marco burns him with, “Good thing Spin spikes like a girl.”

In the hallway Snake is arguing with Liberty about the bidding prices for their stupid auction. He’s way depressed because all the horny guys are with Mrs H and her prize is that they get to spend the day with her at the science center. So yeah, I would be bidding a shit load of money too if I could ogle her for the day. Snake counters her sexy offer by saying that if they raise 250 bucks by tomorrow, he’s going to shave his head. He has the right idea. If I was him, I would have said fuck it and do the same thing.

Mrs Hatzilakos

In the restroom Spinner is still angry and Jimmy catches him writing “Marco is a fag” on the wall. Then he goes on to tell Jimmy that Marco’s gay. Jimmy seems to accept it right then and there and tells Spinner, “What are you going to do next? Lynch me because I’m black?”

Jimmy, Spinner

Out in the hallway Marco is telling Ellie that he’s not going to the hockey game, but she reminds him that Dylan himself invited him. Jimmy then comes along and tells him that he better go to the game and says that Spinner is an idiot. Making Ellie happy because she has no life, Marco agrees to go, but that he’ll meet them at the arena.

At Snake’s house Joey and Sidney are there and she’s talking about some health food bullshit and says that it’s good for Snake and his cancer. Even Emma rolled her eyes. Just as they’re about to leave Snake walks in limping because of his biopsy. I’m surprised that Spike is even helping him out. Snake trying to act overoptimistic is making dead jokes and wants everyone to have a good time and does some of the whitest dancing ever.

Spike, Snake

We cut to Marco and he’s calling Jimmy to tell him that he got off the wrong stop and has wandered into the gay district of Toronto. I think I saw the Blue Oyster bar from Police Academy. Anyways, Marco can’t help gawking at all the gay people and how open they are about it. But uh oh. We know he’s in trouble now when we see someone making a fist as Marco is approaching.

Marco, Gay Village

Some guy asks him if he’s lost and Marco afraid, knows that he’s going to get his ass kicked. I have to point out, why would anyone go into a dark park at night like that? The guys calls him a faggot and takes his hat away. He’s in deep shit now.

At the hockey game Jimmy tells Spinner that if Marco comes in while he’s gone taking a shit, not to act like a complete dick with him. That’s when Jimmy decides to call him and he can sort of hear Marco crying that he’s in the park. That’s when Jimmy decides to go save Marco. But Jimmy is someone who always get’s his ass kicked, so I don’t know what good he would do.

Back at the park, the bout to knock Marco out has begun. These guys start to beat the shit out of poor Marco and we know he didn’t have a chance against them because he’s not a manly gay dude like Dylan. Dylan at least would have taken out at least two of them before they overwhelmed him. But how all the gay dudes who are clearly across the street didn’t see and help him is beyond me. Finally the cops come along and these pieces of shit all start running to the four winds.

Marco, Gay Bashed

Wait, fucking Jimmy is still at the game. He decides to go looking for Marco after hearing all these police sirens outside. Thanks for nothing Jimmy. He finds Marco crying while the cop is patching him up. Marco starts hugging the shit out of him while he’s crying his eyes out.

The next day Ellie says all loud that he was walking through the gay village at night and that someone kicked his ass for his designer shoes. I don’t know why he’s lying for. God Ellie is a fucking nag. She keeps asking him why he’s lying and what about Dylan. He tells her to drop it already and that it’s over. Dylan spots him and Marco just buzzes by saying to Dylan to leave him alone.

Ellie, Marco

It’s time for Snake’s scalping and Sheila the lunch lady is going to butcher his hair. I think this is the last time that we’re going to see her, so enjoy it. Emma seems like she wants to cry, especially seeing all the Degrassi kids laughing their asses off at Snake. Just then Snake get’s a phone call and both he and Emma are terrified. Manny comes along bragging about winning the auction war, Emma too upset just ignores her and her bullshit. This is when Manny wonders what filthy piece of shit she did this time to upset Emma. Emma now in tears tells her that Snake might have cancer.

Snake, Sheila Manny, Emma

Out on the basketball court Spinner tells Jimmy that it’s no big deal that Marco got his ass kicked. Jimmy get’s pissed at him finally and throws the basketball all hard at him telling him that he wasn’t there and didn’t see just how fucked up Marco was. But Spinner could give two fucks about Marco because he’s a shithead. He goes on to say that it’s Marco’s fault for what happened because he should have gone to the game with them. But you can tell that deep down, he knows that it’s partly his fault for wanting to shun him.

Outside their house, Emma asks Snake what did the Dr’s tell him. He tells her that she better get used to his new Q ball look because he’ll be starting chemo in a few days. He tries to reassure her that there’s nothing to cry about and that he has to be strong because he’s going to beat this thing. Yeah, Cancer isn’t going to kill him, Spike is for being a fucking bitch all the time.

In the boys restroom Jay comes along and tells Marco that he always knew that he and Dylan were meant for each other. Marco is stunned to hear this and then see’s what Spinner wrote on the wall. Just then Spinner walks in and Marco looking like he wants to cry tells Spinner why he wrote that for. But Spinner tells him that he’s not in the mood. He then says the ridiculous thing that Marco shouldn’t be gay and to act straight. Like dating Hazel. Marco tells him that even strangers know, referring to the gay bashers. Spinner is highly offended when Marco compares him to them and the episode just abruptly ends on this note. What an odd ending.

Spinner, End Credits

So I would say this was a good two parter. Spike wasn’t a nag for once, but Ellie was. I hate it when people are pushy like that. Too bad that Spinner learned nothing about his homophobia. But assholes rarely learn their lessons.