Degrassi The Next Generation Reviewed

Ah yes, the companion blog to Degrassi Junior High Reviewed. Each episode will be reviewed in order by a guy who loves the next generation's melodrama. New reviews at least once a week. Hopefully. But if I feel like it I might make two to three reviews a week. So it'll depend.


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Season 3, Episode, 18 “Rock and Roll High School”

Welcome back to another episode review of Degrassi. Call me crazy, but I’ve always enjoyed this episode for some inexplicable reason. I mean, it has shitty singing from both Craig and Ashley, but got damn it, this is still a good one.

Pre-Credit Opener: Marco, Spinner and Jimmy happen to find Craig just staring at an ad on the school wall. Turns out it’s for a battle of the bands and the prize is to win studio time to record a single that no one will ever hear. The dudes much like Joey Jeremiah have delusions of grandeur. Ashley comes along and tells the guys to get out of the way because they’re signing up too. Craig tries to make nice but Ashley is obviously still angry about Craig porking and getting Manny pregnant. She predicts that the girls are going to kick their ass off the stage.

In Joey’s garage Craig is struggling to write some lyrics and it’s clear that he’s talentless. The rest of the guys walk in and Marco is seriously wimping out telling everyone that the girls are really good at playing emo rock. Well they do have the power to ward off sexual predators. Craig tells the guys that there is no fucking way that he’s going to allow Ashley to beat them. They start to jam and Craig starts to go off on everyone because they suck. Jimmy tells him to chill out before he breaks a foot up in his ass.

At Degrassi, Paige is telling the girls that Terri is doing much better, she might even open her eyes soon. Shit that is not doing better. She’s basically an invalid. Ashley for some reason hasn’t even gone to see her. That’s pretty low considering they were once best friends. Mrs Kwan walks in and Ashley starts to read lyrics from a song she just wrote and what a surprise it’s a downer. Craig starts to giggle and this mightily pisses Ashley off. Outside of class Ashley explains to the girls that it’s about a girl who died in the Spanish Civil War. Out of all the wars that have happened why that one and what 15, 16 year old girl talks about shit like that? Ellie tells her that it sucked and that it’s supposed to be about something about her. Ashley makes the song about Craig, again, what a surprise.

We cut to the B plot and it involves Joey and Caitlin.  Joey’s busy getting his grocery’s out of the truck of his used car that he drives around from his lot and that’s when Caitlin arrives in a cab. Angela is so excited to see her that she drops and breaks the eggs. Joey is super pissed because this means that he has to go to the dollar store again to get more. She starts to cry rather badly because she’s a horrible actress and Caitlin tries to cheer her up by doing a cartwheel. Joey tries to show that he’s fun and does a hand stand. Then he promptly busts his ass and hurts his back bad.

At the Degrassi mall kiosk Ashley and Craig run into each other and he tries to apologize for what happened. But this is Craig we’re talking about and he only apologizes for making fun of her song and not fucking Manny’s brains out. She get’s even more offended and leaves huffing and puffing away. Craig reasons that Manny seduced him, so he’s blameless.

The next scene is at Joey’s house where he’s dying from his back pain. I’ve had that before and it’s the worst pain ever. So for once I sympathize with him. Angela playing with Caitlin jumps on Joey and hurts his back even more. He can’t stand no more so he’s sending Angela away to his mom’s until he feels better. But Caitlin says that she’ll stay and take care of the both of them. Joey pretty much says that she’s not up to taking care of Angela because she’s a pain in the ass. But still she insists on helping. So she yells out to Angela and with crazy eyes says that she’s taking care of them both.

I guess we’re at the auditions for the battle of the bands and the guys are just doing an instrumental because they have no lyrics to their song yet. Craig all nervous says that he’ll take care of it. Coach Armstrong announces the next group and they’re called Hell Hath No Fury. The girls then come on and Ashley proceeds to destroy Craig and his character.

I’m already bored with the Joey, Caitlin subplot. Angela is being a little shit again and tells Caitlin that she doesn’t want to eat the slop that she made for breakfast. So Caitlin being stupid makes her some pancakes instead of telling her to eat her bowl of crap.

In Snake’s class, Craig walks in all pissed off and he tells Ashley that her lyrics weren’t cool. I don’t know why he’s so upset for, their song wasn’t even that great. Ashley and Ellie starts to say that he’s so vain because he thinks that the song is about him. Craig points out the obvious that Ashley is a bitter angry person and if she wasn’t such a prude, he never would have banged Manny. Which is the truth. Ashley all sarcastic says, ” But I thought you loved her.” It seems like Craig is about to tell her to go fuck herself but Snake tells them to shut up.

In the next scene Craig is telling the guys that he’s out of the competition, but Spinner says that if Ashley wants a war then she has it. We then get a horrible, lame rap that it’s obvious that Drake wrote it. Basically it’s about how much Ashley sucks as a person. Marco of course doesn’t like it and he takes him outside for some advice. Marco’s solution? For Craig to scream all his stress out. Yeah, that’ll do it.

Back to Joey’s house, Angela is now acting like a spoiled little shithead and tells Joey that her day out shopping was just ok even though she got a lot of new toys courtesy of Caitlin. She then announces that she’s going outside to play, but Caitlin tells her to wash up since it’s almost dinner time. Angela ignores her and starts to go out anyways. that’s when Caitlin finally get’s pissed off and tells her to get her ass upstairs and to wash her filthy hands. Angela says, “I hate you.” and goes upstairs stomping her damn feet. Joey of course being a big push over does nothing to punish his rotten little daughter.

Finally it’s time for the Battle of the Bands and the girls are wearing Craig on their shirts and it seems like his face is melting like on Raiders of the Lost Ark. Craig has had it with her petty shit and he starts to whine about how she won’t stop making his life a living hell. She starts to go off on him and says that he broke her heart when he fucked Manny into motherhood and says that she wanted to die because she’s emo as hell. Craig says that he’s sorry and says how many times he has to say it. Ashley all full of sass says, “Until you mean it.”

Ashley and the girls are then seen performing their ode to Craig and the crowd is just loving it. Outside it seems that Craig has flown the coop because he’s nowhere to be seen. Spinner says that they’ll be ok and they’ll use his lyrics instead.

The MC for the event comes out and he looks like Anton LaVey from the Church of Satan. (Google him) Oh we finally find out what their band name is and it’s The Downtown Sasquatch. I gotta say, I like it. Spinner makes an ass of himself and before he can embarrass himself further Craig comes out with a sheet of paper. It’s obvious he finally wrote the lyrics for their song. It’s pretty much about how he just realized how much he hurt Ashley and he feels like a complete pile of shit because of it. It’s hilarious to me that he just barely figured out that he broke Ashley’s heart. I gotta say, even though Craig sucks, it’s a very catchy tune.

We close out the B plot and Joey tells Caitlin that kids like Angela need limits and be told what to do. Caitlin sort of feels better for yelling at his annoying kid.

And so after just two bands the battle of the bands is over and the dudes are triumphant! Ashley comes by and tells Craig that his lyrics were just right. So shit, it seems like finally Ashley is over her heart break. And if you ask me, it’s about time.

So yeah, like I said, this was a good, entertaining episode. Even though I hate myself for sort of liking Craig’s song. True, the whole subplot with Angela and Caitlin was irritating as hell, but it was small enough that it didn’t effect the rest of the episode.


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Season 3, Episode 16, “Take On Me”

Ok all you Degrassi maniacs, this episode is possibly one of the worst episodes of the series. Definitely the worst one for this season. This is an episode that make’s me think, “Well this is unpleasant. Why do I want to be here?”

Pre-Credit Opener: Ellie comes up to the school and makes a face that pretty much shows that she doesn’t want to be there. We then see that she has some OCD thing because she starts to flick a rubber band she has on her wrist. Man she’s more fucked up than I thought. In the cafeteria Mr Raditch walks in dressed like a Mississippi Pimp. No, he’s obviously trying to dress like the asshole teacher was in The Breakfast Club. The students there are Sean, Ellie, Jimmy, Hazel and Toby. Anyways, Raditch just lays down the law and tells them to study and to think about why they’re there. Sean being a rebel burps at him as he’s walking out.

Being lameo’s they actually do what Raditch tells them to do. Except for Sean. Sean is just throwing his prized rubber ball against a wall, annoying everyone. Jimmy can’t stand it and just has to say something. Sean tells him to fuck off and throws the ball up. It knocks down a part of the ceiling almost killing Ellie. But Ellie does’t care about her well being, she just cares that it fell on her emo bag. Sean goes to see if everything is alright and Ellie acts all strange like she doesn’t want anyone near her bag.

I guess they don’t want to get into trouble so the guys are trying to put the ceiling tile back. But because Toby is a useless idiot he can’t get it back in. All of a sudden they get unbalanced and fall to the floor killing Toby. Yes! The moment that I’ve been waiting for. But no, they just fell and didn’t even get hurt. The episode would have been much better if it was one of those situations where they killed Toby and they got rid of his body and they all made a pact never to talk about it again. But they would never do something awesome like that. By the way, the stunt person they used for Toby looks hilariously bad. Anyways, Ellie helps Sean up and they seem to have a connection. Just like Judd Nelson and Molly Ringwald!

Barely an hour has passed and Hazel is complaining about the Saturday detention taking an eon to be finished. Sean rolls his eyes and she says, “Some of us have social engagements.” Sean responds with, “Like what? Combing Paige’s ass hairs?” Jimmy acting like Emilo Estevez tells him to back his shit off. Ignoring him because Sean can easily kick his ass as we’ve seen in past seasons, he wonders out loud what Hazel did to end up in Saturday detention. Ellie all of a sudden says that she got caught skipping class. They all make a face like they don’t care and who asked her. Jimmy goes on to say that he’s there because gopher balls over on the other table fucked up hacking the school computer and ratted him out. Hazel meanwhile avoids the question and runs to the rest room instead.

Oh lord. Radich must be at the peak of his homosexuality and is working out with some tight work out clothes and listening to some disco music in the school gym. Hazel walks in and he’s obviously embarrassed that she saw him doing his jazzercize .

Later on the five of them have become so bored that they start to play truth or dare. Seems like it’s Hazel’s turn and she says that she choose’s truth. Ellie right away wants to know why she’s there. Hazel being odd about it doesn’t want to say and says that she wants to do dare instead. Of course they pick out the worst dare that anyone could have come up with. She has to kiss Toby. Disgusted at first she decides to take a bite out of her shit sandwich and walks over to him. The cheesiest sexy music comes on and and she gives him a kiss while Toby is making a face that he can’t believe that a hot girl like Hazel would ever kiss a fucking dweeb like him.

Outside the school Snake is coming out of his car still looking like Lex Luthor but is looking much better. Seems like he’s finally coming back to work.

Back to the lame Breakfast Club, Toby is telling Hazel that JT is going to be so jealous after he hears that he kissed Hazel. Hazel tells him that he’s not telling him shit. Sean asks her what her problem is since it was just a stupid dare. Jimmy speaking for all of us, especially me says, “Because she’s too embarrassed to say that she macked with a total geek.” Toby knowing that he’s hated by all leaves all disappointed and back to his spot under the stairs like the troll that he is. Sean now pissed off starts to get mad at her and says that she’s a person who follows all the rules and doesn’t have the balls to tell anyone why she’s there. After Sean starts hounding her Hazel admits that she got caught looking at porn on the school computer, much to the delight of all of them.

To make the time go by fast they start to play games where they’re throwing shit at Toby. I told you, no one likes him. Snake comes in and asks them what is going on in there. Jimmy tells him that they’re all there because Mr Raditch gave them all Saturday’s. Snake then tells everyone that he’s all done with chemo and he’s ready to work again. He just doesn’t want to be stuck at home with Spike and her Devil child. So who can blame him.

Sean sits next to Ellie and he asks her what’s up with her and the rubber bands. Ellie tells him that it’s a therapy technique to help her stop cutting herself. Sean being genuinely interested asks her why she cuts herself. Being emo as hell, she tells him that it’s the only pain that she could control. He says that it makes sense and she tells him that he’s the first person to say that. She goes on to say that people talk about him too and his reputation for stealing shit from the school. He pretty much admits that he does steal. Just as Jimmy is impaling Toby with a stick Radich walks in and is super pissed to see them goofing off. Ah, we finally see why Ellie was careful with her bag, she has a tape recorder there. Why she would want to record them is beyond me, they’re all so boring.

And we quickly get the answer to that in the next scene. Seems that she’s taping them for some stupid report for either the school paper or Caitlin’s TV station. So wow, Raditch has put each of them in separate rooms for the rest of the day. That’s pretty illegal to do, especially since he’s not even supervising them. Ellie comes into each room and talks everyone into breaking out and wandering around the school. So yeah, we get a lame montage of the five of them doing wacky stupid shit around the school. Eventually they find an elevator that leads to the roof.

Being a big puss Toby is telling them that he doesn’t think that it’s such a good idea. Hazel tells him, “Stop being a bitch and come on!” Hazel wonders out loud if they’re the only ones that have gone up there. Jimmy finds a necklace making it obvious that other people have been up there before. Being romantic he gives the dirty thing to Hazel because she loves it so much. Jimmy then decides to go for it and kisses her. Else where Sean tells Ellie that he thinks that she’s cute. Sean goes on to say that she doesn’t seem afraid of him. Ellie points out that Sean isn’t freaked out by all of her problems either. I guess this is her being romantic, she exposes her arm and shows Sean all of her hideous scars. Because he’s cool, Sean just holds her hand.

Alone because who would want to be with Toby, he sees Mr Raditch and Snake walking out, talking about all the bad behavior from the students lately. Snake tells him that they’re acting like the police. They should educate them yes, discipline them when it’s needed. But that life is too short and he shouldn’t be trying to control them. It seems like he took what Snake said to heart but then he see’s Toby up there because he’s a stupid fuck. Raditch makes a run for it, while the rest of the Degrassi kids do the same.

The rest of them make it to their respective class rooms but stupid Sean locked his own door for some reason. Jimmy tries to help but it’s too late. Sean just tells him to go just as Jimmy opens the door. But uh oh, as he’s running in he drops the keys that Raditch finds as soon as he goes into the hallway. Back in the cafeteria, Raditch is chewing them all out. Since no one is going to rat the person who did it, he decides to give them all Saturday’s for another three weeks. But he seem’s to have a change of heart and just says that he’s trying to do the right thing with them. At that Toby tells him that it was him who took the keys. He tells him that he appreciates his honesty and then tells the rest of them to go home and enjoy their weekends.

Jimmy tells him that he didn’t expect for Toby to be a man and he finally gives him that high five that he was waiting for in the previous episodes. Ellie says that they should take a group photo. As she’s taking out her camera, the tape recorder falls out and they all hear Sean and Ellie’s conversation. They all get disgusted at her and she explains that it was for the TV station. Toby’s all, “You were recording us?” But please, no one gives two fucks for Toby. Sean quickly figures out that it’s about all the thefts that has been happening around the school. Sean pissed off destroy’s her tiny tape with his boot and leaves fuming. Man, Ellie is going to cut the shit out of her arm now.

Seems like it’s Monday and Jimmy and Hazel are now a couple. As they pass by she says hi to Toby. JT noticing that someone cool actually talked to him asks what happened there that past Saturday. Ellie comes by Sean’s locker and says that she was wrong for what she did. But she really wants the connection that she had with him on the roof. She gives him another tape and says that there isn’t going to be a story. Sean having warmed up to her holds her hand and Ellie is happier than a pig in shit.

So yeah, this episode fucking sucked and it was a chore just to make a recap of it. It was such an unoriginal idea and they probably figured that any kid watching this has never seen or heard of The Breakfast Club before. I will admit that it was key in that two relationships blossomed from it and Toby is now being acknowledged as being a Human. But that wasn’t enough to save this shitastic episode. It was such bad TV and I hate the writers of this show for ripping off and ruining The Breakfast Club for life.


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Season 3, Episode 14, “Accidents Will Happen Part 1”

So this episode is one that I’ve hardly seen because it didn’t air here in the United States. I guess the issue of abortion was just too hot to handle. The same thing happened with the original Degrassi High because it was the same subject matter. But we’re watching it now thanks to the magic of DVD. Up yours censorship!

Pre-Credit Opener: So we start off with Degrassi’s gymnastic’s team. Seriously? I had no idea that high schools even had that. I thought it was only for college and you know, people who compete world wide. But ok, Degrassi is branching off into Olympic sports. Kendra starts to complain that she doesn’t feel so good and Mrs Hotness says, “Oh noes, not you too Kendra.” But Kendra runs off in mid sentence to go yack in the girls restroom. Hopefully she doesn’t have the shits either. Manny splits her legs and what a surprise, she does it in front of Craig who is taking pictures for the year book. But she looks at him with hate in her eyes because he was caught being a cheating bastard.

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In the hallway Ashley and Ellie are talking shit about Manny. As they pass by Ashley says, “Hey Ellie do you smell the stench of a nasty stripper?” Ellie responds with, “Yes, it definitely smells like skank in here.” Manny starts to say something along the lines of,” I didn’t want Craig ahoma homa.” Yup, she just trailed off into a mumble and didn’t even finish her sentence. Paige tries to cheer Manny up by saying that Manny is a great gymnast and everyone is talking about how good she is. But her smile quickly fades because her reputation as Degrassi’s biggest whore is seriously the talk of the school. We get the first hint of Manny’s future trouble when Paige mentions that she looks a little pale.

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We move onto the B plot and it involves more of Toby’s despair of still being Degrassi’s resident nerd with the now cool friend. Jimmy comes along and asks JT if he still wants to go down to Buffalo for the concert of the year. Toby tries to act like he’s down with Jimmy but Jimmy tells him not to talk to him because he doesn’t talk to annoying fucking toads. Toby is so depressed when Jimmy just leaves him hanging. Toby says to JT that he doesn’t get it, that Jimmy used to be his friend. JT points out that it was before Ashley dumped his ass. But really, JT doesn’t have the heart to tell him that he’s just that unlikable.

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In the MI lab, Manny sort of tries to apologize to Ashley for banging Craig, but Ashley doesn’t want to hear it. Once again, Manny can’t get out a complete sentence. Finally she says that she’s sorry, but Ashley responds with, “Sorry doesn’t make up for all the pain you caused.” But please, Ashley dwells with emotional pain. That’s why she’s so Emo Supremo. Ashley sort of feels better when Manny said that Craig lied to her too, telling her that she was the only one.

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In Mrs Kwan’s room Manny looks like death and it’s obvious that she’s fighting not to throw up. She asks for permission to go to the restroom and that’s when Mrs Kwan decides to have a hissy fit and starts to complain about coming to school when she knew that she was sick. Seriously, what a bitch. Manny begs her and off she goes to throw up her breakfast.

In the cafeteria Jimmy is telling Hazel that he might not be able to go the concert after all because he’s failing a class. Toby being extra fucking white bread and lame tries to talk all hip hop to him. But this only annoys Jimmy like it annoys me. Toby tries to weasel his way to the concert only to have Jimmy say that there’s limited car space and besides, Toby doesn’t even like rap. Being desperate , he then tries to use his nerd skills to help Jimmy out with his grades, if he can change it, Jimmy says that he’s in.

Back in the hallway Emma reminds Manny that if she’s really sick, then she can’t compete. Manny all full of attitude tells her, “Who are you my mother?” I forgot that they both hate each other now. Manny for her whorish ways and Emma for being a self righteous little bitch. And to prove the point Emma tells her, “The coach should know.” Manny begs her not to tell due to the fact that her life sucks at the moment and gymnastics is the only thing keeping her sane.

During practice Mrs Hotness tells Manny to show everyone else how it’s done. Manny all full of pride get’s on the balance beam with a huge smile on her face. In the locker room Manny tells Emma that she’s sorry to hear that Snake is in the hospital. Emma says that he’s actually doing good, that the more intense chemo is good for him. You can tell that the both of them are slowly on the way to become friends again. They’re interrupted by Hazel though who wants a tampon from either one of them because she has an intense flow going on. Manny throws her one and says, “I haven’t used mine in forever.” Right away Emma’s mind starts to go crazy and quickly wonders if she’s pregnant. Manny being stupid just blows it off because she’s been training like crazy and get’s mad at Emma all over again for even suggesting that she’s with child.

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Outside the school Manny is going into a panic and is going through her calendar, seeing the evidence that she hasn’t had a period in a while. Shit, it goes all the way back to the party when Craig first porked her.

It’s a new day and Manny is just standing there, staring at Craig while he’s sitting on a bench. In Paige’s office, the girls restroom, Manny goes in there for sage advice from her. She asks her, “How do I know, if a guy used a condom?” Paige responds with, “If he didn’t, you wouldn’t have to piss out his goo.” Manny pretty much tells Paige that she has no idea if Craig used a condom or not. But she’s leaning to no. Paige tells her not to worry because he seems like he’s sort of responsible. Paige tells her to ease her mind she should just ask him and next time she does the nasty with someone, she should make damn sure that he uses a condom.

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In the library Toby is trying to hack into the school’s data base and he’s doing it using a hard line and doing it in plain view no less. Toby of course messes up and can’t change the grade because he got disconnected from the server.

It’s finally time for the big gymnastics meet and wow, this is the first time that we’ve seen Manny’s mom. I thought she just lived by herself this whole time. Manny is nervous as hell, but it’s not because she’s competing. Spike’s baby whimpering near by isn’t helping matters out either. Because she can’t take the pressure Manny right away falls off the balance beam and just fucked up the team’s score.

Craig follows her outside and asks her if she’s ok. Manny decides to go for it and asks him if he used a condom when they had sex. Craig clearly going into a panic says that Manny said it was ok and he assumed that meant that she was on the pill. Sort of crying she tells Craig that it was her first time and that doing the act alone was ok. About to lose his mind he asks her if everything is ok. She shakes her head and says, “No it’s not.” But for some reason she lies to him and says that nothing is wrong. He leaves and runs for the hills saying, “See you.”

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Out in the hallway Jimmy asks him how the hacking went and that’s when Toby tells him that he fucked it up and accidentally gave Jimmy an impossible grade. Jimmy asks him if he’s going to fix it, but Toby starts to make excuses. Jimmy just man handles him and tells him to fix the mistake before he get’s into deep shit. Just as he’s getting started Mr Radich comes in and asks him for help because he can’t log into his user account. I love how he comes to Degrassi’s resident techno nerd. Anyways, he get’s caught because he’s a jackass. Jimmy meanwhile runs for his life right out of the room.

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It’s after school and Manny decides to go for a run with her massive Discman. Remember those? She must have anti shock because those damn things would skip over any bump. Anyways, she has a very short run because she starts to throw up again.

She makes her way to Spike’s and she pretty much tells her that she thinks that she’s pregnant. Once again Spike is everyone’s go to person for that since she had Emma at such a young age too. Probably younger than Manny. Later on, Manny comes down and it’s obvious that she’s taken a pregnancy test. She starts to say that she’s stupid for even being in that situation. All Spike says is that she’s not and that she should learn from this mistake. God knows Spike is still paying because she had Emma. Yeah that’s right. I said it! Spike then asks her what she’s going to do if she is pregnant with Craig’s Screech looking child. Manny says that she can’t think about that and she goes on to tell Spike that she’s never going to tell her parents because they’ll literally murder her. The timer finally goes off and it’s the moment of truth. And if you haven’t figured it out already by the title alone, Manny’s pregnant!

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In the next scene Jimmy walks into Mr Radich’s office and he’s told to join him and Toby. Right away Jimmy  much like Manny knows that he’s fucked and it’s obvious that Toby ratted him out. Raditch tells him that he’s going to call his parents and that they both got a Saturday. Mrs Kwan calls Raditch out and that’s when Toby starts to say that he freaked out and didn’t know what else to tell him. Any other kid would have come up with a great lie. I know I would have. But I forget that Toby is the lamest motherfucker in the planet and Jimmy just tells him how it is. He starts to go off on him and says that that Saturday is the rap concert and not only is Toby a fake rap fan, he’s also Canada’s stupidest most worthless computer hacker in that nation’s history.

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Outside the school Craig tells Manny that he got her message. She starts to say that something bad happened and finally tells him that she’s pretty sure that she’s pregnant. Craig all shocked just sits down. Surprisingly he says that it’s ok. Much like Shane (Emma’s dad) in Degrassi Junior High, Craig has delusions of grandeur and thinks that he can actually take care of a baby. Clearly insane he tells Manny that they can be a little family. The episode ends with Manny thinking that Craig has lost his fucking mind.

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This was a pretty good episode. Sure we’ve seen it before in Degrassi Junior High, but this is a good modern take on the subject matter. Toby of course just had to be in it, but I’m glad that Jimmy told him that he sucks because he does! We’ll continue this story line with the shocking conclusion in part 2


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Season 3, Episode 13, ” This Charming Man”

In this episode Sean continues his downward spiral with Canada’s lamest gangstas. While the upper class men dive into the wonderful world of Drivers ED.

Pre credit opener: We begin the episode in Mr Armstrong’s math class. Chris comes along and asks Emma, “So English, did you read the chapta?” I ain’t bullshitting either, that’s how he said it. Emma all smitten with him says, “Sure.” then smiles at him like she has a little girl crush. Class begins and Emma get’s called up to the chalk board to answer a problem. She’s interrupted by Sean and his new big breasted girlfriend Amy making out in class. Emma doesn’t like this one bit and just glares at him with hatred in her eyes. Chris meanwhile is wondering why she even cares about an asshole like Sean for.

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At Emma’s house, Spike proudly shows Emma Snake’s birthday gift which is a new used laptop. Fucking Spike is too cheap to get him a brand new one I guess, but then again, he did lose the other one thanks to Sean. So Snake seems to be out of luck. Emma offers to back up his data and she get’s instantly sad when she see’s a picture of her and Sean. It doesn’t last long though because she deletes it out of spite. Spike has taught her daughter well.

Back at Degrassi, JT and Toby are talking about Sean practically fingering Amy in math class. Emma tries to act like it doesn’t bother her, but clearly it does. They then start to talk about the rumors that Sean’s lame gang are stealing all sorts of shit from the school like the construction paper and all the Now and Later’s they could get their hands on. JT pretty much suggests that maybe it was Sean who stole Snake’s laptop, but Emma for some weird reason doesn’t think that he’s scumbag enough to do that to a sick man like Snake. But oh, yes he is.

The B plot involves Spinner, Paige, Jimmy and Hazel taking Drivers E.D. Paige tries to play with Spinner but he’s a nervous wreak because he wants to ride like the wind when he get’s his license. Big surprise he’s studying and can’t retain the knowledge. Plus he’s also blaming a Mrs Gonzalez for being a hard ass teacher.

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In the MI lab I’m assuming, Ashley and Emma want to use the DVD player for their environmental club, but big surprise, there’s a DVD player missing. Right away Emma suspects that it’s Sean and his crew of flunkies. So being Emma, she spots them outside and starts asking them if they know anything about it. Sean denies it and then has the nerve to act like he’s all hurt by the accusation. Oh lord, Chris comes along fucking beat boxing again, Emma clearly isn’t in the mood for his stupid bullshit. Emma starts to say that she’s trying to remember what it was about Sean that she liked. Chris again barely being understandable says something along the lines of, “Don’t bother, Slim Shady isn’t worth remembering.” He then asks her out on a hot date for some milk shakes, which quickly makes Emma’s day.  Chris meanwhile is so happy he starts to rap and pop and locks his way out of school with some Degrassi style hip hop music playing in the background.

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Outside the older kids are waiting for their teacher and Spinner is delighted to see that it’s actually someone else. Some dude comes out of the car and Paige is instantly smitten with him. He calls himself Mr Falcone, but I always just call him Mr Falcon. Paige is now all hot and bothered and acts all nervous around Mr Wonderful.

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At the Dot Emma and Chris are having their date but she’s quickly distracted by Sean and his friends walking in. Chris is trying to sound like he’s interested in Emma boring crap but he’s going nowhere because she’s so fixated on Sean. All of a sudden she spots Jay stealing candy from the joint. What is it with these motherfuckers and candy? Anyways, Emma has had enough and decides to rat them out to the owner.

As they’re waking home Emma decides to go for it and asks Chris if he wants to go to Snake’s birthday party. He says sure and offers to rap for all the guests. Emma’s joy is short lived because Sean and his “gang” arrive and Jay get’s into her face. He tells Emma that they’re now banned for life from the Dot. Chris then get’s into his face and tells him to go eat somewhere else. Sean knowing that Jay would probably get his ass kicked tells him to just go. But Jay says that since they want to ruin their fun, he’ll start ruining their’s as well. Emma all smart alecky says, “And what is fun for you Jay? Stealing the school DVD player?” Because Jay is a dickhead, he pretty much admits that they stole Snake’s laptop. Sean makes it worse by making a face at him, pretty much cementing his guilt.

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Later on at night Snake is working on his piece of shit computer because he can’t sleep. He’s getting super frustrated because it keeps freezing on him. Hey, we’ve all been there right? Snake says that if he hadn’t lost his other one, he wouldn’t be using Spike’s cheap one. That’s when Emma says, “You didn’t lose it.” Snake asks her what’s that supposed to mean, but she annoyingly says, “Nothing.” I hate it when people do that.

Emma spots Chris at his locker and he says that he has the best present for Snake’s party. Turns out that he wants to give him his mix CD. But he can’t really tell Emma because she’s now obsessed with ruining Sean’s life. You can tell that he’s getting sick and tired of her.

At the drivers ed class, Spinner and Jimmy are making fun of Paige because she’s doing horribly in the class. Hazel meanwhile has quickly figured out that Paige is sucking badly in class because she wants to do Mr Falcon.

In the hallway Emma see’s another picture of her and Sean and she destroy’s it because she’s hella petty. She then see’s Sean and I gotta say, he is acting suspicious as hell. Looking all over the place holding a box close to his chest. Emma decides to play detective and starts to follow him around. But that’s the thing, she’s horrible at it and Sean confronts her and shows her that the box just has a bunch of jumpsuits for autoshop. He then starts to talk straight with her and pretty much tells her what’s what. He tells her that he’s sorry that he hurt her and that their breakup sucked. He then goes on to say that what he does with Jay and his new hoe Amy are none of her business. Which is true. Emma of course get’s pissed off even more because she doesn’t like being talked to that way.

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Out in some park Spinner and Jimmy are still making fun of Paige, but that’s when stupid Hazel says that the only reason she’s doing bad is because of Mr Falcon and that Paige likes him. Spinner being a moron doesn’t get it right away, but he becomes infuriated and leaves huffing and puffing when he figures out that Paige want’s Mr Falcon’s D.

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In the MI lap JT is playing NBA Jams on the computer and that’s when Chris comes along and says that Sean really fucked her up good. See, I told you he’s getting tired of her shit. JT doesn’t help matters by pretty much implying that he’s just her rebound. Chris now has the idea in his head and that’s when Emma comes around for her next scheme at getting back at Sean. She basically wants him to help her narc on Jay and Sean to Mr Raditch. Chris is all, “You’ll let this go?”Emma lies and says yes.

In Radich’s office Chris is actually being honest when they get asked if they saw Jay stealing all the shit that they’re accusing him of. He starts to say no, but he’s cut off by Emma. With no shame or remorse, she starts to say that she and Chris saw Jay and Sean loading some equipment into Jay’s car. Chris is so disgusted by her that he makes a face that makes him look like he smelled a really rancid fart. Radich of course has no choice but to call the police.

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Back to the B plot, Spinner is acting all aggressive towards Mr Falcon, being super disrespectful and talking shit. Paige tells him to calm down, but Mr Falcon tells her to stop distracting him because he has to improve. Spinner meanwhile is so caught up with hating him that he crashes the car. He probably did it on purpose because he wanted to kill him. The stunt man with the Zack Morris hair looks hilarious in this screen shot.

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Outside the school Jay’s car is being searched by the Mounties. Jay being a smartass is telling them that they won’t find a thing because he’s innocent. Emma comes along and Sean starts to go off on her, not believing that she’s that fucking petty. But this is Spike’s daughter we’re talking about. Of course she’s petty as hell. Mr Raditch interrupts him and asks if there’s anything he wants to say. Sean blurts out, “Yeah! Eat a bowl of dicks!” Radich then gives him Saturday’s for the next two months. He then adds, “Don’t mess with the bull young man, you’ll get the horns.” Sean meanwhile spits in front of Emma’s feet and leaves fuming.

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In the hallway Emma finds Chris and she’s all giddy about getting Sean in trouble. Chris asks her, “What about Simpson’s computer?” That’s when Emma shows her true colors and says, “What about it?” Chris has finally had it when she says, “Sean is finally going to pay for what he did to me.” He goes on to say that she’s not over him yet and that he’s just wasting his time. Which is so damn true. He does the Electric Slide and leaves all pissed off.

It’s finally Snake’s big birthday bash and Spikes brings him a desk top cake. I guess Snake is now known as being a techno nerd douche bag instead of the life ruining idiot he was back in School’s Out. Snake tells Emma that he heard that Chris is going to make an appearance but she says that he’s not coming due to him hating her guts. Snake just tells her that if he’s a good person, he’ll forgive her.

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At the Dot Paige comes by and Spinner tells her to leave him alone because he’s working so that he can pay for all the repairs that he did to the student car. Paige tells him that she loves him and blah, blah, blah. Spinner tells her that he switched them back to the mysterious Mrs Gonzalez. I had no idea students had the option to switch back in forth between teachers. But hey, this is Degrassi. Paige says, “It’s ok, I will miss those dimples, chiseled jaw and that huge bulge of his.” Spinner get’s steamed but that’s when she laughs and says that she’s just kidding.

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In the last scene Emma spots Chris at the mall and she tells him that she loves track 3 to whatever rap album he’s listening to. But Emma is full of shit. You can tell that she listens to The Dave Matthew’s Band and Nickelback. She starts to then kiss his ass and asks him for another chance. She promises that she’ll never talk about Sean again and that she did what she did because he broke her heart. Chris mumbles, “Does it feel any betta?” She says that it might if he would come over for some birthday cake.

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So this episode pretty much sucked. I didn’t care for the B plot at all and Emma was just annoying as hell through out. I can totally see why people hate Emma so much for. But no worries Degrassi fiends. The next episode is better because we continue with Manny and Craig’s relationship. See I told you Manny became a much more interesting character once she stopped hanging out with Emma.

 

 


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Season 3, Episode 10, “Never Gonna Give You Up”

Ok, after a computer breaking down and then having internet issues, I’m back for another review of Canada’s most fucked up school.

Pre-credit opener: We open on the students sitting on the gym floor for some type of class and Rick’s trying his best to be Lord fucking Byron with Terri. You know, I had forgotten that she had even gotten together with him. Oh of course it’s Mrs Kwan’s English class, so you know, they’re doing another activity that barely has to do with the subject she’s supposed to be teaching. Seems that they’ll be reenacting a scene that Marco has written. I guess he think’s he’s the next Shakespeare. Jimmy tells the group that he doesn’t want to act so he wants to be the director. Rick being annoying as hell says that he’s better suited because his mom once took a shit where they had plays once. Jimmy quickly shuts him down and makes him the stage manager. His smug look and attitude is infuriating. He get’s pissed though when Jimmy announces that Terri is going to be the lead and she gives him a hug. Clearly this motherfucker is insecure.

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The rehearsal’s for the scene is on and Terri is the world’s worst actress. Jimmy tries to get her to relax, but that’s when Rick comes along and gives her the worst stage directions like breathing deeply. He should know that someone of Terri’s size can’t take deep breathing, she’ll get really dizzy and pass out. Anyways, she does what he told her and it’s even worse acting than before. Terri sucks so bad that Jimmy wants a meeting at The Dot after school.

We cut to Spinner and Craig and Spinner is really dismayed that JT has wormed his way into Paige’s good graces. That’s because if you remember, he tried to beat up Dean for raping Paige, but he lost the fight badly. So maybe she just feels sorry for him. But Spinner doesn’t give a shit because JT is fucking aggravating and is always around. Spinner comes along and shoves JT out of the way and tells him to get lost. JT being an annoying pecker head starts to mimic Spinner, driving him crazy. I know I would have beat the shit out of him long ago. But he’s pussy whipped by Paige and he leaves him alone.

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In the next scene Rick is starting to show Terri how insecure he is by asking her how long she’s known Jimmy and if she likes him. She says yeah, and he quickly makes a face. She tells him not like she likes him. If he wasn’t such a spaz, he’d realize that Jimmy has zero interest in Terri. In Snake’s class, Jimmy makes a face as they kiss. Hazel laughs and says that they’re not that bad. But Jimmy says that Rick is the one who’s nauseating. At her computer station Terri has carved Rick’s name onto the desk.

Later on at The Dot, Rick is giving the group more pointers about the boring world of theater. After he finishes, Terri has this smug look on her face like she’s super impressed by Rick and his stupid bullshit. Spinner comes along and takes their order because he’s working there now and that’s when they start to notice that Rick is a bit controlling. Especially since she wants a burger and he suggests that she order a salad instead because of her weight. If the woman wants to eat her own weight in chicken nuggets than let her you asshole. Of course Terri being stupid, she neither minds nor notices.

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Back at Degrassi, Mr Raditch asks JT if there’s something that he wants to tell him. JT being a fuck up wonders what he did now to piss him off. That’s when he shows him a note where apparently it’s a love note for Mr Raditch from him. JT adamantly denies that it’s from him and Raditch is relieved to hear that. As he walks away, JT opens his  locker to see that he has a love shrine dedicated to Radich and quickly slams the door shut. Right away he knows that it was Spinner who did it. He then makes it clear that he doesn’t want JT’s corny ass hanging around anymore.

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At the theater stage, Terri is talking directly to the audience like a robot thanks to Rick’s advice. At that Jimmy has had enough and he goes up to Rick and tells him not to be telling Terri want to do because her performance has become worse and worse each time. Rick offers to tell her, but Jimmy says that he will, later on at The Dot without him. Rick didn’t like that one bit and looks at Jimmy with hatred in his eyes.

In the hallway Spinner is telling Paige and laughing at the fact that he completely humiliated JT earlier that day. That’s when JT comes along and tears off Spinner’s track suit pants, revealing his heart boxers to the world at large. Spinner swears vengeance against JT as everyone including Paige laughs their asses off at him.

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Elsewhere Rick is having a meltdown over Jimmy telling him what’s what. Rick being an asshole then tells Terri that she doesn’t have to listen to him. Terri points out that she sort of has to because Jimmy’s the director. Being a typical manipulator he tells her that he just doesn’t want her to make an ass of herself in front of everyone.

And what does she do? She makes an ass of herself, but only because she listened to Rick’s advice. It’s funny because she was doing just fine until she saw Rick and his look of disappointment on his face. She goes from being natural to talking like a 60’s robot who has breathing problems. I love how she see’s that everyone is laughing at her when she started to do that, but she just can’t stop herself.

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After school, Terri starts to go off on Rick and his stupid stage directions that humiliated her in front of the whole class. She mentions how she should have listened to Jimmy and that’s when he grabs her wrist all hard and tells her that he doesn’t like that tone of voice. Terri all afraid tells him that he’s hurting her and to let her go. You can tell this piece of shit feels no remorse for what he just did.

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The next day Rick like all typical abusers tries to act like nothing happened and makes it up to her by bringing her flowers. He starts to tell her his paranoid fantasies of Jimmy being into her. Once again she tells him that they’re just friends. He then changes tactics and goes on to say how beautiful and wonderful she is. Terri craving attention of this kind completely falls for it.

In the girls restroom Paige and Hazel are telling Terri how lucky she is that she found a sweet dweeb like Rick. Why is this important you ask? Well I’ll tell you. Paige wants to hang out at her house so that Terri can tell them all about her relationship and that’s when Terri says, “I’ll have to ask him first.” After Paige leaves, that’s when Hazel notices Rick’s hand prints all over Terri’s wrist. Right away Hazel knows what’s up.

Out in the hallway, Spinner and JT’s prank war continues. Spinner’s next move is to act like he’s over the whole thing, but behind JT, Craig comes along and puts a speaker device in JT’s locker. After he leaves JT tries to flirt with Manny the whore, but that’s when these really monster sounding farts start to come out of his locker. Manny leaves all disgusted and right away he finds it and knows that it was Spinner still fucking with him. I just noticed that the girl behind Manny seems to be checking out her ass.

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In the theater/gym, Terri decides to ask Rick if she can go and hang out with Paige and have a girls night. Being possessive Rick tells her that he doesn’t like that idea and even tries to invite himself along. He goes on to accuse her of wanting to talk about him and trying to pick up other guys. Terri tells him that he’s acting crazy and that’s when he snaps and decides to bitch slap the shit out of her. Terri see’s blood on her lips and just leaves without saying anything.

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At The Dot, JT decides to order a really complicated order which flusters Spinner because he’s an idiot. Spinner tells him to cut his shit out and that’s when JT starts to copy everything Spinner says again. Spinner loses his minds starts to rough JT up and that’s when the owner comes along and calls him into his office all pissed off. Now, JT fucking with Spinner at his place of work is not cool, he definitely deserves a severe ass kicking for that shit.

We cut to Paige’s and that’s when Hazel decides to grill her about their relationship. Especially the fact that Rick and Terri never fight. Terri says sometimes, but it’s mostly just Rick being abusive towards her. So it’s one sided. Hazel then notices Terri’s fat lip, Terri being the victim defends Rick and denies that Rick is hurting her. She even goes on to say that Hazel is being a hater and leaves in a huff.

She comes along to one of Degrassi’s back alley’s and runs into Rick waiting for her like a fucking stalker. He tries to manipulate her again, by saying how much he loves her. Terri upset about her fight with Hazel tells him that she just wants to be alone. That’s when Rick takes it as an opportunity to tell her that he’s making a new rule and that rule is that she’s only allowed to talk to Paige and Hazel at school only. Instead of telling him to fuck off with that, she just says that she needs to go to think. Rick yet again loses it and starts to accuse her of wanting to dump his ass. She tells him that she does love him, but that he’s clingy as hell. When he hears that he shoves Terri against a shed and then apologizes to her. Terri now pissed off tells him that that’s the last time that he’ll ever touch her.

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In the hallway JT is telling Spinner how sorry he is for getting him in trouble at work. Especially since Paige told him that he got demoted to dishwasher. I’m surprised that Spinner didn’t get fired for beating up a customer. Anyways, they both call of their prank war. Spinner agrees to it as long as JT promises to stop cock blocking him. All JT demands is to be treated like a Human. However, JT get’s one final laugh as Mrs Kwan comes along and shows Spinner a love poem that he supposedly wrote to her.

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Elsewhere Jimmy is telling Terri that if Rick ever does that kind of shit again, to let him know so that Jimmy can get his ass kicked by Rick. Because come on, Jimmy has lost every single fight he’s been in and lost them badly. Terri goes on to tell Hazel that she feels so stupid for putting up with Rick’s abuse. She’s even more stupid because she says that she still cares for him. At her locker Terri see’s that Rick left a rose for her like he did before they got together. The episode ends with Terri full of sass throwing it onto the floor and annihilating it with her foot while making direct eye contact with Rick.

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I’ll say that this was a good episode and only because this was a completely recycled episode from Degrassi High when Kathleen and her formerly mustached boyfriend Scott beat the holy hell out of her too. You can check out my episode review here: https://degrassijuniorhighreviewed.wordpress.com/2014/09/04/season-1-episode-6-nobodys-perfect/ I mean, goddamn, they even reused the same exact situation about Kathleen wanting to rehearse a scene from a play. Not very original at all Degrassi writers. As for the JT and Spinner prank war, it was more annoying than funny. So meh. The whole JT being in love with Raditch was funny though, so I’ll give them that.


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Season 3, Episode 9, “Against All Odds”

Hey everyone. Happy New Year, hope everyone had a great holiday season. Welcome back to another pointless episode review of Degrassi. In this episode we get to know the new kid Chris some more.

Pre-credit opener: We see Emma walking into Ms Kwan’s room and runs into Sean and get’s instantly annoyed when she see’s a huge hickey on his neck. Ms Kwan then asks the class what they thought of Bill Shakespeare’s immortal classic, Julius Caesar. Sean makes this really lame speech about how Shakespeare doesn’t know anything about him or his life. That’s when Chris chimes in and goes on to talk about the themes and then basically calls him a wigger. At that diss, Emma is mightily impressed and you can tell that she now wants his Alabama black snake.

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Outside the school, Craig is telling Ashley not to be messing around on him with some studly French Canadian guys. Funny coming from him since he fucked Manny a few episodes ago. But Ashley reassures him that she’s just taking Ellie for a little vacation since she’s had a rough time. But Ellie is always sad! As soon as they leave Manny the skank comes along and aggressively tells him that she misses him. Craig being the typical douche bag tells her that there’s nothing to miss since he only boned her once. Not to be dismayed, Manny invites him to a rave that night.

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In the hallway Chris is talking like a fucking robot and is beepbopping to some bullshit rhyme he came up with on the spot. Once again Emma is impressed because she just happens to be the lamest white girl on the planet. In Mr Armstrong’s class, Spinner is in deep shit because he had a horrible mark on his homework assignment. Being desperate he asks Jimmy for some help, but is reluctant to go over because Jimmy invited Marco over to his house too. Just a reminder, Spinner is really grossed out by Marco’s homosexuality. But what do you expect from an asshole like Spinner?

Back in the hallway Chris starts to talk to Emma about God know’s what, because you can barely understand him. Manny let’s Emma know that Chris’s cousin is the DJ for the Kid’s Bop rave that’s going on that night and Emma yet again is impressed because he always let’s Chris spin a set. I gotta say, Emma is impressed by really stupid shit in this episode. Later on at her house, Manny and Emma are sluttifying themselves but Emma goes out to point out that she’s a “White Dork.” Which is true. But Manny finally at the peak of her whorish powers tells her that she looks hot and tells her that she has to do whatever it takes to bag him. I gotta say, Manny looks ridiculous with her thong sticking out as much as it is. She just looks like a little girl who’s trying too hard.

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We cut back to Jimmy’s condo where he lives by himself and it seems like Spinner has the shits due to too much spray cheese. He get’s annoyed because he see’s that he has to sit next to Marco and is afraid of catching gay. Jimmy turns on the tv and puts on a porno movie. Jimmy turns it right off because he points out that maybe Marco isn’t interested in watching porn, but Marco tells him to turn it back and because he was enjoying it and was staring at the guy giving the woman a good deep dicking. At that Spinner is even more disgusted and turns the tv right off again.

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Back at the lame rave, Manny is telling Emma not to talk about the fucking environment and her other stupid interests. Emma spots Chris and decides to go talk to him. I hope she brought a translator for the occasion. Back at Joey’s, Craig is becoming hornier and hornier by the minute. I mean, Manny pretty much is a sure thing so I don’t blame him. Eventually he can’t take no more and leaves Joey and Sidney’s boring night at home. But they’re elated because now that he’s out of the way, they can get their own boning done.

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We cut back to Jimmy’s and he puts the porn back on and Marco makes Spinner uncomfortable by patting him on the knee. Spinner decides to get some more spray cheese and while he’s eating that, Marco starts to go on about the porno dude. At that Spinner get’s so disgusted that he literally starts to choke on his food. Marco tells him that he knows the Heimlich maneuver and tries to help him out. But Spinner would rather die than let Marco nail him in his keister. Eventually Marco save’s Spinner’s life and Jimmy just responds with the fact that they just ruined his new carpet.

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Emma finally makes her way through the crowd and talks to Chris. His cousin let’s him spin a set and all Chris does is talk over the music. Emma being a dumbass steps on the power button for the whole thing and shuts all the music down. Humiliated she tells him sorry, but Chris tells her not to worry about her and puts his arm around her. Just then his girl friend LaShaquanishia comes along and tells him what the fuck he thinks he’s doing.

Emma finds Manny and tells her that she wants to go home because he has a girlfriend. That’s when Manny shows Emma the secret of getting with a guy by taking advantage of the fact that he’ll be very vulnerable and that he’ll be easy for the kill. But come on, this is Emma here and says that it’s not right. But surprisingly she listens to Manny. As she goes to get some water, Manny meets up with Craig and they start to dirty dance.

We go back to Jimmy’s and Spinner is begging Jimmy to let him stay in his room because he thinks that Marco is going to molest him or something. But Jimmy tells him fuck no and that he needs to deal with the fact that his good friend is gay and proud.

Back at the rave Emma apologizes to Chris for getting him in trouble with his girlfriend. They go somewhere to talk because she wants to make her move. Chris starts to go on about loving the beat of the music, but he’s more interested in feeling Emma up and proceed’s to touch her boobs on the pretense of  having the feeling of the beat in her heart. Now if Emma didn’t have pimple tits, I’d be impressed. Manny meanwhile is now completely horny and starts to make out with Craig. He starts to say that he has a girlfriend but Manny the harlot doesn’t care. She says, “I can keep a secret.” At that Craig get’s a raging boner and they start to go at it right then and there. Emma starts to kiss Chris too, but Emma being a prude feels really bad about it and runs away. Poor Chris probably has a serious case of blue balls.

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At Jimmy’s meanwhile, Marco and Spinner have finally fallen asleep and Marco’s hand brushes Spinner’s chest. At that Spinner wakes up in a blind panic and accuses Marco of wanting the monster between his legs. Marco get’s instantly offended and tells him that he’s not even remotely interested in him because Spinner is a moron with horrible fashion sense. The insult to injury being that he tells Spinner that he’s not even cute and goes to sleep in the bathtub.

Emma comes home from the rave and finds Manny and Craig in her bed going at it like jack rabbits. Nah, they were just making out, but he was practically fingering her. Emma tells Craig to get the fuck out and acts all judgmental towards Manny.

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At Degrassi, Marco and Spinner make some small talk and they finally have it out about Marco’s gayness. He pretty much tells him that he has nothing to worry about and that he’ll never ever be attracted to him. Spinner doesn’t give it a thought because he figures that Marco has horrible taste.

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The episode ends with Emma and Manny having an argument about Manny being a huge whore and Emma being a prude who’s afraid to take chances. Manny tired of Emma’s self righteousness tells her that she does’t want to be her friend anymore and goes on to call her a “Stuck up, prude princess.” Emma returns fire with, “Good, because I don’t want to be friends with the school slut who smells like a stripper.” Burn. So it seems like their friendship is no more. Oh well.

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I would say that I liked this episode. Mostly because Toby had nothing to do with it, so that’s always a good thing there. But it had it’s humorous moments with Spinner and his homophobia. Yeah, I know how that sounds, but it was funny how Marco cut him down. Now that Manny isn’t in Emma’s shadow, maybe she’ll become more interesting. Shit, what am I talking about? She already is and it’s just going to get better in future episodes.


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Degrassi Of The Dead (Halloween Special)

So it’s October and I thought I would do a review of this webisode series because I love Halloween. I have a feeling this is going to be cheesy as hell though.

We start out with season 9’s opening credits and all of a sudden we get some spooky imagery. Well spooky to Degrassi standards. After that bullshit we see some news bulletins that says that Degrassi, or I should say Toronto is being hit with a zombie epidemic. Turns out that it happened because people were eating genetically modified fruits and vegetables. Seems like Emma and Ashley were right all along then. But going by that, I’m guessing this is only happening around Degrassi.

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I gotta say, it has pretty good gore effects for such a low budget production, let alone webisodes. I believe Manny is narrating and we see that Peter, Ashley, Jay and Paige have barricaded themselves in Degrassi. Yup, it was Manny. Going by the dialog they’re totally ripping off Dawn of the Dead. Especially when Peter says that the kids are coming back to school because it was important to them. Jay in disgust can’t fathom why anyone would want to go back to Degrassi. He does make a good point. Ashley is playing the part of panicky idiot and is crying why the army or anyone else comes to rescue them. Paige tells her that they’re the only one’s left alive. That’s when Manny says that Emma is on her way in her car to rescue them out of that hell hole. But nope, Emma is now one of the flesh eaters, so they’re fucked now.

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Jay says that he’s not going to stand around holding his dick while the zombies eventually break through the door. Being a scumbag, he knows where Mrs H keeps the spare bus keys. But no principle would keep spares. That would be at the motor pool or whatever. But that’s Degrassi for you, wants you to dispel any logic. They tell Jay that they should stick together but he’s basically all, “Every man for himself!” Peter says that he won’t find the keys because he already has them. I love how they don’t even bother to tell Jay that. All of a sudden we see Jay pop back out screaming and it’s Mrs H biting the hell out of his throat. The blood spraying looks like such bad cgi. It’s hilarious.

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Peter starts to go on about the fact that they just killed his mom. Even though they didn’t even show it. Paige says that she knew that she was a man eater, but that was ridiculous. So did Paige just call Mrs H a whore? Ashley starts to say that it wasn’t his mom anymore and it was just a zombie. That’s when she spots Jimmy and he’s now a zombie too.

All of a sudden Emma appears at the gym doors and it’s obvious that the zombies have broken into the school now. Manny heads into a vent and crawls into it with Paige following. Ashley being stupid get’s too close and that’s when Jimmy fucking kills her. No big loss there. Everyone else makes it except for Peter, he get’s pulled back out and he throws the bus keys to Paige. So Peter’s dinner now.

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Even as a zombie, Emma is still being a nag. She’s bitching out Manny, telling her that she tried for years warning people about the deadly effects of genetically modified foods, but no one listened to her. Of course not, Emma has a new bullshit cause every week. She doesn’t have any credibility. Funny how Manny was daydreaming all that.

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In the vents Paige is telling Manny that she’s sorry for being such a bitch to her all these years and that she’s glad that she’s there with her. Manny then says, “You’re not hitting on me are you?” Referring to that fact that Paige is now a lesbian too. I told you, everyone at the school eventually turns gay.

They come out of the vents into one of the science rooms. Paige is nearly bitten by Spinner who’s tied up and looks more like a raccoon than a zombie. That or a bank robber. Now I’m thinking that they blew most of their budget on the beginning of the first webisode. Spinner then says, “Sexy.” Out of nowhere, that dork Derek, dressed like a scientist explains that Spinner is now a zombie but that his extincts are still there, meaning that even though he’s dead, he still wants to fuck.

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Derek goes on to say that he’s glad he’s there and that his dreams are finally going to come true. Manny asks him what he’s talking about and he says that he wants to repopulate the Earth. Meaning he wants to bang, possibly rape the both of them. Paige says that he’s out of his mind and he says not only that, but horny too. Seriously, he said he was horny. Fucking Degrassi, always going there I guess. He then goes on to say that he’s going to blow up the school and take all the zombies with it.

Manny goes on to say that they have to get the hell out of there and that’s when Paige uses her sexuality to get to Derek and starts to kiss him. Being a horny loser, he falls for it. But that’s when she signals Manny to get out of the way so that she can push him towards Spinner, who bites his neck open. Derek pushes the detonator and all Paige can do is say, “Oh crap.” Manny runs out of the room before she can become a crispy critter too. The explosion looked fake as hell. Haha.

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Manny seems to be the only survivor and is explaining to everyone that the explosion should have cleared a way to the school bus. They would show us that the school is destroyed, but they can’t afford to.

As she turns around she see’s that there’s a shit load of zombies in front of the bus so Derek and his stupid plan failed miserably. Peter starts to talk to her and tells her to play dead so they can get by them. I don’t know how he survived. But whatever, bad screen writing really. But what do you expect from a webisode series. Just as they’re about to get there, Manny get’s stopped in her tracks when she see’s Emma blocking the entrance. Manny points out that even though she’s dead, Emma still looks pretty. I swear, I just saw an extra who looked like he was more confused than dead.

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Finally they get on the bus and escape. But as they’re driving away, it’s pretty clear that Peter was bitten. By why is everyone being bitten on the neck for? Anyways, Peter turns into a zombie and then it seems like he’s going to bang her doggy style. Probably figures that a slut like Manny would like that and that’s where this ends with no one surviving!

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We then get the closing credits and I’m laughing my ass off because Drake is dancing around like Michael Jackson in Thriller. He even does the fucking robot! Someone’s singing/rapping during this. They’re pretty much summarizing what happened and I can swear that it’s Snake. It’s pretty bad too, so it must be him.

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Well there you have it, Degrassi of the Dead. This was pretty lame, it did have impressive gore effects in the beginning, but it was all down hill from then. But if you like lame horror movies that you see in five dollar bins, then this will be right up your alley. Maybe I’m being to hard on it, it was after all a webisode series and it’s doubtful they had much money to do it. Plus it looked like it was fun to make. Ok, I change my mind, this was a fun little thing to watch for October and Halloween.