Degrassi The Next Generation Reviewed

Ah yes, the companion blog to Degrassi Junior High Reviewed. Each episode will be reviewed in order by a guy who loves the next generation's melodrama. New reviews at least once a week. Hopefully. But if I feel like it I might make two to three reviews a week. So it'll depend.


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Season 3, Episode, 18 “Rock and Roll High School”

Welcome back to another episode review of Degrassi. Call me crazy, but I’ve always enjoyed this episode for some inexplicable reason. I mean, it has shitty singing from both Craig and Ashley, but got damn it, this is still a good one.

Pre-Credit Opener: Marco, Spinner and Jimmy happen to find Craig just staring at an ad on the school wall. Turns out it’s for a battle of the bands and the prize is to win studio time to record a single that no one will ever hear. The dudes much like Joey Jeremiah have delusions of grandeur. Ashley comes along and tells the guys to get out of the way because they’re signing up too. Craig tries to make nice but Ashley is obviously still angry about Craig porking and getting Manny pregnant. She predicts that the girls are going to kick their ass off the stage.

In Joey’s garage Craig is struggling to write some lyrics and it’s clear that he’s talentless. The rest of the guys walk in and Marco is seriously wimping out telling everyone that the girls are really good at playing emo rock. Well they do have the power to ward off sexual predators. Craig tells the guys that there is no fucking way that he’s going to allow Ashley to beat them. They start to jam and Craig starts to go off on everyone because they suck. Jimmy tells him to chill out before he breaks a foot up in his ass.

At Degrassi, Paige is telling the girls that Terri is doing much better, she might even open her eyes soon. Shit that is not doing better. She’s basically an invalid. Ashley for some reason hasn’t even gone to see her. That’s pretty low considering they were once best friends. Mrs Kwan walks in and Ashley starts to read lyrics from a song she just wrote and what a surprise it’s a downer. Craig starts to giggle and this mightily pisses Ashley off. Outside of class Ashley explains to the girls that it’s about a girl who died in the Spanish Civil War. Out of all the wars that have happened why that one and what 15, 16 year old girl talks about shit like that? Ellie tells her that it sucked and that it’s supposed to be about something about her. Ashley makes the song about Craig, again, what a surprise.

We cut to the B plot and it involves Joey and Caitlin.  Joey’s busy getting his grocery’s out of the truck of his used car that he drives around from his lot and that’s when Caitlin arrives in a cab. Angela is so excited to see her that she drops and breaks the eggs. Joey is super pissed because this means that he has to go to the dollar store again to get more. She starts to cry rather badly because she’s a horrible actress and Caitlin tries to cheer her up by doing a cartwheel. Joey tries to show that he’s fun and does a hand stand. Then he promptly busts his ass and hurts his back bad.

At the Degrassi mall kiosk Ashley and Craig run into each other and he tries to apologize for what happened. But this is Craig we’re talking about and he only apologizes for making fun of her song and not fucking Manny’s brains out. She get’s even more offended and leaves huffing and puffing away. Craig reasons that Manny seduced him, so he’s blameless.

The next scene is at Joey’s house where he’s dying from his back pain. I’ve had that before and it’s the worst pain ever. So for once I sympathize with him. Angela playing with Caitlin jumps on Joey and hurts his back even more. He can’t stand no more so he’s sending Angela away to his mom’s until he feels better. But Caitlin says that she’ll stay and take care of the both of them. Joey pretty much says that she’s not up to taking care of Angela because she’s a pain in the ass. But still she insists on helping. So she yells out to Angela and with crazy eyes says that she’s taking care of them both.

I guess we’re at the auditions for the battle of the bands and the guys are just doing an instrumental because they have no lyrics to their song yet. Craig all nervous says that he’ll take care of it. Coach Armstrong announces the next group and they’re called Hell Hath No Fury. The girls then come on and Ashley proceeds to destroy Craig and his character.

I’m already bored with the Joey, Caitlin subplot. Angela is being a little shit again and tells Caitlin that she doesn’t want to eat the slop that she made for breakfast. So Caitlin being stupid makes her some pancakes instead of telling her to eat her bowl of crap.

In Snake’s class, Craig walks in all pissed off and he tells Ashley that her lyrics weren’t cool. I don’t know why he’s so upset for, their song wasn’t even that great. Ashley and Ellie starts to say that he’s so vain because he thinks that the song is about him. Craig points out the obvious that Ashley is a bitter angry person and if she wasn’t such a prude, he never would have banged Manny. Which is the truth. Ashley all sarcastic says, ” But I thought you loved her.” It seems like Craig is about to tell her to go fuck herself but Snake tells them to shut up.

In the next scene Craig is telling the guys that he’s out of the competition, but Spinner says that if Ashley wants a war then she has it. We then get a horrible, lame rap that it’s obvious that Drake wrote it. Basically it’s about how much Ashley sucks as a person. Marco of course doesn’t like it and he takes him outside for some advice. Marco’s solution? For Craig to scream all his stress out. Yeah, that’ll do it.

Back to Joey’s house, Angela is now acting like a spoiled little shithead and tells Joey that her day out shopping was just ok even though she got a lot of new toys courtesy of Caitlin. She then announces that she’s going outside to play, but Caitlin tells her to wash up since it’s almost dinner time. Angela ignores her and starts to go out anyways. that’s when Caitlin finally get’s pissed off and tells her to get her ass upstairs and to wash her filthy hands. Angela says, “I hate you.” and goes upstairs stomping her damn feet. Joey of course being a big push over does nothing to punish his rotten little daughter.

Finally it’s time for the Battle of the Bands and the girls are wearing Craig on their shirts and it seems like his face is melting like on Raiders of the Lost Ark. Craig has had it with her petty shit and he starts to whine about how she won’t stop making his life a living hell. She starts to go off on him and says that he broke her heart when he fucked Manny into motherhood and says that she wanted to die because she’s emo as hell. Craig says that he’s sorry and says how many times he has to say it. Ashley all full of sass says, “Until you mean it.”

Ashley and the girls are then seen performing their ode to Craig and the crowd is just loving it. Outside it seems that Craig has flown the coop because he’s nowhere to be seen. Spinner says that they’ll be ok and they’ll use his lyrics instead.

The MC for the event comes out and he looks like Anton LaVey from the Church of Satan. (Google him) Oh we finally find out what their band name is and it’s The Downtown Sasquatch. I gotta say, I like it. Spinner makes an ass of himself and before he can embarrass himself further Craig comes out with a sheet of paper. It’s obvious he finally wrote the lyrics for their song. It’s pretty much about how he just realized how much he hurt Ashley and he feels like a complete pile of shit because of it. It’s hilarious to me that he just barely figured out that he broke Ashley’s heart. I gotta say, even though Craig sucks, it’s a very catchy tune.

We close out the B plot and Joey tells Caitlin that kids like Angela need limits and be told what to do. Caitlin sort of feels better for yelling at his annoying kid.

And so after just two bands the battle of the bands is over and the dudes are triumphant! Ashley comes by and tells Craig that his lyrics were just right. So shit, it seems like finally Ashley is over her heart break. And if you ask me, it’s about time.

So yeah, like I said, this was a good, entertaining episode. Even though I hate myself for sort of liking Craig’s song. True, the whole subplot with Angela and Caitlin was irritating as hell, but it was small enough that it didn’t effect the rest of the episode.


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Season 3, Episode 12, “Holiday Part 2”

Hello all you Degrassi maniacs, in this review we continue the most depressing Christmas episode in the history of ever.

Pre-credit opener: We come upon Spinner and Craig Christmas shopping at the mall. Spinner is impressed that he bought all sorts of cheap crap. He should have just went to a dollar store if he’s going to be such a miser. Craig mentions how he bought Ashley a one of a kind Ramone’s t shirt from 1979. But then when you see it later on you can tell that it’s modern and that he found it at Hot Topic, we’ll return to that for more ridicule later. Craig then finds a stupid ice skating bracelet and he decides that it’s just perfect for his side hoe Manny. Caitlin meanwhile finds Spike with her Devil child having a picture with Santa. Caitlin is so self absorbed that she doesn’t mind one bit ruining the baby’s Christmas photo. Her love life comes first damn it and Spike has to know right away what happened between her and Joey!

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Later on we see Caitlin writing Joey a letter saying that it seems like they have another chance at love and they shouldn’t waste it. All full of Christmas cheer, she goes over to Joey’s house and drops it off in his mail slot. Instantly she regrets what she does and tries to break in, because Caitlin doesn’t respect anyone’s privacy or private property. But this being the new goofy Caitlin, she get’s stuck at the window instead. Probably by her tits like that one time Claude left her hanging on the fence and she got arrested. Anyways Joey and Sidney find her hanging there and you can tell that Sidney is very annoyed because she’s a bitch.

At Craig’s ice cave/garage, Ashley is complaining that she’s freezing her ass off so Craig offers to go get her some hot cocoa. Once he fucks off, Ashley finds his bag of Christmas goodies and she finds the very girly and modern looking Ramone’s t shirt. I mean look at that shit. Vintage my ass. To make a plot point, she also finds Manny’s bracelet, something that will come to bite Craig right in the keister later on in the episode. But we’re getting a little ahead of ourselves.

ramones-t-shirt

Back to Caitlin and Sidney, Sidney’s had just about enough of Caitlin and her cuteness. She decides to be alpha bitch and let’s her know that Caitlin isn’t going to ruin Sidney’s dictatorship at the Jeremiah residence because they need her and not some stupid klutz from the past. Craig meanwhile comes in and finds the letter. Caitlin all upset grabs the letter from Craig and leaves Joey’s house full of tears. Craig is just, whatever.

sidney caitlin

At Degrassi, Snake’s MI class has decided to give him a present. Snake is immediately touched that he has an Elvis wig to wear for the Winter recital that’s going on later in the day. Jimmy points out that they would have given him a better one, but a good wig isn’t cheap. I can’t help but think that Jimmy is a cheap bastard, because we all know that he has money.

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In the next scene we see Joey coming to Caitlin’s office at the TV station to have a chat about their little smooch. She tries to play it off like it was nothing and you can tell that he got his feelings hurt. The Rico Suave guy comes by and gives her a little Christmas present which is an early flight to Montreal the next night. Joey meanwhile is getting jealous and Caitlin says nothing to the fact that the dude is gay. After that, they have a little awkward “we’re cool” moment happening.

Back at Degrassi, Craig decides to give Manny her stupid present early because her family is going away to the motherland for the holiday. She’s so touched by the gesture she probably gave him head in the empty classroom.

Backstage Ashley is telling Manny that she doesn’t know why she’s feeling so nervous for because she’s bored everyone to tears in other shitty performances, but she figures that this time it’s because she’s singing with Craig. Manny starts to do her make up and says that maybe Ashley needs to distance herself from Craig because of her emotions. Ashley not knowing what the fuck she’s talking about asks her what she means by that. But that’s when she notices the ice skate bracelet on Manny’s wrist. She asks her where she got it from and Manny says, “Just a guy I’ve been fucking a while.” Ashley not being dense quickly figures out that Craig has been cheating on her with Degrassi’s biggest slut since Stephanie Kaye. Manny’s smug look is quickly erased when she finds out that Craig never broke up with Ashley. Oh snap! Take that! Karma! All of that shit!!

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Finally, it’s time for Degrassi’s big holiday gala spectacle. The night opens on a bummer though because Toby is up there talking about Hanukkah. I’m telling you, he ruins everything. Off stage Craig tells Ashley not to worry about her stupid emo Christmas song. Oh, if he only knew that she’s a mushroom cloud in the beginning stages. Mercifully Toby’s finished and JT comes out as the host dressed like Willy Wonka and introduces Craig and Ashley with their song, I’ll spend Christmas With You. Craig starts to sing and notices that Ashley is just sitting there like a wooden Indian. He just starts to ask her what’s wrong and that’s when she slaps the shit out of him and storms off. JT jokes, “Maybe they won’t be spending Christmas together. HAHA!” That was a good one, I’ll admit.

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In the hallway Craig asks her what her problem is and right away she lets him know that she found out that he was cheating on her with that skank Manny. Craig looking like he wants to cry tries to play dumb. Ashley now crying asks him how he could do such a thing. Craig meanwhile can’t say a fucking word, because what can he say. She dumps his ass and takes back her grand father’s ugly guitar. But it’s not over yet, Manny comes over fuming and just looks at him with so much sass. Craig accuses her of telling her, but Manny says that Ashley figured it out because he’s stupid. Manny then follows suit and dumps Craig’s Screech looking ass too. The insult to injury being that she drops the bracelet on the floor. Much like Joey a decade earlier, he has two girls that hate his guts. Craig is going to be spending a while getting reacquainted to his regular masturbation schedule again.

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Joey comes along and wants to know what’s going on because he’s nosy. Craig pretty much tells him what he did. Joey must have had a monster flash back to when he fucked up his relationship with Caitlin. He then tells Craig the whole story, you can read all about it here, https://degrassijuniorhighreviewed.wordpress.com/tag/degrassi-schools-out/ because that shit is ancient Degrassi history. After that history lesson, Craig tells Joey to get real because he and Caitlin have never gotten over each other. He then says that he can see how it is between the both of them. Even that harpy Sidney. Joey asks him what he’s talking about and it’s assumed that Craig snitches on Sidney, but we don’t see it because the scene just cuts away to the people coming out of the school gym.

As soon as they come out Joey asks Snake if he can watch over Angela while he talks to Sidney. Right away she knows that something is wrong because she says, “Joe, you’re making me nervous over here.” And that’s another thing that’s annoying, the fact that she calls him Joe. Anyways, he asks her if she said anything to Caitlin, driving her away. Sidney doesn’t even try to deny it and says yes. She says she did it because Caitlin was always just hanging around, fucking up everyone’s Chi. Sidney then asks Joey if he’s sure that Caitlin is just his ex. She then starts to say that she needs their relationship to work because she loves him, but ouch. Joey doesn’t say anything to that and she knows that he doesn’t feel the same. Broken hearted she leaves all full of tears. Yeah good riddance! In the screen shot you can see the exact moment that her heart got ripped to shreds.

sidney-crying

At the airport Joey calls Caitlin just as she’s waiting to take off to her boring spa weekend. She see’s Joey, Craig and Angela in the terminal and she rushes out because she knows that once again she’s won Joey’s corny heart. Out in some hanger Joey tells her to stay and says that Sidney has hit the bricks. Joey goes on to say that when he cheated on her with that Whoville looking chick Tessa, he thought that he lost her forever. So the episode ends on a happy ending with Joey and Caitlin kissing and becoming a couple again.

joey-caitlin

Part 2 was a little better, we finally ended Sidney’s reign of terror on Joey and Angela. She was good looking though and could do way better than Joey. I wonder, did Caitlin really win in the end? Hmm. As for the Craig, Ashley, Manny love triangle? It was pretty much another retread from School’s Out. That’s why it’s so funny that Joey told him that he did the exact same thing. If I were to give this episode a letter grade, it would be a hard C.


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Season 3, Episode 11, “Holiday Part 1”

It’s Christmas time in Degrassi land and you know that these motherfuckers are going to have drama up the ass. They can never just have a joyous holiday or occasion occur. There’s always gotta be something going on.

Pre-credit opener: This is another episode where the DVD version is different from the version that was shown on The N. The N version said that it was a Degrassi Christmas Special and it had some generic Christmas like music playing in the background. This one has a Charlie Brown sounding Oh Tannenbaum version playing. Anyways, Joey is having a tree trimming party at his house and Spike, Snake, Caitlin, Emma and Ashley are all invited. Right away Sidney, Joey’s girlfriend shows what a control freak she is by telling Joey that the angel on top isn’t straight and that the actual tree itself would look better in another position. Joey being pussy whipped immediately does her bidding with Craig helping. Ashley calls Craig a man amongst men and he kisses her on the cheek. Just then Manny calls and she sounds all pathetic telling him that she misses him. Craig not wanting to be caught calls her Spinner and says that he’ll talk to her later, disappointing her greatly.

craig-ashley

Caitlin meanwhile is in despair because it’s obvious she’s into Joey again, even though she broke up their engagement about a decade earlier. She goes on to tell Joey that she’s going to Montreal to have a lame spa weekend because Caitlin has no one in her life. Not even her mom. The insult to injury being that Sidney and Joey start to kiss about 3 inches away from her face.

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I guess it’s the next day and we have some more horrible acting by Angela Jeremiah, aka Manny Jr. It seems like Sidney has made a dress for her skating pageant that’s coming up. Joey sounding like a complete bitch asks Sidney why she can’t go to the stupid pageant. Sidney, sounding like the man in the relationship says that she can’t because she has a work commitment. This greatly hurts Joey’s feelings because he can just shut down his lousy used car lot whenever he wants. It’s not like he has customers anyways.

You know, it’s funny, this is the first time that I’ve ever noticed that there’s snow. I mean it’s Canada but you’d never know it because the show portray’s a forever Spring and Fall world going on. But yes! We finally have Winter going on. Inside, Craig is taking pics of Angela being a Christmas star apparently. Yeah, it’s lame and boring, just like being there. Craig then spots Manny and runs off because he get’s instantly rock hard whenever he sees her. He finds her at the cafeteria and tells her to meet him at his garage because Craig needs to have an early Christmas present from Manny. Spinner see’s them kissing and makes his presence known.

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Spinner not giving a shit that Craig is cheating on Ashley wants to know what it’s like to be pounding two women at once. Well girls mostly, but you know what I mean. Craig being full of himself thinks that he’s a mack daddy and basically says that pimping ain’t easy. Craig asks him if he thinks that it’s wrong, Spinner says for him it would be, but for Craig, not at all. Especially since he has Paige and he knows that she would destroy him with the power of rock and roll and her band PMS. Spinner goes on to call Craig a stud and Craig obnoxiously says, “Yeah well, I get around.” All the while making a face that would make Screech proud.

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Back at Joey’s, Caitlin’s there for no reason and she asks him about Sidney. Caitlin then starts to go on about her lack of love/sex life. Joey burns his fucking hand in the fireplace when she says that she has no one to keep her warm at night. He probably can’t believe it because she’s still super good looking. But that’s when Sidney walks in just in time to see Caitlin holding Joey’s melting hand and she just can’t help getting jealous.

In the next scene we go to Joey’s freezing garage where Manny is patiently waiting for Craig. She tells him that he needs to warm her up and they start to make out. She interrupts the love fest by giving him a scarf that she made him for Christmas. She then drops the bomb on him that all she wants for Christmas is for Craig to dump Ashley’s annoying goth ass. Craig tells her that he can’t make that choice and she get’s her little whore’s heart broken and says, “I think you just did.” Manny should have known that she’s just the side bitch.

At the Degrassi, all the kids are getting ready for their big holiday around the world pageant they’re having. Ashley and Craig are rehearsing a really lame emo Christmas song that the talentless Ashley probably wrote. Manny passes by and her hatred is so high that her glare cause’s the string on Craig’s guitar to break.

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We then cut to Caitlin’s office at the local Degrassi TV station and we see that Sidney has decided to pay her a little visit by bringing her flowers. This Don Juan looking guy pops in to tell her that they’re waiting for her at a meeting. Sidney goes on to say that he’s pure beefcake, but Caitlin points out that he’s gay and proud. Besides, she hasn’t been with anyone since she broke things off with the Hollywood wannabe jerkoff from the very first episode. Sidney cuts to the chase and asks Caitlin if she would babysit Angela for Joey since they’re going to a date that night.

Oh my God! In class Jimmy is reading from A Christmas Carol and he’s doing a horrible English accent. It’s so bad, it’s hilarious. Craig asks the teacher if he can go pee due to boredom. But it’s really because he just saw Manny passing by in the hallway. As soon as she see’s him she starts to cry her harlot’s eyes out and makes an ugly badger face. Manny basically says that she’s much better for him because she loves him more than Ashley ever could. Well at least Manny puts out, Ashley doesn’t even give him head.

manny-crying

Oh lord, once again we see Caitlin give someone horrible life advice. If only people knew that Caitlin is terrible with making life choices. Craig then makes the mistake of asking her what she would do in his situation. She goes on to say that love isn’t about luck, that it’s about being with the right person. So from that Craig decides that he’s in love with the Asian persuasion Manny. Back at the ice rink Craig comes in all out of breath and spots Manny skating around in very tight fucking jeans. He calls out to her and he tells her that he made a huge mistake and that she’s the only one that he wants. Manny being stupid get’s all happy and starts to dry hump him right then and there.

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After that we cut back to Joey complaining to Sidney that he had nothing in common with her white collar friends because he’s a big loser who’s way out of her league. Sidney’s talking about God knows what but Joey’s not paying attention. He spots Caitlin and Angela sleeping on the couch so he decides to take a picture of the moment. Sidney meanwhile is annoyed because she constantly demands his full attention and you can tell that she doesn’t like Caitlin. Especially since Caitlin let Angela wear her pageant dress and got it dirty. Damn woman, it’s not that big a deal! Just wash that shit and it’ll be as good as new. Caitlin leaves because she knows that she fucked up, but Joey follows her outside to say that it’s really not a big deal and that Sidney doesn’t hate her. But clearly she does. At that they start to kiss because why not.

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At Ashley’s, Toby the toad let’s Craig in and wishes him a happy Hanukkah. Craig is there to finally break things off with the boring prude. But before he can say anything, she gives him his Christmas gift which is an ugly old guitar that looks like it has a hubcap on it that belonged to her grandfather. Making things worse, she says that he’s had such a horrible year and that he deserves it. Craig blown away by the gesture now changes his mind and just tells Ashley that he loves her.

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Back at Degrassi, Craig is trying to sound like a blue’s man and is playing all sorts of riff’s on the guitar. Manny passes by and she’s super pissed that he’s still with Ashley. She pulls him aside and asks him what the fuck is going on since he’s supposed to be all in love with her. Craig tries to bullshit his way past this and tells her that he did break up with her, but he just didn’t tell her about him porking Manny on a regular basis. He goes on to say that he doesn’t want to break Ashley’s heart until after the pageant. The episode ends with it saying “to be continued” and Manny again being incredibly gullible and believing him.

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Now, I’m someone who enjoy’s Christmas episodes. I know, I know. But this one was a little meh. Sidney is an annoying character and I just knew that there would have been drama in this episode. So Degrassi didn’t disappoint there. Caitlin I’ve noticed is acting a bit out of character. I’ve never remembered her acting like a nervous klutz before. I do have to point out that they’re recycling the story line from the School’s Out movie from Degrassi High. I guess they figured that today’s kids have never seen it, so they just said fuck it. Here’s hoping that part two is better.


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Season 2, Episode 13, “White Wedding” Part 2

So today is my brother’s wedding day and I thought that it would be a perfect time to publish part 2.

Pre-Credit Opener: I thought we were going to get a previously on Degrassi, but nope. We just dive right in with Emma giving Spike shit for even thinking of getting an abortion. Spike of course has to be a hard core feminist with her own daughter and says, “It’s a Woman’s choice!” Emma counters with, “What about the baby’s choice?” Spike being Spike tells Emma that she’s not going to debate the matter with her. I love how no one else, including Snake has a say in this. Emma throws in her face that if she would have had an abortion the first time she wouldn’t be there nagging her in the present time. In the heat of the argument Spike basically says that having Emma was a huge mistake. She tries to take it back but Emma is like fuck you and slams the door shut.

Spike, Emma

Oh lord. We come back to JT and Toby dressed up like a couple of assholes. JT looks more like a Raccoon in that get up. Their big plan is for them to put a web cam to Joey’s window. I love how they’re going through all the trouble just to see a topless woman. They can just go online and see a chick having sex with a horse for free.

In Emma’s room, She and Manny are having a discussion about her future little brother or sister. Unless Spike has her way. She keeps bring up the fact that Snake doesn’t know jack shit on what’s going on and how unfair that is. Manny tells her not to interfere in the matter, but we all know that Emma can’t keep her big trap shut.

Manny, Emma

Finally the stripper arrives and she looks like she’s more from the Monday day shift of the gentlemen’s club. But to them, she’s hotter than a motherfucker. Joey with a raging hard on welcomes her in while sending Craig upstairs. Snakes see’s her walk in and immediately get’s all uncomfortable. He’s probably thinking that Spike is going to castrate him for this offense. While this is going on it turns out that JT and Toby have fallen asleep. I knew it was way past their bed times. Besides it’s not like they’re missing anything good.

Snake, Fancy

Back at Spike’s, Caitlin is trying to reassure her that Emma doesn’t hate her guts completely. At the moment, she does though, cause that was some fucked up shit that she told her. Spike says that Snake needs to know what’s going on, but Caitlin makes her wait until the morning of their wedding day. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Never listen to Caitlin for anything, cause she just makes matters worse.

Caitlin, Spike

And what did I tell you? It’s two in the morning and Emma decides that that’s the perfect time to sneak out of the house to go tell Snake that Spike is with child. As soon as she get’s to Joey’s house she steps on Toby’s hand waking them up while screaming. At that Joey and Snake come running outside and catch those two horny losers in his bushes. Joey being a big snitch tells the both of them that he’s calling their parents. But who gives a shit about that. Emma not respecting anyone’s privacy goes right on ahead and tells Snake about the baby and what Spike is planning. He actually acts like a male for once in his life and get’s pissed off. Yelling at Emma why Spike isn’t the one telling him this news.

The following morning it turns out that Snake has completely disappeared. Spike probably thinks that he’s running away to the U.S., but that’s when Snake comes in. He’s come out of his bunker in a fighting mood. So watch out! Right out of the gate he throws Emma under the bus and tells Spike that he’s super pissed that that’s how he should find out that she’s pregnant with his love child. But Spike not being used to Snake acting like a man tells him that they’re not going to talk about their bullshit there, so she walks out of the house with him following like an obedient lap dog.

Spike

Here’s a little scene that wasn’t seen on the N. Joey and Manny seem to be super bored and are inhaling Helium from the balloons. Right away he can’t fucking help being his usual corny self and he starts going into a rendition of Everybody Wants Something. I love how Manny points out how stupid the song is. Emma all in despair doesn’t want to get ready for the wedding. Manny tells her to stop acting like a big baby with a skinned knee and to just get dressed. Of course they get into a big argument with Manny throwing in her face that she should have stayed out of it like she told her to the night before. Emma walks away talking shit while Manny kicks Joey’s used car that I’m sure he’s borrowing off of his own car lot.

Caitlin, Manny, Emma

Taking a scenic walk outside downtown Toronto, Spike and Snake are still arguing over having a baby. Snake now starts to bring up the fact that their relationship has moved pretty fast and he’s beginning to wonder if staying friends is all they should be. But I don’t know how he can think that. She’s pregnant with his kid, so that means that they’re beyond the friends stage.

Emma being a life ruining idiot decides to take her circus over to Sean’s for some reason. Right away she starts out with how she ruined Spike and Snake’s relationship. I love how Sean flat out tells her that she interferes all the time and that everything is going to be fine. Clearing things up, she tells him that she’s sorry with how shitty she’s been treating him lately and she invites him again to the wedding. Tracker is a bit bummed though, cause they had their cool leather jackets out for a nice leisurely stroll through the Canadian tundra.

Sean, Emma

Outside the church, everyone is waiting for the bride and groom. I’m surprised that Joey isn’t wearing his famous tuxedo t shirt that he always likes to sport for special occasions. It must be said that Caitlin is looking mighty fine! JT and Toby seem to be ushers for the wedding and both are telling each other that they’ve been grounded until the end of time. Craig walks in with his stupid camera and tells these two losers that Fancy is in the house. Conveniently she’s there because Spike does her hair. That’s an idiotic reason, but ok, she’s in attendance. They both fight over who’s going to show her to her seat. But it turns out that Fancy has jungle fever and this black dude comes up and tells the both of those pecker woods to fuck off.

JT, Fancy, Toby

Emma comes up all dressed up and she’s disappointed to hear that Spike and Snake aren’t there yet. Caitlin takes this as an opportunity to show everyone how racist she is and she asks Lucy to fix Emma’s frizzy hair. Lucy not feeling offended at all takes Emma away to work on her fro.

Oh God! Spike and Snake are still debating the matter at the waterfront. Snake can’t believe that the pill didn’t work while they were busy boning. Spike points out to Snake that life doesn’t give a motherfuck whether you’re ready to have a kid or not. Shit just happens. Spike’s will is just too much for Snake to handle and they decide to get married and off they go to the church, late as hell.

The local Degrassi priest, the same one who exorcised the demons from Terri is telling the gang that if they’re not there in 15 minutes then they’re going to have to reschedule. But they come in just in the nick of time. In their street clothes and that’s how they get married! Even on their wedding day they’re annoying as hell.

Spike, Snake

I don’t know how they had the money to have a reception at the waterfront. You would have thought it would have been at the back lot, I mean Spike’s backyard. As they’re walking around doing the rounds Spike introduces Snake to Connie aka Fancy. Right away he get’s all nervous and being a fucking idiot, he tells Spike all about her being a stripper and being at his bachelor party the night before. I would say that Snake broke the bro code. But we all know he’s not anyone’s bro. He’s forever Spike’s bitch.

Fancy, Snake, Spike

One of the biggest cliche things that happen on TV weddings happens. Joey catch’s the bouquet. But he acts like a very gay man for some reason. We start to hear this unknown Canadian singer singing a groove and Caitlin takes the bouquet away from him and they start to dance. I’m surprised this didn’t bring up painful memories for the both of them. JT and Toby start to fight over dancing with Fancy. Until the black dude comes along and they cower away in fear.

Joey, Caitlin

We finally close up this episode with Emma spying Sean being all dark and brooding under a tree all far away from the festivities. You can tell he was looking for attention the way he was just standing there. Anyways, she walks up to him and he asks her for a dance. The both of them not being able to resist have a kiss. The slow mo after the kiss looked so funny it made me laugh my ass off because it was so damn cheesy.

Emma, Sean, End Credits

This was an ok episode. The JT, Toby subplot of course brought nothing to the story except to annoy the hell out of me. The bullshit drama between Spike and Snake was a bit much too. She’s bossy as hell and Snake is a huge bitch who needs a back bone transplant. But leave it to Degrassi to bring up the issue of abortion on a wedding episode.


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Season 2, Episode 12, “White Wedding” Part 1

So happy New Year peeps! Hope we all have a good one. We have another bit of a Degrassi Junior High/High reunion with this two parter. I’ll try to get to Part II of this episode sooner than later, but I started watching Homeland and I have other stuff going on in my life at the moment. So this Blog is the last thing on my mind.

Pre-credit opener: Already I’m seeing a difference between the DVD version and the one that was broadcast on the N. The N said it was a Degrassi Special and had the cast members names appearing as the action was happening. In this version we don’t have none of this. In the Media Immersion class Snake is wearing a stupid horn helmet with a memory board attached to it. He asks the class a question and Liberty being a teacher’s pet answers it immediately. Snake’s not really paying attention because he’s just so goddamn excited about his upcoming wedding with Spike. To illustrate the point we get another shot of the stupid wedding invitation that Spike most likely came up with. Liberty then gives him a wedding present and it’s from the class it seems like. This never would have happened in my school, the students could give two shits if a teacher was getting married or not. Anyways he starts to give a lame speech about love. JT mentions how he wants to throw up and Sean says, “Someone’s never been in love.” Toby just has to be a dick and brings up Emma to him. I’m surprised Sean didn’t kick his ass right then and there.

SnakeWedding Invitation

Oh lord this is going long. Emma wakes up and is in a panic because they have a lot of shit to do that day. Spike takes Emma to Degrassi so that Emma can turn in some assignments because she’s that much big of a nerd. While she’s inside Spike looks at a bag that she got at the pharmacy and it’s obvious to anyone that it’s a pregnancy test.

Emma comes running through the halls like a bat out of hell and turns in an essay to Mrs Kwan. I love how she’s giving Emma a compliment, but Emma’s not listening. As soon as she handed it in she hauled ass again while Mrs Kwan was talking. Manny comes up to her and mentions how Sean is still into her. Emma mentions that they just dated and that they weren’t in love. Just hearing that annoyed the shit out of me because I see them as little kids and it just sounds silly that they were “dating”. Anyways, Emma sounds a bit interested but she can’t talk because she’s in a rush.

Manny, Emma

So this sets up the next scene and Manny can’t help not minding her own business and gives Sean an invitation to the wedding. Sean can’t believe it and is way too happy to be invited. Especially after he accidentally annihilated Emma during his big fight with Jimmy last season.

Oh great we come to the B plot and it involves Toby and JT. Surprisingly Craig is now involved in their stupid bullshit too because the both of them are a couple of horn dogs and want to know if Joey is going to have a stripper at Snake’s bachelor party. I love how Craig doesn’t even know their names. But he mentions that Snake told Joey that he doesn’t want any strippers there because Snake is one of the lamest motherfuckers on the planet. But the power of the hornyness of these two over power Craig and he’s now consumed with lust as well.

Toby, Craig, JT

They go to a strip club and want to find out if they can hire some stripper by the name of Fancy. The guy tells them to fuck off and shuts the door on them. Outside Joey’s, Craig is clearly now a walking hard on. Just look at that intense face of his. He wants to see some titties and he wants to see them bad! Joey pulls up and he tells JT and Toby to hang back while he tries to convince Joey to get the stripper. Because Joey is a horny loser too, he goes against Snake’s wishes and says that he’s going to get one. Joey reasons that Snack (I just called Snake Snack, it’s a fuck up, but it’s amusing so it stays) should have a first look at a naked woman before he get’s married to Spike.

Craig, Toby, JT

Back at Spike and Emma’s, Spike has just given Emma a perm for the wedding. I had no idea that people still got perms. Spike finally goes upstairs and takes her pregnancy test. At least she doesn’t have to wait two hours like she did in Degrassi Junior High. At the front door Emma takes a wedding cake from a Vietcong lady and of course the cake is all wrong because it’s this huge star of David cake instead.

Spike

Emma is making a huge deal about the cake and she’s surprised to see that Spike doesn’t really care about the mix up. And yeah, Spike’s pregnant. I’m more surprised than anyone because who would have thought that Snake was up for having sex before marriage.

Outside Emma is in complete shock and blurts out to Manny that Spike is pregnant. Manny mentions how it’s sort of exciting and she makes things worse by telling her that she invited Sean to the wedding. Emma get’s all sorts of pissed off and demands that she go and uninvite him. Emma can’t linger on it because she just realized that she left her perm on for far too long and is now stuck with a huge fro for the wedding.

Spike, Emma

The door bell rings and it’s Caitlin and Lucy. Again I have to point out that Spike never hung around either of these two characters when they were in Degrassi Junior High. But the writers just said fuck it and now they’re her bridesmaids. Lucy mentions how they’re going to have a girls night out later on. Caitlin just can’t help being a feminist and mentions that if Snake can have a lame night out, so can they.

Lucy, Caitlin, Spike

At Sean’s junk yard, Tracker is telling him that it would be nice to get out of the city for a while. But Sean shows him the stupid wedding invitation and that’s when Manny comes around and trips on all the spare parts they have around the place. Sean already has a bad feeling because Manny is all obvious about being the barer of bad news. She just says that it was a mistake to invite him and Sean is hurt right in the feels!

Sean

Back at Spike and Emma’s, Snake and Joey comes around and good God. Joey is once again sporting a Hawaiian shirt. Turns out Snake is going to be moving in with Spike so they’re moving all his shit into her house. Because I’m shallow as fuck, I have to point out that Caitlin is looking mighty good! Anyways, Caitlin asks them if they’ll have some strippers for the bachelor party but Snake immediately says, “Nope, no strippers.” He knows that if Spike finds out about it she’ll take his other testicle because she already owns the left one. I love how Spike orders Snake to talk to him by saying, “Come here, talk to me.” Snake being completely pussy whipped has no choice but to do her bidding. Shit, he replies with, “Yes master.” That’s no joke either. She tries to tell him about the baby but stupid Lucy comes in and asks them when they’re going to have a kid. Snake takes that as the opportunity to tell everyone in the room that he’s no where near ready to have children. Yeah, Spike is hella bummed to hear this.

Caitlin, Joey Spike, Snake

It’s finally time for the big bachelor party and you know it’s wack if Mr Raditch, aka DJ Rompin Raditch is in the house hanging out with Craig. The bell rings and it’s the gruesome twosome of JT and Toby. I have no idea why they’re dressed like Miami Vice, but they are. Craig get’s instantly annoyed with them because they came way too early and they mention to Joey how they want to be there when the stripper arrives. Joey tells them both to fuck off, but JT throws Craig under the bus and asks why he get’s to be there. Joey says that Craig can watch MTV Canada and jerk off in his room because there is no way in hell that he’s going to be watching the stripper. With that, Craig in a fit of rage slams the door in their faces.

bachelor party

At a Mexican restaurant Spike shows her racist side and threatens to kill all the Mexicans in the joint if the Mariachi’s don’t stop playing. She needs to watch it with that shit or else Machete is going to come after her. I had no idea there there were any Mexican’s in Canada. I thought it was mostly white and disabled people. Mustn’t forget the Greeks. You learn something new everyday. Moving on, Spike lets on that for the second time in her life, she’s made a big mistake and has gotten pregnant again. I love how she’s decided to have an abortion just from what Snake said. Especially since she hasn’t even bothered to tell him yet. But everyone knows that if she decided to keep it or not, Snake would have no say in it because that’s just how Spike rolls.

Spike, Caitlin

Back home, Emma and Manny are discussing the whole Sean debacle and Emma keeps asking if he was upset. Emma mentions that she hopes that Snake takes the baby news as well as Sean took the don’t come to the wedding news. Manny mentions how her family members like to fuck and she has about 20 aunts and uncles. Spike walks in all dejected and she lets on to Emma that she’s thinking of terminating the pregnancy.

Emma

This episode was another mini reunion for the original Degrassi cast. Although you’d think that more of the original cast would have returned instead of just Caitlin and Lucy. I’m sure Fat Nancy could have gotten out of participating in a hot dog eating contest. Spike of course annoyed the shit out of me, but what else is new. So tune in next time to the shocking conclusion to White Wedding.


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Season 1, Episodes 1 and 2, “Mother Daughter Reunion”

So yes I know I’m cheating a bit on here with this one. I already posted it on Degrassi Junior High Reviewed. But fuck it, I’m not going to re do it. What I will do is say that after not seeing Degrassi Junior High since the 90’s I got really excited when they announced that they were going to revive Degrassi in a new series and that old characters were going to appear too. What I didn’t count on was that a lot of the old episodes were going to be recycled big time. Another thing, I have no idea how far I’m going to go with this blog because the show is in what? It’s 14th season and there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight. (Even though I think it should have ended years ago.) Who knows, maybe I’ll end up pissing off some fan girls. I know if I do, mission accomplished then.

Pre-Credit Opener: Yes even this show has a pre-credit opener. We open things up with a now older and googly eyed Emma asking her best friend Manny to read an email from some twink looking kid named Jordan. By the way, I’m hating the acoustic guitar music in the background. Anyways, Manny says that she’s read it six times already. Which tells me that apparently Emma can’t read. What the hell? Manny goes on to read the email that basically talks about this environmental bullshit. Emma swoons because this Jordan character wrote, “love you.” Oh lord. Emma has a magazine and she tells Manny not to rip it because she wants Caitlin to autograph it. And guess who’s on the cover, that’s right Caitlin. And goddamn, she is looking good still! The cover by the way says, “Ryan’s Planet.” We then cut to Spike and she’s aged pretty well too. So glad she finally got rid of that horrible hair of hers. She walks into Emma’s room, bitching her out about getting off the computer and cleaning her room. Seems like she’s still the same. Emma lies and tells her that she was just showing Manny her reunion website. We then get a bunch of what looks like publicity stills from Degrassi Junior High and High. They finally leave but Emma sees that she has a new email but she can’t read it due to Spike yelling at her to get her ass in gear.

emma-mannyjordan-twinkspikedegrassi-reunion-lucy-ld-twins

Ah the stirring theme song sung by the Degrassi Children’s Tabernacle Choir. But then mid song, this black chick who sounds like the same singer from Christmas Vacation takes over the song and screech’s, “I know! I know, IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII, I know I can make it through.” The name of the show then comes up on some girl’s ass. Just like in Degrassi High.

degrassi-logo

Seems like Degrassi is now called Degrassi Community School. I don’t know why, but that sounds so lame to me! Spike drops the kids off with a bunch of crap for her 10 year reunion. They picked up some kid named JT and he’s such a wimp that he can’t even carry a few boxes. So of course as soon as they walk in he drops everything. While he’s doing that, Emma is going on and on about not being able to read her new email and talking about Jordan some more. Emma finds a picture of the Zit Remedy with Joey looking like an ass with that stupid wig he would put on at times. The picture does a huge close up of him and we all know what’s going to happen next.

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Yup, we cut away from the kids and what a surprise, Joey became a sleazy used car salesman, and he’s trying to talk Lucy into buying a car. He’s completely bald now because you can tell he was losing his hair so he said fuck it and shaved it all off. I know I’d do the same. Lucy meanwhile looks old as fuck! What happened to her?! But she seems to have gotten her eye sight back and is walking about, but she still needs to use a cane to get around. Seems between the years Joey had a daughter named Angela and apparently Joey’s wife is dead and Joey doesn’t want to go to the reunion because of it.

joeylucy

Back to the school they run into Snake who’s a teacher there now and he looks way older than he should too. Probably because he’s losing his hair big time. So far Caitlin and Spike are the only one’s who have aged well. They give him the crap and then run away ignoring Snake telling them to stop running. We then run into this kid named Toby and his dad. They seem to be getting a private tour of the school by Mr Raditch himself. Seems like Raditch is principle now. Oh God no. JT and Toby seem to know each other and do a stupid Summer camp chant. Right away I can tell that they’re the new Yick and Arthur. Emma then sneaks into the computer lab to check her email from Jordan because she’s fucking obsessed with him.

snakemr-raditch-toby-jt

We then cut back to Snake who’s going through old publicity stills, I mean photo’s of the old cast. Just then Caitlin pulls up in some prom limo talking to some guy named Keith on her old ass flip phone and they do a close up of an engagement ring on her hands, just so we know that she’s engaged to this person. But who gives a fuck, she walks up to the school and Caitlin still has a great ass. She definitely still has it going on. But it seems so strange to me that she would get dropped off at a school that she didn’t even go to, because it’s obvious that this is an entirely new building. She spots Snake and they hug and talk about how happy they are to see each other. I love how Snake’s not even embarrassed for ruining her and Joey’s relationship. Ok, now Joey and Lucy show up at Degrassi for no reason at all and both Joey and Caitlin look at each other with hurt in their eyes. Funny that they’re both not over their bad break up that happened ten years before.

caitlin-assjoey-hurtcaitlin-hurt

In the computer lab Emma reads the email from Jordan and she informs Manny that Jordan is coming there to meet her. It says, “TOMORROW!”

Back to Caitlin and the rest of the old Degrassi gang. She’s telling them all about getting married to some director in LA. You can tell that she thinks she’s hot shit because of it. Joey all awkwardly says, “I always knew you’d meet the guy.” While he’s telling her that, Caitlin can’t stop staring at Angela, almost like, “You should have been mine!!” After that Joey confirms that he’s not going to go to the reunion, but Caitlin begs him to go have drinks with them that night. Lucy inviting herself along.

angela caitlin-angela

Showing what little kids they are. Emma and her crew are playing in a playground talking about Jordan. Both JT and Toby think that it’s some older guy pretending to be the kid. Emma being stupid get’s mad at them and tells Toby that he’s not a stranger since he emailed her his picture. So yeah, that totally makes it legit. They both continue to say that it seems strange that he’s coming over on a school trip since school is out for the Summer but Emma keeps insisting that Jordan is on the level. Seems like she was born without commonsense. They then have a stupid water gun fight.

park

Back in Emma’s room, both Spike and Caitlin are going through the reunion web site and looking at the same photo’s that we’ve seen through out the episode. Ok wait a second. Why is Caitlin even hanging out with Spike for? Besides Spike ripping her a new asshole for outing her being pregnant in the school newspaper they haven’t had an interaction since! So now they’re best friends? Ok, for this we’ll just have to assume that they became friends afterwards. Still annoying though. Going on, Caitlin admits to Spike that she actually picked out her own engagement ring, which really makes her sound pathetic. But then they’re interrupted by Emma acting like a shit head telling Spike to ask permission next time to enter and use her own goddamn computer. Emma then see’s Caitlin and acts like Caitlin is a huge deal. Spike then asks Emma if she got a new email from Jordan and right away Emma get’s all fucking pissed off accusing Spike of hacking her email. You can tell that Spike barely knows how to turn on the computer, let alone hack her email. Going by all this, I already don’t like Emma.

spike-caitlin

We then see Emma and Manny talking about any red flags in Jordan’s emails. But of course Emma doesn’t spot anything. Manny goes on to say that Toby does have a point in the dangers of meeting someone online. But it seems like Emma got her brains from a brain damaged Shane because she tells Manny that she can take care of herself. Manny then suggests that Emma talk to her mom, but she doesn’t want to do that either.

Later that night at the bar, Keith is talking to Snake about wanting to make a movie about teachers. “I’m working on a script about you guys, sort of a Dangerous Minds meets Footloose kind of thing.” This and the fact that he’s wearing shades inside pretty much confirms that Keith is a douchebag of the highest proportions. He then talks on the phone trying to sound like a big shot. Just then Lucy mentions Caitlin’s tv show and all the dumbass situations she get’s herself in. They then start talking about how great Lucy turned out. Not ending up a blind, cripple and almost getting her PH D. Oh boy, Lucy then brings up the accident and mentions how she got off easy. Fucking hell. After all these years you can tell that Snake is still angry at Wheels because of the accident. He says, “Sort of like Wheels, Kills a kid. Ten years later, Scott free.” What a fucking dick, I swear! He did his time Snake, fuck off! Joey then comes on the TV in a very cheesy commercial. Keith then goes on to insult Joey by calling him a shifty used car salesman. Caitlin goes on to mention how Joey hasn’t changed a bit from high school. Funny how Joey takes great offense to this and not the shit that Keith just told him. He goes on to tell Caitlin that he has changed, and so has she. Burn!

keith-douchebag joey-commercial caitlin-bar

Snake comes up to Joey waiting for his cab at the bar and Joey tells Snake to get off his back because he knew it was a bad idea to have gone to the bar with them. Snake goes on to say that cutting off the world won’t bring back his dead wife. Joey goes on to say that that’s the reason why he doesn’t want to go to the stupid reunion because it will just make him feel worse. Snake of course hit’s the nail on the head and asks him if it’s because of Caitlin. Joey then starts going off about Keith saying what a fucking asshole he is. Snake then mentions that Joey is just dwelling in a world of self pity. Fuck you Snake! God I hate him so much!

Emma is fast asleep but is woken up by Caitlin, Spike and Lucy singing a drunken rendition of Everybody Wants Something. Caitlin has a talk with Emma on the stairs about Jordan. Emma tells her that her friends don’t think she should be with him. She’s only leaving out a huge fucking detail and doesn’t mention how he’s off from the internets. Caitlin once again tries to help, and once again proves that whenever she tries to help, she makes things about ten times worse. She ends up telling Emma to go for it and take a chance. In the kitchen both Spike and Lucy mention how they can’t stand Keith’s annoying, pretentious ass. Emma goes up to her room and emails Jordan that she would love to meet him. What a fucking moron, but what do you expect from a dumb kid.

emma-caitlin

It’s finally the day of the big reunion and Spike is a nervous wreck. She looks pretty good in her dress, but then she just has to ruin things by saying, “I feel like I’m going to the prom that I never got to go to.” Then get’s disgusted at herself for saying that. But whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop the clock! She totally went to her formal when Snake dumped her for Michelle. Spike is completely making up her own memories now. It’s clear that Emma wants Spike to leave already so that she can go get ready and see Jordan.

emma-spike

At the school everyone is just starting to show up and Snake tells Caitlin and Keith to take a tour of the new Degrassi, but Keith weasel’s out of it by saying he’s going to go get them some drinks instead. As she’s going on the tour she spots Joey’s corny ass.

degrassi

We then cut to Emma and Manny talking on the phone. Emma tells her that she’s not going to go see Jordan after all and is just going to stay in to watch some environmental show. Manny says, “I can help you research.” Holy shit, what a couple of nerds! Who researches a show like that? Anyways, Emma tells her no cause that would ruin her meeting Jordan.

Shit, glad to see Maya is still in her wheel chair. But why is that black chick Joy pushing her around? And why isn’t she with Caitlin? She was only up her ass about everything when they were in high school. See, it’s little things like that, that annoy the hell out of me. Going on, Joey apologizes to her and is rambling about wanting to be friends with her again. She begs him to stay and that it wouldn’t be a reunion without him there. But they’re interrupted by Allison. She looks older, but still hot as hell. She tells Joey how sexy it was that he ripped off his shirt in his commercial and drags him off to have some free drinks.

maya allison

Meanwhile Emma goes to the hotel to meet Jordan. She calls him up and leaves him a message that she’s down there waiting for him. At Toby’s house, Manny shows up and tells Toby and JT that she has a bad feeling. Seems like she went to Emma’s house and she wasn’t there and she won’t answer her phone. Toby goes on to tell some story about a girl who got killed because she met someone online. He then decides that they should totally invade Emma’s privacy and read her email.

manny

Back at the school Joey over hears Keith and Allison talking and it seems like he doesn’t want to marry the goddess Caitlin. What an asshole, he tells Allison that he’s about to make it big so Caitlin’s career would have to take a back seat to his. Joey doesn’t like this one bit. Allison of course is acting like a huge fucking gold digger, but Keith is going for it. Telling her that he would love to take her out if she were ever to go to LA.

keith-allison

At the hotel this guy with a pizza asks Emma if she’s Emma. She asks him who the fuck he is and he tells her that he’s Jordan’s teacher and that he’s heard all about her. Ok, at this point anyone with a brain would put two and two together and gotten the hell out of there. But not Emma. He invites her up to have some pizza with Jordan and some other kids, but she isn’t too sure about it. She’s then suckered in because he mentions that Jordan brought some stupid environmental petition for her to sign. So up goes Emma into the Temple of Doom.

emma-pedo

Back at Toby’s, they seem to be having a hard time answering Emma’s email security question. At the same time Emma is seen going into that creepy guy’s hotel room. He confirms that he’s a pedo because he looks around before he goes into the room behind her. He knocks on a door and pretends to call the kids in for some pizza. Emma should have realized how much deep shit she’s in, because kids that age fucking rush in just to get a single slice of pizza before it’s all gone. But it seems like she’s still willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Oh boy, he has a video camera on his bed and he tells her that they’re making a video journal of their trip. But it’s really a device to showcase Emma on child porn sites throughout the world. She finally picks up on how full of shit this guy is and she tries to leave the room, but she can’t open the fucking door for some reason so she lock’s herself in the bathroom. She says, “You’re Jordan aren’t you?” Well no fucking shit Emma! Everyone just warned you about him all episode long!

perv-emma

At the reunion Raditch is going on about Caitlin and introduces her to give a speech. In the crowd I notice Kathleen, Diana, Trish, someone who looks like Alex, but he looks fucking horrible. Back at Joey’s table Joey makes a scene with Allison and Keith. Joey goes on to call Keith a loser for coming to his fiance’s reunion and tells a slut like Allison that he’s going to break things off with Caitlin once he makes it big. But I don’t remember Keith saying that. He just wanted Allison as a side bitch while he’s still banging Caitlin. Anyways, Simon and Alexa catch wind of this and look over all pissed off. They seemed to have aged pretty good too. Keith goes on to tell Joey to mind his own fucking business, but Joey says that Caitlin is his friend so he’s making it his business. Uh oh. Them’s fighting words. Keith tells Joey to relax and lightly slaps Joey on the face. Joey get’s pissed and tries to grab Keith but Keith punches him. God, Joey is still a fucking puss who is getting beat up by people. Keith then get’s him in a head lock but Joey get’s out of it. Ha. Look at Yick there trying to break up the fight. Just then Keith’s phone rings and Joey picks it up. He tells Keith, “Is this what you want?” and starts to bitch slap him a few times before Simon comes and tells Joey to cut it out. Caitlin comes around and asks them what the hell is going on. Keith tries to bullshit his way out, but Allison ruins shit by saying, “So he has doubt’s about getting married, who doesn’t?” Yup, once again Caitlin get’s her heart broken and runs off.

kathleen-diana-alex alexa-simon yick allison-bitch

In the hotel bathroom the pedo is telling Emma that he couldn’t tell her his real age because she would stop writing to him. She says that she wants to go home and he tells her that he’s going to go down to the lobby and she can leave. Emma being stupid believes him because she heard the door open and close.

Back at Degrassi Caitlin is crying to Joey in the bathroom and bitching about almost being 30 and not really having a serious relationship. She blames it on always working, but it’s really just her. She goes on to tell Joey how desperate she was to get married that she basically got with anyone. Joey then starts to kiss her ass by telling her how awesome she is. She then mentions his wife Julia and wonders how the hell did Joey know she was the one for him. Joey starts to say that he loved that she called him Joe and she was basically the cat’s meow. Joey ends his monologue by saying how lucky he was that a greaseball like him got with such a wonderful woman. You can say that again.

joey-caitlin

Back at Toby’s they’re still trying to figure out Emma’s security password. He finally figure’s out that the password is The Pogues because they saw yet another still photograph of Spike sporting the shirt. Probably when she met that horse faced Irish guy Patrick. Emma finally tries to make a run for it, but the door is locked. I don’t know why she’s having so much trouble opening it though. The guy pops out of no where and he tells Emma, “One noise and I tape your mouth and I don’t think you’d want that.” Emma is so boned now.

emma-deep-shit

Oh God! We go back to Toby’s and he’s wasting time by schooling JT and Manny how the creepy pedo guy got into Emma’s emails and basically told her what she wanted to hear. He correctly guessed that Emma was stupid enough to fall for it. No one is interested in the environment damn it!

This is getting creepier by the minute. We see the guy set up his camera on a high angle towards the bed. Emma is just sitting there trying not to cry. She should have kicked him in the balls while he was doing all that. He has some real balls though, because he mentions how her mom is at her reunion and doesn’t even know that she’s missing.

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Finally Toby finds out what hotel they’re at and they run all the way to Degrassi. But Toby can’t keep up with JT and Manny because he’s a bit of a chubby dork. HAHA! At the dance we hear the same ballad that was heard in the end credits of the School’s Out movie. Snake and Spike are talking about God knows what, Spike saying that Snake has gotten smoother during the last ten years. But he really hasn’t. Snake is trying his hardest to be suave though, but he’s cock blocked by JT, Toby and Manny. Toby wheezing to death while JT and Manny talk over each other trying to warn Spike about Emma. Suddenly we see Spike coming out of the school with Snake calling the police.

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In the hotel room this guy is giving Mr Colby a run for his money for being a huge fucking creep. Smelling her hair, touching her hands. Snake and Spike finally get into the hotel running like maniacs. Back in the room the guys touches Emma’s lips and says, “I feel so close to you.” But they’re interrupted by Spike pounding on the door. Just then Emma yells out, “MOM!” And bites the perv’s hand. She does a back flip and finally opens the goddamn door. Even though she couldn’t do it twice before. She rushes out and Spike looks at her like what the fuck? Snake grabs the guy and shoves him against the wall. He says, “You make a move and I’m going to break your neck.” But please, if he wasn’t intimidated by his height, the guy could easily give Snake a swift kick to his gluteus assimus. But the Mounties finally arrive to arrest the guy.

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Back at Spike’s house. She’s talking to this detective and he mentions how the guy is a repeat offender, but thanks to the ass load of evidence in Spike’s hard drive, they think that they can finally put him away for good. He goes on to tell her, “When this comes back, keep it down stairs, keep the cyber stalkers out of her room.” Yeah, no shit. Nice parenting Spike!

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In Emma’s room, she apologizes for ruining her reunion. But Spike get’s into it with her and tells her how could she do something so fucking stupid like that. Emma tries to reason that she simply made a mistake and that she’s a dumb kid so it’s to be expected. Spike tells her that she’s not dumb and that’s why she doesn’t get why she pulled that shit. But she is dumb Spike! Turns out that Emma kept this guy a secret for eight months. Spike tells her that she can talk to her about anything. But Emma tells Spike that she can’t talk to her cause she’s her mom and she doesn’t remember what it’s like to be a kid. I swear Spike told her mom the same thing all the way back in Degrassi Junior High, so she must have had a flash back when she heard this. Spike goes on to say that she does remember and makes Emma promise to talk to her about things. No matter what. Emma finally breaks down crying and says, “Mommy I was so scared!” Spike cries too and hugs it out with her and that’s how this episode ends, with Emma’s crying face in a freeze frame.

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So there you go Degrassi fiends. The first two episodes of The Next Generation. I would say this one was more about the previous cast then the newer one. It was a solid two parter. You could tell they wanted to update it for today’s generation with the whole internet thing. The next episode is where we’ll meet more of the new Degrassi kids. I can already tell that I’m going to get annoyed a lot with some of them. And you can bet your asses that I’ll be pointing out recycled plots and inconsistencies with the original series. Like Spike being best friends with Caitlin. Get out of here with that Degrassi writers! I hope you all join me for the insane quest I’m about to take in doing this. Oh lord I’m already envisioning years! But screw it, the show must go on damn it!