Degrassi The Next Generation Reviewed

Ah yes, the companion blog to Degrassi Junior High Reviewed. Each episode will be reviewed in order by a guy who loves the next generation's melodrama.


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Season 4, Episode 4, “Mercy Street”

Uh oh, Rick the woman beater returns in this episode.

Pre-Credit Opener: Right off the bat Paige is super pissed that Rick has returned to Degrassi and you can tell by how flared her nostrils are. Marco, Spinner and Alex are pissed off as well. Emma not minding her business asks who he is. Paige tells her and reminds us all how Rick used to beat up Terri and she hates his guts because of it. Even though Paige treated her like shit all the time, but whatever. Emma becomes extremely upset when Spinner tells her that he’ll be in her grade starting the next day. This is trouble because a self righteous Emma is always a bad thing.

After the credits we see that JT is hanging out with Manny at Liberty’s. The reason they’re hanging out with her? Because she has a hot tub. JT still acting extremely immature asks Manny to pull his finger and he butt dusts her right then and there. Manny then asks Liberty if it’s cool for them to even be there, Liberty just tries to sound cool by saying that somethings you have to say what the heck. Seriously, she said heck and couldn’t even say hell. Anyways, Manny tries to ask if Emma can come over too. But Liberty still hates her for what she did in the previous episode. Manny has real nerve bringing Emma up since it was Manny who snitched Emma to Liberty. Oh lord, Liberty’s younger brother Johnny Mathis comes out with a ironing board and says that it’s their new diving board. JT climbs on top of it and of course it doesn’t collapse because he weighs a hundred and nothing. Still acting like a jackass he’s about to dive into the hot tub and that’s when Johnny Mathis pulls his trunks down and Manny gasps. Either because it’s the first time she saw his junk, or he has a real small dick. Either way, JT is humiliated.

Back at Degrassi Emma is hanging out with the upper class men for some reason. Rick comes by and tries to make small talk with them. Emma now taking up Terri getting beaten up as a cause even though she didn’t know her stops Rick from walking to class. Raditch tells her to step aside and she speaking for everyone says that they don’t want him there. Raditch knowing that she has a new cause every week tells her that it’s not one of her crusades and to stay out of it.

In the hallway JT is trying to get a date going with Manny, but she doesn’t seem to want to hang out with him. JT notices that ever since she saw his penis, she’s been acting differently. JT gives her a smootch but Manny breaks up their kiss because here comes Craig. They have some small talk, completely ignoring JT.

In the locker room JT is pissed that Manny still seems to be into Craig. Toby and Johnny Mathis (Danny) both say that Manny is hot and that maybe she is into Craig still. Toby also points out that they’ve only kissed a couple of times. Just then Craig and the other dudes come out of the shower and that’s when JT tells him that Manny is his girlfriend now and to respect that. Craig says that he does and that’s when he takes his towel off to dry his hair. JT immediately stares at his cock and Craig instantly asks him what the fuck he’s looking at. Spinner, being the worst person to do that in front of just laughs and says, “What?!”

After those hijinks, Rick comes up to Paige at her locker and tries to apologize for pushing Terri with all his strength and causing her to hit her head on a random piece of concrete block and split her fucking head open. Seriously, if you don’t know, that’s what he did to her. He tells her that he’s in counseling and asks how Terri is. Paige eyes full of tears goes to the bathroom to cry her eyes out. Emma not minding her business asks her what’s wrong and Paige is upset that Rick is back at the school and no one can do anything about it. Emma tells her that they’ll handle it, vigilante Degrassi style!

At the Dot Emma is hanging out with the older crowd and you can tell that she loves it. They don’t enjoy their time together though because that’s when Rick walks in. Everyone get’s pissed off and Emma wanting to make them like her goes up to Rick and tells him that no one wants him there. Rick just says that he has a right to an education. Emma tells him to go to another school or he’ll be sorry. He says that she can’t touch him or Raditch will get on her ass. She says he’s right, but since they’re not at school Emma grabs him by the arm and drags his ass out of the door. Paige and the rest love what Emma just did. But not as much as Emma is loving herself at the moment.

Back at Degrassi Emma is promoting her newest cause, Students Against Violence, or SAV. Nah, I just came up with that. Sean and Ellie come along and are annoyed that both Paige and Emma want to make life a living hell for Rick.

Oh boy, in the restroom JT has gotten himself a penis pump because he figures that Craig has a bigger Johnson than he does and that’s why Manny won’t bang him.

We get a montage where Rick is now feeling the pressure because everyone there hates him with a fury. The girls start to block his path, no one will let him sit with them at lunch. Shit even the metal looking guy and his mullet friend are shoving him against the lockers. But uh oh. It seems like Emma is starting to break and feel bad for him now.

In Mrs Kwan’s room Spinner is reading some rhymes from the legendary Kid Erich. He tries to say that he loves girls with a bootylicous ass but Mrs Kwan stops him. Rick then volunteers to read his thoughts from Gandhi of all people. He starts to talk about forgiveness, but Spinner is thinking, fuck that noise. He throws a paper at Rick and everyone laughs at him. Take that Rick and Gandhi!

In the hallway Manny see’s JT and she tells Liberty that she knows that he’s going to come up to talk to her. She wonders why he doesn’t leave her alone. Liberty points out that he is her boyfriend, but if she can’t stand being with him, they should just break up. JT of course comes up and asks her if she would like to come over to his house after school. Manny tells him yes, so going by that, I guess she’s going to break up with him.

Elsewhere Rick tries to give Emma a check, but Emma all full of herself says that she can’t accept it because the whole ribbon campaign is about him. Emma is then blown away that it’s about $500 dollars. Alex comes along and tells him that they don’t want his money. Rick then leaves when she asks him if he’s going to hit her too. Emma being greedy and stupid asks for the check, but that’s when Alex rips it up. Emma all annoyed says that maybe if she cared about the cause she wouldn’t have done that. Alex gets in her face and asks her what she knows about it. She then asks her if she’s ever had to ice down her mom’s face because some scumbag boyfriend beat her up. Or lay awake all night listening to her cry. Alex says, “I didn’t think so.” and leaves all annoyed. So yeah, big surprise there that Alex comes from a horrible home life.

At JT’s room, JT has put on some sexy music and dimmed down the lights. It’s as awkward as it can get and she asks him if he’s nervous. He tries to kiss her and he’s all sweaty and nasty. Manny being grossed out says she has to go to the bathroom. JT takes that as an opportunity to pump up his wang. Manny finally getting the courage to break up with him goes back into the room and catches him. Got damn that’s embarrassing.

Back at the Dot Rick walks in and Paige is instantly annoyed asking what he’s doing back there again. Alex being a shit starter says that he’s probably there to see his new crush Emma. Paige gets pissed and asks her if she’s starting to wimp out on her by feeling sorry for him. Rick makes shit worse by going up to her and saying, “Good afternoon Emma.” Emma now trying to prove to everyone that she doesn’t feel bad for him over does it by tripping Rick and humiliating him in front of everyone. Rick seems to go into a rage as he’s getting up. Jay seeing this takes Rick outside to kick his ass and does just that. Plus he breaks his glasses by stepping on them. Rick all defiant asks who else wants a shot at him. Alex says that she wants to hit him next and here’s where Emma fucks up by stopping her. Everyone of course get’s angry at her and she’s as hated as Rick is. Man, I just noticed, Rick is a hairy motherfucker. He looks like Teen Wolf in this shot.

The next day at school, Manny comes dressed like a pimp and she tells JT to go away. JT says that he was just trying to live up to Craig. Stupid JT thinks it’s because Craig has a bigger dick than him. Manny all annoyed tells him that it’s not his dick. It’s the way that JT acts. Which is really immature and Craig was never like that. But bullshit, Craig has acted like a jackass in the past too. JT now desperate because he doesn’t want to lose a hot piece like Manny says that he can change. But Manny tells him that it’s over.

We see that Emma is now on the outs with Paige and her group of friends. Rick comes up to her with some old nerd glasses and he tries to apologize. She tells him to stop. The only reason she did what she did was because it was wrong, it still doesn’t mean that she likes him or are friends. that being said, she asks him why the fuck he came back to the school, knowing that he’s hated by all. The episode ends with Rick saying that he likes it there and that’s he changed. He goes on to say that he’ll show them how wrong they are about him. Emma tells him that they’re not interested. Rick being delusional says that they will be some day. Now if you’ve seen the show, especially this season, you know how foreshadowing that statement was.

So this was a pretty good episode. Entertaining as hell and really makes you go, hmm. Not the JT and Manny part. He was annoying and I’m glad Manny dumped him finally. But the whole Rick thing. Sure he’s a dickhead that deserves everything what’s happening to him, but at the same time, you kind of feel sorry for him. Especially with the bullying. But this is just the beginning. Things are going to come to a head with this storyline.

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Season 3, Episode 21 “Our House”

Pre-Credit Opener: Sean and Jay are at the mall looking at hip hop DVD’s at the CD kiosk and they just have to have that disc because some rapper get’s on stage on an actual Humvee. Did you get that? A Humvee, it’s so dope, they just have to steal it. But it seems like they’ve gotten a bit overconfident now because they’re actually really bad at shop lifting. They try to split up and run away from a security guard. Just as they link up again and think they’re going to make it, they get the closeline from hell. Sean now knows that he’s in deep shit because he’s such a bad seed.

Back at Sean’s slum, Tracker is super pissed that he got banned from the mall. Sean asks him what the big deal is, and Tracker tells him that he’s lucky that the cops weren’t called. I call bullshit here. If they were shoplifting the cops definitely would have been called. But this is Degrassi and when did logic ever make sense here? Tracker right away tells him that Jay is the problem and that he’ll have to cut him loose. Sean says that he can’t because he’s his homie.

In the science lab, Liberty asks JT if he has a date for the Gay Indian semi formal that’s coming up. I love how full of herself she is because she’s going out with Jay’s goon. Much like Arthur in Degrassi Junior High, Liberty thinks that she’s a dating expert now and tells JT that he needs to ask out Manny to the dance. JT thinks that his Frodo Baggin’s looking ass doesn’t have a chance, but Liberty sure thinks that Manny is into him.

In the auto shop Ellie is there for some reason, kissing Sean’s ass. Shouldn’t she be in class herself? She’s about to go I presume and that’s when Sean decides to make out with her, angering his formerly big breasted girlfriend Amy.

The next scene has JT buying two tickets for the dance. Spinner comes along and just assumes that it’s for Toby. I know I would have thought the same thing. Just then Manny comes walking by looking like everyone’s favorite Canadian dream girl. Spinner then ruins everything by saying that if he goes with her then he’s guaranteed to at least getting a rusty trombone from her. JT get’s these sad puppy dog eyes and Spinner basically says that she’s Degrassi’s biggest whore and everyone going there knows it.

It’s after school and Sean comes home to his house looking like an even bigger mess. Tracker and his hatchet faced girlfriend are packing their crap up like crazy. Sean asks him what’s going on and Tracker drops the bomb on him that he’s gotten a really good high paying job drilling oil in Alberta. Sean now get’s sad and tells him that he doesn’t want to go in some oil mining camp and wants to stay because he can lose his year. But Tracker could careless, because they have to leave right away. Seems like Sean is screwed here.

The next day at  Degrassi Sean comes along and breaks the news to Ellie that the next day he’s moving to Alberta. Ellie of course promptly runs away to go cut the hell out of her arm. At least I’m assuming, Ellie is emo as hell.

In the auto shop Jay pushes Sean who get’s a cut from the engine that he’s working on for his project. Being in a foul mood already, he picks a fight with Jay. Whoa, the auto shop teacher comes rolling in on his machine and is pissed at Sean for throwing tools all over the place. Sean tells him all about his dilemma and the teacher tells him about student welfare. Sean’s eye brow’s somehow thicken because he has hope again.

The next day Sean tells Tracker about his little plan, which involves him staying there by himself. Tracker saying that he’s doomed to failure and says that he’ll be knocking on his door by the end of the month. Back at Degrassi Sean tells Ellie all about the student welfare and she’s so happy, she starts to dry hump him in front of everyone. We then get a scene of Sean playing music all loud and eating cake for breakfast. Yup, he’s his own man now.

Back in class, Liberty asks Manny if she has an outfit picked out for the dance, but Manny says that she’s not going because everyone hates her guts there and no one would want to go with a skank like her anyways. That’s when Liberty hints that JT is planning on asking her out. JT meanwhile is looking like a major creep just staring at her.

In the auto shop, Sean is telling his flunkies all about the student welfare deal. Basically he has to go to class and get good grades. But you can tell that they don’t care about that shit. They’re just thinking that they now have a permanent place to party, Degrassi style. Sean doesn’t help matters by saying that they can come over anytime and that it’s not his house, but “Ours.”

So at that we get a montage where a bunch of horny wiggers are partying it up at Sean’s. He meanwhile is already fucking up because it’s obvious that he’s not getting enough sleep, plus he can’t study or relax because Jay and his friends keep coming over to drink Zimas.

After all that, the shop teacher is livid at Sean for constantly coming in late. Sean says not to worry because he can pass his exam easily. But the shop teacher is more worried about his other exams. Even he knows that Sean isn’t an intellectual giant.

Just as JT is about to ask Manny out, he spies Craig coming over to talk to her. Probably assuming that she’s still boning him on the side, JT understandably leaves disappointed and tries to return the tickets. Manny then comes by and asks him why he hasn’t asked her out to the dance yet. JT all full of piss and vinegar tells her that he saw her with Craig. Manny instantly get’s all defensive and is close to tears. She tells him that he was just asking if she was ok. She did abort his fetus after all. JT doesn’t believe her of course and she starts to cry and mentions that it was Craig who was cheating on Ashley and that she was just the succubus who tempted him into sex. So she’s blameless! After that JT feels bad for thinking that she was making an appointment to bang Craig again.

In the next scene Sean is trying to study for his finals and that’s when Jay comes in and introduces the Montreal crew. I immediately started to laugh my ass off  like Robert DeNiro in Cape Fear because they’re a bunch of lame, white bread looking motherfuckers. Anyways, you can tell that Sean is starting to have enough of Jay bringing all sorts of losers to his place to party.

That was fast. Sean seems to have given up on studying and is hanging out with Ellie. Ellie get’s up to take a dump and that’s when Amy comes along and is acting like a drunken fool.  She’s getting a bit too touchy feely and that’s when Ellie comes back with a huge bowl of pop corn and tells her that he already has a girlfriend and for Amy to get her nasty skeeze hands off of her man or else she’s going to cut her up with her protractor.

Uh oh, the Montreal crew are just too gangsta to handle. They start a fight and Sean tells Jay to handle it, but he get’s manhandled. Just as he’s about to get his ass kicked Alex screams that Amy is passed out on the floor. Good thing that Alex found her because this is Degrassi after all and it wouldn’t have taken long for someone to take advantage of her. Just like Bill Cosby.

The paramedics come in and take Amy away. Jay showing no compassion is only worried about losing a place to party. He asks Sean where they’re going next and that’s when Sean now having enough tells him that the party is over. Jay is all pissed off at Sean for making him look bad in front of the Montreal crew. That guy has a rep to think about!

The next day Manny seems to be wear an ugly jacket that looks like it’s been patched together from different carpet samples. Anyways, JT apologizes for judging her and thinking that she was back with Craig. He asks her out and after some trepidation she says yes.

In the hallway Sean passes by Jay and he asks her if Amy is ok. Sean says that she will be. Sean then makes his way to the autoshop and gives the teacher forms for him to sign. For some reason, Sean tells him about what happened at the lame party and understands if he doesn’t want to sponsor him anymore. But this is a dedicated teacher we’re talking about here and he says that he’s not going to be amongst the list of people who have disappointed Sean his entire life. But then, he completely contradicts everything that he just said by saying that he’s not going to sign Sean’s papers until he can prove that he’s responsible. Sean showing real acting chops says that he’s done with his partying. The teacher smiles and pulls a pen out and signs the paper. The episode ends with Sean finishing up his project.

So this was a pretty good episode. I’m telling you, most of the Sean episodes are the better ones. The whole thing with Manny and JT was pretty good too. Glad to see that her character is actually growing beyond the skank that she was becoming. But I’m still laughing at the Montreal crew. Lord what a joke. Vanilla Ice had more street cred.


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Season 3, Episode 19, “It’s Raining Men”

Going by the name of the episode it’s pretty safe to assume that this one is starring Marco.

Pre-Credit Opener: Marco pulls up next to Paige, Spinner and Hazel and all excited shows them the poster for the semi formal. Geesh this guy is way too into himself, because it’s him and Ellie in East Indian garb. But goddamn, his dad comes out and he looks and sounds like Super Mario. Degrassi tries really hard to be liberal but holy moley if this isn’t an Italian stereotype right here. Anyways, the girls start to talk about how they’re going to win king and queen of the formal and Marco’s dad tells them that Marco is going to be the king. He just has to find the right queen. Poor bastard, he doesn’t realize that he already found his queen and it’s Dylan. But let’s be serious here guys. In that situation, Marco would be the queen.

In the hallway Marco is telling Dylan how embarrassing his dad is and he tells him that he already likes a guy. Being all awkward Marco can’t find the courage to ask Dylan to the stupid dance. Dylan taking the initiative asks Marco out to a zombie movie. But Marco being stupid says that they freak him out, so Dylan is going to ask another gay dude named Tom instead.

Oh lord, we come to the B plot and it involves JT dressing like a wigger while peddling curly fries in the cafeteria. Apparently there’s going to be a commercial for it since the fries are going to be in school cafeteria’s all over the country. Manny passes by and it’s obvious that JT still has a thing for her. He says hi to her, but she just walks on by because she’s so depressed in how her life is going at the moment. After that JT convinces Toby to have a launch party for his commercial at his place.

Speaking of the cafeteria, Spinner comes along and asks Marco all loud if he has a thing for Dylan. Marco all embarrassed says yes but he’s scared to ask him out. Funny how Spinner of all people is helping him out. Good for him for getting over his hatred of queer people. In the hallway Marco is just about to make his move but then Tom comes along. He’s gayer than Marco and Dylan combined. So he’s definitely Degrassi’s top gay. Marco see’s them together and leaves all disappointed.

We cut to Mrs Hotass’s science class and Spinner freaks Marco out by showing him a picture of a bee. Spinner then asks him what’s up with that Tom character and Marco wants to grind his balls into dust because he stole his crush. Man Marco has zero confidence because all he does is put himself down and has completely given up on getting with his favorite piece of beef cake.

Out in the hallway again Spinner decides to take it upon himself to hook Marco and Dylan up. This looks very bizarre because they both have the same hairstyle and it just seems like Spinner is talking to himself. Spinner see’s Tom coming and gives Dylan a hug. Dylan says, “What is this, hug the homo day?” Tom seeing a manly man like Spinner runs away in fear. After getting rid of him Spinner tells Dylan that Marco really likes him and that Dylan should ask him out. Dylan thinks that he isn’t ready and since Dylan had a horrible first gay date, he doesn’t want the same thing to happen to Marco. Spinner just tells him to think about it.

At cheer practice, Paige tries to complement JT but he just brushes her off so he can go and talk to Manny. He corners her and begs her to go to his party. She doesn’t want to because she’s Degrassi’s top slut and she knows that everyone knows it too. But she feels sorry for him and reluctantly agrees to go.

We go to Marco and he’s getting more and more depressed because he see’s couple after happy couple. At his locker Dylan comes along and says that he’s into him. Now that he knows, Dylan asks him out to the zombie movie and Marco agrees to go on his first date.

In the next scene we go to Spinner’s house and he’s playing with fucking toy dinosaurs. It’s hilarious. He quickly hides them like Dark Helmet because Marco just comes barging in with an arm full of clothes. Of course this being Marco, he’s freaking out and he wants to find the best outfit for the occasion. I don’t know how his dad doesn’t know that he’s gay because all his clothes are gayer than a motherfucker. He has a gay looking disco shirt, a Dracula/Hamlet looking shirt and even a goddamn cowboy shirt. Spinner vetos all of those choices by making fun of him and tells him to just keep it simple. At that Marco thanks him for helping him out.

Dylan finally comes by Spinner’s house to pick up Marco. He comes out wearing a stupid hat and Dylan points out that the hat is more for a club. Marco feels bad about the fashion faux pas, but he can’t dwell on it because there’s a bee in the car and he freaks out and makes a total fool of himself. But Dylan just thinks it’s cute. At their date Marco and Dylan are talking about their fears and you can tell that Marco is finally feeling more and more comfortable.

It’s finally time for JT’s party and Manny is having the worst time ever sitting next to two stoner look alikes. The commercial comes on and it’s the lamest thing ever. It’s so hard to describe, but it features a dog dressed just like him and his big catch phrase is, “Hey don’t be all up in my fries, dog.” After the commercial ends everyone is just sitting there in dead silence. Jimmy tells him if people make fun of him tomorrow, he should just tell them his catch phrase. At that, everyone starts to laugh their asses off at him and JT is experiencing humiliations galore. Especially because his crush Manny is right there witnessing it all.

Meanwhile at the movie Marco goes for it and holds Dylan’s hand. As they’re leaving Marco is mortified to see that his parents are at the mall too and they run into them. Marco not having the guts to say that they’re on a date simply tells them that he just happened to run into him. At that his dad invites them to dinner. And what a surprise, they go to an Italian restaurant. Marco’s parents start to go off on Marco and how he doesn’t have a girlfriend. Marco’s humiliation increases when an obviously gay waiter comes to their table and his dad Mario starts to make fun of him as soon as he leaves. He says, “How can that fagola carry the trays with his limp wrists?” He then starts to go off more on gay people and that the thought of gay sex is disgusting. Marco upset now tells him to shut the fuck up. Dylan, either being pissed off or just embarrassed decides to go home early. Thus ending their date.

The next day of school Jay and Sean are already making fun of JT and his lame commercial. Manny comes by and tries to cheer him up. She mentions that his commercial sucked but that he was actually great in it. JT says that she should tell people that. But she doesn’t think that anyone would want to listen to Degrassi’s resident whore. They sort of start to flirt and they go into the school.

The episode ends with Dylan and Marco having a heart to heart scene. Marco is apologizing about his dad and his anti gay shit. Dylan tells him that it wasn’t a big deal and that they’ve both heard worse. Marco was afraid that Dylan wouldn’t want to talk to him again. He says that he considered it, but ultimately he likes Marco and to prove the point he kisses him. Good thing they were in a back alley or else everyone would have seen them.

So yeah, this episode was very gay and Degrassi delivered. I enjoyed the episode and it was good to see Spinner finally mature. Even though he was playing with toys. Plus the whole JT commercial was pretty amusing as well. In the future Degrassi will go really queer, so this episode here wasn’t shit compared to future episodes and seasons. Now that I think about it, I believe this was Degrassi’s first gay kiss. But certainly not the last.


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Season 3, Episode 10, “Never Gonna Give You Up”

Ok, after a computer breaking down and then having internet issues, I’m back for another review of Canada’s most fucked up school.

Pre-credit opener: We open on the students sitting on the gym floor for some type of class and Rick’s trying his best to be Lord fucking Byron with Terri. You know, I had forgotten that she had even gotten together with him. Oh of course it’s Mrs Kwan’s English class, so you know, they’re doing another activity that barely has to do with the subject she’s supposed to be teaching. Seems that they’ll be reenacting a scene that Marco has written. I guess he think’s he’s the next Shakespeare. Jimmy tells the group that he doesn’t want to act so he wants to be the director. Rick being annoying as hell says that he’s better suited because his mom once took a shit where they had plays once. Jimmy quickly shuts him down and makes him the stage manager. His smug look and attitude is infuriating. He get’s pissed though when Jimmy announces that Terri is going to be the lead and she gives him a hug. Clearly this motherfucker is insecure.

rick

The rehearsal’s for the scene is on and Terri is the world’s worst actress. Jimmy tries to get her to relax, but that’s when Rick comes along and gives her the worst stage directions like breathing deeply. He should know that someone of Terri’s size can’t take deep breathing, she’ll get really dizzy and pass out. Anyways, she does what he told her and it’s even worse acting than before. Terri sucks so bad that Jimmy wants a meeting at The Dot after school.

We cut to Spinner and Craig and Spinner is really dismayed that JT has wormed his way into Paige’s good graces. That’s because if you remember, he tried to beat up Dean for raping Paige, but he lost the fight badly. So maybe she just feels sorry for him. But Spinner doesn’t give a shit because JT is fucking aggravating and is always around. Spinner comes along and shoves JT out of the way and tells him to get lost. JT being an annoying pecker head starts to mimic Spinner, driving him crazy. I know I would have beat the shit out of him long ago. But he’s pussy whipped by Paige and he leaves him alone.

jt-paige

In the next scene Rick is starting to show Terri how insecure he is by asking her how long she’s known Jimmy and if she likes him. She says yeah, and he quickly makes a face. She tells him not like she likes him. If he wasn’t such a spaz, he’d realize that Jimmy has zero interest in Terri. In Snake’s class, Jimmy makes a face as they kiss. Hazel laughs and says that they’re not that bad. But Jimmy says that Rick is the one who’s nauseating. At her computer station Terri has carved Rick’s name onto the desk.

Later on at The Dot, Rick is giving the group more pointers about the boring world of theater. After he finishes, Terri has this smug look on her face like she’s super impressed by Rick and his stupid bullshit. Spinner comes along and takes their order because he’s working there now and that’s when they start to notice that Rick is a bit controlling. Especially since she wants a burger and he suggests that she order a salad instead because of her weight. If the woman wants to eat her own weight in chicken nuggets than let her you asshole. Of course Terri being stupid, she neither minds nor notices.

terri-rick

Back at Degrassi, Mr Raditch asks JT if there’s something that he wants to tell him. JT being a fuck up wonders what he did now to piss him off. That’s when he shows him a note where apparently it’s a love note for Mr Raditch from him. JT adamantly denies that it’s from him and Raditch is relieved to hear that. As he walks away, JT opens his  locker to see that he has a love shrine dedicated to Radich and quickly slams the door shut. Right away he knows that it was Spinner who did it. He then makes it clear that he doesn’t want JT’s corny ass hanging around anymore.

mr-raditch

At the theater stage, Terri is talking directly to the audience like a robot thanks to Rick’s advice. At that Jimmy has had enough and he goes up to Rick and tells him not to be telling Terri want to do because her performance has become worse and worse each time. Rick offers to tell her, but Jimmy says that he will, later on at The Dot without him. Rick didn’t like that one bit and looks at Jimmy with hatred in his eyes.

In the hallway Spinner is telling Paige and laughing at the fact that he completely humiliated JT earlier that day. That’s when JT comes along and tears off Spinner’s track suit pants, revealing his heart boxers to the world at large. Spinner swears vengeance against JT as everyone including Paige laughs their asses off at him.

spinner

Elsewhere Rick is having a meltdown over Jimmy telling him what’s what. Rick being an asshole then tells Terri that she doesn’t have to listen to him. Terri points out that she sort of has to because Jimmy’s the director. Being a typical manipulator he tells her that he just doesn’t want her to make an ass of herself in front of everyone.

And what does she do? She makes an ass of herself, but only because she listened to Rick’s advice. It’s funny because she was doing just fine until she saw Rick and his look of disappointment on his face. She goes from being natural to talking like a 60’s robot who has breathing problems. I love how she see’s that everyone is laughing at her when she started to do that, but she just can’t stop herself.

terri-marco

After school, Terri starts to go off on Rick and his stupid stage directions that humiliated her in front of the whole class. She mentions how she should have listened to Jimmy and that’s when he grabs her wrist all hard and tells her that he doesn’t like that tone of voice. Terri all afraid tells him that he’s hurting her and to let her go. You can tell this piece of shit feels no remorse for what he just did.

rick-terri

The next day Rick like all typical abusers tries to act like nothing happened and makes it up to her by bringing her flowers. He starts to tell her his paranoid fantasies of Jimmy being into her. Once again she tells him that they’re just friends. He then changes tactics and goes on to say how beautiful and wonderful she is. Terri craving attention of this kind completely falls for it.

In the girls restroom Paige and Hazel are telling Terri how lucky she is that she found a sweet dweeb like Rick. Why is this important you ask? Well I’ll tell you. Paige wants to hang out at her house so that Terri can tell them all about her relationship and that’s when Terri says, “I’ll have to ask him first.” After Paige leaves, that’s when Hazel notices Rick’s hand prints all over Terri’s wrist. Right away Hazel knows what’s up.

Out in the hallway, Spinner and JT’s prank war continues. Spinner’s next move is to act like he’s over the whole thing, but behind JT, Craig comes along and puts a speaker device in JT’s locker. After he leaves JT tries to flirt with Manny the whore, but that’s when these really monster sounding farts start to come out of his locker. Manny leaves all disgusted and right away he finds it and knows that it was Spinner still fucking with him. I just noticed that the girl behind Manny seems to be checking out her ass.

manny

In the theater/gym, Terri decides to ask Rick if she can go and hang out with Paige and have a girls night. Being possessive Rick tells her that he doesn’t like that idea and even tries to invite himself along. He goes on to accuse her of wanting to talk about him and trying to pick up other guys. Terri tells him that he’s acting crazy and that’s when he snaps and decides to bitch slap the shit out of her. Terri see’s blood on her lips and just leaves without saying anything.

terri-rick-slap

At The Dot, JT decides to order a really complicated order which flusters Spinner because he’s an idiot. Spinner tells him to cut his shit out and that’s when JT starts to copy everything Spinner says again. Spinner loses his minds starts to rough JT up and that’s when the owner comes along and calls him into his office all pissed off. Now, JT fucking with Spinner at his place of work is not cool, he definitely deserves a severe ass kicking for that shit.

We cut to Paige’s and that’s when Hazel decides to grill her about their relationship. Especially the fact that Rick and Terri never fight. Terri says sometimes, but it’s mostly just Rick being abusive towards her. So it’s one sided. Hazel then notices Terri’s fat lip, Terri being the victim defends Rick and denies that Rick is hurting her. She even goes on to say that Hazel is being a hater and leaves in a huff.

She comes along to one of Degrassi’s back alley’s and runs into Rick waiting for her like a fucking stalker. He tries to manipulate her again, by saying how much he loves her. Terri upset about her fight with Hazel tells him that she just wants to be alone. That’s when Rick takes it as an opportunity to tell her that he’s making a new rule and that rule is that she’s only allowed to talk to Paige and Hazel at school only. Instead of telling him to fuck off with that, she just says that she needs to go to think. Rick yet again loses it and starts to accuse her of wanting to dump his ass. She tells him that she does love him, but that he’s clingy as hell. When he hears that he shoves Terri against a shed and then apologizes to her. Terri now pissed off tells him that that’s the last time that he’ll ever touch her.

rick-terri-angry

In the hallway JT is telling Spinner how sorry he is for getting him in trouble at work. Especially since Paige told him that he got demoted to dishwasher. I’m surprised that Spinner didn’t get fired for beating up a customer. Anyways, they both call of their prank war. Spinner agrees to it as long as JT promises to stop cock blocking him. All JT demands is to be treated like a Human. However, JT get’s one final laugh as Mrs Kwan comes along and shows Spinner a love poem that he supposedly wrote to her.

spinner-jt

Elsewhere Jimmy is telling Terri that if Rick ever does that kind of shit again, to let him know so that Jimmy can get his ass kicked by Rick. Because come on, Jimmy has lost every single fight he’s been in and lost them badly. Terri goes on to tell Hazel that she feels so stupid for putting up with Rick’s abuse. She’s even more stupid because she says that she still cares for him. At her locker Terri see’s that Rick left a rose for her like he did before they got together. The episode ends with Terri full of sass throwing it onto the floor and annihilating it with her foot while making direct eye contact with Rick.

terri-end-credits

I’ll say that this was a good episode and only because this was a completely recycled episode from Degrassi High when Kathleen and her formerly mustached boyfriend Scott beat the holy hell out of her too. You can check out my episode review here: https://degrassijuniorhighreviewed.wordpress.com/2014/09/04/season-1-episode-6-nobodys-perfect/ I mean, goddamn, they even reused the same exact situation about Kathleen wanting to rehearse a scene from a play. Not very original at all Degrassi writers. As for the JT and Spinner prank war, it was more annoying than funny. So meh. The whole JT being in love with Raditch was funny though, so I’ll give them that.


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Season 3, Episode 6, “Gangsta Gangsta”

In this episode we see the beginning of Sean’s descent into being a bad seed again.

Pre credit opener: We see Sean bored as hell at home for some reason. I guess Emma is out protesting something stupid again. Just then Tracker comes in with this hatchet faced Asian chick and it’s clear that they want to fuck but Sean is there ruining everything. Until Tracker gives him some money and tells him to get out so that he can get his dick wet. Sean in despair calls Emma only to get the machine again. I guess Sean has zero friends thanks to Emma.

Tracker, Sean

Oh my God! The next scene opens up with Toby showing everyone his school portrait and it’s the gayest and lamest thing I’ve ever seen. Any normal person would die of embarrassment, but Toby has no shame. Sean comes by and makes fun of him because he’s such a fucking dweeb. And to make the point, Jay and his crew come by and pick on Toby. I should point out that this is Alex’s first appearance, here she looks all trashy. Anyways, Jay takes Toby’s stupid pictures and Sean steps in and tells him to give it back before he puts his foot up his ass. Jay asks him, “What are you, his body guard?” Sean not even humiliated to admit says, “I’m his friend.”

TobySean, Alex, Jay

In the MI lab Snake is handing out people’s assignments and Sean is dismayed to see that he’s gotten a D. Snake tells him that he should have spell checked. Sean points out to Emma that he’s acting like a dick and Emma tells him that he’s already started with the chemo. At his desk, Snake opens up a lap top and is all happy when he hears the music. Surprisingly, Emma says that the lap top was a gift from Spike to cheer him up. I say surprisingly because Spike is such a heartless, demanding bitch. Sean being lonely asks her if she wants to hang out that night for some pizza and a movie. Emma reluctantly agrees to it.

Out in the hallway, Sean hears a loud crash and see’s that Jay and his crew of flunkies are stealing from the candy machine. What a couple of lameo’s. I’d be stealing the money instead of getting Snickers. As they pass by Jay smiles at Sean and gives him a Wonka Bar.

Sean, Jay

At her locker Sean eats one of Emma’s nasty health food sandwiches and he wants to throw up due to it tasting like ass. Snake comes by and tells Emma that he’s going home because he feels like complete shit. He then tells Emma that she has to come home right after school because Spike is going to be working late. Seems like Sean’s evening with Emma is pretty much ruined now.

Outside, Toby is hanging out with the rest of the fucking geeks playing chess. Big surprise Liberty is there playing against Kendra. He’s barely started to notice that JT has gotten cooler than him. To make the point we see him hanging out with Paige and the rest of the upperclassmen. But anyone would out grow Toby because he’s the worst. A fun vampire if you will. Toby then calls JT over and he reacts like I would have, which is to completely ignore him.

Toby, JT, Paige

In the auto shop Craig is doing the exact same thing I was doing when I took that class. Which was nothing. No wonder people got super pissed at me at the end of the year because I got the most improved student award. I didn’t do shit to fix or build anything. Moving on, the shop teacher seems to be getting around in a chair that the students built for him and complements Sean on being a grease monkey. Sean is too distracted though, because Jay is shooting hate rays at him big time. Sean goes over there and see’s that Jay’s silent black friend is fucking up something in the engine. Jay just says, “You got guts Cameron.” I have no idea what the point of this scene was.

In coach Armstrong’s class, Mr Radich interrupts and wants to talk to Sean. Outside he basically accuses him of breaking the vending machine and stealing all the valuable Degrassi candy. Sean says that he’s only blaming him because he’s poor as hell. But white boy please, if you were black you would have been hung already.

Going into a rage, Sean comes outside and finds Jay. He cries to Jay that it’s his fault that Radich is on his ass now. Jay being a prick doesn’t give a shit. That’s when Sean pushes him and they get into a fight. This pretty much makes me wonder why people are afraid of Jay so much for, because he just got his ass kicked severely by Sean.

Jay, Sean

Outside Mr Radich’s office Jay is acting pretty nonchalant about the whole thing and is explaining to Sean that they shouldn’t get into too much trouble since they weren’t technically on school grounds. Sean tells him not to talk to him and Jay says that he acts like a tough guy on the outside, but on the inside he’s a big puss. Sean tells him that he can’t get into more trouble because he fucked up a kid up by deafening him. Jay all of a sudden is impressed by his maiming and asks him to join his lame ass crew. I gotta say, I grew up in a real hood neighborhood and these motherfuckers are as lame as can be. Gangster’s my ass, there was this kid we called Boogie for some reason who blew some guy’s head off with an AK. Jay’s biggest thing is that he likes to steal candy. I guess that’s gangsta in Canada.

We cut to JT and he’s dreaming of Liberty of all people and Goddamn, he has a wet dream about her. Toby notices that he had a wet dream and makes fun of him because it was about Liberty. JT tells him that he’ll murder him if he tells anyone. Toby being an asshole black mail’s JT because he now wants to hang out with the cool kids in exchange for his silence. I love the fact that Toby doesn’t mind in the slightest that JT left jizz all over his blankets.

JT, Liberty

Back at Degrassi, Sean has now joined Jay’s “gang” and it’s hilarious to see people being intimated by them.

In the lunch room JT and his cool friends are laughing about something stupid and Spinner asks if some words they just used are even English. That’s when Toby comes by and acts like a know it all by giving the definition of the word Spinner was flustered by. Right away he annoys everyone, including me. JT makes fun of him and his lameness. Toby feels bad for a bit, but then starts going on about wet dreams and that they’ve all had them. Spinner asks him what’s the point to this discussion. That’s when that shithead tells everyone that JT had a wet dream about Liberty. Paige of course laughs her ass off, making JT feel even more humiliated now.

Spinner, Paige, Toby

In the Degrassi woods Emma has organized a clean the ravine thing. Jay makes fun of Sean for helping out with that bullshit during lunch. They take a break and Sean can’t help pawing at Emma. Probably because he hasn’t gotten some in a month. Emma get’s all embarrassed because Kendra finds them making out and leaves. Back in the school Sean leaves huffing and puffing because he’s frustrated at Emma for being a prude. They then get into a fight about Emma never being there. Emma tries to shut him up because she’s busy taking care of Snake and the baby. But Sean won’t have none of it. Emma then calls him and his lame new friends pathetic and he leaves even more angry than he was a minute ago.

In the auto shop, the teacher rolls his machine on by while Sean is working on an engine block all angry. Jay tells him that he’s gotten a scheme on how to get cash for a new jet engine he wants to install in his stupid Fast and the Furious car. His plan? Stealing a keyboard. Seriously? Sean points out that he’s not going to get shit for that. That’s when they see Snake’s new lap top and off they go with it. This is how you know that Sean has now gone into the dark side.

Jay, Sean, Stealing

Outside the school Emma has written on her school photo, “To Sean, Love Emma” That’s when Jay and Sean pull up in his car and Emma tries to talk to him. Sean is all, “Oh hell naw!” Jay being an asshole tells her go ahead, they all want to listen. She tells Sean that she wants to talk about everything and their bullshit drama. Sean, trying to act like a tough guy in front of his loser new friends tells her that he has nothing to say. Emma much like Spike doesn’t like being told no and she goes into a rage and destroy’s her own picture. The insult to injury being that Alex said she really is as flat as a board. Burn!

Emma, Sean

We cut to JT and Toby and they have a talk about Toby and the fact that he’s a complete loser who will never be cool or be a part of that crowd. I love how Toby has the nerve to be upset at JT for treating him as such. But he only acted like an obnoxious dickhead as soon as he arrived at the cool table. JT tells him that he’s his friend just as they are, but he’ll be forever shut out of that world by default because he’s Degrassi’s resident nerd.

In Snake’s class, Snake is all dismayed because his lap top is missing. He’s so out of it thanks to the chemo that he thinks that he misplaced it. He’s really scared of Spike and what she’ll do to him if she finds out that he lost it. But Emma tells him while looking at Sean that maybe it’s not the chemo. The episode ends with Sean looking all hard at the camera. I couldn’t contain my eye roll.

Sean, End Credits

I have to say, I did not like this episode at all and it’s disappointing because usually the Sean episodes are the better ones. At least Toby has now realized his place in the world and that he’s lost his best friend to the cooler kids. One funny thing is that I found the actor who played Toby on Instagram and it’s hilarious to see some people telling him that they hated his character. Fuck you Toby! Get out of my life, I hate you!!


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Season 2, Episode 20, “How Soon Is Now”

Ok, so I’ve been away from a while and it’s not because I’ve been busy with anything really. I just hate this episode with a passion. Anything that has to do with that asshole Dean I automatically hate. Especially seeing that smug shit eating grin on his face. But I guess that says a lot to the dude’s acting ability. Well enough with this bullshit. Let’s get the show on the road.

Pre-credit opener: Paige is seen in a therapy session reading out loud a letter she wrote to her rapist, Dean. She seems to have finally accepted the fact that it wasn’t her fault that she got raped because she said no. The Asian lady tries to set up another appointment but Paige thinks that she’s fully healed. She’s not.

Paige

Out in the hall way JT is acting like his usual dipshit self and has now discovered the lame world of Mime artistry. Paige all of a sudden is nice to him and JT is beside himself. Again, it’s funny how being raped brought out the decent in her. She even goes to Spinner and complements him on his horrible dye job.

In the MI lab Snake has just approved Marco and Ellie’s project which is a unisex fragrance, or some shit like that. The next phase is to make a commercial for it and of course Marco being super gay, they’re going to make it into a fabulous musical. Seriously guys, Marco said that it was going to be fabulous. Craig tells them both what a great couple they are and Marco kisses her hand and you can just tell that Ellie has fallen in love with him again. Even though he pretty much told her that he’s gay.

Ellie, Craig, Marco

In the next scene we see the cheerleaders and JT practicing their routine. Turns out there’s going to be a basketball tournament the next day at Degrassi and Spinner comes along and tells Paige that her boyfriend Dean is invading their school.

Paige had a couple of flash backs about Dean’s creeper mug and she’s decided to go to her counselor and wants to know what the process is about pressing charges. The counselor tells her that since she waited a fucking eternity to do anything about it, he just might get away with it. Plus it turns out that she doesn’t really have any evidence at all since she had Dr’s examine her and nothing was out of the ordinary. Maybe it had to do with the fact that she also took forever to get looked at. After all that, she leaves defeated.

Outside Ellie tells Ashley that Marco is obsessed with Bollywood musicals. Of course he is. Marco comes by and acts like Lord fucking Byron again and now Ashley can see that Ellie is smitten by his charms and says, “Can you two be more meant for each other?” Which really stings Ellie because she knows that she has zero chance with him.

Ellie

Oh my God. Can JT just be murdered already? He comes along and does his stupid routine again and Paige just isn’t in the mood to pretend to be nice anymore. Paige tells JT that she’s not coming to the game and explains sort of that she doesn’t want to see the prick. JT tells her to let her alpha bitch side come out and give that asshole some of her medicine.

JT

Finally Ellie and Marco are filming their commercial and this is a dream come true for Marco because this is possibly the gayest thing I’ve seen in the show so far and yes, I know the show will go to warp factor ten with the gay stuff in later seasons. Marco comes prancing in with a pink boa and says his line. Ellie can’t help herself and goes in for a kiss. Marco much like Freddy Mercury kissed a girl and he didn’t like it.

Ellie, Marco

Meanwhile back to Paige’s plot, it seems like she stayed up all night dreading the coming of the rapist Dean to the hollowed halls of Degrassi. The bus arrives and Mr Wonderful comes out and spots her right away. This motherfucker, I’ll give it to him is a cocky bastard. He comes up to Paige and the girls and basically laughs about raping her and you can tell that he’s not in the slightest remorseful for what he did.

Dean

In the MI lab, Marco is distressed because Ellie has changed the way their entire commercial is. Seems like she ditched the whole gay Bollywood shit and went with Sprockets from SNL instead. Ellie is surprised that he’s cool with it though, but he’s doing it out of pity because he can tell how pathetic she is.

Spinner see’s Dean say another taunting thing and Paige leaves like she’s going to cry. Spinner is convinced it’s because that Dean dumped her after banging her just once. Hazel pretty much fucking tells him that he raped her, but Spinner being borderline retarded says, “Good one Hazel, but the only one she said no to, was me.” She could have used hand puppets and he still wouldn’t get it.

Marco and Ellie start having an argument during the reshoots for their commercial. Ellie tells him that she feels like she’s a slave to him and his lies and she can’t take it anymore. She says the word flaming and Marco is instantly offended. He tells her that he can’t be what she wants. Ellie goes on to say that he has a choice, but Marco would rather have some man meat than to be stuck with a moody goth chick.

Marco

Shit! When is this horrible episode going to end?! Paige is outside with Hazel and she’s hella pissed at her for spilling the beans to Spinner. But she shouldn’t worry since dumbass didn’t even believe her. Still, Paige decides to leave. I love how it seems that the fate of the game rests on whether Paige will be there cheering them on or not. In the hallway Paige tells Manny that she saw her talking to Dean earlier and she tries to warn Manny about him and his rapist ways, but Manny acting like a bitch tells Paige that she knows that she porked him and that he never called her back because she was a lousy lay and that she’s jealous of Manny and her sexual powers. Oh Paige, Face!

Manny

Goddamn!! How much longer are they going to draw this shit out?! JT goes outside to find Paige gently weeping on the Degrassi steps and he tells her what the big fucking deal is. Blah, blah. Paige Admits to him that that fucker raped her and JT goes crazy and rushes into the gym and attacks Dean. It would be heroic had it not been for the fact that JT is a twerp and is completely weak. Dean is laughing his ass off, but goes ape shit when JT calls him a rapist. At that, Dean easily overpowers him and just as he’s about to cave in JT’s face, they get broken up and the both of them get kicked out of the game. Spinner knows that something is up because JT out of all people rushed to defend Paige’s honor. He talks to Paige and she now admits to him to that she was raped by the creepiest and oldest looking high schooler in the history of TV shows. I think at this point the whole school knows that Paige was raped.

Dean, JT

As Dean is walking out of the school, Spinner now decides to start with him, but of course he doesn’t do a damn thing like kick the shit out of him because the writers of this show doesn’t want the audience to have any satisfaction whatsoever. All that happens is that Paige, completely empowered like Shira tells Dean that she’s now coming after him. He’s all, “Yeah, yeah, bake a pie, eat a pie.” and goes into the bus for the duration of the game.

Ellie and Marco finally have their heart to heart and she tells him that being his beard is really hard and she can’t take it anymore. So she asks him if he’s still confused about his sexuality. Marco tells her that he’s not confused, and that he has no interest in anything female. Ellie is obviously disappointed because it’s hard for a girl like her to find someone who will put up with her and her bullshit.

Ellie, Sad

In the counselors office, Paige tells her that she now wants to press charges against Dean. The counselor says that the Mounties are now going to get involved in the matter. Spinner waiting outside gives Paige these really stale looking sandwiches and tells her that not all guys are complete pieces of shit like Dean, that some of the guys are good. But Spinner is an asshole, so he really doesn’t qualify as a good guy either. With that being said, Paige asks Spinner to the end of the year dance and the episode ends on a good note for once.

Paige, Spinner

So yeah, this episode fucking sucked. It was pure torture for me and I never want to see it again. The only thing interesting about it was Ellie and Marco’s relationship and even that was doomed from the start.


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Season 2, Episode 18, “Dressed In Black”

So this one is a good one. I’ve noticed that all the episodes that have to do with the older cast members are of better quality. All the underclassmen focused episodes are completely shitty, unless it’s a Sean episode.

Pre-credit opener: Jimmy and Ashley are hanging out in her dark room and she’s subjecting him to all of her shitty emo music. You can tell Drake wants to rap his way out of there. But he’s fucked because Ashley is his girlfriend again, and he’s forced to listen and lie to her that her music is good. It isn’t. Ashley’s music sucks so bad. She goes on about connecting with him on an emotional level, but you can tell that he’s already clocked out of that relationship.

Ashley, Jimmy

The next day Jimmy runs into Ashley and shows her last years year book. He makes her sign the goddamn thing and she goes on about looking awful the previous year. That’s when resident Degrassi Haley Joel Osment look alike Sully makes his first appearance. He talks shit about Ashley being a freak and Jimmy of course doesn’t beat the shit out of him for her honor. But then again, Jimmy is a big puss who get’s his ass kicked all the time.

Oh great, we come upon JT and Toby and JT is way too excited about Dr Sally coming in again to give her sex pep talk. He must be really hard up if he’s excited to hear her sex stories. Not even Toby is hoping for porn in that case. But he’s disappointed to hear that Coach Armstrong is going to be giving the sex lecture due to Dr Sally hurting her hip during a really intense geriatric sex session. Coach Armstrong starts to talk about Abstinence being the best thing to practice. Manny asks him what it means and he tells her that it’s best not to bone. Something that Manny won’t listen to in later seasons. Anyways, JT playing with a condom accidentally launches it and it lands on Armstrong’s back and hilarity ensues.

JT, Armstrong, Condom

We cut to Ms Kwan’s class and she’s giving out an assignment. Which is to act out a scene from Bill Shakespeare’s immortal classic, The Taming Of The Shrew. At least this assignment is at related to English class. Last time she had them doing some shit that had nothing to do with the subject. Ashley is disappointed that Jimmy is paired with Hazel, while she get’s stuck with Craig.

Outside of class Craig has a leaf crown. He’s been hit so hard by his dad, he now thinks he’s Julius Caesar. They both come up with doing a really depressing emo version of the scene they’re supposed to do. You can tell that she likes it that he thought the same thing.

Craig, Ashley

During lunch, Toby tells JT that he’s confused on when one should buy condoms. JT tells him that there’s no time like the present. But what he really should have told him was that there is no chance in hell that Toby is ever, ever going to get laid. But this being Degrassi, it recycles another plot from Degrassi Junior High and it’s the time when Joey and Wheels went to go buy condoms.

Back inside the school Ashley runs into Jimmy at his locker and she spots a picture of her from the last season and tells him to burn it. Man she’s so dark! She invites him home for dinner that night and you can tell that he really doesn’t want to go. Hey, I’ve been there before. It sucks.

Ashley, Jimmy, Hallway

We cut back to Toby and JT and they’ve picked out a box of Magnum condoms. Yeah right. Both of their dicks combined wouldn’t fill out that thing. Toby obviously being a Star Wars fan picks out some glow in the dark condoms and they have themselves a little mock lightsaber fight with some canes. As they’re going to check out to buy the condoms JT makes an ass of himself by asking the clerk for her phone number. The stocker behind him is so disgusted, he can’t help making a face.

JT, Toby

Finally, it’s the big dinner scene and Ashley starts going on about how kids should be educated on sex and should be given condoms. This starts out a big debate on the dinner table and she totally puts Jimmy on the spot on what he thinks. I fucking hate it when people pull that shit. Instead of telling her that he wants to keep out of this messed up family discussion, he tells her that he sides with Toby’s dad that it gives out a bad message to kids. She get’s all pissed off at him for reluctantly giving his answer. I swear, you can’t win with people like her.

Jimmy, Ashley

Back at Degrassi, Toby being a big puss gives JT the condoms to hold in his locker, saying that they’re his problem since he made him buy them. Spinner, Emma and Manny just happen to come along and Spinner sounds completely retarded trying to say lines from the play, so JT just can’t resist pointing out how stupid he sounds. At that he shoves JT into the locker and the condoms come tumbling out. Right away everyone figures out that they’re Toby’s. Spinner get’s so enraged that he vows to rip his balls off.

In the hallway, Ashley get’s Craig to take a pic of her with this gigantic Polaroid camera. Jimmy comes along and tapes it right next to her old picture, disappointing her even more. She get’s all pissed off about it and finally Jimmy admits to her that he likes the old, non scary, not so uptight Ashley.

Now Ashley is having an identity crisis. She wants to stay Goth, but at the same time she wants to please Jimmy. What’s a girl to do? Yup, she tries to please Jimmy and goes to school dressed normal, but of course now she’s all uncomfortable. Especially with a couple of skank’s making fun of her. Ellie comes along and can’t hide her disdain. But it’s not like Ashley was being original or herself either. She was just copying Ellie’s style. Jimmy comes along and he’s happier than a pig in shit that she’s no longer dressed like Winona Ryder was in Beetlejuice. My opinion is that she looks better non goth.

Ashley, Non Goth

In the MI class Toby and JT are terrified of Spinner. Spinner seems to have either made a website or a really elaborate email. It describes and has an animated gif about how he’s going to decapitate Toby and shit down his neck. But I doubt Spinner could come up with such complicated graphics since he is a big dummy. Toby runs when he see’s that Spinner is directly behind him. Just as he thinks he’s getting away he runs into Kendra and she man handles him and slams him against the lockers. She yells at him and asks, “How old am I?” Toby says 12 and she says, “That’s right! This relationship is never getting past talking about Cowboy Bebop!!”

Toby, Kendra

Outside Ashley is hanging out with Paige and her crew. They’re talking about some idiotic commercial and Terri tells her that they’ll get her back in the loop of things. I guess the loop of things is talking about stupid bullshit. Paige tells her that the goth look was actually working for her and asks why she reverted back to her boring self. Ashley just mumbles something and walks away. I gotta say, she does look out of place hanging out with them.

Hazel, Terri, Paige, Ashley

Out in the Degrassi haunted forest, Craig is waiting for Ashley so they can rehearse their scene. He acts all shocked that she actually looks decent, maybe a bit butch, but still feminine. Anyways, Craig tells Ashley exactly what she wants to hear from Jimmy, which is if someone really loves you, they’ll accept everything about you. Even the fucked up annoying parts. And that ladies and gentlemen is how you weasel yourself into a sad girls pants.

In the next scene Spinner grabs Toby and tells him that his ass is grass. But instead of just beating the shit out of him, he lets Toby tell him the reason why he bought the rubbers to begin with which is that he really likes his sister and if he porked her, he wanted to take care of her. Seems like Spinner was so touched it made his asshole clench and instantly forgives Toby. Kind of the whole Martha thing in Batman V Superman. But then Toby does a dickhead move and tells him that it was JT’s idea to buy the condoms, so now JT is in deep shit.

Toby, Spinner

Finally it’s time for everyone’s scenes and Jimmy and Hazel are dressed like a football player and cheerleader. They have everyone laughing for some reason. Up next is Craig and Ashley and yeah, their scene is real messed up. Craig seems to be channeling his dad and it seems like he’s going to fuck Ashley up. Shit, he even resembles his dad. Everyone is in complete shock. Marco starts crying, telling them to stop because Ashley’s already dead.

Ashley, Craig

In the hallway Spinner brings Toby into a room and see’s that JT has been tied up and is wearing a bunch of prophylactics. To humiliate JT even more, Spinner turns off the lights and now the condoms start to glow. Yeah, pretty unfunny and doesn’t even warrant a screen shot.

At Drake’s locker, Ashley comes up to him dressed all in black again (Hey, that’s the name of the episode!) and hands him a note. Basically she breaks up with him because he was trying to change her. The funny thing is, in the next season she’s going to change her look and no one is going to give two fucks about it. He should have told her that she’s just going through a phase. Might I point out that she’s the one broken up about it, meanwhile Jimmy is waiting for her to turn the corner so he can break dance, since he’s so happy that he’s finally gotten rid of his downer of a girlfriend.

Ashley, End Credits

So yeah, even though JT and Toby were kind of ruining this episode. I still enjoyed it. I guess I like bullshit drama and baby, whenever Ashley is involved, there’s always bullshit drama.