Degrassi The Next Generation Reviewed

Ah yes, the companion blog to Degrassi Junior High Reviewed. Each episode will be reviewed in order by a guy who loves the next generation's melodrama. New reviews at least once a week. Hopefully. But if I feel like it I might make two to three reviews a week. So it'll depend.


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Season 3, Episode 19, “It’s Raining Men”

Going by the name of the episode it’s pretty safe to assume that this one is starring Marco.

Pre-Credit Opener: Marco pulls up next to Paige, Spinner and Hazel and all excited shows them the poster for the semi formal. Geesh this guy is way too into himself, because it’s him and Ellie in East Indian garb. But goddamn, his dad comes out and he looks and sounds like Super Mario. Degrassi tries really hard to be liberal but holy moley if this isn’t an Italian stereotype right here. Anyways, the girls start to talk about how they’re going to win king and queen of the formal and Marco’s dad tells them that Marco is going to be the king. He just has to find the right queen. Poor bastard, he doesn’t realize that he already found his queen and it’s Dylan. But let’s be serious here guys. In that situation, Marco would be the queen.

In the hallway Marco is telling Dylan how embarrassing his dad is and he tells him that he already likes a guy. Being all awkward Marco can’t find the courage to ask Dylan to the stupid dance. Dylan taking the initiative asks Marco out to a zombie movie. But Marco being stupid says that they freak him out, so Dylan is going to ask another gay dude named Tom instead.

Oh lord, we come to the B plot and it involves JT dressing like a wigger while peddling curly fries in the cafeteria. Apparently there’s going to be a commercial for it since the fries are going to be in school cafeteria’s all over the country. Manny passes by and it’s obvious that JT still has a thing for her. He says hi to her, but she just walks on by because she’s so depressed in how her life is going at the moment. After that JT convinces Toby to have a launch party for his commercial at his place.

Speaking of the cafeteria, Spinner comes along and asks Marco all loud if he has a thing for Dylan. Marco all embarrassed says yes but he’s scared to ask him out. Funny how Spinner of all people is helping him out. Good for him for getting over his hatred of queer people. In the hallway Marco is just about to make his move but then Tom comes along. He’s gayer than Marco and Dylan combined. So he’s definitely Degrassi’s top gay. Marco see’s them together and leaves all disappointed.

We cut to Mrs Hotass’s science class and Spinner freaks Marco out by showing him a picture of a bee. Spinner then asks him what’s up with that Tom character and Marco wants to grind his balls into dust because he stole his crush. Man Marco has zero confidence because all he does is put himself down and has completely given up on getting with his favorite piece of beef cake.

Out in the hallway again Spinner decides to take it upon himself to hook Marco and Dylan up. This looks very bizarre because they both have the same hairstyle and it just seems like Spinner is talking to himself. Spinner see’s Tom coming and gives Dylan a hug. Dylan says, “What is this, hug the homo day?” Tom seeing a manly man like Spinner runs away in fear. After getting rid of him Spinner tells Dylan that Marco really likes him and that Dylan should ask him out. Dylan thinks that he isn’t ready and since Dylan had a horrible first gay date, he doesn’t want the same thing to happen to Marco. Spinner just tells him to think about it.

At cheer practice, Paige tries to complement JT but he just brushes her off so he can go and talk to Manny. He corners her and begs her to go to his party. She doesn’t want to because she’s Degrassi’s top slut and she knows that everyone knows it too. But she feels sorry for him and reluctantly agrees to go.

We go to Marco and he’s getting more and more depressed because he see’s couple after happy couple. At his locker Dylan comes along and says that he’s into him. Now that he knows, Dylan asks him out to the zombie movie and Marco agrees to go on his first date.

In the next scene we go to Spinner’s house and he’s playing with fucking toy dinosaurs. It’s hilarious. He quickly hides them like Dark Helmet because Marco just comes barging in with an arm full of clothes. Of course this being Marco, he’s freaking out and he wants to find the best outfit for the occasion. I don’t know how his dad doesn’t know that he’s gay because all his clothes are gayer than a motherfucker. He has a gay looking disco shirt, a Dracula/Hamlet looking shirt and even a goddamn cowboy shirt. Spinner vetos all of those choices by making fun of him and tells him to just keep it simple. At that Marco thanks him for helping him out.

Dylan finally comes by Spinner’s house to pick up Marco. He comes out wearing a stupid hat and Dylan points out that the hat is more for a club. Marco feels bad about the fashion faux pas, but he can’t dwell on it because there’s a bee in the car and he freaks out and makes a total fool of himself. But Dylan just thinks it’s cute. At their date Marco and Dylan are talking about their fears and you can tell that Marco is finally feeling more and more comfortable.

It’s finally time for JT’s party and Manny is having the worst time ever sitting next to two stoner look alikes. The commercial comes on and it’s the lamest thing ever. It’s so hard to describe, but it features a dog dressed just like him and his big catch phrase is, “Hey don’t be all up in my fries, dog.” After the commercial ends everyone is just sitting there in dead silence. Jimmy tells him if people make fun of him tomorrow, he should just tell them his catch phrase. At that, everyone starts to laugh their asses off at him and JT is experiencing humiliations galore. Especially because his crush Manny is right there witnessing it all.

Meanwhile at the movie Marco goes for it and holds Dylan’s hand. As they’re leaving Marco is mortified to see that his parents are at the mall too and they run into them. Marco not having the guts to say that they’re on a date simply tells them that he just happened to run into him. At that his dad invites them to dinner. And what a surprise, they go to an Italian restaurant. Marco’s parents start to go off on Marco and how he doesn’t have a girlfriend. Marco’s humiliation increases when an obviously gay waiter comes to their table and his dad Mario starts to make fun of him as soon as he leaves. He says, “How can that fagola carry the trays with his limp wrists?” He then starts to go off more on gay people and that the thought of gay sex is disgusting. Marco upset now tells him to shut the fuck up. Dylan, either being pissed off or just embarrassed decides to go home early. Thus ending their date.

The next day of school Jay and Sean are already making fun of JT and his lame commercial. Manny comes by and tries to cheer him up. She mentions that his commercial sucked but that he was actually great in it. JT says that she should tell people that. But she doesn’t think that anyone would want to listen to Degrassi’s resident whore. They sort of start to flirt and they go into the school.

The episode ends with Dylan and Marco having a heart to heart scene. Marco is apologizing about his dad and his anti gay shit. Dylan tells him that it wasn’t a big deal and that they’ve both heard worse. Marco was afraid that Dylan wouldn’t want to talk to him again. He says that he considered it, but ultimately he likes Marco and to prove the point he kisses him. Good thing they were in a back alley or else everyone would have seen them.

So yeah, this episode was very gay and Degrassi delivered. I enjoyed the episode and it was good to see Spinner finally mature. Even though he was playing with toys. Plus the whole JT commercial was pretty amusing as well. In the future Degrassi will go really queer, so this episode here wasn’t shit compared to future episodes and seasons. Now that I think about it, I believe this was Degrassi’s first gay kiss. But certainly not the last.


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Season 3, Episode 15, “Accidents Will Happen Part 2”

So we continue with this emotional roller coaster Degrassi style.

Pre-Credit Opener: Craig and Manny seem to be a couple again because Manny is carrying Craig’s bastard offspring. Craig is either really giddy because he’s just that excited or he’s just that insane. It has more to do with insanity it seems like. He starts to go on about wanting a little girl and how Angela has always wanted a baby sister. Their joy is cut short because they run into Ellie who tells them to step off. Paige meanwhile is being nosy as hell and has noticed how they’re both acting now. Paige pretty much suspects that Manny is pregnant. In the MI class the first thing Ellie did was tell Ashley about Craig going out with Manny, but Paige being a shit starter tells her that she thinks that Craig got Manny pregnant. Ashley is so shocked by the notion that steam comes out of her ears.

In the 8th grader’s class JT is beyond happy that Liberty has been paired with Sean for a school project. Man, I forgot that Liberty was even a cast member. Talk about someone who doesn’t matter. She’s definitely the Female Toby. Anyways, the both of them are less than thrilled to be working together. Sean calls her a brown noser teacher’s pet while Liberty calls him a loser wigger.

In the cafeteria Craig is already showing symptoms of being a maniac. Manny tells him that she already finished her milk, but he insists that she has another for her health. Jesus, Craig is already looking up names in a baby book. Ashley comes along huffying and puffying asking them what they’re reading. Craig tries to hide the book but she just snatches it from his hands. Seeing the book pretty much confirms that Craig porked Manny and that she’s now carrying his seed. Out of spite Ashley get’s everyone’s attention and says, “Hey everybody! These two have an announcement to make.” They don’t say anything of course and she continues with, “These two idiots are pregnant.” Manny runs out of there crying while Craig just stares at Ashley. Ashley tells him, “I can’t believe you slept with her!” Hey, that’s what you get for not putting out. I’m not defending what Craig did because it was a real asshole move, I’m just saying it happens.

Manny is crying her little eyes out in a stall and she can over hear Paige and Terri talking. Terri also being a moron says that she’s almost jealous of Manny. Paige is so annoyed with her she asks if she had a brain tumor for breakfast. Paige starts to then go off on Manny saying that she’s ruining her life. You can tell that Manny is taking what Paige said to heart.

Oh lord Emma walks in and calls her out of the stall. She starts to say that she wishes that she would have talked to her. That’s when Manny points out that they weren’t really talking anymore because Emma is a self righteous asshole. Emma being decent asks her if she wants to come over after school. Manny mentions Craig because he’s being really needy and obsessive in this episode. Emma just says to bring his Arnold Horshack looking ass along.

Great, we go back to the B plot which already isn’t that great. JT comes along on his skateboard and annihilates himself in front of everyone. Liberty helps him up and invites him to a Three Stooges film festival. JT once again rejects her and says, “Oh hell naw!” Tired of how annoying she is, he tells her that he doesn’t want to go out with her. She retorts with, “Because of Manny?” She then mentions that he should move on. JT even more annoyed tells her that her three year old crush on him is played out and tells her to fuck off. Wow, the B plot suddenly got better. Finally she got the point.

At Emma’s house they’re having baby 101 it seems like. Craig is all fascinated with Emma’s baby brother while Emma shows Manny what her baby looks like at whatever month she’s at. Manny goes on to say that she can’t tell her mother because she’ll be get her ass kicked and then get murdered for having a child out of wedlock. Apparently Manny’s parents are the strict religious types. The baby starts to cry because he’s sick or something. Craig tries to act like taking care of him is no problem. Manny meanwhile you can tell is getting turned off by motherhood by the second.

Emma answers the door and it’s her new man Chris. What the hell, is there ever a time that Chris isn’t beat boxing or acting like an 80’s robot? Anyways, Emma can hear Manny and Craig struggling to get the baby to shut it’s yap so he can fall asleep. Things predictably aren’t going well. Finally Craig is seeing how difficult it is to actually take care of another Human being. Manny obviously wants to run to Planned Parenthood. You know, I barely noticed that Manny stopped dressing like a whore. I guess pregnancy will do that to you.

In the MI lab Sean is going on about the first time that Canada started getting cars from Japan. But Liberty isn’t listening because she can’t stop staring at JT and his Bobby Brady hair. Sean mentions the fact that his big breasted girlfriend Amy dumped him for some guy at a motocross. But Sean could care less. He tells Liberty, “Bitches ain’t shit but hoes and tricks.” Talk about a true Canadian gangsta. He tells her to move on and to get over JT. Uh oh, she smiles at Sean and you can tell she now has a thing for him. Poor Sean.

Outside the school Craig comes along and asks Spinner if he’s seen Manny. You can tell that Craig is manic about the whole situation, being all jumpy. Spinner asks him if he can ask him a question then slaps the shit out of Craig’s forehead. Spinner starts to ask if he’s lost his fucking mind because he got a girl pregnant acting like he’s all happy. Spinner starts to go on about how his life will be over and he won’t be able to do shit because he’ll have to take care of a baby instead. Craig now angry tells Spinner that he doesn’t get it. Basically Craig is desperate to have a family because his own family are all fucking dead. Sounding like a tyrant he says, “Manny and the baby, they’re mine.” Yikes!

We cut to Spike’s house and Manny comes barging in asking Spike what it’s like to be a single mom. Spike tells her the truth that it’s a tough, stressful life. Especially raising a kid like Emma. Spike then starts to talk about all the love a kid can give you too. Manny doesn’t seem interested in that aspect though. Especially when Spike mentions that she didn’t get to go to college or on trips. Manny says that she wants to study fashion even though I’ve never noticed that that was a passion of hers. Spike being polite says that that sounds nice and that’s when Manny, full of desperation says, “But Craig wants to keep it.” Spike’s inner militant feminist side comes out and says, “And is Craig always going to be there?” She goes on to say that ultimately the decision is hers. Manny seeing a light at the end of the tunnel is delighted to hear that.

Holy shit!! Liberty comes along and says to Sean, “You like?” Sean his trying his best not to laugh because she’s dressed like one of the Pink Ladies. Apparently Liberty thinks that Sean is a 50’s greaser. Wigger Liberty, he’s a wigger!! Sean all angry asks JT, “What is going on?” JT all smug and full of cheer says, “You’re the rebound.” JT tells him that the only way that he’s going to get rid of her annoying dork ass is to be brutal and just say that he’s not even remotely interested in her.

In the next scene we go to Manny’s house and it’s obvious that she’s ready to tell her mom that she’s a slut that’s pregnant. But she has to be careful about it or else she’ll be decapitated or something. She tells her mom that she saw her doctor and is pregnant with child. Her mom of course loses her shit. Manny says, “Mom, I’m not a little girl anymore.” Yeah, clearly. She goes on to say that she wants to have an abortion and says that she’s sorry. All sorts of crying ensues.

In the cafeteria Liberty comes along to Sean’s table and proceeds to make an ass out of herself. She tells him that they should go to the ravine and that she can get a pack of smokes with her five finger discount. Jay starts to laugh his ass off because she is the wackest, lamest person at the school. She’s at Toby’s level now. Sean tells her to cut the shit out and that he will never ever be interested in her. She runs away broken hearted. Meanwhile, their silent black friend with the do rag seems to be interested in her.

Manny goes over to Emma’s house and tells her that her mom was much more reasonable than what she thought. She’s even taking her to the clinic for an abortion. Surprisingly Emma is against this and says, “You can’t” You would have thought that Emma being a feminist would be supportive, but no. They start to talk about live and death. Emma even mentions adoption, but Manny doesn’t want to go through all that.

Finally we come to the climax of this episode. In the hallway Manny tells Craig what she’s going to do and he has the mother of all meltdowns. Craig is clearly a psychopath and tells her no, and that he won’t let her. Emma tells him to watch his hands because he’s becoming all grabby. Craig tells her to get lost and to mind her own business. Emma tells him that she agrees with him but Manny is her friend and it’s her decision. Craig being all possessive says, “It’s my baby!” Emma goes on to say that it’s her body and her choice. Manny all full of tears says that she can’t have a baby and Craig just walks away without saying a word. Emma doing the same thing.

In the MI lab Liberty is feeling sorry for herself because no one likes her. Shit, I know I don’t. Sean tells her not to feel bad because he knows someone that does. What a surprise it’s the thug. He probably just wants her to do his homework for him. Having no standards, she’s beyond happy that anyone likes her.

At the clinic Manny is having a talk with someone there about the abortion. Manny asks the woman how she will feel afterwards. The lady says that everyone has a different reaction to the procedure. Manny relieved that she’s terminating the pregnancy says that she’ll be ok. You know I’m disappointed that Manny didn’t have to fight her way through a crowd of protesters with one holding a baby fetus doll out to her like they did to Erica in Degrassi High. Oh well.

So this was a pretty good two part episode. Craig was over the top crazy in this one. He couldn’t even take care of a wet dream, let alone a baby. Manny meanwhile learned the hard way that if she’s going to have sex, she better use a damn condom next time. It’s obvious that an episode like this will cause a huge debate, but I think it was wrong of The N to not air it. Up until I saw this DVD release, I had idea that Manny even had an abortion.


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Season 3, Episode 14, “Accidents Will Happen Part 1”

So this episode is one that I’ve hardly seen because it didn’t air here in the United States. I guess the issue of abortion was just too hot to handle. The same thing happened with the original Degrassi High because it was the same subject matter. But we’re watching it now thanks to the magic of DVD. Up yours censorship!

Pre-Credit Opener: So we start off with Degrassi’s gymnastic’s team. Seriously? I had no idea that high schools even had that. I thought it was only for college and you know, people who compete world wide. But ok, Degrassi is branching off into Olympic sports. Kendra starts to complain that she doesn’t feel so good and Mrs Hotness says, “Oh noes, not you too Kendra.” But Kendra runs off in mid sentence to go yack in the girls restroom. Hopefully she doesn’t have the shits either. Manny splits her legs and what a surprise, she does it in front of Craig who is taking pictures for the year book. But she looks at him with hate in her eyes because he was caught being a cheating bastard.

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In the hallway Ashley and Ellie are talking shit about Manny. As they pass by Ashley says, “Hey Ellie do you smell the stench of a nasty stripper?” Ellie responds with, “Yes, it definitely smells like skank in here.” Manny starts to say something along the lines of,” I didn’t want Craig ahoma homa.” Yup, she just trailed off into a mumble and didn’t even finish her sentence. Paige tries to cheer Manny up by saying that Manny is a great gymnast and everyone is talking about how good she is. But her smile quickly fades because her reputation as Degrassi’s biggest whore is seriously the talk of the school. We get the first hint of Manny’s future trouble when Paige mentions that she looks a little pale.

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We move onto the B plot and it involves more of Toby’s despair of still being Degrassi’s resident nerd with the now cool friend. Jimmy comes along and asks JT if he still wants to go down to Buffalo for the concert of the year. Toby tries to act like he’s down with Jimmy but Jimmy tells him not to talk to him because he doesn’t talk to annoying fucking toads. Toby is so depressed when Jimmy just leaves him hanging. Toby says to JT that he doesn’t get it, that Jimmy used to be his friend. JT points out that it was before Ashley dumped his ass. But really, JT doesn’t have the heart to tell him that he’s just that unlikable.

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In the MI lab, Manny sort of tries to apologize to Ashley for banging Craig, but Ashley doesn’t want to hear it. Once again, Manny can’t get out a complete sentence. Finally she says that she’s sorry, but Ashley responds with, “Sorry doesn’t make up for all the pain you caused.” But please, Ashley dwells with emotional pain. That’s why she’s so Emo Supremo. Ashley sort of feels better when Manny said that Craig lied to her too, telling her that she was the only one.

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In Mrs Kwan’s room Manny looks like death and it’s obvious that she’s fighting not to throw up. She asks for permission to go to the restroom and that’s when Mrs Kwan decides to have a hissy fit and starts to complain about coming to school when she knew that she was sick. Seriously, what a bitch. Manny begs her and off she goes to throw up her breakfast.

In the cafeteria Jimmy is telling Hazel that he might not be able to go the concert after all because he’s failing a class. Toby being extra fucking white bread and lame tries to talk all hip hop to him. But this only annoys Jimmy like it annoys me. Toby tries to weasel his way to the concert only to have Jimmy say that there’s limited car space and besides, Toby doesn’t even like rap. Being desperate , he then tries to use his nerd skills to help Jimmy out with his grades, if he can change it, Jimmy says that he’s in.

Back in the hallway Emma reminds Manny that if she’s really sick, then she can’t compete. Manny all full of attitude tells her, “Who are you my mother?” I forgot that they both hate each other now. Manny for her whorish ways and Emma for being a self righteous little bitch. And to prove the point Emma tells her, “The coach should know.” Manny begs her not to tell due to the fact that her life sucks at the moment and gymnastics is the only thing keeping her sane.

During practice Mrs Hotness tells Manny to show everyone else how it’s done. Manny all full of pride get’s on the balance beam with a huge smile on her face. In the locker room Manny tells Emma that she’s sorry to hear that Snake is in the hospital. Emma says that he’s actually doing good, that the more intense chemo is good for him. You can tell that the both of them are slowly on the way to become friends again. They’re interrupted by Hazel though who wants a tampon from either one of them because she has an intense flow going on. Manny throws her one and says, “I haven’t used mine in forever.” Right away Emma’s mind starts to go crazy and quickly wonders if she’s pregnant. Manny being stupid just blows it off because she’s been training like crazy and get’s mad at Emma all over again for even suggesting that she’s with child.

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Outside the school Manny is going into a panic and is going through her calendar, seeing the evidence that she hasn’t had a period in a while. Shit, it goes all the way back to the party when Craig first porked her.

It’s a new day and Manny is just standing there, staring at Craig while he’s sitting on a bench. In Paige’s office, the girls restroom, Manny goes in there for sage advice from her. She asks her, “How do I know, if a guy used a condom?” Paige responds with, “If he didn’t, you wouldn’t have to piss out his goo.” Manny pretty much tells Paige that she has no idea if Craig used a condom or not. But she’s leaning to no. Paige tells her not to worry because he seems like he’s sort of responsible. Paige tells her to ease her mind she should just ask him and next time she does the nasty with someone, she should make damn sure that he uses a condom.

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In the library Toby is trying to hack into the school’s data base and he’s doing it using a hard line and doing it in plain view no less. Toby of course messes up and can’t change the grade because he got disconnected from the server.

It’s finally time for the big gymnastics meet and wow, this is the first time that we’ve seen Manny’s mom. I thought she just lived by herself this whole time. Manny is nervous as hell, but it’s not because she’s competing. Spike’s baby whimpering near by isn’t helping matters out either. Because she can’t take the pressure Manny right away falls off the balance beam and just fucked up the team’s score.

Craig follows her outside and asks her if she’s ok. Manny decides to go for it and asks him if he used a condom when they had sex. Craig clearly going into a panic says that Manny said it was ok and he assumed that meant that she was on the pill. Sort of crying she tells Craig that it was her first time and that doing the act alone was ok. About to lose his mind he asks her if everything is ok. She shakes her head and says, “No it’s not.” But for some reason she lies to him and says that nothing is wrong. He leaves and runs for the hills saying, “See you.”

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Out in the hallway Jimmy asks him how the hacking went and that’s when Toby tells him that he fucked it up and accidentally gave Jimmy an impossible grade. Jimmy asks him if he’s going to fix it, but Toby starts to make excuses. Jimmy just man handles him and tells him to fix the mistake before he get’s into deep shit. Just as he’s getting started Mr Radich comes in and asks him for help because he can’t log into his user account. I love how he comes to Degrassi’s resident techno nerd. Anyways, he get’s caught because he’s a jackass. Jimmy meanwhile runs for his life right out of the room.

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It’s after school and Manny decides to go for a run with her massive Discman. Remember those? She must have anti shock because those damn things would skip over any bump. Anyways, she has a very short run because she starts to throw up again.

She makes her way to Spike’s and she pretty much tells her that she thinks that she’s pregnant. Once again Spike is everyone’s go to person for that since she had Emma at such a young age too. Probably younger than Manny. Later on, Manny comes down and it’s obvious that she’s taken a pregnancy test. She starts to say that she’s stupid for even being in that situation. All Spike says is that she’s not and that she should learn from this mistake. God knows Spike is still paying because she had Emma. Yeah that’s right. I said it! Spike then asks her what she’s going to do if she is pregnant with Craig’s Screech looking child. Manny says that she can’t think about that and she goes on to tell Spike that she’s never going to tell her parents because they’ll literally murder her. The timer finally goes off and it’s the moment of truth. And if you haven’t figured it out already by the title alone, Manny’s pregnant!

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In the next scene Jimmy walks into Mr Radich’s office and he’s told to join him and Toby. Right away Jimmy  much like Manny knows that he’s fucked and it’s obvious that Toby ratted him out. Raditch tells him that he’s going to call his parents and that they both got a Saturday. Mrs Kwan calls Raditch out and that’s when Toby starts to say that he freaked out and didn’t know what else to tell him. Any other kid would have come up with a great lie. I know I would have. But I forget that Toby is the lamest motherfucker in the planet and Jimmy just tells him how it is. He starts to go off on him and says that that Saturday is the rap concert and not only is Toby a fake rap fan, he’s also Canada’s stupidest most worthless computer hacker in that nation’s history.

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Outside the school Craig tells Manny that he got her message. She starts to say that something bad happened and finally tells him that she’s pretty sure that she’s pregnant. Craig all shocked just sits down. Surprisingly he says that it’s ok. Much like Shane (Emma’s dad) in Degrassi Junior High, Craig has delusions of grandeur and thinks that he can actually take care of a baby. Clearly insane he tells Manny that they can be a little family. The episode ends with Manny thinking that Craig has lost his fucking mind.

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This was a pretty good episode. Sure we’ve seen it before in Degrassi Junior High, but this is a good modern take on the subject matter. Toby of course just had to be in it, but I’m glad that Jimmy told him that he sucks because he does! We’ll continue this story line with the shocking conclusion in part 2


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Season 3, Episode 12, “Holiday Part 2”

Hello all you Degrassi maniacs, in this review we continue the most depressing Christmas episode in the history of ever.

Pre-credit opener: We come upon Spinner and Craig Christmas shopping at the mall. Spinner is impressed that he bought all sorts of cheap crap. He should have just went to a dollar store if he’s going to be such a miser. Craig mentions how he bought Ashley a one of a kind Ramone’s t shirt from 1979. But then when you see it later on you can tell that it’s modern and that he found it at Hot Topic, we’ll return to that for more ridicule later. Craig then finds a stupid ice skating bracelet and he decides that it’s just perfect for his side hoe Manny. Caitlin meanwhile finds Spike with her Devil child having a picture with Santa. Caitlin is so self absorbed that she doesn’t mind one bit ruining the baby’s Christmas photo. Her love life comes first damn it and Spike has to know right away what happened between her and Joey!

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Later on we see Caitlin writing Joey a letter saying that it seems like they have another chance at love and they shouldn’t waste it. All full of Christmas cheer, she goes over to Joey’s house and drops it off in his mail slot. Instantly she regrets what she does and tries to break in, because Caitlin doesn’t respect anyone’s privacy or private property. But this being the new goofy Caitlin, she get’s stuck at the window instead. Probably by her tits like that one time Claude left her hanging on the fence and she got arrested. Anyways Joey and Sidney find her hanging there and you can tell that Sidney is very annoyed because she’s a bitch.

At Craig’s ice cave/garage, Ashley is complaining that she’s freezing her ass off so Craig offers to go get her some hot cocoa. Once he fucks off, Ashley finds his bag of Christmas goodies and she finds the very girly and modern looking Ramone’s t shirt. I mean look at that shit. Vintage my ass. To make a plot point, she also finds Manny’s bracelet, something that will come to bite Craig right in the keister later on in the episode. But we’re getting a little ahead of ourselves.

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Back to Caitlin and Sidney, Sidney’s had just about enough of Caitlin and her cuteness. She decides to be alpha bitch and let’s her know that Caitlin isn’t going to ruin Sidney’s dictatorship at the Jeremiah residence because they need her and not some stupid klutz from the past. Craig meanwhile comes in and finds the letter. Caitlin all upset grabs the letter from Craig and leaves Joey’s house full of tears. Craig is just, whatever.

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At Degrassi, Snake’s MI class has decided to give him a present. Snake is immediately touched that he has an Elvis wig to wear for the Winter recital that’s going on later in the day. Jimmy points out that they would have given him a better one, but a good wig isn’t cheap. I can’t help but think that Jimmy is a cheap bastard, because we all know that he has money.

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In the next scene we see Joey coming to Caitlin’s office at the TV station to have a chat about their little smooch. She tries to play it off like it was nothing and you can tell that he got his feelings hurt. The Rico Suave guy comes by and gives her a little Christmas present which is an early flight to Montreal the next night. Joey meanwhile is getting jealous and Caitlin says nothing to the fact that the dude is gay. After that, they have a little awkward “we’re cool” moment happening.

Back at Degrassi, Craig decides to give Manny her stupid present early because her family is going away to the motherland for the holiday. She’s so touched by the gesture she probably gave him head in the empty classroom.

Backstage Ashley is telling Manny that she doesn’t know why she’s feeling so nervous for because she’s bored everyone to tears in other shitty performances, but she figures that this time it’s because she’s singing with Craig. Manny starts to do her make up and says that maybe Ashley needs to distance herself from Craig because of her emotions. Ashley not knowing what the fuck she’s talking about asks her what she means by that. But that’s when she notices the ice skate bracelet on Manny’s wrist. She asks her where she got it from and Manny says, “Just a guy I’ve been fucking a while.” Ashley not being dense quickly figures out that Craig has been cheating on her with Degrassi’s biggest slut since Stephanie Kaye. Manny’s smug look is quickly erased when she finds out that Craig never broke up with Ashley. Oh snap! Take that! Karma! All of that shit!!

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Finally, it’s time for Degrassi’s big holiday gala spectacle. The night opens on a bummer though because Toby is up there talking about Hanukkah. I’m telling you, he ruins everything. Off stage Craig tells Ashley not to worry about her stupid emo Christmas song. Oh, if he only knew that she’s a mushroom cloud in the beginning stages. Mercifully Toby’s finished and JT comes out as the host dressed like Willy Wonka and introduces Craig and Ashley with their song, I’ll spend Christmas With You. Craig starts to sing and notices that Ashley is just sitting there like a wooden Indian. He just starts to ask her what’s wrong and that’s when she slaps the shit out of him and storms off. JT jokes, “Maybe they won’t be spending Christmas together. HAHA!” That was a good one, I’ll admit.

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In the hallway Craig asks her what her problem is and right away she lets him know that she found out that he was cheating on her with that skank Manny. Craig looking like he wants to cry tries to play dumb. Ashley now crying asks him how he could do such a thing. Craig meanwhile can’t say a fucking word, because what can he say. She dumps his ass and takes back her grand father’s ugly guitar. But it’s not over yet, Manny comes over fuming and just looks at him with so much sass. Craig accuses her of telling her, but Manny says that Ashley figured it out because he’s stupid. Manny then follows suit and dumps Craig’s Screech looking ass too. The insult to injury being that she drops the bracelet on the floor. Much like Joey a decade earlier, he has two girls that hate his guts. Craig is going to be spending a while getting reacquainted to his regular masturbation schedule again.

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Joey comes along and wants to know what’s going on because he’s nosy. Craig pretty much tells him what he did. Joey must have had a monster flash back to when he fucked up his relationship with Caitlin. He then tells Craig the whole story, you can read all about it here, https://degrassijuniorhighreviewed.wordpress.com/tag/degrassi-schools-out/ because that shit is ancient Degrassi history. After that history lesson, Craig tells Joey to get real because he and Caitlin have never gotten over each other. He then says that he can see how it is between the both of them. Even that harpy Sidney. Joey asks him what he’s talking about and it’s assumed that Craig snitches on Sidney, but we don’t see it because the scene just cuts away to the people coming out of the school gym.

As soon as they come out Joey asks Snake if he can watch over Angela while he talks to Sidney. Right away she knows that something is wrong because she says, “Joe, you’re making me nervous over here.” And that’s another thing that’s annoying, the fact that she calls him Joe. Anyways, he asks her if she said anything to Caitlin, driving her away. Sidney doesn’t even try to deny it and says yes. She says she did it because Caitlin was always just hanging around, fucking up everyone’s Chi. Sidney then asks Joey if he’s sure that Caitlin is just his ex. She then starts to say that she needs their relationship to work because she loves him, but ouch. Joey doesn’t say anything to that and she knows that he doesn’t feel the same. Broken hearted she leaves all full of tears. Yeah good riddance! In the screen shot you can see the exact moment that her heart got ripped to shreds.

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At the airport Joey calls Caitlin just as she’s waiting to take off to her boring spa weekend. She see’s Joey, Craig and Angela in the terminal and she rushes out because she knows that once again she’s won Joey’s corny heart. Out in some hanger Joey tells her to stay and says that Sidney has hit the bricks. Joey goes on to say that when he cheated on her with that Whoville looking chick Tessa, he thought that he lost her forever. So the episode ends on a happy ending with Joey and Caitlin kissing and becoming a couple again.

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Part 2 was a little better, we finally ended Sidney’s reign of terror on Joey and Angela. She was good looking though and could do way better than Joey. I wonder, did Caitlin really win in the end? Hmm. As for the Craig, Ashley, Manny love triangle? It was pretty much another retread from School’s Out. That’s why it’s so funny that Joey told him that he did the exact same thing. If I were to give this episode a letter grade, it would be a hard C.


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Season 3, Episode 11, “Holiday Part 1”

It’s Christmas time in Degrassi land and you know that these motherfuckers are going to have drama up the ass. They can never just have a joyous holiday or occasion occur. There’s always gotta be something going on.

Pre-credit opener: This is another episode where the DVD version is different from the version that was shown on The N. The N version said that it was a Degrassi Christmas Special and it had some generic Christmas like music playing in the background. This one has a Charlie Brown sounding Oh Tannenbaum version playing. Anyways, Joey is having a tree trimming party at his house and Spike, Snake, Caitlin, Emma and Ashley are all invited. Right away Sidney, Joey’s girlfriend shows what a control freak she is by telling Joey that the angel on top isn’t straight and that the actual tree itself would look better in another position. Joey being pussy whipped immediately does her bidding with Craig helping. Ashley calls Craig a man amongst men and he kisses her on the cheek. Just then Manny calls and she sounds all pathetic telling him that she misses him. Craig not wanting to be caught calls her Spinner and says that he’ll talk to her later, disappointing her greatly.

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Caitlin meanwhile is in despair because it’s obvious she’s into Joey again, even though she broke up their engagement about a decade earlier. She goes on to tell Joey that she’s going to Montreal to have a lame spa weekend because Caitlin has no one in her life. Not even her mom. The insult to injury being that Sidney and Joey start to kiss about 3 inches away from her face.

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I guess it’s the next day and we have some more horrible acting by Angela Jeremiah, aka Manny Jr. It seems like Sidney has made a dress for her skating pageant that’s coming up. Joey sounding like a complete bitch asks Sidney why she can’t go to the stupid pageant. Sidney, sounding like the man in the relationship says that she can’t because she has a work commitment. This greatly hurts Joey’s feelings because he can just shut down his lousy used car lot whenever he wants. It’s not like he has customers anyways.

You know, it’s funny, this is the first time that I’ve ever noticed that there’s snow. I mean it’s Canada but you’d never know it because the show portray’s a forever Spring and Fall world going on. But yes! We finally have Winter going on. Inside, Craig is taking pics of Angela being a Christmas star apparently. Yeah, it’s lame and boring, just like being there. Craig then spots Manny and runs off because he get’s instantly rock hard whenever he sees her. He finds her at the cafeteria and tells her to meet him at his garage because Craig needs to have an early Christmas present from Manny. Spinner see’s them kissing and makes his presence known.

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Spinner not giving a shit that Craig is cheating on Ashley wants to know what it’s like to be pounding two women at once. Well girls mostly, but you know what I mean. Craig being full of himself thinks that he’s a mack daddy and basically says that pimping ain’t easy. Craig asks him if he thinks that it’s wrong, Spinner says for him it would be, but for Craig, not at all. Especially since he has Paige and he knows that she would destroy him with the power of rock and roll and her band PMS. Spinner goes on to call Craig a stud and Craig obnoxiously says, “Yeah well, I get around.” All the while making a face that would make Screech proud.

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Back at Joey’s, Caitlin’s there for no reason and she asks him about Sidney. Caitlin then starts to go on about her lack of love/sex life. Joey burns his fucking hand in the fireplace when she says that she has no one to keep her warm at night. He probably can’t believe it because she’s still super good looking. But that’s when Sidney walks in just in time to see Caitlin holding Joey’s melting hand and she just can’t help getting jealous.

In the next scene we go to Joey’s freezing garage where Manny is patiently waiting for Craig. She tells him that he needs to warm her up and they start to make out. She interrupts the love fest by giving him a scarf that she made him for Christmas. She then drops the bomb on him that all she wants for Christmas is for Craig to dump Ashley’s annoying goth ass. Craig tells her that he can’t make that choice and she get’s her little whore’s heart broken and says, “I think you just did.” Manny should have known that she’s just the side bitch.

At the Degrassi, all the kids are getting ready for their big holiday around the world pageant they’re having. Ashley and Craig are rehearsing a really lame emo Christmas song that the talentless Ashley probably wrote. Manny passes by and her hatred is so high that her glare cause’s the string on Craig’s guitar to break.

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We then cut to Caitlin’s office at the local Degrassi TV station and we see that Sidney has decided to pay her a little visit by bringing her flowers. This Don Juan looking guy pops in to tell her that they’re waiting for her at a meeting. Sidney goes on to say that he’s pure beefcake, but Caitlin points out that he’s gay and proud. Besides, she hasn’t been with anyone since she broke things off with the Hollywood wannabe jerkoff from the very first episode. Sidney cuts to the chase and asks Caitlin if she would babysit Angela for Joey since they’re going to a date that night.

Oh my God! In class Jimmy is reading from A Christmas Carol and he’s doing a horrible English accent. It’s so bad, it’s hilarious. Craig asks the teacher if he can go pee due to boredom. But it’s really because he just saw Manny passing by in the hallway. As soon as she see’s him she starts to cry her harlot’s eyes out and makes an ugly badger face. Manny basically says that she’s much better for him because she loves him more than Ashley ever could. Well at least Manny puts out, Ashley doesn’t even give him head.

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Oh lord, once again we see Caitlin give someone horrible life advice. If only people knew that Caitlin is terrible with making life choices. Craig then makes the mistake of asking her what she would do in his situation. She goes on to say that love isn’t about luck, that it’s about being with the right person. So from that Craig decides that he’s in love with the Asian persuasion Manny. Back at the ice rink Craig comes in all out of breath and spots Manny skating around in very tight fucking jeans. He calls out to her and he tells her that he made a huge mistake and that she’s the only one that he wants. Manny being stupid get’s all happy and starts to dry hump him right then and there.

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After that we cut back to Joey complaining to Sidney that he had nothing in common with her white collar friends because he’s a big loser who’s way out of her league. Sidney’s talking about God knows what but Joey’s not paying attention. He spots Caitlin and Angela sleeping on the couch so he decides to take a picture of the moment. Sidney meanwhile is annoyed because she constantly demands his full attention and you can tell that she doesn’t like Caitlin. Especially since Caitlin let Angela wear her pageant dress and got it dirty. Damn woman, it’s not that big a deal! Just wash that shit and it’ll be as good as new. Caitlin leaves because she knows that she fucked up, but Joey follows her outside to say that it’s really not a big deal and that Sidney doesn’t hate her. But clearly she does. At that they start to kiss because why not.

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At Ashley’s, Toby the toad let’s Craig in and wishes him a happy Hanukkah. Craig is there to finally break things off with the boring prude. But before he can say anything, she gives him his Christmas gift which is an ugly old guitar that looks like it has a hubcap on it that belonged to her grandfather. Making things worse, she says that he’s had such a horrible year and that he deserves it. Craig blown away by the gesture now changes his mind and just tells Ashley that he loves her.

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Back at Degrassi, Craig is trying to sound like a blue’s man and is playing all sorts of riff’s on the guitar. Manny passes by and she’s super pissed that he’s still with Ashley. She pulls him aside and asks him what the fuck is going on since he’s supposed to be all in love with her. Craig tries to bullshit his way past this and tells her that he did break up with her, but he just didn’t tell her about him porking Manny on a regular basis. He goes on to say that he doesn’t want to break Ashley’s heart until after the pageant. The episode ends with it saying “to be continued” and Manny again being incredibly gullible and believing him.

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Now, I’m someone who enjoy’s Christmas episodes. I know, I know. But this one was a little meh. Sidney is an annoying character and I just knew that there would have been drama in this episode. So Degrassi didn’t disappoint there. Caitlin I’ve noticed is acting a bit out of character. I’ve never remembered her acting like a nervous klutz before. I do have to point out that they’re recycling the story line from the School’s Out movie from Degrassi High. I guess they figured that today’s kids have never seen it, so they just said fuck it. Here’s hoping that part two is better.


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Season 3, Episode 9, “Against All Odds”

Hey everyone. Happy New Year, hope everyone had a great holiday season. Welcome back to another pointless episode review of Degrassi. In this episode we get to know the new kid Chris some more.

Pre-credit opener: We see Emma walking into Ms Kwan’s room and runs into Sean and get’s instantly annoyed when she see’s a huge hickey on his neck. Ms Kwan then asks the class what they thought of Bill Shakespeare’s immortal classic, Julius Caesar. Sean makes this really lame speech about how Shakespeare doesn’t know anything about him or his life. That’s when Chris chimes in and goes on to talk about the themes and then basically calls him a wigger. At that diss, Emma is mightily impressed and you can tell that she now wants his Alabama black snake.

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Outside the school, Craig is telling Ashley not to be messing around on him with some studly French Canadian guys. Funny coming from him since he fucked Manny a few episodes ago. But Ashley reassures him that she’s just taking Ellie for a little vacation since she’s had a rough time. But Ellie is always sad! As soon as they leave Manny the skank comes along and aggressively tells him that she misses him. Craig being the typical douche bag tells her that there’s nothing to miss since he only boned her once. Not to be dismayed, Manny invites him to a rave that night.

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In the hallway Chris is talking like a fucking robot and is beepbopping to some bullshit rhyme he came up with on the spot. Once again Emma is impressed because she just happens to be the lamest white girl on the planet. In Mr Armstrong’s class, Spinner is in deep shit because he had a horrible mark on his homework assignment. Being desperate he asks Jimmy for some help, but is reluctant to go over because Jimmy invited Marco over to his house too. Just a reminder, Spinner is really grossed out by Marco’s homosexuality. But what do you expect from an asshole like Spinner?

Back in the hallway Chris starts to talk to Emma about God know’s what, because you can barely understand him. Manny let’s Emma know that Chris’s cousin is the DJ for the Kid’s Bop rave that’s going on that night and Emma yet again is impressed because he always let’s Chris spin a set. I gotta say, Emma is impressed by really stupid shit in this episode. Later on at her house, Manny and Emma are sluttifying themselves but Emma goes out to point out that she’s a “White Dork.” Which is true. But Manny finally at the peak of her whorish powers tells her that she looks hot and tells her that she has to do whatever it takes to bag him. I gotta say, Manny looks ridiculous with her thong sticking out as much as it is. She just looks like a little girl who’s trying too hard.

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We cut back to Jimmy’s condo where he lives by himself and it seems like Spinner has the shits due to too much spray cheese. He get’s annoyed because he see’s that he has to sit next to Marco and is afraid of catching gay. Jimmy turns on the tv and puts on a porno movie. Jimmy turns it right off because he points out that maybe Marco isn’t interested in watching porn, but Marco tells him to turn it back and because he was enjoying it and was staring at the guy giving the woman a good deep dicking. At that Spinner is even more disgusted and turns the tv right off again.

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Back at the lame rave, Manny is telling Emma not to talk about the fucking environment and her other stupid interests. Emma spots Chris and decides to go talk to him. I hope she brought a translator for the occasion. Back at Joey’s, Craig is becoming hornier and hornier by the minute. I mean, Manny pretty much is a sure thing so I don’t blame him. Eventually he can’t take no more and leaves Joey and Sidney’s boring night at home. But they’re elated because now that he’s out of the way, they can get their own boning done.

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We cut back to Jimmy’s and he puts the porn back on and Marco makes Spinner uncomfortable by patting him on the knee. Spinner decides to get some more spray cheese and while he’s eating that, Marco starts to go on about the porno dude. At that Spinner get’s so disgusted that he literally starts to choke on his food. Marco tells him that he knows the Heimlich maneuver and tries to help him out. But Spinner would rather die than let Marco nail him in his keister. Eventually Marco save’s Spinner’s life and Jimmy just responds with the fact that they just ruined his new carpet.

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Emma finally makes her way through the crowd and talks to Chris. His cousin let’s him spin a set and all Chris does is talk over the music. Emma being a dumbass steps on the power button for the whole thing and shuts all the music down. Humiliated she tells him sorry, but Chris tells her not to worry about her and puts his arm around her. Just then his girl friend LaShaquanishia comes along and tells him what the fuck he thinks he’s doing.

Emma finds Manny and tells her that she wants to go home because he has a girlfriend. That’s when Manny shows Emma the secret of getting with a guy by taking advantage of the fact that he’ll be very vulnerable and that he’ll be easy for the kill. But come on, this is Emma here and says that it’s not right. But surprisingly she listens to Manny. As she goes to get some water, Manny meets up with Craig and they start to dirty dance.

We go back to Jimmy’s and Spinner is begging Jimmy to let him stay in his room because he thinks that Marco is going to molest him or something. But Jimmy tells him fuck no and that he needs to deal with the fact that his good friend is gay and proud.

Back at the rave Emma apologizes to Chris for getting him in trouble with his girlfriend. They go somewhere to talk because she wants to make her move. Chris starts to go on about loving the beat of the music, but he’s more interested in feeling Emma up and proceed’s to touch her boobs on the pretense of  having the feeling of the beat in her heart. Now if Emma didn’t have pimple tits, I’d be impressed. Manny meanwhile is now completely horny and starts to make out with Craig. He starts to say that he has a girlfriend but Manny the harlot doesn’t care. She says, “I can keep a secret.” At that Craig get’s a raging boner and they start to go at it right then and there. Emma starts to kiss Chris too, but Emma being a prude feels really bad about it and runs away. Poor Chris probably has a serious case of blue balls.

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At Jimmy’s meanwhile, Marco and Spinner have finally fallen asleep and Marco’s hand brushes Spinner’s chest. At that Spinner wakes up in a blind panic and accuses Marco of wanting the monster between his legs. Marco get’s instantly offended and tells him that he’s not even remotely interested in him because Spinner is a moron with horrible fashion sense. The insult to injury being that he tells Spinner that he’s not even cute and goes to sleep in the bathtub.

Emma comes home from the rave and finds Manny and Craig in her bed going at it like jack rabbits. Nah, they were just making out, but he was practically fingering her. Emma tells Craig to get the fuck out and acts all judgmental towards Manny.

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At Degrassi, Marco and Spinner make some small talk and they finally have it out about Marco’s gayness. He pretty much tells him that he has nothing to worry about and that he’ll never ever be attracted to him. Spinner doesn’t give it a thought because he figures that Marco has horrible taste.

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The episode ends with Emma and Manny having an argument about Manny being a huge whore and Emma being a prude who’s afraid to take chances. Manny tired of Emma’s self righteousness tells her that she does’t want to be her friend anymore and goes on to call her a “Stuck up, prude princess.” Emma returns fire with, “Good, because I don’t want to be friends with the school slut who smells like a stripper.” Burn. So it seems like their friendship is no more. Oh well.

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I would say that I liked this episode. Mostly because Toby had nothing to do with it, so that’s always a good thing there. But it had it’s humorous moments with Spinner and his homophobia. Yeah, I know how that sounds, but it was funny how Marco cut him down. Now that Manny isn’t in Emma’s shadow, maybe she’ll become more interesting. Shit, what am I talking about? She already is and it’s just going to get better in future episodes.


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Degrassi Of The Dead (Halloween Special)

So it’s October and I thought I would do a review of this webisode series because I love Halloween. I have a feeling this is going to be cheesy as hell though.

We start out with season 9’s opening credits and all of a sudden we get some spooky imagery. Well spooky to Degrassi standards. After that bullshit we see some news bulletins that says that Degrassi, or I should say Toronto is being hit with a zombie epidemic. Turns out that it happened because people were eating genetically modified fruits and vegetables. Seems like Emma and Ashley were right all along then. But going by that, I’m guessing this is only happening around Degrassi.

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I gotta say, it has pretty good gore effects for such a low budget production, let alone webisodes. I believe Manny is narrating and we see that Peter, Ashley, Jay and Paige have barricaded themselves in Degrassi. Yup, it was Manny. Going by the dialog they’re totally ripping off Dawn of the Dead. Especially when Peter says that the kids are coming back to school because it was important to them. Jay in disgust can’t fathom why anyone would want to go back to Degrassi. He does make a good point. Ashley is playing the part of panicky idiot and is crying why the army or anyone else comes to rescue them. Paige tells her that they’re the only one’s left alive. That’s when Manny says that Emma is on her way in her car to rescue them out of that hell hole. But nope, Emma is now one of the flesh eaters, so they’re fucked now.

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Jay says that he’s not going to stand around holding his dick while the zombies eventually break through the door. Being a scumbag, he knows where Mrs H keeps the spare bus keys. But no principle would keep spares. That would be at the motor pool or whatever. But that’s Degrassi for you, wants you to dispel any logic. They tell Jay that they should stick together but he’s basically all, “Every man for himself!” Peter says that he won’t find the keys because he already has them. I love how they don’t even bother to tell Jay that. All of a sudden we see Jay pop back out screaming and it’s Mrs H biting the hell out of his throat. The blood spraying looks like such bad cgi. It’s hilarious.

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Peter starts to go on about the fact that they just killed his mom. Even though they didn’t even show it. Paige says that she knew that she was a man eater, but that was ridiculous. So did Paige just call Mrs H a whore? Ashley starts to say that it wasn’t his mom anymore and it was just a zombie. That’s when she spots Jimmy and he’s now a zombie too.

All of a sudden Emma appears at the gym doors and it’s obvious that the zombies have broken into the school now. Manny heads into a vent and crawls into it with Paige following. Ashley being stupid get’s too close and that’s when Jimmy fucking kills her. No big loss there. Everyone else makes it except for Peter, he get’s pulled back out and he throws the bus keys to Paige. So Peter’s dinner now.

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Even as a zombie, Emma is still being a nag. She’s bitching out Manny, telling her that she tried for years warning people about the deadly effects of genetically modified foods, but no one listened to her. Of course not, Emma has a new bullshit cause every week. She doesn’t have any credibility. Funny how Manny was daydreaming all that.

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In the vents Paige is telling Manny that she’s sorry for being such a bitch to her all these years and that she’s glad that she’s there with her. Manny then says, “You’re not hitting on me are you?” Referring to that fact that Paige is now a lesbian too. I told you, everyone at the school eventually turns gay.

They come out of the vents into one of the science rooms. Paige is nearly bitten by Spinner who’s tied up and looks more like a raccoon than a zombie. That or a bank robber. Now I’m thinking that they blew most of their budget on the beginning of the first webisode. Spinner then says, “Sexy.” Out of nowhere, that dork Derek, dressed like a scientist explains that Spinner is now a zombie but that his extincts are still there, meaning that even though he’s dead, he still wants to fuck.

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Derek goes on to say that he’s glad he’s there and that his dreams are finally going to come true. Manny asks him what he’s talking about and he says that he wants to repopulate the Earth. Meaning he wants to bang, possibly rape the both of them. Paige says that he’s out of his mind and he says not only that, but horny too. Seriously, he said he was horny. Fucking Degrassi, always going there I guess. He then goes on to say that he’s going to blow up the school and take all the zombies with it.

Manny goes on to say that they have to get the hell out of there and that’s when Paige uses her sexuality to get to Derek and starts to kiss him. Being a horny loser, he falls for it. But that’s when she signals Manny to get out of the way so that she can push him towards Spinner, who bites his neck open. Derek pushes the detonator and all Paige can do is say, “Oh crap.” Manny runs out of the room before she can become a crispy critter too. The explosion looked fake as hell. Haha.

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Manny seems to be the only survivor and is explaining to everyone that the explosion should have cleared a way to the school bus. They would show us that the school is destroyed, but they can’t afford to.

As she turns around she see’s that there’s a shit load of zombies in front of the bus so Derek and his stupid plan failed miserably. Peter starts to talk to her and tells her to play dead so they can get by them. I don’t know how he survived. But whatever, bad screen writing really. But what do you expect from a webisode series. Just as they’re about to get there, Manny get’s stopped in her tracks when she see’s Emma blocking the entrance. Manny points out that even though she’s dead, Emma still looks pretty. I swear, I just saw an extra who looked like he was more confused than dead.

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Finally they get on the bus and escape. But as they’re driving away, it’s pretty clear that Peter was bitten. By why is everyone being bitten on the neck for? Anyways, Peter turns into a zombie and then it seems like he’s going to bang her doggy style. Probably figures that a slut like Manny would like that and that’s where this ends with no one surviving!

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We then get the closing credits and I’m laughing my ass off because Drake is dancing around like Michael Jackson in Thriller. He even does the fucking robot! Someone’s singing/rapping during this. They’re pretty much summarizing what happened and I can swear that it’s Snake. It’s pretty bad too, so it must be him.

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Well there you have it, Degrassi of the Dead. This was pretty lame, it did have impressive gore effects in the beginning, but it was all down hill from then. But if you like lame horror movies that you see in five dollar bins, then this will be right up your alley. Maybe I’m being to hard on it, it was after all a webisode series and it’s doubtful they had much money to do it. Plus it looked like it was fun to make. Ok, I change my mind, this was a fun little thing to watch for October and Halloween.