Degrassi The Next Generation Reviewed

Ah yes, the companion blog to Degrassi Junior High Reviewed. Each episode will be reviewed in order by a guy who loves the next generation's melodrama. New reviews at least once a week. Hopefully. But if I feel like it I might make two to three reviews a week. So it'll depend.


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Season 3, Episode 19, “It’s Raining Men”

Going by the name of the episode it’s pretty safe to assume that this one is starring Marco.

Pre-Credit Opener: Marco pulls up next to Paige, Spinner and Hazel and all excited shows them the poster for the semi formal. Geesh this guy is way too into himself, because it’s him and Ellie in East Indian garb. But goddamn, his dad comes out and he looks and sounds like Super Mario. Degrassi tries really hard to be liberal but holy moley if this isn’t an Italian stereotype right here. Anyways, the girls start to talk about how they’re going to win king and queen of the formal and Marco’s dad tells them that Marco is going to be the king. He just has to find the right queen. Poor bastard, he doesn’t realize that he already found his queen and it’s Dylan. But let’s be serious here guys. In that situation, Marco would be the queen.

In the hallway Marco is telling Dylan how embarrassing his dad is and he tells him that he already likes a guy. Being all awkward Marco can’t find the courage to ask Dylan to the stupid dance. Dylan taking the initiative asks Marco out to a zombie movie. But Marco being stupid says that they freak him out, so Dylan is going to ask another gay dude named Tom instead.

Oh lord, we come to the B plot and it involves JT dressing like a wigger while peddling curly fries in the cafeteria. Apparently there’s going to be a commercial for it since the fries are going to be in school cafeteria’s all over the country. Manny passes by and it’s obvious that JT still has a thing for her. He says hi to her, but she just walks on by because she’s so depressed in how her life is going at the moment. After that JT convinces Toby to have a launch party for his commercial at his place.

Speaking of the cafeteria, Spinner comes along and asks Marco all loud if he has a thing for Dylan. Marco all embarrassed says yes but he’s scared to ask him out. Funny how Spinner of all people is helping him out. Good for him for getting over his hatred of queer people. In the hallway Marco is just about to make his move but then Tom comes along. He’s gayer than Marco and Dylan combined. So he’s definitely Degrassi’s top gay. Marco see’s them together and leaves all disappointed.

We cut to Mrs Hotass’s science class and Spinner freaks Marco out by showing him a picture of a bee. Spinner then asks him what’s up with that Tom character and Marco wants to grind his balls into dust because he stole his crush. Man Marco has zero confidence because all he does is put himself down and has completely given up on getting with his favorite piece of beef cake.

Out in the hallway again Spinner decides to take it upon himself to hook Marco and Dylan up. This looks very bizarre because they both have the same hairstyle and it just seems like Spinner is talking to himself. Spinner see’s Tom coming and gives Dylan a hug. Dylan says, “What is this, hug the homo day?” Tom seeing a manly man like Spinner runs away in fear. After getting rid of him Spinner tells Dylan that Marco really likes him and that Dylan should ask him out. Dylan thinks that he isn’t ready and since Dylan had a horrible first gay date, he doesn’t want the same thing to happen to Marco. Spinner just tells him to think about it.

At cheer practice, Paige tries to complement JT but he just brushes her off so he can go and talk to Manny. He corners her and begs her to go to his party. She doesn’t want to because she’s Degrassi’s top slut and she knows that everyone knows it too. But she feels sorry for him and reluctantly agrees to go.

We go to Marco and he’s getting more and more depressed because he see’s couple after happy couple. At his locker Dylan comes along and says that he’s into him. Now that he knows, Dylan asks him out to the zombie movie and Marco agrees to go on his first date.

In the next scene we go to Spinner’s house and he’s playing with fucking toy dinosaurs. It’s hilarious. He quickly hides them like Dark Helmet because Marco just comes barging in with an arm full of clothes. Of course this being Marco, he’s freaking out and he wants to find the best outfit for the occasion. I don’t know how his dad doesn’t know that he’s gay because all his clothes are gayer than a motherfucker. He has a gay looking disco shirt, a Dracula/Hamlet looking shirt and even a goddamn cowboy shirt. Spinner vetos all of those choices by making fun of him and tells him to just keep it simple. At that Marco thanks him for helping him out.

Dylan finally comes by Spinner’s house to pick up Marco. He comes out wearing a stupid hat and Dylan points out that the hat is more for a club. Marco feels bad about the fashion faux pas, but he can’t dwell on it because there’s a bee in the car and he freaks out and makes a total fool of himself. But Dylan just thinks it’s cute. At their date Marco and Dylan are talking about their fears and you can tell that Marco is finally feeling more and more comfortable.

It’s finally time for JT’s party and Manny is having the worst time ever sitting next to two stoner look alikes. The commercial comes on and it’s the lamest thing ever. It’s so hard to describe, but it features a dog dressed just like him and his big catch phrase is, “Hey don’t be all up in my fries, dog.” After the commercial ends everyone is just sitting there in dead silence. Jimmy tells him if people make fun of him tomorrow, he should just tell them his catch phrase. At that, everyone starts to laugh their asses off at him and JT is experiencing humiliations galore. Especially because his crush Manny is right there witnessing it all.

Meanwhile at the movie Marco goes for it and holds Dylan’s hand. As they’re leaving Marco is mortified to see that his parents are at the mall too and they run into them. Marco not having the guts to say that they’re on a date simply tells them that he just happened to run into him. At that his dad invites them to dinner. And what a surprise, they go to an Italian restaurant. Marco’s parents start to go off on Marco and how he doesn’t have a girlfriend. Marco’s humiliation increases when an obviously gay waiter comes to their table and his dad Mario starts to make fun of him as soon as he leaves. He says, “How can that fagola carry the trays with his limp wrists?” He then starts to go off more on gay people and that the thought of gay sex is disgusting. Marco upset now tells him to shut the fuck up. Dylan, either being pissed off or just embarrassed decides to go home early. Thus ending their date.

The next day of school Jay and Sean are already making fun of JT and his lame commercial. Manny comes by and tries to cheer him up. She mentions that his commercial sucked but that he was actually great in it. JT says that she should tell people that. But she doesn’t think that anyone would want to listen to Degrassi’s resident whore. They sort of start to flirt and they go into the school.

The episode ends with Dylan and Marco having a heart to heart scene. Marco is apologizing about his dad and his anti gay shit. Dylan tells him that it wasn’t a big deal and that they’ve both heard worse. Marco was afraid that Dylan wouldn’t want to talk to him again. He says that he considered it, but ultimately he likes Marco and to prove the point he kisses him. Good thing they were in a back alley or else everyone would have seen them.

So yeah, this episode was very gay and Degrassi delivered. I enjoyed the episode and it was good to see Spinner finally mature. Even though he was playing with toys. Plus the whole JT commercial was pretty amusing as well. In the future Degrassi will go really queer, so this episode here wasn’t shit compared to future episodes and seasons. Now that I think about it, I believe this was Degrassi’s first gay kiss. But certainly not the last.


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Season 3, Episode, 18 “Rock and Roll High School”

Welcome back to another episode review of Degrassi. Call me crazy, but I’ve always enjoyed this episode for some inexplicable reason. I mean, it has shitty singing from both Craig and Ashley, but got damn it, this is still a good one.

Pre-Credit Opener: Marco, Spinner and Jimmy happen to find Craig just staring at an ad on the school wall. Turns out it’s for a battle of the bands and the prize is to win studio time to record a single that no one will ever hear. The dudes much like Joey Jeremiah have delusions of grandeur. Ashley comes along and tells the guys to get out of the way because they’re signing up too. Craig tries to make nice but Ashley is obviously still angry about Craig porking and getting Manny pregnant. She predicts that the girls are going to kick their ass off the stage.

In Joey’s garage Craig is struggling to write some lyrics and it’s clear that he’s talentless. The rest of the guys walk in and Marco is seriously wimping out telling everyone that the girls are really good at playing emo rock. Well they do have the power to ward off sexual predators. Craig tells the guys that there is no fucking way that he’s going to allow Ashley to beat them. They start to jam and Craig starts to go off on everyone because they suck. Jimmy tells him to chill out before he breaks a foot up in his ass.

At Degrassi, Paige is telling the girls that Terri is doing much better, she might even open her eyes soon. Shit that is not doing better. She’s basically an invalid. Ashley for some reason hasn’t even gone to see her. That’s pretty low considering they were once best friends. Mrs Kwan walks in and Ashley starts to read lyrics from a song she just wrote and what a surprise it’s a downer. Craig starts to giggle and this mightily pisses Ashley off. Outside of class Ashley explains to the girls that it’s about a girl who died in the Spanish Civil War. Out of all the wars that have happened why that one and what 15, 16 year old girl talks about shit like that? Ellie tells her that it sucked and that it’s supposed to be about something about her. Ashley makes the song about Craig, again, what a surprise.

We cut to the B plot and it involves Joey and Caitlin.  Joey’s busy getting his grocery’s out of the truck of his used car that he drives around from his lot and that’s when Caitlin arrives in a cab. Angela is so excited to see her that she drops and breaks the eggs. Joey is super pissed because this means that he has to go to the dollar store again to get more. She starts to cry rather badly because she’s a horrible actress and Caitlin tries to cheer her up by doing a cartwheel. Joey tries to show that he’s fun and does a hand stand. Then he promptly busts his ass and hurts his back bad.

At the Degrassi mall kiosk Ashley and Craig run into each other and he tries to apologize for what happened. But this is Craig we’re talking about and he only apologizes for making fun of her song and not fucking Manny’s brains out. She get’s even more offended and leaves huffing and puffing away. Craig reasons that Manny seduced him, so he’s blameless.

The next scene is at Joey’s house where he’s dying from his back pain. I’ve had that before and it’s the worst pain ever. So for once I sympathize with him. Angela playing with Caitlin jumps on Joey and hurts his back even more. He can’t stand no more so he’s sending Angela away to his mom’s until he feels better. But Caitlin says that she’ll stay and take care of the both of them. Joey pretty much says that she’s not up to taking care of Angela because she’s a pain in the ass. But still she insists on helping. So she yells out to Angela and with crazy eyes says that she’s taking care of them both.

I guess we’re at the auditions for the battle of the bands and the guys are just doing an instrumental because they have no lyrics to their song yet. Craig all nervous says that he’ll take care of it. Coach Armstrong announces the next group and they’re called Hell Hath No Fury. The girls then come on and Ashley proceeds to destroy Craig and his character.

I’m already bored with the Joey, Caitlin subplot. Angela is being a little shit again and tells Caitlin that she doesn’t want to eat the slop that she made for breakfast. So Caitlin being stupid makes her some pancakes instead of telling her to eat her bowl of crap.

In Snake’s class, Craig walks in all pissed off and he tells Ashley that her lyrics weren’t cool. I don’t know why he’s so upset for, their song wasn’t even that great. Ashley and Ellie starts to say that he’s so vain because he thinks that the song is about him. Craig points out the obvious that Ashley is a bitter angry person and if she wasn’t such a prude, he never would have banged Manny. Which is the truth. Ashley all sarcastic says, ” But I thought you loved her.” It seems like Craig is about to tell her to go fuck herself but Snake tells them to shut up.

In the next scene Craig is telling the guys that he’s out of the competition, but Spinner says that if Ashley wants a war then she has it. We then get a horrible, lame rap that it’s obvious that Drake wrote it. Basically it’s about how much Ashley sucks as a person. Marco of course doesn’t like it and he takes him outside for some advice. Marco’s solution? For Craig to scream all his stress out. Yeah, that’ll do it.

Back to Joey’s house, Angela is now acting like a spoiled little shithead and tells Joey that her day out shopping was just ok even though she got a lot of new toys courtesy of Caitlin. She then announces that she’s going outside to play, but Caitlin tells her to wash up since it’s almost dinner time. Angela ignores her and starts to go out anyways. that’s when Caitlin finally get’s pissed off and tells her to get her ass upstairs and to wash her filthy hands. Angela says, “I hate you.” and goes upstairs stomping her damn feet. Joey of course being a big push over does nothing to punish his rotten little daughter.

Finally it’s time for the Battle of the Bands and the girls are wearing Craig on their shirts and it seems like his face is melting like on Raiders of the Lost Ark. Craig has had it with her petty shit and he starts to whine about how she won’t stop making his life a living hell. She starts to go off on him and says that he broke her heart when he fucked Manny into motherhood and says that she wanted to die because she’s emo as hell. Craig says that he’s sorry and says how many times he has to say it. Ashley all full of sass says, “Until you mean it.”

Ashley and the girls are then seen performing their ode to Craig and the crowd is just loving it. Outside it seems that Craig has flown the coop because he’s nowhere to be seen. Spinner says that they’ll be ok and they’ll use his lyrics instead.

The MC for the event comes out and he looks like Anton LaVey from the Church of Satan. (Google him) Oh we finally find out what their band name is and it’s The Downtown Sasquatch. I gotta say, I like it. Spinner makes an ass of himself and before he can embarrass himself further Craig comes out with a sheet of paper. It’s obvious he finally wrote the lyrics for their song. It’s pretty much about how he just realized how much he hurt Ashley and he feels like a complete pile of shit because of it. It’s hilarious to me that he just barely figured out that he broke Ashley’s heart. I gotta say, even though Craig sucks, it’s a very catchy tune.

We close out the B plot and Joey tells Caitlin that kids like Angela need limits and be told what to do. Caitlin sort of feels better for yelling at his annoying kid.

And so after just two bands the battle of the bands is over and the dudes are triumphant! Ashley comes by and tells Craig that his lyrics were just right. So shit, it seems like finally Ashley is over her heart break. And if you ask me, it’s about time.

So yeah, like I said, this was a good, entertaining episode. Even though I hate myself for sort of liking Craig’s song. True, the whole subplot with Angela and Caitlin was irritating as hell, but it was small enough that it didn’t effect the rest of the episode.


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Season 3, Episode 17, “Don’t Dream It’s Over”

So we return to an Episode that “Goes There”. That’s right this is the big Terri get’s fucked up by her boyfriend episode. I’m not sure, but I believe this is the last episode she’s featured in, or maybe she makes one last appearance as the season concludes. But who cares. Let’s see how Terri get’s taken out of Degrassi. Man, what a DeBummer.

Pre-Credit Opener: We open up with Paige telling the gang that she has her parents mini van for the weekend and you know what that means. Party!! Everyone is super excited except for Terri because she doesn’t have that special someone to go on what’s most likely going to be a lame road trip. Hazel tells her, “You’ll be with all of your friends idiot!” Paige tells her to bring someone and we all know who Terri is thinking of bringing along because she is indeed an idiot.

Oh what a surprise. Yet again Mrs Kwan is teaching something that isn’t remotely related to language class. I would say she’s more of a life skills teacher. I remember when I was in Jr High we had a class called Life Skills class. And it was pretty much stupid shit like this. Rick and Terri become partners for a trust exercise and yeah, it’s pretty predictable. They each fall into each other’s arms and with that, Rick weasel’s his way into Terri’s heart again.

After class Rick tells Terri that he wanted to call her to apologize for beating the hell out of her, but he was too much of a chicken shit to do it. He goes on to say that he misses her and the fact that she hung out with Paige all the time made stalking her hard. Terri just leaves and says she’ll talk to him later.

In Snake’s class Marco is being a little brown noser and tells him that the sub that they had sucked ass and they’re all glad that he’s back. Snake is back to his old self. At least he’s not a dick anymore. Oh lord Marco and Ellie have a night of watching an Indian movie double feature. What a couple of bores I swear. Ashley points out to Ellie that Sean like most normal teenage boys wouldn’t sit through that kind of boring bullshit. Ellie says, “Why would Sean come?” Ashley points out that they are sort of seeing each other, but Ellie is adamant that things haven’t changed between her and Marco just because she’s seeing Sean now. Yeah, we all know this isn’t going to end well.

At Caitlin’s TV station Sean walks into Caitlin and Ellie’s bull session. Sean cuts to the chase and he wants to watch a new movie called Elimination Round 3. Ellie says that she wants to go with him, but she realized that she has a boring evening with Marco planned already. What’s a girl to do?

We cut to The Dot and everyone is disgusted and pissed off at Terri for bringing Rick along to their sacred hangout. Paige all full of fury says that she’s not going to be driving that asshole around all day long. Spinner points out that it’s better that they come along since they’ll be able to keep an eye on them.

Ha! The poster to Elimination Round 3 features a bald black dude and none other than motherfucking Yick Yu! Marco and Ellie come along and right away he’s acting like such a woman. Sean much like I would be in that situation is disappointed that she brought him along.

So it’s finally time for the big road trip and it seems like they just went to the local Degrassi park. Rick sit’s his ass on the hood of the van and tells Terri to come and join him. Paige all annoyed tells him to get the hell off before he and Terri put the mother of all dents on it.

Back at the movie Marco and Ellie are acting like a couple of assholes. You can tell that they think that they’re sophisticated and that an action movie is beneath them. Jay get’s so annoyed at them that he throws popcorn at Marco. Sean then reaches for some popcorn but he touches Marco’s hand instead. He probably wants to boil it because he thinks he has gay now.

The scene cuts back to the park and Paige is fuming and you can tell she’s about to blow. Rick goes to get what I’m assuming is food for Terri. She takes that as an opportunity to talk to her about Rick. Terri being a fool says that he apologized. Paige getting more irritated by the minute shouts out, “Of course, that’s what his kind does!” Rick comes out of nowhere and starts to tell Paige that she has no right to tell Terri who she can be friends with and that she’s a backstabber. I don’t know how she is in that situation. It’s not like she ever fucked Rick over like she did to Manny and Hazel. Anyways, Paige goes on to call him a psycho and Rick loses it and kicks Paige’s mini van and leaves. Terri being on Rick’s side starts to yell at Paige. She pretty much says that she’s sick of her shit and constantly being told what to do. Paige having enough yells at her to go after him if she’s such a bad friend. I gotta say, I’ve been in Paige’s situation before with people like Terri. Especially when they get back together with someone they know is toxic. It’s very annoying and frustrating, but you can’t control people. Even if they are fucking stupid.

Out in some field where a bunch of bricks are just laying around, Rick is going crazy kicking at the air in anger. Terri starts to apologize about Paige but Rick cuts off her shouting, “She does not matter!” Terri says, “Calm down day time Emmy.” He does and goes on to say that he’s happy that they’re together again. After they kiss, Terri starts to pull him along and says to just ignore Paige. He tugs her back all aggressive and says he’d rather walk back. Terri points out that it’s far walk. Rick says that she called him a psycho. Paige tells Rick that that’s just Paige being herself, which is a bitch. Rick now is starting to get more aggravated and says, “What? That makes it ok? My feelings mean nothing to you?” Terri starts to panic from his vise like grip thanks to him hulking out due to anger again. She says that she’s going back because he’s hurting her. At that he loses it and yells, “You’re not going! You’re not!!” And then pushes her and Terri fucking splits her head open falling on top of one of the random cinder blocks just lying around. At this point Rick makes a shocked face because he knows that he went way over the line. He went up to 11 with that fury.

We cut back to Paige and she’s clearly worried about Terri because it’s been awhile since she left. They come out of the bushes and spot Rick kneeling next to Terri’s carcass. Rick looking like OJ with Terri’s blood all over his hands panics and runs away. I love how Spinner made no attempt to chase him and stomp his ass into the ground. Instead he runs to get his cell phone.

At Degrassi Mr Raditch is telling the entire class that Terri was maimed that weekend and is in the hospital until further notice. Marco starts to ask Snake if it was an accident and Spinner cuts him off by saying that it wasn’t an accident. Ashley wonders out loud if Rick is in jail. Snake tells everyone since he’s a minor he’s not allowed to talk about any specifics. Spinner tells him that if he see’s Rick, his ass is grass. Oh lord Snake then says, “We can talk about our feelings together.” I’m with Spinner, get the fuck out of here with that hippy bullshit Snake. Paige busts out this lame looking get well card for Terri and everyone signs it.

Back to the B plot, Ellie is telling Marco that she doesn’t really want to go visit Terri since she didn’t even know her. And you know what? Why should she? Marco offers to go with her and that’s when Sean comes by and get’s instantly annoyed at seeing Marco next to Ellie. He makes a major alpha move and makes Marco move out of the way. It’s hilarious. Ellie now pissed off leaves Sean by himself and goes with Marco. Ellie doesn’t seem to know how to act in a relationship.

The next scene is at the local Degrassi hospital. Terri is so messed up that she’s now in a coma. Terri’s dad comes along and tells Spinner and Paige that she’ll be having surgery later on in the night because she has a blood clot. He then starts to go off on Rick and he can’t believe that little prick would hurt his daughter like he did. By the look on their faces he picks up on the fact that they knew that he was being abusive towards her.  Understandably he yells at the both of them and asks why the hell didn’t they say anything. The both of them just leave with tears in their eyes.

Outside The Dot Paige stops her mini van and starts to cry. Spinner tells her that she’s going to be ok and gives her a little smooch. At that Paige aggressively starts to make out with him. Even Spinner being a big horn dog isn’t down for this shit. Paige of course get’s all pissed off and starts with the blame game. She goes on to say that none of this would have happened if Spinner would have just left them behind like she wanted to. Spinner now angry blurts out the fact that she’s the one who told her to go off with him. Check mate!

Inside, Ellie is telling Marco that she should dump Sean because he’s being rude towards Marco. Marco points out that the only rude one in that relationship is her. Plus he’s tired of being her security blanket and feeling like a third wheel. I think he just doesn’t want to hang out with Sean’s scumbag friends.

All dejected, Spinner makes his way back to Degrassi and then he spots Rick waiting inside a car. Spinner get’s super pissed and drags his ass out. Rick starts to yell, “Spinner stop!” Spinner asks him if he stopped when he ravaged Terri. Paige then comes along pleading for him to stop too. Rick’s mom then comes out of the school and tells them to leave her son alone. Spinner just leaves crying. Ugh! I would have been like Kevin Dillon’s character in Platoon and told Spinner, “Fucking pussy! He’s laughing at you!” I would have beat the shit out Rick. But you know, this is Degrassi and it wants to teach that an eye for an eye is not the way. Spinner sits on a bench and starts to cry to Paige that he’s no different than Rick. Paige tells him that he is different because he stopped himself. *Eye roll* Whatever.

We conclude the B plot by Sean and Ellie having a conversation about their relationship. They both think that they’re dumping each other. Ellie tells him that she’s sorry for being a horrible girlfriend, and then she says, “You haven’t been a great boyfriend either.” I don’t know how she figures this, but Sean knowing better just agrees with her craziness and says that he doesn’t hate Marco, he just wants to date her.

At the hospital Terri’s dad comes out and tells them that they don’t know if she’s brain damaged or not. They all apologize for their behavior and Paige says that they should have said something. He makes them feel better by saying that they’re good friends.

Man, I must be rusty, this took me about two hours to write. Ridiculous. But this was a pretty good episode. I guess we had to have a domestic violence story and Degrassi delivered. I still say Rick should have had his balls cut off for what he did. Another frustrating thing is that we never found out if Rick was punished or not. But this is Degrassi after all and they always like to leave things open ended.


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Season 3, Episode 9, “Against All Odds”

Hey everyone. Happy New Year, hope everyone had a great holiday season. Welcome back to another pointless episode review of Degrassi. In this episode we get to know the new kid Chris some more.

Pre-credit opener: We see Emma walking into Ms Kwan’s room and runs into Sean and get’s instantly annoyed when she see’s a huge hickey on his neck. Ms Kwan then asks the class what they thought of Bill Shakespeare’s immortal classic, Julius Caesar. Sean makes this really lame speech about how Shakespeare doesn’t know anything about him or his life. That’s when Chris chimes in and goes on to talk about the themes and then basically calls him a wigger. At that diss, Emma is mightily impressed and you can tell that she now wants his Alabama black snake.

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Outside the school, Craig is telling Ashley not to be messing around on him with some studly French Canadian guys. Funny coming from him since he fucked Manny a few episodes ago. But Ashley reassures him that she’s just taking Ellie for a little vacation since she’s had a rough time. But Ellie is always sad! As soon as they leave Manny the skank comes along and aggressively tells him that she misses him. Craig being the typical douche bag tells her that there’s nothing to miss since he only boned her once. Not to be dismayed, Manny invites him to a rave that night.

craig-ashley-ellie manny

In the hallway Chris is talking like a fucking robot and is beepbopping to some bullshit rhyme he came up with on the spot. Once again Emma is impressed because she just happens to be the lamest white girl on the planet. In Mr Armstrong’s class, Spinner is in deep shit because he had a horrible mark on his homework assignment. Being desperate he asks Jimmy for some help, but is reluctant to go over because Jimmy invited Marco over to his house too. Just a reminder, Spinner is really grossed out by Marco’s homosexuality. But what do you expect from an asshole like Spinner?

Back in the hallway Chris starts to talk to Emma about God know’s what, because you can barely understand him. Manny let’s Emma know that Chris’s cousin is the DJ for the Kid’s Bop rave that’s going on that night and Emma yet again is impressed because he always let’s Chris spin a set. I gotta say, Emma is impressed by really stupid shit in this episode. Later on at her house, Manny and Emma are sluttifying themselves but Emma goes out to point out that she’s a “White Dork.” Which is true. But Manny finally at the peak of her whorish powers tells her that she looks hot and tells her that she has to do whatever it takes to bag him. I gotta say, Manny looks ridiculous with her thong sticking out as much as it is. She just looks like a little girl who’s trying too hard.

emma-manny

We cut back to Jimmy’s condo where he lives by himself and it seems like Spinner has the shits due to too much spray cheese. He get’s annoyed because he see’s that he has to sit next to Marco and is afraid of catching gay. Jimmy turns on the tv and puts on a porno movie. Jimmy turns it right off because he points out that maybe Marco isn’t interested in watching porn, but Marco tells him to turn it back and because he was enjoying it and was staring at the guy giving the woman a good deep dicking. At that Spinner is even more disgusted and turns the tv right off again.

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Back at the lame rave, Manny is telling Emma not to talk about the fucking environment and her other stupid interests. Emma spots Chris and decides to go talk to him. I hope she brought a translator for the occasion. Back at Joey’s, Craig is becoming hornier and hornier by the minute. I mean, Manny pretty much is a sure thing so I don’t blame him. Eventually he can’t take no more and leaves Joey and Sidney’s boring night at home. But they’re elated because now that he’s out of the way, they can get their own boning done.

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We cut back to Jimmy’s and he puts the porn back on and Marco makes Spinner uncomfortable by patting him on the knee. Spinner decides to get some more spray cheese and while he’s eating that, Marco starts to go on about the porno dude. At that Spinner get’s so disgusted that he literally starts to choke on his food. Marco tells him that he knows the Heimlich maneuver and tries to help him out. But Spinner would rather die than let Marco nail him in his keister. Eventually Marco save’s Spinner’s life and Jimmy just responds with the fact that they just ruined his new carpet.

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Emma finally makes her way through the crowd and talks to Chris. His cousin let’s him spin a set and all Chris does is talk over the music. Emma being a dumbass steps on the power button for the whole thing and shuts all the music down. Humiliated she tells him sorry, but Chris tells her not to worry about her and puts his arm around her. Just then his girl friend LaShaquanishia comes along and tells him what the fuck he thinks he’s doing.

Emma finds Manny and tells her that she wants to go home because he has a girlfriend. That’s when Manny shows Emma the secret of getting with a guy by taking advantage of the fact that he’ll be very vulnerable and that he’ll be easy for the kill. But come on, this is Emma here and says that it’s not right. But surprisingly she listens to Manny. As she goes to get some water, Manny meets up with Craig and they start to dirty dance.

We go back to Jimmy’s and Spinner is begging Jimmy to let him stay in his room because he thinks that Marco is going to molest him or something. But Jimmy tells him fuck no and that he needs to deal with the fact that his good friend is gay and proud.

Back at the rave Emma apologizes to Chris for getting him in trouble with his girlfriend. They go somewhere to talk because she wants to make her move. Chris starts to go on about loving the beat of the music, but he’s more interested in feeling Emma up and proceed’s to touch her boobs on the pretense of  having the feeling of the beat in her heart. Now if Emma didn’t have pimple tits, I’d be impressed. Manny meanwhile is now completely horny and starts to make out with Craig. He starts to say that he has a girlfriend but Manny the harlot doesn’t care. She says, “I can keep a secret.” At that Craig get’s a raging boner and they start to go at it right then and there. Emma starts to kiss Chris too, but Emma being a prude feels really bad about it and runs away. Poor Chris probably has a serious case of blue balls.

emma-chris

At Jimmy’s meanwhile, Marco and Spinner have finally fallen asleep and Marco’s hand brushes Spinner’s chest. At that Spinner wakes up in a blind panic and accuses Marco of wanting the monster between his legs. Marco get’s instantly offended and tells him that he’s not even remotely interested in him because Spinner is a moron with horrible fashion sense. The insult to injury being that he tells Spinner that he’s not even cute and goes to sleep in the bathtub.

Emma comes home from the rave and finds Manny and Craig in her bed going at it like jack rabbits. Nah, they were just making out, but he was practically fingering her. Emma tells Craig to get the fuck out and acts all judgmental towards Manny.

craig-manny

At Degrassi, Marco and Spinner make some small talk and they finally have it out about Marco’s gayness. He pretty much tells him that he has nothing to worry about and that he’ll never ever be attracted to him. Spinner doesn’t give it a thought because he figures that Marco has horrible taste.

marco-spinner

The episode ends with Emma and Manny having an argument about Manny being a huge whore and Emma being a prude who’s afraid to take chances. Manny tired of Emma’s self righteousness tells her that she does’t want to be her friend anymore and goes on to call her a “Stuck up, prude princess.” Emma returns fire with, “Good, because I don’t want to be friends with the school slut who smells like a stripper.” Burn. So it seems like their friendship is no more. Oh well.

manny-emma-end-credits

I would say that I liked this episode. Mostly because Toby had nothing to do with it, so that’s always a good thing there. But it had it’s humorous moments with Spinner and his homophobia. Yeah, I know how that sounds, but it was funny how Marco cut him down. Now that Manny isn’t in Emma’s shadow, maybe she’ll become more interesting. Shit, what am I talking about? She already is and it’s just going to get better in future episodes.


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Season 3, Episode 5, “Pride, Part 2”

So last episode was quite the shocker right? And by that I mean the thing with Snake, not Marco. Everyone could tell that he was gay except for Spinner because’s he’s a complete idiot. We now continue this emotional hurricane of a two parter.

Pre-credit opener: It seems like it’s the next day of school and Marco tries to talk to Spinner about the fact that he’s a homosexual. But Spinner acting like a true asshole plays dumb and pretends to not know what Marco is talking about. Marco is pleading with him not to tell anyone his big secret. Spinner just mutters, “Maybe I did. Maybe I didn’t.” And then sunders off like the piece of shit that he is. Right now Marco is terrified, but I bet half the school knows already.

Spinner, Marco

In the hallway Ellie tries to reassure Marco that Spinner wouldn’t tell anyone. But Marco knows better and says that he would try to make his life a living hell because he’s a dickhead. They come along to Craig and Jimmy talking about a big secret that Spinner told them and Marco is about to shit his pants. He’s relieved to find out that he’s only planning Paige’s 16th surprise party

Emma comes along knocking on Snake’s glass wall in the MI lab and it seems like Snake was crying. I gotta say, I can’t blame him. It seems like Spike is going to be picking him up later on so that he can have a biopsy. Emma suggests that he should go home, but that’s the last place he wants to be because Spike is a fucking nag and would probably put him to work doing chores. Looking at a picture of the anti-christ, Snake goes on to say that he’s going to look a lot like baby Jack and be bald like him. But he already is.

Snake, Emma

After class Craig is talking about some nonsense about not wanting to be a farmer and that’s when Dylan comes around and gives them their tickets for his game that night. He mentions to save one for Marco and Spinner can’t help getting all angry over the thought of Marco joining them for a guy’s night at the hockey game. Craig and Jimmy are really excited about a guy’s night out and Spinner all full of hate tells them, “Ohh, guy’s night out! Can you two be bigger fags?!” This is Degrassi going there again I guess. Both Craig and Jimmy wonder why he’s acting like such an asshole for.

Craig, Jimmy, Spinner

In gym glass Jimmy  and Craig both ask Marco why he’s not coming with them to see the hockey game that night. Marco is pissed now and confront’s Spinner on why he lied to the dudes for. Spinner tells him, “Why would you want to come for anyways? It’s Hockey, not the ballet.” Marco says that Dylan invited him and Spinner says that’s the only reason he wants to be there because of his big gay crush. Well it’s obvious Spinner, a lot of people go and do shit they normally wouldn’t do because the person they like is going to be there. They start to play volleyball and Spinner starts to spike the ball right towards Marco. Coach Armstrong has had enough after he does it a second time and kicks his ass out of the class. Marco burns him with, “Good thing Spin spikes like a girl.”

In the hallway Snake is arguing with Liberty about the bidding prices for their stupid auction. He’s way depressed because all the horny guys are with Mrs H and her prize is that they get to spend the day with her at the science center. So yeah, I would be bidding a shit load of money too if I could ogle her for the day. Snake counters her sexy offer by saying that if they raise 250 bucks by tomorrow, he’s going to shave his head. He has the right idea. If I was him, I would have said fuck it and do the same thing.

Mrs Hatzilakos

In the restroom Spinner is still angry and Jimmy catches him writing “Marco is a fag” on the wall. Then he goes on to tell Jimmy that Marco’s gay. Jimmy seems to accept it right then and there and tells Spinner, “What are you going to do next? Lynch me because I’m black?”

Jimmy, Spinner

Out in the hallway Marco is telling Ellie that he’s not going to the hockey game, but she reminds him that Dylan himself invited him. Jimmy then comes along and tells him that he better go to the game and says that Spinner is an idiot. Making Ellie happy because she has no life, Marco agrees to go, but that he’ll meet them at the arena.

At Snake’s house Joey and Sidney are there and she’s talking about some health food bullshit and says that it’s good for Snake and his cancer. Even Emma rolled her eyes. Just as they’re about to leave Snake walks in limping because of his biopsy. I’m surprised that Spike is even helping him out. Snake trying to act overoptimistic is making dead jokes and wants everyone to have a good time and does some of the whitest dancing ever.

Spike, Snake

We cut to Marco and he’s calling Jimmy to tell him that he got off the wrong stop and has wandered into the gay district of Toronto. I think I saw the Blue Oyster bar from Police Academy. Anyways, Marco can’t help gawking at all the gay people and how open they are about it. But uh oh. We know he’s in trouble now when we see someone making a fist as Marco is approaching.

Marco, Gay Village

Some guy asks him if he’s lost and Marco afraid, knows that he’s going to get his ass kicked. I have to point out, why would anyone go into a dark park at night like that? The guys calls him a faggot and takes his hat away. He’s in deep shit now.

At the hockey game Jimmy tells Spinner that if Marco comes in while he’s gone taking a shit, not to act like a complete dick with him. That’s when Jimmy decides to call him and he can sort of hear Marco crying that he’s in the park. That’s when Jimmy decides to go save Marco. But Jimmy is someone who always get’s his ass kicked, so I don’t know what good he would do.

Back at the park, the bout to knock Marco out has begun. These guys start to beat the shit out of poor Marco and we know he didn’t have a chance against them because he’s not a manly gay dude like Dylan. Dylan at least would have taken out at least two of them before they overwhelmed him. But how all the gay dudes who are clearly across the street didn’t see and help him is beyond me. Finally the cops come along and these pieces of shit all start running to the four winds.

Marco, Gay Bashed

Wait, fucking Jimmy is still at the game. He decides to go looking for Marco after hearing all these police sirens outside. Thanks for nothing Jimmy. He finds Marco crying while the cop is patching him up. Marco starts hugging the shit out of him while he’s crying his eyes out.

The next day Ellie says all loud that he was walking through the gay village at night and that someone kicked his ass for his designer shoes. I don’t know why he’s lying for. God Ellie is a fucking nag. She keeps asking him why he’s lying and what about Dylan. He tells her to drop it already and that it’s over. Dylan spots him and Marco just buzzes by saying to Dylan to leave him alone.

Ellie, Marco

It’s time for Snake’s scalping and Sheila the lunch lady is going to butcher his hair. I think this is the last time that we’re going to see her, so enjoy it. Emma seems like she wants to cry, especially seeing all the Degrassi kids laughing their asses off at Snake. Just then Snake get’s a phone call and both he and Emma are terrified. Manny comes along bragging about winning the auction war, Emma too upset just ignores her and her bullshit. This is when Manny wonders what filthy piece of shit she did this time to upset Emma. Emma now in tears tells her that Snake might have cancer.

Snake, Sheila Manny, Emma

Out on the basketball court Spinner tells Jimmy that it’s no big deal that Marco got his ass kicked. Jimmy get’s pissed at him finally and throws the basketball all hard at him telling him that he wasn’t there and didn’t see just how fucked up Marco was. But Spinner could give two fucks about Marco because he’s a shithead. He goes on to say that it’s Marco’s fault for what happened because he should have gone to the game with them. But you can tell that deep down, he knows that it’s partly his fault for wanting to shun him.

Outside their house, Emma asks Snake what did the Dr’s tell him. He tells her that she better get used to his new Q ball look because he’ll be starting chemo in a few days. He tries to reassure her that there’s nothing to cry about and that he has to be strong because he’s going to beat this thing. Yeah, Cancer isn’t going to kill him, Spike is for being a fucking bitch all the time.

In the boys restroom Jay comes along and tells Marco that he always knew that he and Dylan were meant for each other. Marco is stunned to hear this and then see’s what Spinner wrote on the wall. Just then Spinner walks in and Marco looking like he wants to cry tells Spinner why he wrote that for. But Spinner tells him that he’s not in the mood. He then says the ridiculous thing that Marco shouldn’t be gay and to act straight. Like dating Hazel. Marco tells him that even strangers know, referring to the gay bashers. Spinner is highly offended when Marco compares him to them and the episode just abruptly ends on this note. What an odd ending.

Spinner, End Credits

So I would say this was a good two parter. Spike wasn’t a nag for once, but Ellie was. I hate it when people are pushy like that. Too bad that Spinner learned nothing about his homophobia. But assholes rarely learn their lessons.


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Season 3, Episode 4, “Pride, Part 1”

So this episode is kind of an important one because it’s Marco’s big coming out party and really the first openly gay main character in Degrassi. Viewers of the current show are probably saying, big fucking deal. Because every other character by now is gay or bi. Or they’re easily converted from being straight. But here, this shit was groundbreaking.

Pre-credit opener: Marco is telling Ellie not to worry about Paige. Ellie hates her guts due to Paige being a fucking bitch. It seems like they’re all going to the beach and everyone is dressed for it, except for Ellie. She looks like Wednesday Addams. If I was Paige I would be like Michael Scott from the Office when he was talking about Toby and say, “Why is she even here?” Here’s another first, Dylan, Paige’s gay older brother appears and it seems like he’s going to be driving them to the beach. Marco is elated to be sitting next to him for the drive over.

Degrassi Kids

They finally get to the coldest looking beach in history and Spinner says that he doesn’t want to carry a basket because it’ll make him look like a homo. Dylan looks at him like he wants to kick his ass and Spinner quickly apologizes because he’s a moron who has no tact. But Dylan tells him that it’s ok. Probably because he knows what an idiot Spinner is.

The next scene we go to Spike’s and she’s being particularly bitchy towards everyone because the baby is asleep. Yeah that’s right, we can’t wake up his majesty and interrupt his beauty sleep. I noticed during this entire scene that they’re all whispering for the beast’s sake, but the kid is clearly wide awake. Emma starts to complain that she can’t sleep due to the baby’s constant crying at night and the drip from the hot water heater. Snake says that he’s on it and is trying to cut open a pack of Styrofoam and that’s when he cuts his thumb. Instead of saying fuck like any normal person. Snake says, “Fiddlesticks!” Because he’s that much of a fucking square. The insult to injury is that it seems like he has a cold and Spike kicks his ass out of the house because the baby is just getting over one. I told you, Spike is heartless. But if Snake was a man he would have told Spike to go to hell and that he’s not going anywhere. But we all know Spike already owns his balls.

Snake, Emma, Spike

Back at the world’s coldest beach, Marco is telling Ellie that maybe it was a huge mistake to invite her along. He should have known better that someone like Ellie doesn’t do well in social situations like those. Especially being outside. Ellie points out that she’s simply doing all that for him since he’s still in the closet. Shit, she pretty much tells him that she’s done being his beard and that she’s not his girlfriend. Marco says fine and goes to play with the boys.

Marco, Ellie

We then get a montage of a volley ball game and if Marco had his way he would have all the guys greased up like they were in Top Gun. But no, the cool Degrassi kids are just having fun in the shade. Yeah, that’s right, there’s no fucking sun because it’s cloudy as hell at the beach. After all that Dylan tells the dudes that he has extra tickets for his hockey game and they all say they’d love to go. Marco decides to flirt with him by having Dylan teach him how to hit the ball because Marco is that much of a girl.

We cut to Joey’s and Craig and Ashley’s heavy petting session is interrupted by Snake who’s shown up with a bunch of luggage. He says that he’s there until he get’s over his cold. Craig says what I would have said which is, “Oh so you can come here and infect us.” Snake all awkward says, “Didn’t plan on spending Saturday night with old Mr Simpson huh.” Craig mutters, “What a DeBummer.”

Ashley, Craig

Back at the beach Dylan is asking about Marco because his gaydar is going crazy and he’s surprised by Paige when she tells him that he’s going out with Ellie. Just then some dudes pass by and Dylan and the girls can’t help checking out their asses and cat calling them. Spinner can’t handle his disgust and he makes Marco very uncomfortable. Especially since Spinner suggests that they should be deported to some island.

Jimmy, Marco, Spinner

At Joey’s, Snake and Craig are playing some Winter X games on the X-Box and Ashley couldn’t be more bored. I guess Craig cares more about video games then going no where sexually with Ashley. Snake being a big dork beats Craig at snowboarding and he starts to celebrate. Maybe a bit too much because he get’s dizzy all of a sudden and it seems like he’s going to pass out. But shit, it’s even worse because he also has a nose bleed.

Craig, Ashley, Snake

Seems like the cool kids are now having a BBQ and Spinner can’t BBQ for shit because he just burnt all the fucking hot dogs. Everyone starts to pair off and Marco tries it with Ellie but she’s had it enough and tells everyone that they’re not even together anymore. Marco just runs away, looking like he wants to cry. Dylan feeling the gayness inside Marco go’s after him and sits next to him, asking if he’s ok. Marco looks at him with another crying face and they just share a quiet moment together. Yeah, Dylan knows what’s up and it’s Marco’s dick.

Marco, Dylan

At Degrassi, Spinner is asking Paige why didn’t Marco tell him that he had broke up with Ellie, especially since they’re bro’s. Paige just reasons that it’s none of his goddamn business. Paige then tries to break it to him that Dylan thinks that maybe Marco plays for the other team. But Spinner refuses to believe that such a manly man like Marco can be gay.

Marco comes out of the boys laboratory sporting a Toronto Maple Leaf’s jersey and all of the dudes wonder why, since Marco has never been remotely interested in hockey before. Now that Paige has planted the gay seed in Spinner’s head, he decides to ask him a sports question which Marco of course get’s completely wrong because he confused the NHL with the NFL.

In the school library Marco spots Dylan and he can’t help having puppy dog eyes for him. Dylan asks him if he’s a fan of the Bud’s, at least I think that’s what he said. Marco of course has no fucking clue what he’s talking about because he has zero interest in sports. Marco tries to play it off, but he’s interrupted. This right here is the introduction to Jay. I couldn’t stand his character at first, but later on in the series, like season 23, his character changed a lot. but here, he’s a prick and says, “You better not drop the soap in front of Homochuck.” Dylan drops his book and get’s into Jay’s face, punking him out. Jay just leaves to save face because he knew he was going to get his ass kicked by a gay dude.

Dylan, Jay

All of a sudden Craig comes to Emma and they get to talking about Snake and his cold. Emma tells him that it’s not a big deal and Spike has been acting extra cunty lately because of the baby. But Craig is obviously concerned since Snake almost passed out and was bleeding out of his snoz.

Outside Spinner is listening to some Limp Bizkit and the evidence against Marco is piling up. Especially since he saw Marco hugging and kissing some girls on the cheek while pretty much having some girl talk with them. In Mrs H’s class Spinner is grilling Marco and wants to know if Ellie didn’t want to fuck him or not. But Marco says that they didn’t work out because they were more like brother and sister. Spinner then tells him that they should find him another girlfriend and he suggests Hazel. Marco says sure because he’s not ready to come out. But you can tell he’s mortified at the thought of having another female touching him.

Marco, Spinner

We cut to Snake and now he’s concerned because he’s still bleeding from the gash that he gave himself. Yeah, that right there isn’t a good sign. He’s barely listening to Manny and he agree’s to donate something for a silent auction for the school cheerleading squad. Probably his old Thundercat’s collection. Emma comes by and tells Snake that she’s concerned about what Craig told her and what if Snake doesn’t have a cold and it’s something more sinister. Snake tries to blow it off by saying that he’s over worked and obviously isn’t taking care of himself. But you can tell that he’s scared out of his fucking mind. So much so that he later calls his Dr to make an appointment.

At the Dot Marco is having a great time with Spinner, Paige and Hazel, but then Ellie drops in and it get’s really fucking awkward. Especially since she see’s him still trying to act straight by using Hazel. She can’t help being disgusted by him and she just keeps rolling her eyes. I gotta say, it’s annoying as hell. Again, for the third time in this episode it seems like Marco wants to cry. He get’s so flustered that he ends the date early and Spinner is very upset by his behavior.

Marco, Hazel, Ellie

In the next scene Snake is at his doctors and he’s ready to shit himself. Especially since he got some blood work done. But goddamn, that was fast because the Dr already has his results. For me it takes about one to two weeks and in some cases the motherfuckers don’t even call you with the results. I guess health care is the best in Canada. Anyways, his Dr tells him that it seems like he has Leukemia. I gotta give it to Stefan Brogin, this is some good acting here because it seems like he genuinely wants to cry during this scene. Shit, I know I would have if I heard horrible news like that. The Dr gives him some good news which is that they caught it early.

Snake

Shit, so if you got all emotional over that, then Degrassi is really going for it in this next scene. Spinner comes after Marco yelling at him, wanting to know why he would bail on Hazel for. Marco tells him, finally crying his eyes out the same lie that he needs to go home for dinner. Spinner says that Hazel and her big chocolate milk filled tits are way more yummier than his mom’s paaaah-sta sauce and demands to know what his problem is. (Seriously though, he says Pasta funny.) Marco tells him to leave him alone and that’s when Spinner shoves him against the wall and is adamant to know what’s going on. The episode ends with Marco telling him that he’s gay and loves the man meat. Spinner just walks away, disgusted.

Spinner, Marco

So damn, in this episode Degrassi sure went there. Remember the commercials when Degrassi used to say that and that it was always 100% intense? Well this episode for once was. Will Spinner resort to harassing Marco? Will Snake get any sympathy from his bitchy wife? We’ll find out the answers to those questions next time.


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Season 2, Episode 20, “How Soon Is Now”

Ok, so I’ve been away from a while and it’s not because I’ve been busy with anything really. I just hate this episode with a passion. Anything that has to do with that asshole Dean I automatically hate. Especially seeing that smug shit eating grin on his face. But I guess that says a lot to the dude’s acting ability. Well enough with this bullshit. Let’s get the show on the road.

Pre-credit opener: Paige is seen in a therapy session reading out loud a letter she wrote to her rapist, Dean. She seems to have finally accepted the fact that it wasn’t her fault that she got raped because she said no. The Asian lady tries to set up another appointment but Paige thinks that she’s fully healed. She’s not.

Paige

Out in the hall way JT is acting like his usual dipshit self and has now discovered the lame world of Mime artistry. Paige all of a sudden is nice to him and JT is beside himself. Again, it’s funny how being raped brought out the decent in her. She even goes to Spinner and complements him on his horrible dye job.

In the MI lab Snake has just approved Marco and Ellie’s project which is a unisex fragrance, or some shit like that. The next phase is to make a commercial for it and of course Marco being super gay, they’re going to make it into a fabulous musical. Seriously guys, Marco said that it was going to be fabulous. Craig tells them both what a great couple they are and Marco kisses her hand and you can just tell that Ellie has fallen in love with him again. Even though he pretty much told her that he’s gay.

Ellie, Craig, Marco

In the next scene we see the cheerleaders and JT practicing their routine. Turns out there’s going to be a basketball tournament the next day at Degrassi and Spinner comes along and tells Paige that her boyfriend Dean is invading their school.

Paige had a couple of flash backs about Dean’s creeper mug and she’s decided to go to her counselor and wants to know what the process is about pressing charges. The counselor tells her that since she waited a fucking eternity to do anything about it, he just might get away with it. Plus it turns out that she doesn’t really have any evidence at all since she had Dr’s examine her and nothing was out of the ordinary. Maybe it had to do with the fact that she also took forever to get looked at. After all that, she leaves defeated.

Outside Ellie tells Ashley that Marco is obsessed with Bollywood musicals. Of course he is. Marco comes by and acts like Lord fucking Byron again and now Ashley can see that Ellie is smitten by his charms and says, “Can you two be more meant for each other?” Which really stings Ellie because she knows that she has zero chance with him.

Ellie

Oh my God. Can JT just be murdered already? He comes along and does his stupid routine again and Paige just isn’t in the mood to pretend to be nice anymore. Paige tells JT that she’s not coming to the game and explains sort of that she doesn’t want to see the prick. JT tells her to let her alpha bitch side come out and give that asshole some of her medicine.

JT

Finally Ellie and Marco are filming their commercial and this is a dream come true for Marco because this is possibly the gayest thing I’ve seen in the show so far and yes, I know the show will go to warp factor ten with the gay stuff in later seasons. Marco comes prancing in with a pink boa and says his line. Ellie can’t help herself and goes in for a kiss. Marco much like Freddy Mercury kissed a girl and he didn’t like it.

Ellie, Marco

Meanwhile back to Paige’s plot, it seems like she stayed up all night dreading the coming of the rapist Dean to the hollowed halls of Degrassi. The bus arrives and Mr Wonderful comes out and spots her right away. This motherfucker, I’ll give it to him is a cocky bastard. He comes up to Paige and the girls and basically laughs about raping her and you can tell that he’s not in the slightest remorseful for what he did.

Dean

In the MI lab, Marco is distressed because Ellie has changed the way their entire commercial is. Seems like she ditched the whole gay Bollywood shit and went with Sprockets from SNL instead. Ellie is surprised that he’s cool with it though, but he’s doing it out of pity because he can tell how pathetic she is.

Spinner see’s Dean say another taunting thing and Paige leaves like she’s going to cry. Spinner is convinced it’s because that Dean dumped her after banging her just once. Hazel pretty much fucking tells him that he raped her, but Spinner being borderline retarded says, “Good one Hazel, but the only one she said no to, was me.” She could have used hand puppets and he still wouldn’t get it.

Marco and Ellie start having an argument during the reshoots for their commercial. Ellie tells him that she feels like she’s a slave to him and his lies and she can’t take it anymore. She says the word flaming and Marco is instantly offended. He tells her that he can’t be what she wants. Ellie goes on to say that he has a choice, but Marco would rather have some man meat than to be stuck with a moody goth chick.

Marco

Shit! When is this horrible episode going to end?! Paige is outside with Hazel and she’s hella pissed at her for spilling the beans to Spinner. But she shouldn’t worry since dumbass didn’t even believe her. Still, Paige decides to leave. I love how it seems that the fate of the game rests on whether Paige will be there cheering them on or not. In the hallway Paige tells Manny that she saw her talking to Dean earlier and she tries to warn Manny about him and his rapist ways, but Manny acting like a bitch tells Paige that she knows that she porked him and that he never called her back because she was a lousy lay and that she’s jealous of Manny and her sexual powers. Oh Paige, Face!

Manny

Goddamn!! How much longer are they going to draw this shit out?! JT goes outside to find Paige gently weeping on the Degrassi steps and he tells her what the big fucking deal is. Blah, blah. Paige Admits to him that that fucker raped her and JT goes crazy and rushes into the gym and attacks Dean. It would be heroic had it not been for the fact that JT is a twerp and is completely weak. Dean is laughing his ass off, but goes ape shit when JT calls him a rapist. At that, Dean easily overpowers him and just as he’s about to cave in JT’s face, they get broken up and the both of them get kicked out of the game. Spinner knows that something is up because JT out of all people rushed to defend Paige’s honor. He talks to Paige and she now admits to him to that she was raped by the creepiest and oldest looking high schooler in the history of TV shows. I think at this point the whole school knows that Paige was raped.

Dean, JT

As Dean is walking out of the school, Spinner now decides to start with him, but of course he doesn’t do a damn thing like kick the shit out of him because the writers of this show doesn’t want the audience to have any satisfaction whatsoever. All that happens is that Paige, completely empowered like Shira tells Dean that she’s now coming after him. He’s all, “Yeah, yeah, bake a pie, eat a pie.” and goes into the bus for the duration of the game.

Ellie and Marco finally have their heart to heart and she tells him that being his beard is really hard and she can’t take it anymore. So she asks him if he’s still confused about his sexuality. Marco tells her that he’s not confused, and that he has no interest in anything female. Ellie is obviously disappointed because it’s hard for a girl like her to find someone who will put up with her and her bullshit.

Ellie, Sad

In the counselors office, Paige tells her that she now wants to press charges against Dean. The counselor says that the Mounties are now going to get involved in the matter. Spinner waiting outside gives Paige these really stale looking sandwiches and tells her that not all guys are complete pieces of shit like Dean, that some of the guys are good. But Spinner is an asshole, so he really doesn’t qualify as a good guy either. With that being said, Paige asks Spinner to the end of the year dance and the episode ends on a good note for once.

Paige, Spinner

So yeah, this episode fucking sucked. It was pure torture for me and I never want to see it again. The only thing interesting about it was Ellie and Marco’s relationship and even that was doomed from the start.