Degrassi The Next Generation Reviewed

Ah yes, the companion blog to Degrassi Junior High Reviewed. Each episode will be reviewed in order by a guy who loves the next generation's melodrama.


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Season 4, Episode 13, “Bark At The Moon”

Holy moley, it seems like this season is dragging for me. I thought I was about to finish and I’m about half way through it. But fuck it, lets go with another review of Degrassi.

Pre-Credit Opener: Spinner is busy as hell at The Dot waiting tables while Manny is there waiting for him. Spinner gives her a kiss and we can all tell he wants to talk to her for a bit, but she sounds like an idiot going on about a horrible stupid song that just came on the jukebox. Right away we find out what this episode is going to be about. Spinner wants to be official with her, while Manny just wants a fuck buddy.

In the next scene Manny is giving a tour to a new kid who looks like he’s from the great, great north of Canada. He asks if she’s giving the tour because of Rick being killed, but she says, actually, I have no idea what the reason was and I’m too lazy to rewind it. Really who cares? Oh lord, the new kid’s name is Chester and she introduces him to Craig. Lucky for him he’s now medicated or else he would have beat his ass like he did Joey in the previous episode. Chester fucks off to eat some burritos while Craig has a talk with Manny. He apologizes for acting the way he did because he was a raging maniac at the time and he would have done things differently because their relationship was nothing but pain. Manny of course get’s highly offended by this and leaves in a huff. She still doesn’t get that she was just the side piece and there really wasn’t anything there.

In the hall way Paige and Marco are having a mini freak out because they’ve both been called up to the office. Paige grabs Manny and tells her to have a meeting with Raditch instead of her and she just leaves abruptly. Paige meanwhile goes to talk to the student teacher where she flirts with him some more but not before apologizing to him for seeing him at some bar. Conveniently he lets her know that his cunty girlfriend Charlie is now his ex. Paige being horny and desperate says that he’s probably her brother’s age and if he can bang Marco than Mr Wonderful here can totally get it on with Paige. He says that he can’t because he’s a teacher.

Outside the principles office Raditch comes out and tells Marco and Manny that he’s been reassigned to another school, meaning fired and the new principle is in his former office waiting for them. I do have to point out that when it came to the whole Rick thing, he really did fuck that up big time. Especially how he just blew him off. Anyways, they go into the office and Mrs Hatzilakos is now the principle, what a random person I swear. She goes on to say that she’s going to approve JT and Liberty’s stupid Dracula play and mentions that the school needs new great ideas to get their minds off of the fact that Rick is dead as a door nail and Jimmy is a cripple.

In the hallway again, Manny is telling Emma how Mrs Hotass wants a huge event to bring everyone’s spirits up and asks Emma for help, but Emma is still depressed about Rick wanting to murder her. Spinner comes along and gives Manny a stuffed animal and makes her happy. He brings her down about talking about being in a relationship and she leaves without giving an answer.

Outside the school, Manny and Marco are leaning towards having a dance. Chester comes by and says that everyone loves a school dance and that they can do a cupid thing by having a computer pair people up. Right away he flirts with Manny about having a dance with her and you can tell that her hormones are going into overdrive for his moley face. On the video announcements the next day Manny is telling everyone about the dance and how it’s going to work.

In yoga class Marco is giving Paige shit about wanting to be with the student teacher. But oh, it’s Mrs Kwan’s class now because Mr O has a huge workload and he doesn’t have time for that stupid shit. Of course he really didn’t want to do it anymore because Paige is just too in his face about wanting to be with him.

In the MI lab Chester is talking to Manny about the stupid dance and he asks her questions for the pairing. That’s when he asks her if she has a boyfriend and she tells him no, not anyone serious. Poor Spinner, but that’s what happens when you try to get with a ho. She tells him to put in his name and they’re a match of course. Just then Spinner spots them and interrupts their flirting.

Outside he asks her what she’s thinking about and if it’s about Chester. She tells him no, but she’s a fucking liar. She tells him not to worry because the next day all the dances are going to be with him, but that’s when he tells her that he can’t go because he was to work. She get’s all pissed off and says, “My own boyfriend can’t make it to the dance.” He points out that she never said if they were together or not. That’s when she get’s mad and says that that’s what he thinks they should do because it’s a childish thing, or something like that. Then she says, “If you can’t commit to a dance, how can you commit to me?” But it’s just her excuse to be able to fuck around.

In the next scene we see Mr Raditch giving a farewell speech. He mentions how much he loves Degrassi but that all good things must come to an end. That’s when he introduces Mrs Hotass as the new temporary principle. While she’s talking, Marco is pissed off at Manny because she broke Spinner’s heart. They can’t continue with their girl talk because Marco is supposed to present Raditch with a going away present. In bad taste it’s a lighter that looks like a gun. Hoo Ha! As everyone’s clapping Manny can’t help looking and smiling at Chester’s goofy looking ass.

At the computer she’s dismayed to see that she’s been paired with Johnny Mathis aka Danny. She then see’s who Chester’s with and it’s Darcy, who we haven’t seen in a couple of episodes already. Of course she cheats and changes the answers so she can be with him.

Finally it’s the dance and Manny is pissed off to see that she’s still paired with Danny. Marco tells her that the computer is supposed to decide not her. As he says that Chester is looking at her. I’m surprised he can see with his 70’s hair. She get’s all pissed and wonders why he would do that to her. He counters with how she could do that to Spinner, especially since he loves and cares about her. He goes on to tell her to stop being afraid of getting hurt like the previous year and just take a chance. Having no shame she goes up to Chester and you can tell that Darcy wants to tell her to fuck off because Chester is all hers! Chester being a piece of shit goes off to dance with Manny while Darcy get’s boned here.

Paige finally arrives and she asks who she was paired with. The student teacher, I don’t remember his name asks her who the lucky guy is and she says that it’s him. He get’s super uncomfortable and leaves with Paige following

Manny’s just standing there and that’s when Spinner comes along and holds her from behind. Manny get’s a huge smile on her face thinking that it’s Chester, but oh shit. It’s Spinner and the look on her face says it all. He tells her that she’s more important than his shitty job at the Dot. That’s when he opens up to her and tells her that he wants her to be his girlfriend because she’s fun, she makes him happy and she can suck a dick like no other. That’s when she continues to make excuses by saying that he’s on the rebound and why bother trying because they never work out. Chester with his perfect timing comes along with a drink for her. Surprisingly Spinner isn’t a dummy and figures out Manny’s game and tells Chester that Manny doesn’t know what she wants.

As the dance is going on Manny is still going on about the stupid song we heard at the beginning and Chester says that it sounds too Britney like, but that it’s ok. Manny then starts dancing, badly and Chester is so embarrassed by her he tells her that he has to go.

Oh lord, we come upon more drama with Paige and Mr O. He asks her why she’s acting the way she is. That right there tells me that he likes it because he would have just ignored her the rest of the night if he wasn’t interested. Paige asks him to stop acting like a jealous boyfriend and he either likes her or he doesn’t. That’s when he can’t take it anymore and he moves in to kiss her. Man this is all sorts of fucked up here. It’s funny how Manny ruins everything by spotting them. He just runs away like the pedophile that he is.

Out in the hallway Chester says that he’s sorry for just leaving, but out on the dance floor, her goofy dancing was just too embarrassing to stand. He goes in for a kiss and Manny tells him sorry because she already has a boyfriend. Chester get’s his heart broken and lamely says, “Welcome to Degrassi.”

Outside the school Mr O and Paige talk some more about their feelings and that’s when he goes for a kiss and actually does it. This guy has some real balls kissing her in front of the school where everyone can see them. He tells her that they need to be careful and they can’t be caught anymore. He’s definitely thinking with his dick because there is no way that a teenage girl like Paige or Marco can keep their mouth’s shut about something like that.

The episode ends with Manny telling Spinner how Craig treated her like shit and the whole thing hurt. She just doesn’t want to feel that way again and she makes him promise to never break her heart. Spinner promises not to break her little harlot’s heart, but who are we kidding here? Spinner is one of the biggest dickheads on the show. It’s inevitable if you ask me.

So I didn’t care too much about this episode. Way too much relationship drama. Yes, I do realize that this is what Degrassi is all about. But I could careless about Spinner and Manny’s problems. Probably because Manny is a little ho and Spinner is a dick so everyone knows that their relationship is doomed. Speaking of doomed, so is Paige’s romance. I love how the guy knows that she’s jail bait, but he doesn’t care because he just wants to get some teenage poon.

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Season 2, Episode 15, “Hot For Teacher”

Right off the bat I’m just going to say that I fucking hate this episode. It’s so juvenile and ridiculous. Mrs Hot Body is featured through out, but not even she could save this stinker of an episode.

Pre-Credit Opener: Mrs Hot Body is talking about God knows what and JT is already annoying the shit out of me by acting like a stupid asshole. He starts to play with these skeleton elephant models and she comes up and tells him to stop acting like a jackass and that he now has detention with her, before and after school. He says ok and is happier than a pig a shit. He then burns a hole in her ass because he’s staring so hard. I have to say, I can’t blame him.

JT

I wonder if they’re trying to pay tribute or if the writers are just hoping that kids won’t know that they just ripped off a shot from The Graduate. Anyways, Mrs Hot Body looks smoking hot in the little outfit she has on and JT being a walking hard on is happy to be all alone in her presence. He just can’t help staring at her tits and then he tries the old, you dropped your pen on the ground bit, but she’s not having it. Turns out JT’s job is to take care of a couple of Guinea Pigs.

JT, The Gradute Ripoff Shot

In Snake’s class, Sean is all hard up for all the horny details on how it was like to be all alone with Mrs Big Tits. He must be extra hard up if he’s believing any of JT’s bullshit. Which includes her bending over to pick up his pen. Snake does the exact same thing and it’s very disturbing to watch.

JT, Snake

We come to the B plot of this episode and it involves Spinner. He’s talking to Coach Armstrong about this really hard math problem and right away Armstrong wants to vomit due to Spinner’s nasty pits smelling like death. Spinner heads back to his seat and is just B.O. dusting everyone with his stench. Ashley asks Ellie if it’s Spinner who stinks and so Ellie takes it upon herself to tell him that he does indeed smell like sweaty balls. She’s all, “Rule number one of puberty, shower everyday.” If I was him I would have told her fuck you and then die of embarrassment.

Spinner, Ashley, Ellie

Outside class, Spinner comes up to Jimmy and asks him if he really does stink and Jimmy confirms that he’s stunk all week long. At that Spinner get’s pissed off at him for not being honest and wants an honest pact between them. We come upon a scene where Toby tells Emma and Manny that JT’s new girlfriend is Mrs Hot Body, but of course they don’t believe him. My God, I am seriously hating this episode right now!

Thankfully we go to Ashley who is acting a lot like Claude from Degrassi High and is reciting the most depressing dark story ever. The only one who seems to dig it is Ellie, everyone else is all, “What the fuck was that?” Spinner urges Jimmy to be honest since they made an honesty pack, but I don’t remember Jimmy agreeing to it. Anyways, he says that the story blew goats for quarters and it sounded like a suicide note. Ashley gets all pissed off, looks at him with hatred in her eyes and calls him at conformist. But couldn’t you argue that Ashley is one too? She is copying Ellie’s Goth style and attitude.

Ashley

In the Hallway Mrs Hot Ass calls JT into her class and says that she wants to show him something. Sean makes a face like JT is about to enter Mrs H’s love cave. But of course she just called him in there to say that one of the Guinea Pigs is pregnant. In the computer room, Emma see’s that JT is actually online during his lunch hour and since he’s in lust with Mrs H, he wants to know everything about Guinea Pigs. Except retard doesn’t know how to spell it so he’s at a lost until Emma corrects his spelling.

Sean, Mrs Hatzilakos, JT

Speaking of Mrs H, we cut to her science room and she’s doing a science experiment with balloons. They’re trying to say that thanks to Manny’s mane, that the balloons are floating due to static electricity or something like that, but you can clearly see the strings holding the balloons up. They should have hired Mr Wizard to get that shit to work. Coach Armstrong comes in and they go talk in the hallway. Toby and Sean make fun of him by saying that Armstrong is boning her, but please. JT could never get a woman like her. Him getting the Guinea Pig pregnant sounds more plausible. But JT takes this as the time to put two balloons like they’re her big tits and then Toby motorboats him and get’s a boner. She comes back in and is beyond hurt by JT’s antics. But I don’t know why she cares what an asshole like JT thinks of her.

Mrs HatzilakosToby, JT, Sean

It’s a new day and Ashley comes along and actually thanks him for being truthful about her shitty suicidal story. She says, “I like this new Jimmy.” But he hasn’t actually changed his personality at all. Spinner then takes this as an opportunity to say that he and Ashley getting back together is the worst idea in the history of ever. He goes on to basically say that Jimmy is Ashley’s bitch whenever they’re a couple.

In the zen garden, Mrs H is sitting there listening to some Yanni and JT comes along and tries to apologize to her. She just says whatever and he asks her what else does she want. I was assuming that she was going to say that she hates it that most guys only see her as a hot piece of ass. But she takes the time to basically say that JT is a massive tool and that she’s sick and tired of him acting like a jackass all the time. I guess she’s happy being a sex object. JT probably wanting to hurt her says that he’s transferring out of her class, but she could give two fucks if he leaves or not.

Mrs Hatzilakos, JT

After school, Terri see’s that Jimmy is working on a honesty list for Spinner and it’s just pointing out all of his faults. Which is hilarious. Terri starts to say that this is a horrible idea. But Drake get’s so annoyed with her that he threatens to make a Terri list. I’m sure her Satanist past would have gotten in there.
Jimmy's List

We finally come towards the end of the episode and the stupid guinea pig get’s loose and Mrs H and JT get into a chase with the stupid rat. (Is a Guinea Pig considered a rodent? Eh, who cares?!) It finds a hole in the wall and in it goes. JT cares way too much when Mrs Hot Bod tells him that the janitor conveniently spread rat poison all over the school. If I were him I would have said, “Oh well she’s fucked, see you tomorrow!”

As all the Degrassi kids are leaving, Spinner and Jimmy are just telling each other everything that annoys them. Spinner says that Jimmy has a shiny forehead. Is that racist? Anyways, their faults are hilarious to me.

To cut my torture I’ll just summarize. JT turns down the lights and puts on some soft music. He read an article that Guinea Pigs love that shit, but I think he was also hoping to seduce Mrs H. Who can blame him? I think we’ve all had at least one teacher that we wanted to fuck. I know I did. Anyways, the Guinea Pig comes out just in the nick of time and has her litter.

JT, Mrs Hatzilakos

The next day Spinner and Jimmy are still pissed off at each other and they realize that telling the truth is for the birds. They get a laugh out of Mrs Kwan having a bunch of ink all over her mouth. I would have just assumed that she was blowing an octopus.

Jimmy, Ashley, Spinner Mrs Kwan

Thank God, the episode ends with JT telling Sean and Toby about the stupid Guinea Pigs being born. For some reason they were disappointed that his story didn’t lead to Mrs Hot Piece devouring JT sexually.

JT, End Credits

So yeah, this episode sucked. They should never give the lead story to the younger cast members because they’re story lines are always the worst. Yick, Arthur, I’m looking at you when I reviewed Degrassi Junior High! The only good thing about it was the whole Jimmy and Spinner truth plot. We at least had some eye candy with Mrs Hatzilakos, but even she couldn’t save this turd. This episode is definitely the low point for the season.