Degrassi The Next Generation Reviewed

Ah yes, the companion blog to Degrassi Junior High Reviewed. Each episode will be reviewed in order by a guy who loves the next generation's melodrama.


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Season 3, Episode 16, “Take On Me”

Ok all you Degrassi maniacs, this episode is possibly one of the worst episodes of the series. Definitely the worst one for this season. This is an episode that make’s me think, “Well this is unpleasant. Why do I want to be here?”

Pre-Credit Opener: Ellie comes up to the school and makes a face that pretty much shows that she doesn’t want to be there. We then see that she has some OCD thing because she starts to flick a rubber band she has on her wrist. Man she’s more fucked up than I thought. In the cafeteria Mr Raditch walks in dressed like a Mississippi Pimp. No, he’s obviously trying to dress like the asshole teacher was in The Breakfast Club. The students there are Sean, Ellie, Jimmy, Hazel and Toby. Anyways, Raditch just lays down the law and tells them to study and to think about why they’re there. Sean being a rebel burps at him as he’s walking out.

Being lameo’s they actually do what Raditch tells them to do. Except for Sean. Sean is just throwing his prized rubber ball against a wall, annoying everyone. Jimmy can’t stand it and just has to say something. Sean tells him to fuck off and throws the ball up. It knocks down a part of the ceiling almost killing Ellie. But Ellie does’t care about her well being, she just cares that it fell on her emo bag. Sean goes to see if everything is alright and Ellie acts all strange like she doesn’t want anyone near her bag.

I guess they don’t want to get into trouble so the guys are trying to put the ceiling tile back. But because Toby is a useless idiot he can’t get it back in. All of a sudden they get unbalanced and fall to the floor killing Toby. Yes! The moment that I’ve been waiting for. But no, they just fell and didn’t even get hurt. The episode would have been much better if it was one of those situations where they killed Toby and they got rid of his body and they all made a pact never to talk about it again. But they would never do something awesome like that. By the way, the stunt person they used for Toby looks hilariously bad. Anyways, Ellie helps Sean up and they seem to have a connection. Just like Judd Nelson and Molly Ringwald!

Barely an hour has passed and Hazel is complaining about the Saturday detention taking an eon to be finished. Sean rolls his eyes and she says, “Some of us have social engagements.” Sean responds with, “Like what? Combing Paige’s ass hairs?” Jimmy acting like Emilo Estevez tells him to back his shit off. Ignoring him because Sean can easily kick his ass as we’ve seen in past seasons, he wonders out loud what Hazel did to end up in Saturday detention. Ellie all of a sudden says that she got caught skipping class. They all make a face like they don’t care and who asked her. Jimmy goes on to say that he’s there because gopher balls over on the other table fucked up hacking the school computer and ratted him out. Hazel meanwhile avoids the question and runs to the rest room instead.

Oh lord. Radich must be at the peak of his homosexuality and is working out with some tight work out clothes and listening to some disco music in the school gym. Hazel walks in and he’s obviously embarrassed that she saw him doing his jazzercize .

Later on the five of them have become so bored that they start to play truth or dare. Seems like it’s Hazel’s turn and she says that she choose’s truth. Ellie right away wants to know why she’s there. Hazel being odd about it doesn’t want to say and says that she wants to do dare instead. Of course they pick out the worst dare that anyone could have come up with. She has to kiss Toby. Disgusted at first she decides to take a bite out of her shit sandwich and walks over to him. The cheesiest sexy music comes on and and she gives him a kiss while Toby is making a face that he can’t believe that a hot girl like Hazel would ever kiss a fucking dweeb like him.

Outside the school Snake is coming out of his car still looking like Lex Luthor but is looking much better. Seems like he’s finally coming back to work.

Back to the lame Breakfast Club, Toby is telling Hazel that JT is going to be so jealous after he hears that he kissed Hazel. Hazel tells him that he’s not telling him shit. Sean asks her what her problem is since it was just a stupid dare. Jimmy speaking for all of us, especially me says, “Because she’s too embarrassed to say that she macked with a total geek.” Toby knowing that he’s hated by all leaves all disappointed and back to his spot under the stairs like the troll that he is. Sean now pissed off starts to get mad at her and says that she’s a person who follows all the rules and doesn’t have the balls to tell anyone why she’s there. After Sean starts hounding her Hazel admits that she got caught looking at porn on the school computer, much to the delight of all of them.

To make the time go by fast they start to play games where they’re throwing shit at Toby. I told you, no one likes him. Snake comes in and asks them what is going on in there. Jimmy tells him that they’re all there because Mr Raditch gave them all Saturday’s. Snake then tells everyone that he’s all done with chemo and he’s ready to work again. He just doesn’t want to be stuck at home with Spike and her Devil child. So who can blame him.

Sean sits next to Ellie and he asks her what’s up with her and the rubber bands. Ellie tells him that it’s a therapy technique to help her stop cutting herself. Sean being genuinely interested asks her why she cuts herself. Being emo as hell, she tells him that it’s the only pain that she could control. He says that it makes sense and she tells him that he’s the first person to say that. She goes on to say that people talk about him too and his reputation for stealing shit from the school. He pretty much admits that he does steal. Just as Jimmy is impaling Toby with a stick Radich walks in and is super pissed to see them goofing off. Ah, we finally see why Ellie was careful with her bag, she has a tape recorder there. Why she would want to record them is beyond me, they’re all so boring.

And we quickly get the answer to that in the next scene. Seems that she’s taping them for some stupid report for either the school paper or Caitlin’s TV station. So wow, Raditch has put each of them in separate rooms for the rest of the day. That’s pretty illegal to do, especially since he’s not even supervising them. Ellie comes into each room and talks everyone into breaking out and wandering around the school. So yeah, we get a lame montage of the five of them doing wacky stupid shit around the school. Eventually they find an elevator that leads to the roof.

Being a big puss Toby is telling them that he doesn’t think that it’s such a good idea. Hazel tells him, “Stop being a bitch and come on!” Hazel wonders out loud if they’re the only ones that have gone up there. Jimmy finds a necklace making it obvious that other people have been up there before. Being romantic he gives the dirty thing to Hazel because she loves it so much. Jimmy then decides to go for it and kisses her. Else where Sean tells Ellie that he thinks that she’s cute. Sean goes on to say that she doesn’t seem afraid of him. Ellie points out that Sean isn’t freaked out by all of her problems either. I guess this is her being romantic, she exposes her arm and shows Sean all of her hideous scars. Because he’s cool, Sean just holds her hand.

Alone because who would want to be with Toby, he sees Mr Raditch and Snake walking out, talking about all the bad behavior from the students lately. Snake tells him that they’re acting like the police. They should educate them yes, discipline them when it’s needed. But that life is too short and he shouldn’t be trying to control them. It seems like he took what Snake said to heart but then he see’s Toby up there because he’s a stupid fuck. Raditch makes a run for it, while the rest of the Degrassi kids do the same.

The rest of them make it to their respective class rooms but stupid Sean locked his own door for some reason. Jimmy tries to help but it’s too late. Sean just tells him to go just as Jimmy opens the door. But uh oh, as he’s running in he drops the keys that Raditch finds as soon as he goes into the hallway. Back in the cafeteria, Raditch is chewing them all out. Since no one is going to rat the person who did it, he decides to give them all Saturday’s for another three weeks. But he seem’s to have a change of heart and just says that he’s trying to do the right thing with them. At that Toby tells him that it was him who took the keys. He tells him that he appreciates his honesty and then tells the rest of them to go home and enjoy their weekends.

Jimmy tells him that he didn’t expect for Toby to be a man and he finally gives him that high five that he was waiting for in the previous episodes. Ellie says that they should take a group photo. As she’s taking out her camera, the tape recorder falls out and they all hear Sean and Ellie’s conversation. They all get disgusted at her and she explains that it was for the TV station. Toby’s all, “You were recording us?” But please, no one gives two fucks for Toby. Sean quickly figures out that it’s about all the thefts that has been happening around the school. Sean pissed off destroy’s her tiny tape with his boot and leaves fuming. Man, Ellie is going to cut the shit out of her arm now.

Seems like it’s Monday and Jimmy and Hazel are now a couple. As they pass by she says hi to Toby. JT noticing that someone cool actually talked to him asks what happened there that past Saturday. Ellie comes by Sean’s locker and says that she was wrong for what she did. But she really wants the connection that she had with him on the roof. She gives him another tape and says that there isn’t going to be a story. Sean having warmed up to her holds her hand and Ellie is happier than a pig in shit.

So yeah, this episode fucking sucked and it was a chore just to make a recap of it. It was such an unoriginal idea and they probably figured that any kid watching this has never seen or heard of The Breakfast Club before. I will admit that it was key in that two relationships blossomed from it and Toby is now being acknowledged as being a Human. But that wasn’t enough to save this shitastic episode. It was such bad TV and I hate the writers of this show for ripping off and ruining The Breakfast Club for life.

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Season 3, Episode 14, “Accidents Will Happen Part 1”

So this episode is one that I’ve hardly seen because it didn’t air here in the United States. I guess the issue of abortion was just too hot to handle. The same thing happened with the original Degrassi High because it was the same subject matter. But we’re watching it now thanks to the magic of DVD. Up yours censorship!

Pre-Credit Opener: So we start off with Degrassi’s gymnastic’s team. Seriously? I had no idea that high schools even had that. I thought it was only for college and you know, people who compete world wide. But ok, Degrassi is branching off into Olympic sports. Kendra starts to complain that she doesn’t feel so good and Mrs Hotness says, “Oh noes, not you too Kendra.” But Kendra runs off in mid sentence to go yack in the girls restroom. Hopefully she doesn’t have the shits either. Manny splits her legs and what a surprise, she does it in front of Craig who is taking pictures for the year book. But she looks at him with hate in her eyes because he was caught being a cheating bastard.

manny

In the hallway Ashley and Ellie are talking shit about Manny. As they pass by Ashley says, “Hey Ellie do you smell the stench of a nasty stripper?” Ellie responds with, “Yes, it definitely smells like skank in here.” Manny starts to say something along the lines of,” I didn’t want Craig ahoma homa.” Yup, she just trailed off into a mumble and didn’t even finish her sentence. Paige tries to cheer Manny up by saying that Manny is a great gymnast and everyone is talking about how good she is. But her smile quickly fades because her reputation as Degrassi’s biggest whore is seriously the talk of the school. We get the first hint of Manny’s future trouble when Paige mentions that she looks a little pale.

ellie-ashley-manny

We move onto the B plot and it involves more of Toby’s despair of still being Degrassi’s resident nerd with the now cool friend. Jimmy comes along and asks JT if he still wants to go down to Buffalo for the concert of the year. Toby tries to act like he’s down with Jimmy but Jimmy tells him not to talk to him because he doesn’t talk to annoying fucking toads. Toby is so depressed when Jimmy just leaves him hanging. Toby says to JT that he doesn’t get it, that Jimmy used to be his friend. JT points out that it was before Ashley dumped his ass. But really, JT doesn’t have the heart to tell him that he’s just that unlikable.

toby

In the MI lab, Manny sort of tries to apologize to Ashley for banging Craig, but Ashley doesn’t want to hear it. Once again, Manny can’t get out a complete sentence. Finally she says that she’s sorry, but Ashley responds with, “Sorry doesn’t make up for all the pain you caused.” But please, Ashley dwells with emotional pain. That’s why she’s so Emo Supremo. Ashley sort of feels better when Manny said that Craig lied to her too, telling her that she was the only one.

ashley

In Mrs Kwan’s room Manny looks like death and it’s obvious that she’s fighting not to throw up. She asks for permission to go to the restroom and that’s when Mrs Kwan decides to have a hissy fit and starts to complain about coming to school when she knew that she was sick. Seriously, what a bitch. Manny begs her and off she goes to throw up her breakfast.

In the cafeteria Jimmy is telling Hazel that he might not be able to go the concert after all because he’s failing a class. Toby being extra fucking white bread and lame tries to talk all hip hop to him. But this only annoys Jimmy like it annoys me. Toby tries to weasel his way to the concert only to have Jimmy say that there’s limited car space and besides, Toby doesn’t even like rap. Being desperate , he then tries to use his nerd skills to help Jimmy out with his grades, if he can change it, Jimmy says that he’s in.

Back in the hallway Emma reminds Manny that if she’s really sick, then she can’t compete. Manny all full of attitude tells her, “Who are you my mother?” I forgot that they both hate each other now. Manny for her whorish ways and Emma for being a self righteous little bitch. And to prove the point Emma tells her, “The coach should know.” Manny begs her not to tell due to the fact that her life sucks at the moment and gymnastics is the only thing keeping her sane.

During practice Mrs Hotness tells Manny to show everyone else how it’s done. Manny all full of pride get’s on the balance beam with a huge smile on her face. In the locker room Manny tells Emma that she’s sorry to hear that Snake is in the hospital. Emma says that he’s actually doing good, that the more intense chemo is good for him. You can tell that the both of them are slowly on the way to become friends again. They’re interrupted by Hazel though who wants a tampon from either one of them because she has an intense flow going on. Manny throws her one and says, “I haven’t used mine in forever.” Right away Emma’s mind starts to go crazy and quickly wonders if she’s pregnant. Manny being stupid just blows it off because she’s been training like crazy and get’s mad at Emma all over again for even suggesting that she’s with child.

emma-hazel-manny

Outside the school Manny is going into a panic and is going through her calendar, seeing the evidence that she hasn’t had a period in a while. Shit, it goes all the way back to the party when Craig first porked her.

It’s a new day and Manny is just standing there, staring at Craig while he’s sitting on a bench. In Paige’s office, the girls restroom, Manny goes in there for sage advice from her. She asks her, “How do I know, if a guy used a condom?” Paige responds with, “If he didn’t, you wouldn’t have to piss out his goo.” Manny pretty much tells Paige that she has no idea if Craig used a condom or not. But she’s leaning to no. Paige tells her not to worry because he seems like he’s sort of responsible. Paige tells her to ease her mind she should just ask him and next time she does the nasty with someone, she should make damn sure that he uses a condom.

paige-manny

In the library Toby is trying to hack into the school’s data base and he’s doing it using a hard line and doing it in plain view no less. Toby of course messes up and can’t change the grade because he got disconnected from the server.

It’s finally time for the big gymnastics meet and wow, this is the first time that we’ve seen Manny’s mom. I thought she just lived by herself this whole time. Manny is nervous as hell, but it’s not because she’s competing. Spike’s baby whimpering near by isn’t helping matters out either. Because she can’t take the pressure Manny right away falls off the balance beam and just fucked up the team’s score.

Craig follows her outside and asks her if she’s ok. Manny decides to go for it and asks him if he used a condom when they had sex. Craig clearly going into a panic says that Manny said it was ok and he assumed that meant that she was on the pill. Sort of crying she tells Craig that it was her first time and that doing the act alone was ok. About to lose his mind he asks her if everything is ok. She shakes her head and says, “No it’s not.” But for some reason she lies to him and says that nothing is wrong. He leaves and runs for the hills saying, “See you.”

craig

Out in the hallway Jimmy asks him how the hacking went and that’s when Toby tells him that he fucked it up and accidentally gave Jimmy an impossible grade. Jimmy asks him if he’s going to fix it, but Toby starts to make excuses. Jimmy just man handles him and tells him to fix the mistake before he get’s into deep shit. Just as he’s getting started Mr Radich comes in and asks him for help because he can’t log into his user account. I love how he comes to Degrassi’s resident techno nerd. Anyways, he get’s caught because he’s a jackass. Jimmy meanwhile runs for his life right out of the room.

toby-jimmy

It’s after school and Manny decides to go for a run with her massive Discman. Remember those? She must have anti shock because those damn things would skip over any bump. Anyways, she has a very short run because she starts to throw up again.

She makes her way to Spike’s and she pretty much tells her that she thinks that she’s pregnant. Once again Spike is everyone’s go to person for that since she had Emma at such a young age too. Probably younger than Manny. Later on, Manny comes down and it’s obvious that she’s taken a pregnancy test. She starts to say that she’s stupid for even being in that situation. All Spike says is that she’s not and that she should learn from this mistake. God knows Spike is still paying because she had Emma. Yeah that’s right. I said it! Spike then asks her what she’s going to do if she is pregnant with Craig’s Screech looking child. Manny says that she can’t think about that and she goes on to tell Spike that she’s never going to tell her parents because they’ll literally murder her. The timer finally goes off and it’s the moment of truth. And if you haven’t figured it out already by the title alone, Manny’s pregnant!

spike-manny

In the next scene Jimmy walks into Mr Radich’s office and he’s told to join him and Toby. Right away Jimmy  much like Manny knows that he’s fucked and it’s obvious that Toby ratted him out. Raditch tells him that he’s going to call his parents and that they both got a Saturday. Mrs Kwan calls Raditch out and that’s when Toby starts to say that he freaked out and didn’t know what else to tell him. Any other kid would have come up with a great lie. I know I would have. But I forget that Toby is the lamest motherfucker in the planet and Jimmy just tells him how it is. He starts to go off on him and says that that Saturday is the rap concert and not only is Toby a fake rap fan, he’s also Canada’s stupidest most worthless computer hacker in that nation’s history.

jimmy-toby

Outside the school Craig tells Manny that he got her message. She starts to say that something bad happened and finally tells him that she’s pretty sure that she’s pregnant. Craig all shocked just sits down. Surprisingly he says that it’s ok. Much like Shane (Emma’s dad) in Degrassi Junior High, Craig has delusions of grandeur and thinks that he can actually take care of a baby. Clearly insane he tells Manny that they can be a little family. The episode ends with Manny thinking that Craig has lost his fucking mind.

manny-end-credits

This was a pretty good episode. Sure we’ve seen it before in Degrassi Junior High, but this is a good modern take on the subject matter. Toby of course just had to be in it, but I’m glad that Jimmy told him that he sucks because he does! We’ll continue this story line with the shocking conclusion in part 2


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Season 3, Episode 6, “Gangsta Gangsta”

In this episode we see the beginning of Sean’s descent into being a bad seed again.

Pre credit opener: We see Sean bored as hell at home for some reason. I guess Emma is out protesting something stupid again. Just then Tracker comes in with this hatchet faced Asian chick and it’s clear that they want to fuck but Sean is there ruining everything. Until Tracker gives him some money and tells him to get out so that he can get his dick wet. Sean in despair calls Emma only to get the machine again. I guess Sean has zero friends thanks to Emma.

Tracker, Sean

Oh my God! The next scene opens up with Toby showing everyone his school portrait and it’s the gayest and lamest thing I’ve ever seen. Any normal person would die of embarrassment, but Toby has no shame. Sean comes by and makes fun of him because he’s such a fucking dweeb. And to make the point, Jay and his crew come by and pick on Toby. I should point out that this is Alex’s first appearance, here she looks all trashy. Anyways, Jay takes Toby’s stupid pictures and Sean steps in and tells him to give it back before he puts his foot up his ass. Jay asks him, “What are you, his body guard?” Sean not even humiliated to admit says, “I’m his friend.”

TobySean, Alex, Jay

In the MI lab Snake is handing out people’s assignments and Sean is dismayed to see that he’s gotten a D. Snake tells him that he should have spell checked. Sean points out to Emma that he’s acting like a dick and Emma tells him that he’s already started with the chemo. At his desk, Snake opens up a lap top and is all happy when he hears the music. Surprisingly, Emma says that the lap top was a gift from Spike to cheer him up. I say surprisingly because Spike is such a heartless, demanding bitch. Sean being lonely asks her if she wants to hang out that night for some pizza and a movie. Emma reluctantly agrees to it.

Out in the hallway, Sean hears a loud crash and see’s that Jay and his crew of flunkies are stealing from the candy machine. What a couple of lameo’s. I’d be stealing the money instead of getting Snickers. As they pass by Jay smiles at Sean and gives him a Wonka Bar.

Sean, Jay

At her locker Sean eats one of Emma’s nasty health food sandwiches and he wants to throw up due to it tasting like ass. Snake comes by and tells Emma that he’s going home because he feels like complete shit. He then tells Emma that she has to come home right after school because Spike is going to be working late. Seems like Sean’s evening with Emma is pretty much ruined now.

Outside, Toby is hanging out with the rest of the fucking geeks playing chess. Big surprise Liberty is there playing against Kendra. He’s barely started to notice that JT has gotten cooler than him. To make the point we see him hanging out with Paige and the rest of the upperclassmen. But anyone would out grow Toby because he’s the worst. A fun vampire if you will. Toby then calls JT over and he reacts like I would have, which is to completely ignore him.

Toby, JT, Paige

In the auto shop Craig is doing the exact same thing I was doing when I took that class. Which was nothing. No wonder people got super pissed at me at the end of the year because I got the most improved student award. I didn’t do shit to fix or build anything. Moving on, the shop teacher seems to be getting around in a chair that the students built for him and complements Sean on being a grease monkey. Sean is too distracted though, because Jay is shooting hate rays at him big time. Sean goes over there and see’s that Jay’s silent black friend is fucking up something in the engine. Jay just says, “You got guts Cameron.” I have no idea what the point of this scene was.

In coach Armstrong’s class, Mr Radich interrupts and wants to talk to Sean. Outside he basically accuses him of breaking the vending machine and stealing all the valuable Degrassi candy. Sean says that he’s only blaming him because he’s poor as hell. But white boy please, if you were black you would have been hung already.

Going into a rage, Sean comes outside and finds Jay. He cries to Jay that it’s his fault that Radich is on his ass now. Jay being a prick doesn’t give a shit. That’s when Sean pushes him and they get into a fight. This pretty much makes me wonder why people are afraid of Jay so much for, because he just got his ass kicked severely by Sean.

Jay, Sean

Outside Mr Radich’s office Jay is acting pretty nonchalant about the whole thing and is explaining to Sean that they shouldn’t get into too much trouble since they weren’t technically on school grounds. Sean tells him not to talk to him and Jay says that he acts like a tough guy on the outside, but on the inside he’s a big puss. Sean tells him that he can’t get into more trouble because he fucked up a kid up by deafening him. Jay all of a sudden is impressed by his maiming and asks him to join his lame ass crew. I gotta say, I grew up in a real hood neighborhood and these motherfuckers are as lame as can be. Gangster’s my ass, there was this kid we called Boogie for some reason who blew some guy’s head off with an AK. Jay’s biggest thing is that he likes to steal candy. I guess that’s gangsta in Canada.

We cut to JT and he’s dreaming of Liberty of all people and Goddamn, he has a wet dream about her. Toby notices that he had a wet dream and makes fun of him because it was about Liberty. JT tells him that he’ll murder him if he tells anyone. Toby being an asshole black mail’s JT because he now wants to hang out with the cool kids in exchange for his silence. I love the fact that Toby doesn’t mind in the slightest that JT left jizz all over his blankets.

JT, Liberty

Back at Degrassi, Sean has now joined Jay’s “gang” and it’s hilarious to see people being intimated by them.

In the lunch room JT and his cool friends are laughing about something stupid and Spinner asks if some words they just used are even English. That’s when Toby comes by and acts like a know it all by giving the definition of the word Spinner was flustered by. Right away he annoys everyone, including me. JT makes fun of him and his lameness. Toby feels bad for a bit, but then starts going on about wet dreams and that they’ve all had them. Spinner asks him what’s the point to this discussion. That’s when that shithead tells everyone that JT had a wet dream about Liberty. Paige of course laughs her ass off, making JT feel even more humiliated now.

Spinner, Paige, Toby

In the Degrassi woods Emma has organized a clean the ravine thing. Jay makes fun of Sean for helping out with that bullshit during lunch. They take a break and Sean can’t help pawing at Emma. Probably because he hasn’t gotten some in a month. Emma get’s all embarrassed because Kendra finds them making out and leaves. Back in the school Sean leaves huffing and puffing because he’s frustrated at Emma for being a prude. They then get into a fight about Emma never being there. Emma tries to shut him up because she’s busy taking care of Snake and the baby. But Sean won’t have none of it. Emma then calls him and his lame new friends pathetic and he leaves even more angry than he was a minute ago.

In the auto shop, the teacher rolls his machine on by while Sean is working on an engine block all angry. Jay tells him that he’s gotten a scheme on how to get cash for a new jet engine he wants to install in his stupid Fast and the Furious car. His plan? Stealing a keyboard. Seriously? Sean points out that he’s not going to get shit for that. That’s when they see Snake’s new lap top and off they go with it. This is how you know that Sean has now gone into the dark side.

Jay, Sean, Stealing

Outside the school Emma has written on her school photo, “To Sean, Love Emma” That’s when Jay and Sean pull up in his car and Emma tries to talk to him. Sean is all, “Oh hell naw!” Jay being an asshole tells her go ahead, they all want to listen. She tells Sean that she wants to talk about everything and their bullshit drama. Sean, trying to act like a tough guy in front of his loser new friends tells her that he has nothing to say. Emma much like Spike doesn’t like being told no and she goes into a rage and destroy’s her own picture. The insult to injury being that Alex said she really is as flat as a board. Burn!

Emma, Sean

We cut to JT and Toby and they have a talk about Toby and the fact that he’s a complete loser who will never be cool or be a part of that crowd. I love how Toby has the nerve to be upset at JT for treating him as such. But he only acted like an obnoxious dickhead as soon as he arrived at the cool table. JT tells him that he’s his friend just as they are, but he’ll be forever shut out of that world by default because he’s Degrassi’s resident nerd.

In Snake’s class, Snake is all dismayed because his lap top is missing. He’s so out of it thanks to the chemo that he thinks that he misplaced it. He’s really scared of Spike and what she’ll do to him if she finds out that he lost it. But Emma tells him while looking at Sean that maybe it’s not the chemo. The episode ends with Sean looking all hard at the camera. I couldn’t contain my eye roll.

Sean, End Credits

I have to say, I did not like this episode at all and it’s disappointing because usually the Sean episodes are the better ones. At least Toby has now realized his place in the world and that he’s lost his best friend to the cooler kids. One funny thing is that I found the actor who played Toby on Instagram and it’s hilarious to see some people telling him that they hated his character. Fuck you Toby! Get out of my life, I hate you!!


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Season 2, Episode 18, “Dressed In Black”

So this one is a good one. I’ve noticed that all the episodes that have to do with the older cast members are of better quality. All the underclassmen focused episodes are completely shitty, unless it’s a Sean episode.

Pre-credit opener: Jimmy and Ashley are hanging out in her dark room and she’s subjecting him to all of her shitty emo music. You can tell Drake wants to rap his way out of there. But he’s fucked because Ashley is his girlfriend again, and he’s forced to listen and lie to her that her music is good. It isn’t. Ashley’s music sucks so bad. She goes on about connecting with him on an emotional level, but you can tell that he’s already clocked out of that relationship.

Ashley, Jimmy

The next day Jimmy runs into Ashley and shows her last years year book. He makes her sign the goddamn thing and she goes on about looking awful the previous year. That’s when resident Degrassi Haley Joel Osment look alike Sully makes his first appearance. He talks shit about Ashley being a freak and Jimmy of course doesn’t beat the shit out of him for her honor. But then again, Jimmy is a big puss who get’s his ass kicked all the time.

Oh great, we come upon JT and Toby and JT is way too excited about Dr Sally coming in again to give her sex pep talk. He must be really hard up if he’s excited to hear her sex stories. Not even Toby is hoping for porn in that case. But he’s disappointed to hear that Coach Armstrong is going to be giving the sex lecture due to Dr Sally hurting her hip during a really intense geriatric sex session. Coach Armstrong starts to talk about Abstinence being the best thing to practice. Manny asks him what it means and he tells her that it’s best not to bone. Something that Manny won’t listen to in later seasons. Anyways, JT playing with a condom accidentally launches it and it lands on Armstrong’s back and hilarity ensues.

JT, Armstrong, Condom

We cut to Ms Kwan’s class and she’s giving out an assignment. Which is to act out a scene from Bill Shakespeare’s immortal classic, The Taming Of The Shrew. At least this assignment is at related to English class. Last time she had them doing some shit that had nothing to do with the subject. Ashley is disappointed that Jimmy is paired with Hazel, while she get’s stuck with Craig.

Outside of class Craig has a leaf crown. He’s been hit so hard by his dad, he now thinks he’s Julius Caesar. They both come up with doing a really depressing emo version of the scene they’re supposed to do. You can tell that she likes it that he thought the same thing.

Craig, Ashley

During lunch, Toby tells JT that he’s confused on when one should buy condoms. JT tells him that there’s no time like the present. But what he really should have told him was that there is no chance in hell that Toby is ever, ever going to get laid. But this being Degrassi, it recycles another plot from Degrassi Junior High and it’s the time when Joey and Wheels went to go buy condoms.

Back inside the school Ashley runs into Jimmy at his locker and she spots a picture of her from the last season and tells him to burn it. Man she’s so dark! She invites him home for dinner that night and you can tell that he really doesn’t want to go. Hey, I’ve been there before. It sucks.

Ashley, Jimmy, Hallway

We cut back to Toby and JT and they’ve picked out a box of Magnum condoms. Yeah right. Both of their dicks combined wouldn’t fill out that thing. Toby obviously being a Star Wars fan picks out some glow in the dark condoms and they have themselves a little mock lightsaber fight with some canes. As they’re going to check out to buy the condoms JT makes an ass of himself by asking the clerk for her phone number. The stocker behind him is so disgusted, he can’t help making a face.

JT, Toby

Finally, it’s the big dinner scene and Ashley starts going on about how kids should be educated on sex and should be given condoms. This starts out a big debate on the dinner table and she totally puts Jimmy on the spot on what he thinks. I fucking hate it when people pull that shit. Instead of telling her that he wants to keep out of this messed up family discussion, he tells her that he sides with Toby’s dad that it gives out a bad message to kids. She get’s all pissed off at him for reluctantly giving his answer. I swear, you can’t win with people like her.

Jimmy, Ashley

Back at Degrassi, Toby being a big puss gives JT the condoms to hold in his locker, saying that they’re his problem since he made him buy them. Spinner, Emma and Manny just happen to come along and Spinner sounds completely retarded trying to say lines from the play, so JT just can’t resist pointing out how stupid he sounds. At that he shoves JT into the locker and the condoms come tumbling out. Right away everyone figures out that they’re Toby’s. Spinner get’s so enraged that he vows to rip his balls off.

In the hallway, Ashley get’s Craig to take a pic of her with this gigantic Polaroid camera. Jimmy comes along and tapes it right next to her old picture, disappointing her even more. She get’s all pissed off about it and finally Jimmy admits to her that he likes the old, non scary, not so uptight Ashley.

Now Ashley is having an identity crisis. She wants to stay Goth, but at the same time she wants to please Jimmy. What’s a girl to do? Yup, she tries to please Jimmy and goes to school dressed normal, but of course now she’s all uncomfortable. Especially with a couple of skank’s making fun of her. Ellie comes along and can’t hide her disdain. But it’s not like Ashley was being original or herself either. She was just copying Ellie’s style. Jimmy comes along and he’s happier than a pig in shit that she’s no longer dressed like Winona Ryder was in Beetlejuice. My opinion is that she looks better non goth.

Ashley, Non Goth

In the MI class Toby and JT are terrified of Spinner. Spinner seems to have either made a website or a really elaborate email. It describes and has an animated gif about how he’s going to decapitate Toby and shit down his neck. But I doubt Spinner could come up with such complicated graphics since he is a big dummy. Toby runs when he see’s that Spinner is directly behind him. Just as he thinks he’s getting away he runs into Kendra and she man handles him and slams him against the lockers. She yells at him and asks, “How old am I?” Toby says 12 and she says, “That’s right! This relationship is never getting past talking about Cowboy Bebop!!”

Toby, Kendra

Outside Ashley is hanging out with Paige and her crew. They’re talking about some idiotic commercial and Terri tells her that they’ll get her back in the loop of things. I guess the loop of things is talking about stupid bullshit. Paige tells her that the goth look was actually working for her and asks why she reverted back to her boring self. Ashley just mumbles something and walks away. I gotta say, she does look out of place hanging out with them.

Hazel, Terri, Paige, Ashley

Out in the Degrassi haunted forest, Craig is waiting for Ashley so they can rehearse their scene. He acts all shocked that she actually looks decent, maybe a bit butch, but still feminine. Anyways, Craig tells Ashley exactly what she wants to hear from Jimmy, which is if someone really loves you, they’ll accept everything about you. Even the fucked up annoying parts. And that ladies and gentlemen is how you weasel yourself into a sad girls pants.

In the next scene Spinner grabs Toby and tells him that his ass is grass. But instead of just beating the shit out of him, he lets Toby tell him the reason why he bought the rubbers to begin with which is that he really likes his sister and if he porked her, he wanted to take care of her. Seems like Spinner was so touched it made his asshole clench and instantly forgives Toby. Kind of the whole Martha thing in Batman V Superman. But then Toby does a dickhead move and tells him that it was JT’s idea to buy the condoms, so now JT is in deep shit.

Toby, Spinner

Finally it’s time for everyone’s scenes and Jimmy and Hazel are dressed like a football player and cheerleader. They have everyone laughing for some reason. Up next is Craig and Ashley and yeah, their scene is real messed up. Craig seems to be channeling his dad and it seems like he’s going to fuck Ashley up. Shit, he even resembles his dad. Everyone is in complete shock. Marco starts crying, telling them to stop because Ashley’s already dead.

Ashley, Craig

In the hallway Spinner brings Toby into a room and see’s that JT has been tied up and is wearing a bunch of prophylactics. To humiliate JT even more, Spinner turns off the lights and now the condoms start to glow. Yeah, pretty unfunny and doesn’t even warrant a screen shot.

At Drake’s locker, Ashley comes up to him dressed all in black again (Hey, that’s the name of the episode!) and hands him a note. Basically she breaks up with him because he was trying to change her. The funny thing is, in the next season she’s going to change her look and no one is going to give two fucks about it. He should have told her that she’s just going through a phase. Might I point out that she’s the one broken up about it, meanwhile Jimmy is waiting for her to turn the corner so he can break dance, since he’s so happy that he’s finally gotten rid of his downer of a girlfriend.

Ashley, End Credits

So yeah, even though JT and Toby were kind of ruining this episode. I still enjoyed it. I guess I like bullshit drama and baby, whenever Ashley is involved, there’s always bullshit drama.


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Season 2, Episode 15, “Hot For Teacher”

Right off the bat I’m just going to say that I fucking hate this episode. It’s so juvenile and ridiculous. Mrs Hot Body is featured through out, but not even she could save this stinker of an episode.

Pre-Credit Opener: Mrs Hot Body is talking about God knows what and JT is already annoying the shit out of me by acting like a stupid asshole. He starts to play with these skeleton elephant models and she comes up and tells him to stop acting like a jackass and that he now has detention with her, before and after school. He says ok and is happier than a pig a shit. He then burns a hole in her ass because he’s staring so hard. I have to say, I can’t blame him.

JT

I wonder if they’re trying to pay tribute or if the writers are just hoping that kids won’t know that they just ripped off a shot from The Graduate. Anyways, Mrs Hot Body looks smoking hot in the little outfit she has on and JT being a walking hard on is happy to be all alone in her presence. He just can’t help staring at her tits and then he tries the old, you dropped your pen on the ground bit, but she’s not having it. Turns out JT’s job is to take care of a couple of Guinea Pigs.

JT, The Gradute Ripoff Shot

In Snake’s class, Sean is all hard up for all the horny details on how it was like to be all alone with Mrs Big Tits. He must be extra hard up if he’s believing any of JT’s bullshit. Which includes her bending over to pick up his pen. Snake does the exact same thing and it’s very disturbing to watch.

JT, Snake

We come to the B plot of this episode and it involves Spinner. He’s talking to Coach Armstrong about this really hard math problem and right away Armstrong wants to vomit due to Spinner’s nasty pits smelling like death. Spinner heads back to his seat and is just B.O. dusting everyone with his stench. Ashley asks Ellie if it’s Spinner who stinks and so Ellie takes it upon herself to tell him that he does indeed smell like sweaty balls. She’s all, “Rule number one of puberty, shower everyday.” If I was him I would have told her fuck you and then die of embarrassment.

Spinner, Ashley, Ellie

Outside class, Spinner comes up to Jimmy and asks him if he really does stink and Jimmy confirms that he’s stunk all week long. At that Spinner get’s pissed off at him for not being honest and wants an honest pact between them. We come upon a scene where Toby tells Emma and Manny that JT’s new girlfriend is Mrs Hot Body, but of course they don’t believe him. My God, I am seriously hating this episode right now!

Thankfully we go to Ashley who is acting a lot like Claude from Degrassi High and is reciting the most depressing dark story ever. The only one who seems to dig it is Ellie, everyone else is all, “What the fuck was that?” Spinner urges Jimmy to be honest since they made an honesty pack, but I don’t remember Jimmy agreeing to it. Anyways, he says that the story blew goats for quarters and it sounded like a suicide note. Ashley gets all pissed off, looks at him with hatred in her eyes and calls him at conformist. But couldn’t you argue that Ashley is one too? She is copying Ellie’s Goth style and attitude.

Ashley

In the Hallway Mrs Hot Ass calls JT into her class and says that she wants to show him something. Sean makes a face like JT is about to enter Mrs H’s love cave. But of course she just called him in there to say that one of the Guinea Pigs is pregnant. In the computer room, Emma see’s that JT is actually online during his lunch hour and since he’s in lust with Mrs H, he wants to know everything about Guinea Pigs. Except retard doesn’t know how to spell it so he’s at a lost until Emma corrects his spelling.

Sean, Mrs Hatzilakos, JT

Speaking of Mrs H, we cut to her science room and she’s doing a science experiment with balloons. They’re trying to say that thanks to Manny’s mane, that the balloons are floating due to static electricity or something like that, but you can clearly see the strings holding the balloons up. They should have hired Mr Wizard to get that shit to work. Coach Armstrong comes in and they go talk in the hallway. Toby and Sean make fun of him by saying that Armstrong is boning her, but please. JT could never get a woman like her. Him getting the Guinea Pig pregnant sounds more plausible. But JT takes this as the time to put two balloons like they’re her big tits and then Toby motorboats him and get’s a boner. She comes back in and is beyond hurt by JT’s antics. But I don’t know why she cares what an asshole like JT thinks of her.

Mrs HatzilakosToby, JT, Sean

It’s a new day and Ashley comes along and actually thanks him for being truthful about her shitty suicidal story. She says, “I like this new Jimmy.” But he hasn’t actually changed his personality at all. Spinner then takes this as an opportunity to say that he and Ashley getting back together is the worst idea in the history of ever. He goes on to basically say that Jimmy is Ashley’s bitch whenever they’re a couple.

In the zen garden, Mrs H is sitting there listening to some Yanni and JT comes along and tries to apologize to her. She just says whatever and he asks her what else does she want. I was assuming that she was going to say that she hates it that most guys only see her as a hot piece of ass. But she takes the time to basically say that JT is a massive tool and that she’s sick and tired of him acting like a jackass all the time. I guess she’s happy being a sex object. JT probably wanting to hurt her says that he’s transferring out of her class, but she could give two fucks if he leaves or not.

Mrs Hatzilakos, JT

After school, Terri see’s that Jimmy is working on a honesty list for Spinner and it’s just pointing out all of his faults. Which is hilarious. Terri starts to say that this is a horrible idea. But Drake get’s so annoyed with her that he threatens to make a Terri list. I’m sure her Satanist past would have gotten in there.
Jimmy's List

We finally come towards the end of the episode and the stupid guinea pig get’s loose and Mrs H and JT get into a chase with the stupid rat. (Is a Guinea Pig considered a rodent? Eh, who cares?!) It finds a hole in the wall and in it goes. JT cares way too much when Mrs Hot Bod tells him that the janitor conveniently spread rat poison all over the school. If I were him I would have said, “Oh well she’s fucked, see you tomorrow!”

As all the Degrassi kids are leaving, Spinner and Jimmy are just telling each other everything that annoys them. Spinner says that Jimmy has a shiny forehead. Is that racist? Anyways, their faults are hilarious to me.

To cut my torture I’ll just summarize. JT turns down the lights and puts on some soft music. He read an article that Guinea Pigs love that shit, but I think he was also hoping to seduce Mrs H. Who can blame him? I think we’ve all had at least one teacher that we wanted to fuck. I know I did. Anyways, the Guinea Pig comes out just in the nick of time and has her litter.

JT, Mrs Hatzilakos

The next day Spinner and Jimmy are still pissed off at each other and they realize that telling the truth is for the birds. They get a laugh out of Mrs Kwan having a bunch of ink all over her mouth. I would have just assumed that she was blowing an octopus.

Jimmy, Ashley, Spinner Mrs Kwan

Thank God, the episode ends with JT telling Sean and Toby about the stupid Guinea Pigs being born. For some reason they were disappointed that his story didn’t lead to Mrs Hot Piece devouring JT sexually.

JT, End Credits

So yeah, this episode sucked. They should never give the lead story to the younger cast members because they’re story lines are always the worst. Yick, Arthur, I’m looking at you when I reviewed Degrassi Junior High! The only good thing about it was the whole Jimmy and Spinner truth plot. We at least had some eye candy with Mrs Hatzilakos, but even she couldn’t save this turd. This episode is definitely the low point for the season.


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Season 2, Episode 9, “Mirror In The Bathroom”

So what I hear is that a lot of people hate this episode and who can blame them because it stars Toby in it. I have a feeling this one is going to be a real chore to write out.

Pre-credit opener: We see Liberty doing the school announcements congratulating Milhouse on a job well done competing and winning first place in the Canadian computer nerd Olympics. Oh shit, not even first place, it was third. See he’s such a loser that even in a competition amongst nerds he still can’t win. But I love how he’s looking around for people’s reaction but it’s clear that no one gives two fuck about him or his feat. He get’s even more disappointed when Sean get’s all the praise for being that month’s Degrassi sports MVP. It’s hilarious to see his generic jacket that just says Wrestling on the back. It’s like John Belushi’s now iconic sweater from Animal House that just said College. But I doubt the Degrassi writers are that clever.

Sean Toby

In Mrs H’s biology room he asks her if everything about them is decided through their DNA. She explains that eye color is, and the fact that she’s sexy as hell, but everything else is all them. He’s even more depressed now because being the class dip shit was all his doing. JT tries to reassure him that being a huge nerd isn’t a big deal but Milhouse is determined to change that aspect of himself, so he decides to go out for the wrestling team.

Toby, Mrs H

Out on the quad Spinner is saying how impressed he is by Terri’s new flip phone because it has wireless access, email and a GPS. Which still makes that phone very wack because it seems like it has a green screen. Paige and Hazel come along and demand to know where she got the money to buy a brand new phone and a new bag and coat. She just says that her dad made some extra money and that’s when Paige says, “What did he rob a bank?” Spinner tells her to leave her the fuck alone already and to mind her one business. But she’s determined to know because she’s nosy as hell and her guess is that Terri is shoplifting all her new swag.

Terri

In the cafeteria JT is telling Milhouse the same thing I was was thinking that if he tries out for the wrestling team than he’s going to get murdered. Toby figures that if he trains hard enough that he’ll get into shape in order to kick some ass. But come on, let’s get realistic here. He couldn’t kick anyone’s ass if his life depended on it. Ashley comes along and it’s now the look that she’s going to have the rest of the season, dark and very short hair. Toby calls her a vampire and says that he won’t be home because of wrestling practice. Even Ashley being all emo can’t help laughing at his puny ass.

It seems like it’s a new day and Terri and the girls are hanging out on the steps and that’s when Spinner walks in and asks her why didn’t she tell them. She doesn’t know what he’s talking about and he takes them outside to look at something. They get to a bus stop and holy shit. Terri is in an ad campaign for a plus size clothing line called More Grrrl. What a name. Terri tells them that she didn’t want to tell them about it because of her weight again. And to make her point some kid who I’ll name Sabu comes along and starts making fun of her asking her if the photographer used a wide angle lens. Everyone defends her, but Terri still feels bad because of that asshole.

Terri, Sabu

Milhouse walks in for the try outs and is immediately intimated by Sean choking out Sabu on the floor. Coach Armstrong starts to weigh them for their weight classes and this black nerd totally wants to wrestle Milhouse because he knows that he can take him. But Armstrong says that they’re in different weight classes and Milhouse is going to be paired off with Sean. This is literally the battle between the eye brows and it’s over in about 2 seconds. So pathetic.

Sean, Toby

In the MI class JT tells Toby about some wrestling website that he just happened to find. The point of this boring scene is that making weight is bad for you. Very, very bad and in true Degrassi fashion Toby is going to have to learn this lesson the hard way. Too bad we have to witness it.

We then go into a training montage with JT helping Toby lose weight. I bet this is the first time that Milhouse has actually done something physical outside of gym class. We should have heard You’re the Best Around from the Karate Kid during this scene, but I’m more than sure that Degrassi couldn’t afford it. Anyways, Toby runs around with a garbage bag around him because I’m guessing it’s supposed to make him sweat. He should have watched the classic 80’s wrestling movie Vision Quest to see how making weight is really accomplished, but I’m convinced that Toby would have seriously died. Toby starts to complain that in three days he’s only lost about 1 pound. JT decides to take Toby to the local Degrassi mini mart for a drink and that’s when Toby spots some ex lax. So of course he has the great idea that he’ll shit out the rest of the pounds.

JT, Toby

The next day of school Toby is obviously starving from not eating and is ready to be weighed again. Coach Armstrong notices the big drop in weight. Not really, just about five pounds, but he warns him that if he’s caught making weight then he’ll be cut from the team. But who cares. Toby dropped enough to wrestle the little black dweeb and unbelievably beats him. I never thought that Toby could over power anyone, but he did. So he’s now on the team.

At their house Ashley calls Toby Jockstrap and says that there are two giant chocolate muffins just waiting for his pudgy ass to devour. But since he wants to keep the weight off he decides to skip them and his breakfast. She points out that he’s been skipping his meals for days now. True to his fashion he acts like a complete dick and calls her a vampire again.

Ashley

In the Degrassi lobby Sabu is telling Toby that now that he’s on the team he get’s his own cheap generic windbreaker of his very own. Toby is beyond ecstatic at this point. Especially since it seems like this would be girlfriend Kendra just loves that he’s sort of a jock. It doesn’t last long though and he annoys the shit out of her and the new wheel chair girl. JT comes along and points out what a giant wannabe douche bag Toby is acting now. Toby acts like a dick towards him too and says that he’s just jealous because he’s just the mascot.

Kendra, Wheelchair

In the MI class Hazel asks Terri when her next photoshoot is and she says that very day, but she’s not going to go because she’s so goddamn insecure about her weight. Paige get’s all annoyed with her because she wants to back out of it because of what Sabu said.

Oh God! We get it Degrassi writers! One thing about Degrassi is that they always manage to cram their message down our throats. Even when we get the picture. Toby is all dizzy because he’s not eating and Ashley comes along giving him even more shit about it.  Toby orders a bunch of food just to get her off his back and the food looks nasty as hell.

Toby, Ashley

And of course the next scene is in the boys laboratory and Toby throws his lunch up. JT just happens to walk in and hears him yacking in the stall. Ashley comes along and tells JT that she’s worried about Toby. JT mentions that he’s been acting all crabby and that’s when she mentions that she’s pretty sure that he has an eating disorder. JT tells her that that’s only girl stuff but she points out to him that guys can get it too. So after school special here! We get more evidence of Toby not being well and even Snake notices that he looks like complete shit.

Spinner comes along and he hears Terri canceling her photoshoot. She tells him that she’s through with the plus size modeling gig because she hates her body. Spinner for once not being a fucking asshole tells her that she really is beautiful and that a lot of guys like a girl with some extra meat on them. He goes on to say that she shouldn’t listen to guys who put her down. I saw Christina Schmidt, the actress who plays Terri on Instagram and she is finer than a motherfucker. I know that has nothing to do with the story, just saying.

Terri, Spinner

Finally it’s time for the first wrestling meet and Toby is about five minutes away from dying or at least passing out because he’s so malnourished. JT tries to reason with him but he doesn’t want to hear a thing. He get’s all pissed off because Ashley and him are worried about him. I would say it was the starvation talking but Toby is just that big of a dickhead to get mad at something like that. He vows to JT that he’s going to go out there and win and not get third place in some geek contest.

Toby starts his match and immediately dies from his heart just stopping. He just drops dead and everyone is all horrified at the sight. But no, he’s still alive, that was just my little fantasy there. Much like Claude’s death Toby’s death would have zero impact on the school or the students.

Toby, Passed Out

This scene right here is the best part of the episode because Terri finally stands up for herself. Terri is telling Paige and Hazel all about her photoshoot and is even showing them pictures. That’s when Sabu once again makes fun of her by saying that she should join Degrassi’s sumo team. Terri can’t stands no more of this shit and goes off on his ass. She makes fun of his goofy job as an ice cream man and tells him how she made mad money off of one photoshoot. I have to admit, I laughed my ass off.

Terri, Paige, Sabu Sabu, Terri

At their house JT walks in and Toby tells him that Coach Armstrong chewed his ass out and kicked him off of the team. Serves him right for trying to become something that he’s not. Toby feels good because people actually asked if he was ok. Especially because it was Sean and Kendra asking for the most part.

Toby, End Credits

So yeah, now that I think about it, this was a big time rehash of the Degrassi Junior High episode when Kathleen had her eating disorder. Only they did a much better job at it than this go around. Maybe I would have given a shit if t was anyone else but Toby. At least Terri’s story line was a bit more entertaining and it was great to see her finally standing up for herself.


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Season 2, Episode 7, “Shout, Part 1”

Ok, I just wanna start out with saying that I hate this two parter and it’s mostly because I hate the character of Dean. Such a smug motherfucker. But I guess that says a lot about his acting ability.

Pre-credit opener: We open with a very intense game of soccer between Degrassi and some unnamed high school. Spinner seems to be making a break for it with the ball while Dean is hauling ass trying to catch him. Paige meanwhile is on the sidelines pretending to be cheering for Degrassi, but she’s so caught up at just gawking at him with lust in her eyes. Spinner makes the game winning goal and is the hero of the game. Good for him not being the water boy this time around. Anyways, Dean spots Paige staring at her and smiles back. Ok, in what world is this guy a high school student? He looks like a fucking 40 year old man.

Paige Dean

As the other school is leaving Paige is still checking out Dean and that’s when Hazel tells her that it ain’t never going to happen. That’s when Spinner comes along and you can tell that Paige can give a shit about him, even as he’s asking her out for a date. She gives him a lame excuse but Spinner begs her if she can move it for Sunday. She says sure and Hazel points out how much Spinner is into her, but Paige just says that it’s no big deal since they’ve done stuff together before and that they’re just friends.

In the locker room Drake is telling Spinner that he knew that he was into her. Of course he was, everyone can tell. Spinner says, “Of course, I’m a winner on the field and with the ladies!” Drake goes on to point out to him that Paige is the coolest girl in grade 9. Jimmy suggests that he step it up for those reasons, but Spinner also has a bit of a cool thing going for him since he is a star soccer player.

Spinner

Oh lord. Paige is still going on about Dean and totally wants to go out with him. So being all aggressive she introduces herself to him and says that she’s head of the spirit squad. He calls her Spirit and tells her his name. Spirit is a name that he’ll use with her for as long as he’s on this show. As his bus is pulling away he invites the both of them to a party. Probably a frat one because he’s old as fuck.

Oh no! NO! NOOOO!!!!! JT and Toby have the B plot and just looking at Toby opening his locker and having all of JT’s shit falling out of it instantly annoyed me. It’s plots like these that make writing this blog a real chore. JT is in his school mascot costume and I don’t know if it’s everywhere, but in my high school the identity of who it was, was always a secret. But I guess Degrassi doesn’t give a shit about things like those. Going on, it’s the old cliched story line of two friends not getting along when they share a space, this time being a shared locker.

Toby, JT

Mercifully we cut to Paige and Hazel shopping and Paige is pouting because Hazel won’t let her get fuck me pumps because they’re way too tall. Paige then get’s a text and it’s Spinner. It’s pretty clear that Paige hasn’t canceled on him yet. So she gives him a horrible excuse of her grandma being in the hospital.

HAHA! Oh God, we come to Spinner and Jimmy shopping at an ancient Blockbuster video. Spinner is getting all these sappy love stories for Paige and Drake points out that it’s a date, not a marathon. As Drake is getting a bunch of chips and candy Spinner get’s the text and get’s all disappointed at her canceling. I can’t believe that he bought her bullshit lie. Jimmy tells him not to despair and that he’s going to show him a good time.

Drake, Spinner

It’s finally time for the big party and the both of them come dressed like a couple of hootches. Paige even bought the stripper heels, she tries to make some small talk with him and you can tell that he can give two shit’s about anything she has to say. As he goes to get her a drink this black chick tells Paige that she should chill out because he’s way too old for her. See, even Degrassi is pointing out how old this guy looks. He looks like those loser old guys that parties with high school students still. Paige being annoying tells her, “Fuck off hoe, you’re just being jealous.”

Hazel, Paige

Sigh! JT and Toby are at Toby’s house doing shit that two nerds usually do on a Friday night. Which is just hanging out and talking about non sense. JT brings up their locker and he promises to clean everything up. He’s making up some disgusting looking concoction and I could careless.

Back to the party Dean is seriously laying it on thick on Paige, telling her how beautiful her eyes are. Of course she’s loving getting the attention from a guy who can legally drink alcohol. But oh shit, she spots Jimmy and Spinner at the party. Hazel suggests that they should leave but she says, “No way, I’m this close.” That’s when she makes what is probably the worst mistake of her life and asks him to take her to a quiet room where they can be by themselves.

Jimmy, Spinner

This is where things take a turn for the worst. He sweet talks her some more and they start to make out. Of course this guy being a walking hard on, he leads her to the bed and starts to force himself on her. She tells him to stop but this is when the prick actually busts out a condom and Paige immediately starts to panic and tries to leave. But he forces her back down and yup, Paige is being raped while she’s telling him to stop.

Dean, Paige

All of a sudden it’s Monday I’m guessing and she’s hella depressed while she’s sitting at the bleachers hearing that asshole’s voice over and over. Hazel and Terri come by her locker and that’s when Terri wants to hear all the horny details but Paige is being all subdued, and basically makes it sounds like they had consensual sex. Drake meanwhile hears this and is automatically pissed off for his homie Spinner.

Terri, Hazel, Paige

At the MI lab Snake is going through an assignment and he notices that Paige is just staring at her screen and she goes on to tell him that she forgot to email her essay to her account. Hazel meanwhile is noticing that Paige is acting weird. Ok wait, I swear that she seriously implied that they had sex, but in this scene Paige tells her that they’d didn’t just simply kiss, but actually did the nasty. Way to confuse me Degrassi writers. Anyways, Hazel is shocked to hear this news but they can’t get into it because Snake is being a dick.

Snake, Hazel, Paige

We get back to Toby and JT and Toby is doing the classic sitcom plot device of putting a piece of tape to mark each other’s boundaries. He explains the rules to JT and then leaves, JT sticks it to him though by cutting the sleeves off of Toby’s sweater that was going over on his side.

It’s lunch time and Spinner is telling Jimmy that he wants to take Paige to go see Star Wars, but Jimmy tells him to cool it with her and that she’s busy with cheer leading and class. Spinner basically says, “Big fucking deal yo.” But that’s when Jimmy tells him that’s he’s heard shit, like Paige and Dean hooking up at the party that they were at. Spinner of course is all heartbroken over hearing this news.

Spinner, Jimmy

In Mrs Kwan’s room everyone is busy reading their novels. I’m surprised that she doesn’t have them doing non English class things like more improv. What the fuck Mrs Kwan. Hazel takes this time as an opportunity of getting all the sexual details of Paige’s first time boning. But she notices that Paige is acting like it’s not even a big deal. Hazel of course being nosy as hell demands to know a detail or two. That’s when Paige tells her that she’ll change seats if she doesn’t shut the fuck up. Spinner meanwhile is just staring at her all pissed off.

In the hallway we can all tell that Spinner is going to confront Paige and her bullshit that she told him. He asks her how her grandma is and she can’t even remember her lie. He get’s her attention though by asking how Dean is doing and tells her he knows what happened. She says, “Were you in the room with me? I don’t think you were.” She tries to walk away and that’s when he grabs her arm and points out that she lied to him. She fucking goes ballistic here and tells him not to touch her ever again and this is where he gives her the real zinger of, “Why not, everyone else does!” Oh what a major burn. And she fucking bitch slaps the shit out of him and just walks away, leaving him completely shocked.

Paige, Spinner, Slap

NO!!! Stop going to fucking Toby and JT’s lame B plot! Toby discovers his cut sleeve and they start a stupid fight about the locker. Just as they’re starting their little sissy fight Radich comes along and puts a stop to it. It’s stupid story lines like these that make me miss Liberty’s crush on JT.

JT, Mr Raditch, Toby

In Paige’s office, the girls shitter, Hazel walks in and tells her that Spinner was way out of line with what he said. In a stall Paige is crying and tells her that it wasn’t like how she thought it was going to be. Especially her first time. She admits to Hazel that she got raped and let’s everything come out how he forced himself on top of her. Hazel being a good friend tells her that she told him no. She then says the word rape and Paige loses it, crying harder this time.

Paige, Crying

We cut back to Raditch lecturing Toby and JT about their antics and they basically forgive and forget. JT makes things right with Toby by cutting off a sleeve from his own shirt. Hopefully this stupid bullshit is over with now.

At the soccer field Hazel comes running after Paige and asks her what happened with going to the Dr after school. But Paige doesn’t want to deal with anything that happened to her. Which is understandable. Hazel goes on to point out that it wasn’t her fault, but Paige is now basically saying that is because of the way she dressed and acted like she wanted his dick. Hazel still repeats that she said no. The episode ends with Paige taking it out on Hazel and telling her that she’s fine. (She isn’t)

Hazel, Paige, To Be Continued

So this episode was alright. I guess it dealed with the subject of rape in a realistic way. Even that sounds messed up. But I can see why the JT and Toby subplot was added for some comedic relief, but all they managed to do was annoy the shit out of me. Tune in next time for the shocking conclusion to this fucked up two parter.